Adventures In Atlanta: Day Four

I didn't have much say as to when me and my mother would go on our "Wild Encounters" at Zoo Atlanta. Mom gave me a timetable for when we could go. I called the Zoo and asked when we could see the animals up close. I tried for Saturday. Sold out. Sunday. One slot available. So we wound up going for Monday. . . today. Otherwise, we either would have cut out of Atlanta early, or done something else entirely.

I mention this because it was a miserable day. It rained for most of the morning before tapering off. Since we burned the CityPass package yesterday, we had to pay admission today . . . which was half-off, because most of the animals were not outdoors and on exhibit. That included two of the pandas we saw yesterday.

Ah, the pandas. Before heading out, I turned on the panda cam, and we saw the twins playing around with the hammock, while momma Lun Lun munched on bamboo. By the time we got there, the twins were passed out in the same place they were passed out when we saw them yesterday. At least they were on display, though . . . even a sleeping panda can be cute. After seeing a school group go in and out of the space, the folks who plunked down $150 for a "Wild Encounter" gathered. What did that give us? A once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to feed a panda.

No, for real . . . you can feed a panda. You have to jump through a few hoops first . . . like wearing a white lab coat, baggies on your feet and latex gloves. But you get a lecture from a guy named Carvel Bennett. No, he doesn't get discounts at Carvel Ice Cream . . . I asked. He answered all our questions before herding us behind the scenes to a small building. After getting a look at the panda cam control room (where the magic happens!) and a refrigerator full of snacks and specimens, we got to meet Xi Lan, a five-year-old panda whose name means "Atlanta's Joy" in Chinese. Xi Lan was in a cage that looked a little cramped, but the keepers assured us that he was a happy camper . . . probably because he was surrounded by bamboo and not out in the rain.

The experience was a bit surreal for me. One by one, we were given specially-made biscuits to give to Xi Lan through the cage. He would take it in his mouth, but not before munching on his beloved bamboo. It was like feeding a big black-and-white dog. Still, it was worth the price.

Me and Mom wound up going back after lunch to see if the cubs were moving. They weren't. We walked around, eventually visiting the Elephant House, home of Kelly and Tara. The first impression wasn't so great, as one of them wound up peeing. Hard. Then the other one had to drop the deuce to end all deuces. I turned my back to get out, but I heard it hit the floor. That was traumatic.

We wound up wandering the Zoo before heading back to see the elephants. Carvel was there again to guide us, and it turned out we were the only ones to go on the "encounter." It was the same deal as with the pandas . . . lots of talking and facts, then an up-close meet-and-greet. In this case, it was with Kelly. She performed a few tricks for us; nothing too humiliating. Then we got to feel and feed her. I think that people forget that elephants are mammals, because they're pretty hairy. To touch an elephant's hide is to feel a hairy, wrinkly wall. The ear was pretty thick as well, even as it was thin in comparison to the rest of the body. The weird part was the feeding. You see an elephant pick up stuff with its nose all the time, yet it doesn't register when she grips lettuce from your hand. The tip is so flexible, acting like a primitive hand. Once again . . . surreal experience.

There's not much left to talk about today. We wound up going straight back to the hotel and rested up before going to the Hard Rock Café for dinner. We've had enough of Atlanta for one trip. I figured that we didn't want to make things too heavy, so there wouldn't be trips to Civil War and civil rights-minded locations. My mother never got into Gone With The Wind, so no Margaret Mitchell house for us. And there wasn't enough time to do a tour of Turner Field. The Braves open their home season tomorrow against the Mets, while we'll be flying north back home. That's probably for the best . . . I'd be shouting "Really? REALLY?!?" at the first sign of a Tomahawk Chop.

PEDOMETER: 7,083 steps. We wound up taking a cab to and from the zoo (shuttle service in conjunction with the hotel) and another cab to the Hard Rock, since Mom seldom feels 100 percent. Otherwise, I might have topped 10,000 steps. Oh, well.

Adventures In Atlanta: Day Three

I had a long day. Really long day. I wound up walking 11,836 steps today. Yes, I remembered to take my pedometer with me today.

I hate saying this about Zoo Atlanta, but it's small. Too small. It's probably for the best, but I was expecting something along the lines of the Bronx Zoo, or the San Diego Zoo. Instead, me and my mother had a quaint experience. In retrospect, we could have done something else today, rather than plan two days at the zoo, since we're going for "encounters" tomorrow. On the other hand, the cool weather (which started out a little rainy) might have made some of the animals a little shy, so we can see them perk up tomorrow.

The panda bears were the highlight, as I'd expect. There are four enclosures -- two indoors, two outdoors -- with five pandas, and you can get close to them. And thanks to the cool temperature, they were up and about. I figure that when the weather gets hotter, they tend to zone out and sleep. Today, I saw and heard a lot of munching of bamboo from the outdoors pandas. Indoors, you had Lun Lun and her twin girls, Mei Lun and Mei Huan. The girls were on a branch, and they didn't move from it. The other indoors panda was Po, another one of Lun Lun's daughters. She was active as well. It was the cubs that were living up to my stereotype about how pandas were lazy. I guess I was expecting something from my mother's stories watching the webcam, up to and including Lun Lun abusing her offspring. It's cuter than it sounds . . . sometimes, a panda momma will roughhouse with her kids, and it's sweet because the average panda is 95 percent fluff.

We must have spent upward of two hours near the panda exhibit. People came and went and took pictures. It was fun to watch them watch pandas as well as watching the pandas themselves. At one point, Lun Lun paced around and stood up against a wall. Eventually, she got inside through a panel in a wall. Shortly afterward, a few zookeepers came in to refresh the bamboo, clean up the poop, and generally spruce up the place. Lun Lun came back and started munching on the bamboo, but she didn't play with her kids. Well, there's always tomorrow, right? Meanwhile, the other pandas rested and walked, and one of them did an impromptu dance, scratching itself on a branch. It's more fun to see in person than on a webcam.

The rest of the visit is a blur. We saw Blaze & Pongo, a mother/son orangutan couple that was cute. We saw gorillas, though they weren't that close. We watched as someone tried to feed giraffes, but one of the bigger guys blocked the way. I would recommend a trip to Zoo Atlanta, but I think it would only take up 75 percent of a day. It's not something that eats merely half the day, but you don't need to stay there all day.

The rest of the day was uneventful. We wound up going to The Varsity for dinner. From what friends told me, it's a must-see institution in Atlanta. It was nice, though it felt like a local version of McDonald's, if that makes sense. On the bright side, I liked the double burger, orange drink and fried apple pie, which -- gotta make the comparison -- resembled a hot apple pie from McDonald's. I'll give my mother credit for making the trip, especially since the walk to the Varsity was in the rain. Her body probably thinks her mind has gone crazy. My feet and one of my calves are sore as I type this. Oh, and this morning, I had grits for the first time. I think "Corn Oatmeal" is a better name for it. It was okay, but I didn't eat the entire bowl.

Tomorrow is our last day of sightseeing. Even if we don't do anything outside of the "encounters," I'd say we had a full vacation.

Adventures In Atlanta: Day Two

It's been a long day. Even though we took two cab rides, both my mother and myself found ourselves exhausted. I thought that I was okay, at least until I slipped into a mild coma on the couch. I wound up going to a sub shop for dinner, as opposed to going out to eat.

As planned, we wound up going to the CNN Center for the grand tour of CNN Studios. The Center is impressive . . . part giant mall, part news center. Turns out the building was once used to showcase stuff from Sid & Marty Kroft's TV shows way back in the day. We saw CNN's weekend coverage getting filmed and sent out live. In fact, the anchor waved to our tour group.  It must be weird to be in an environment like that . . . like some sort of cable news zoo. There was also a room full of reporters that work 24/7. I'm thinking that within five years, all the reporters will be hooked up to machines and suspended in fluid, like in Minority Report. I'm also guessing they were all working on the missing Malaysian airplane story, which the network has been reporting on for a month.

After that, we went to the Georgia Aquarium, which is supposed to be the largest in the world. I can believe it. It was like my trip to the National Aquarium in Baltimore, only on a grander scale. We got to see otters, beluga whales, whale sharks, dolphins . . . and lots and lots of fish. The biggest down point was "Dolphin Tales." You would think that a dolphin show would be enough, with some cute tricks here and there. Not for the Georgia Aquarium, nosiree. Instead, we got "treated" to some bozo dressed as the "Star Spanner," pantomiming and imploring the audience to sing about defying sea monsters and raising sunken craft. Also, there were plumes of water and strobe lights. If I wanted that, I'd go to Las Vegas. At least neither one of us got wet by the dolphins jumping out and into the water.

Mom has been a trooper. A lot of Atlanta seems to be resting on hills, and that takes a lot out of her. Hence the two cab rides. On the bright side, she got to have room service for the first time in her life. It wasn't new to me, but she liked having breakfast in our room. Did I mention we have a counter to eat? Did I mention this room is way too big for us? We even have a bottle opener, for the free Coke we got yesterday.

We'll be resting up for tomorrow . . . we're hitting Zoo Atlanta. Sure, the "encounters" with the pandas and elephants are on Monday, but we can always take it easy afterward after seeing the Zoo tomorrow. Either way, it should be entertaining stuff.

PS: I wound up leaving the pedometer back in the room. It's probably for the best, since my mother hates to know how many steps she's walked.

Adventures In Atlanta: Day One

I had a fun time today. I haven't been to Atlanta since 2009, when it was a layover for my trip to San Diego. Getting there was a bitch, though . . . I wound up with an aisle seat, where I usually prefer to sit by the window. Actually, it was moot, since me and my mother were sitting far back on the plane, where the engine blocked the view. I spent two hours trying to nap, with my stomach flip-flopping upon descent. I wasn't in danger of throwing up, but I was getting concerned.

We're staying at Twelve Hotel. Or is it Twelve Centennial Hotel? Either way, this is the biggest room I've ever been in. It's stocked with a refrigerator, freezer, shower AND bathtub, microwave oven, stovetop . . . it's way too good for the likes of us. And we're only staying four nights, so it's not like we'd be stocking the fridge.

Today, we wound up going to the World of Coca-Cola. It was an experience where one might not be expected. For instance, visitors got treated to a film (Moments of Happiness) of people celebrating life events, with Coke tangentially involved . . . surprise party for a grandmother, hot-air balloon ride leading to a marriage proposal, returning solider surprising his family at a hockey game, etc. And damned if the whole thing didn't get to me on several levels. Manipulative? For sure, but it worked.

There were lots of attractions. If I have a major complaint, it's that everybody was coy about Coke's secret formula. They showed off a vault where the formula is supposedly stored. Another film -- featuring whom I like to call "The Not Ready For Doctor Who Players" -- offered a 4D experience with rocking seats, strobe lights and water spraying. The seats rocked so hard, it felt like a lawsuit waiting to happen. Also, there was a guy in an eerie polar bear costume, posing for pictures. Seriously, the eyes and mouth were moving on their own. It was spooky . . . like the giant bear in the Closing Ceremonies in Sochi.

One highlight had to be the exhibit where people could taste Coke products from around the world. Dozens of drinks from five different continents .. . it was a trip. Most of it was good. One kind of tasted like mint. And then there was a drink from Italy called "Beverly." It you're in Italy, and you find yourself with Beverly . . . pass. It tasted like medicine, and I had to dump it.

Not much else to tell. We wound up going back to the hotel, rested up, then went out for Mexican. On a related note, tamales are not that appetizing to me, and I didn't know until tonight. Who knew? Mom's highlight was finding cigarettes at bargain basement prices. This might be her best moment until she sees a panda bear. Right now, I'm going to watch TV and rest up. Tomorrow, we're planning on going to CNN Studios and the Georgia Aquarium.

PEDOMETER: I logged in 8,585 steps; however, I forgot to take the pedometer with me when we went out for dinner, so I'm thinking I got above 10,000.

Adventures in Atlanta: Prelude

Panda bears. They are exotic and rare. Their main defense against predators is their cuteness. Why else would American zoos spend so much to bring them from China? And why else would so many people watch them on webcams?

My mother is what you might call a "pandaholic." She loves pandas . . . and what's not to love? They meainly eat and sleep all day . . . they're Chinese, yet they live the American dream. One such collection of pandas lives in Zoo Atlanta. They became a bigger "must see" when resident mamma Lun Lun gave birth to twin girls, Mei Lun and Mei Huan. Throw in moderate temperatures in comparison to Northeastern cold, and you can see why my mother wanted to book a trip to see the pandas up sloe. And I'm going along for the ride.

I'll be leaving on Friday for a five-day trip to Atlanta. I booed a visited to the zoo on Monday that brings people closer to the pandas at $150 a pop. Granted, these would be the adults we'd be meeting . .  you'd have to spend a grand on an audience with the babies. Also, we'll be getting up close to the elephants at the relative bargain of $75 per person.

Beyond that, the schedule looks to be wide open. Mom wants to go to the Georgia Aquarium, which is a short walk from our hotel. I've been researching destinations, and I found locales such as CNN Studios and the World of Coca-Cola that we might hit prior to Monday. No matter what we wind up seeing, I'm sure it'll be fun.

The JVJ Article: Supplemental

As I promised in my last post, I'm providing background into my article on John Vito Pietanza and Jill Aquilino, who ran The Amazing Race in the show's third season. You'll need one of two things in order to really get the most out of this:

• A DVD of the third season. You can find this on Amazon, ready to go. I didn't get it, since it's a bare bones DVD with no extras, commentaries, etc.Where's the fun in that?
• Recaps of the episodes. My go-to source is Television Without Pity. Just click here, scroll down to episode 3-1, and work upward from there. Or you can just click the links I provide. The recaps came from Linda Holmes, better known on TWoP as Miss Alli. She might have been hell as a forum moderator, but she was an excellent writer, packing enough detail for anybody who missed the episodes.

[ADDENDUM 3/28: Turns out Television Without Pity is going under, so it looks like the links are going to die soon. Lucky me for taking the time to throw in the links, right?] 

"On December 4, the duo took their final bow as they were booted from the show for finishing in last place, but not before outlasting seven other teams."

Their elimination was brutal to watch. In the previous episode, JVJ finished last in the raucous eighth leg, but it was a non-elimination leg, meaning they got to stay in the game. In the following leg, they went for the Fast Forward, a task that teams could perform in order to skip all other tasks and go to the Pit Stop. Since the other teams had exhausted their Fast Forwards, JVJ went to a cheese-making cabin in Kandersteg, Switzerland, and they had to eat blocks of cheese in order to uncover a clue. This was hysterical to watch, since both John Vito and Jill had managed to excel in all sorts of physical tasks, yet eating the cheese was a bit of a problem. They managed to finish it off, get the clue, and they wound up finishing first for the only time, winning a Caribbean vacation in the process.

Anyway, that leg was shown as the first part of a two hour-long episode. Since I was an idiot, I thought a team would be eliminated. Non-elimination legs had always alternated, at least in the first two seasons. But this time, there would be consecutive non-elimination legs, and "friends" Flo Pesenti & Zach Behr wound up getting saved. Now . . . I'm sure Flo is a nice person. I would have to reconsider the phrase "pain in the ass" in regards to contestants in future seasons, particularly the nightmarish sixth edition. However, in the duration of the Race, Flo quit approximately twenty thousand times, give or take a few hundred. And she was loud about it, especially in the penultimate leg. At TARCon that December (where I got to meet JVJ in person for the first time), at least two people were wearing "Shut Up, Flo" t-shirts. And she and Zach wound up winning. It was the first bummer ending in the show's history. Sadly, it wouldn't be the last.

To make a long story mercifully short, JVJ wound up losing their lead during the tenth leg in Singapore, fell behind the other teams, and they finished last again . . . and this time, they were eliminated. It would mark one of only three times I almost cried watching a reality show. The other times: Sarah Greyson surviving and winning in Real World/Road Rules Challenge: The Gauntlet ("Who would've thunk it? Sarah just won a Challenge!") and JVJ getting eliminated in The Amazing Race: All-Stars eight seasons later. More on that later.

"Jill and John Vito were competing with others in mind -- the firefighters lost from the Concord-based Rescue 5 unit of the Fire Department." 

The other acknowledgement of law enforcement on TAR was the inclusion of firefighter Andre Plummer and his friend Damon Wafer, who was a police officer. They wound up finishing sixth overall, getting eliminated in the seventh leg. Over on Survivor: Thailand, which was airing at that time, Brooklyn cop Ken Stafford finished eighth, making the jury of that forgettable season.

"In total, they competed on four continents and in 10 countries."

In brief: North America (Mexico), Europe (England, Scotland, Portugal), Africa (Morocco), Europe again (Germany, Austria, Switzerland) and Asia (Malaysia, Singapore).

"Although they were seldom among the front-running teams, they managed to keep a safe distance away from teams that were close to elimination."

 Here were their placements: fifth (out of 12), seventh (11), seventh (10), sixth (9), tied for fourth (8), fifth (7), third (6), fifth (5), first (5) and fifth (5). I didn't start getting really concerned for them until the eighth leg.

"John Vito . . .  played goalkeeper against junior soccer players in Lisbon" 

It marked the only time either participant got a quote that would wind up being an episode's title. In John Vito's case, it was "Did you see how I stopped it? With my face!"

 "Jill took part in traditional Scot games in Aberdeen (including hefting a [caber] twice her size) and sold snails in Marrakech, Morocco."

For some reason, the word "sword" was there instead of "caber" in my article. I don't know if that was me or the editor who put that in. That leg was memorable for me, because JVJ had to wrap up a Detour, and they wound up making a bus from Cambridge, England to Aberdeen, Scotland with little time to spare, putting space between them and the trailing teams. Next thing I know, Jill is carrying a caber that's way bigger than her, and it was awesome. As for the snails . . . it's worth noting that was the only Roadblock that Flo performed out of a possible eleven. Two seasons later, the top three teams (Chip & Kim, Colin & Christie, Brandon & Nicole) would have women completing one Roadblock apiece, forcing the show to put up a maximum number of those that team members could perform in subsequent seasons.

"Given the lack of tension . . ."

I wasn't kidding about this. Most of the male/female teams had bouts of static between them. The only other team I can think where that wasn't the case was siblings Trammel & Talicia Raggs, and they only lasted two legs. While JVJ weren't the best Racers, they kept their cool for the most part. When they came back as "formerly dating" on The Amazing Race: All-Stars, I was flabbergasted. If they couldn't make it work, what chance did the rest of us have?

"After their elimination, they received a 94 percent rating on CBS's website, the highest any team has attained during the current season."

This was back when people could go to the site and rate the teams. At the time, the other two popular teams were twins Derek & Drew Riker (finishing fourth; running a great Race bookended by crappy legs) and mismatched brothers Ken & Gerard Duphiney (third overall; "Ken's liberal, tall and gay! Gerard's conservative, short, and married!") The least popular team at the time was Teri & Ian Pollack, the bickering older married couple that staved off elimination in most legs (including beating JVJ to a Fast Forward in Marrakech), finished second behind Flo & Zach (which was as perplexing to watch as seeing Flo win the damn race), and got a berth on The Amazing Race: All-Stars (which was even more perplexing, in my opinion). They wound up finishing seventh overall after six legs.

"John Vito and Jill have also set up a website, johnvitoandjill.com, which is currently in its earliest stages of development."

The site is defunct, which was one of the reasons why I reprinted the article on my blog. They had copied my story on their site, as well as other articles. At least one of them -- John Vito -- has my story framed. Over a decade later, I am still flattered by that.

*sigh* I guess that I should talk about All-Stars. For Staten Islanders like myself, it was a nightmare to watch, and I can't be bothered to do the proper research, because it was too painful to fully remember. John Vito's high point came when he talked about how some people had their fill of fellow contestant Rob Mariano, who was vying for his fourth shot at a million bucks (which his wife/partner, Amber Brkich, had already done on Survivor: All-Stars.) All I remember was that JVJ took a lead in Ecuador, got lost, and finished last . . . all in the first episode. Meanwhile, fellow Islander Drew Feinberg took a fall, and he and fellow frat brother Kevin O'Connor (hailing from nearby Bayonne, N.J.) beat JVJ to the Pit Stop. In the following leg, the Frats (the most popular team from the show's first edition) wound up getting eliminated. Oh, and it wound up taking Rob six tries before he won a million dollars on his own . . . on the highly dubious Survivor: Redemption Island, which I already went over.

If you're a fan of the show, you're probably wondering, "Say, wasn't Danielle Turner from Staten Island? Weren't you happy when she and Eric Sanchez won?" To which I say, "Oh, hell no." You see, Eric and Danielle were on separate teams in the ninth season -- Eric with his buddy Jeremy, Danielle with her BFF Danni (another Islander) -- and there was some sparks between them. Even though Danielle & Danni finished eighth in a field of eleven, the producers thought that was good enough to pair Danielle with Eric as a "couple." I have to use quotation marks because I've heard many rumors about Eric's sexuality. It didn't help that they bickered most of the race, to the point where I labeled Danielle and Eric as "The Pink and The Stink." Yet they managed to survived through the final leg, where they became the first team in the show's history to win only one leg while "earning" the million bucks. Worse yet, it was off of a Roadblock seemingly ripped from The Newlywed Game, where one person set up a safe combination, and the partner had to guess the correct one. Needless to say, it left a bad taste in my mouth. 

Jill wound up getting married, and she gave birth to a baby boy in September 2013. His name is Maddox FT Walton . . . the middle initials coming from her brother, Frank Thomas Aquilino.

Thanks to Wikipedia for filling in some of the gaps I couldn't remember. If you want to read another reality TV profile from me, check out this unpublished article I did on Sophia Pasquis (Road Rules: The Quest) I wrote in 2001. Also, take a look at this recent AV Club piece where Mark "Abba" Abbaattista describes his time on TAR21. I hope you've enjoyed this history of one of TAR's most beloved teams, and I hope you keep watching the show.

FLASHBACK: The John Vito & Jill Article

As the latest season of The Amazing Race rolls out, I thought that we can take a trip down Memory Lane. In this case, an article I wrote in 2002 on one of the show's most popular teams, John Vito & Jill. I wound up finding a copy of the story -- cover date December 24, 2002 -- and I figured that I could reprint it, given that the Staten Island Register has been defunct for years. I made minor corrections where needed.

I'll try and follow up with annotations in a future entry, elaborating on some of the material in the article, as well as go over their ill-fated turn on the original version of The Amazing Race: All-Stars back in 2007.  


Island couple in 'Amazing Race'
They dedicated their appearance to the victims of 9/11
by Jason Borelli

This fall, Staten Islanders found a little local color mixed into a major reality series as a borough couple competed on The Amazing Race.

John Vito Pietanza, a bond market strategist from Eltingville, and his girlfriend, Jill Aquilino, a business consultant originally from New Springville, appeared as a team for nine weeks on Wednesday nights. On December 4, the duo took their final bow as they were booted from the show for finishing in last place, but not before outlasting seven other teams.

The Amazing Race is a CBS reality series where teams travel around the world in a race for $1 million. Each team is made up [of] two people who have a relationship with each other (Jill and John Vito were listed as "dating.") Along the way, the teams must perform certain tasks before finishing a leg of the race. The last team to arrive at the end of a leg gets eliminated.

Last year, Jill had sent an application along with her older brother, Frank Thomas "F.T." Aquilino. Jill had been looking for information on Survivor (the premiere reality series from CBS) when she found a fledgling reality series that was looking for contestants.

"I thought it was cool, and I constantly thought of my brother," she said of The Amazing Race. "So I called him and told him we had to apply."

Jill and F.T. never got a response from the show. On September 11, Frank, a vice president at Cantor Fitzgerald, was killed during the attack on the World Trade Center.

In memory of her brother, Jill reapplied for the show's third season; this time with John Vito, who had been F.T.'s best friend, and whom she had been dating. After sending in the application earlier this year, they found out they were going to race in June.

 In addition to F.T., Jill and John Vito were competing with others in mind -- the firefighters lost from the Concord-based Rescue 5 unit of the Fire Department.

"They had these memorial patches, and we wore them on our backpacks to pay tribute to the people on Staten Island who were lost on September 11," John Vito said. "We were hoping that some of the people who had family to Rescue 5 noticed when we were on the Race."

Jill and John Vito's trip lasted for 10 out of 13 legs. In total, they competed on four continents and in 10 countries. Although they were seldom among the front-running teams, they managed to keep a safe distance away from teams that were close to elimination.

In each leg of the Race, they came across a Detour, the show's parlance for a choice of two tasks, each with its own pros and cons. "We tried to choose the adventurous options in the Detours just because we were there," said John Vito. "We had the opportunity of a lifetime to do things we would never ordinarily do."

To that end, they made to most of their trip. They skydived over Mexico City and rappelled from a cliff in Cabo da Roca, Portugal. They delivered wine in Lisbon and went bobsledding on an Olympic track in Innsbruck, Austria. They also had to complete Roadblocks, tasks that only one person per team could complete. While John Vito swam with dolphins in Cozumel and played goalkeeper against junior soccer players in Lisbon. Jill took part in traditional Scot games in Aberdeen (including hefting a [caber] twice her size) and sold snails in Marrakech, Morocco.

At the end of each leg, teams stayed in Pit Stops, where they rested until the start on the next leg. During an extended rest period, they enjoyed the scenery in Gridelwald, Switzerland.

"We were able to really walk around and enjoy this town and the beauty of it," Jill said. "It's 70 degrees out, and yet there were these snow-capped mountains that we were staying at. It was like being in a fairy tale."

Their trip ended in Singapore, where they were the last team to arrive in the 10th leg, short of the finish line and the ultimate prize. "We wanted to win, but our main goal was to complete the Race," said John Vito. "We're very upset we didn't get to Vietnam [for the next leg]."

Given the lack of tension and gutsy moments (including Jill falling down hard and popping back up without losing a step), the couple has been one of the most popular teams on the program. After their elimination, they received a 94 percent rating on CBS's website, the highest any team has attained during the current season.

As Jill put it, "We may not have won the million dollars, but we're so happy people like us and got to see our true colors."

The two-hour season finale of [The Amazing Race] aired Wednesday, December 18. John Vito and Jill have also set up a website, johnvitoandjill.com, which is currently in its earliest stages of development.

FLASHBACK: Adventures in San Diego (Part Three)

DAY FIVE: Sunday [July 26, 2009]

            I didn’t have con fatigue today. I had con fumes. That’s when you walk around like a zombie, the toll from previous days weighing in heavily. It’s about three steps away from sleepwalking; nothing to do, few faces that haven’t been seen.

            Or maybe it’s because I had to wake up extra early to catch the Doctor Who panel. Yes, I actually made it. Had to get up before 7, had to settle for a free green apple for breakfast, had to walk down to the convention center instead of waiting for the shuttle (which I’ve done a lot during my time in San Diego), had to wait on line for a while . . . but I made it. Granted, my seat wasn’t close to the action, but that’s what the big screens are for. It’s more of an issue about my digital camera . . . .it don’t have that much of a zooming function. But it was a great time . . . David Tennant just wrapped up his final episode, and he was greeted like a rock star, as were the producers who came for the panel. The biggest news was the lack of news: no Doctor Who movie would be announced. However, they showed trailers for two upcoming episodes: “The Waters Of Mars,” and Tennant’s swan song, “The End Of Time.”

            The rest of my time was spent wandering. I didn’t have any other panels to visit. Well, there were panels of stuff I was interested in, but I just couldn’t be bothered. I was done with interviews, though I did have chances to drop off magazines and make new contacts. Honestly, I don’t think I made enough of my press badge. The only time it came in handy was when I went to the press room, and that was a disappointment. The interviews did gave me some semblance of professionalism, though I could have pulled that off without a press credential.

            I wound up ditching out early, crashing and burning on the bed back at the hotel. I went out to Horton Plaza to have dinner, which was about as much of a tourist thing as I could get on this trip. Another regret I have is that I didn’t get to do the tourist bit. I was going to go on a Seal Tour on Wednesday before the convention, but the day of flight hell happened. I’ve been to San Diego three times, and I’ve visited a lot of places: SeaWorld, San Diego Zoo, Balboa Park, Coronado Island (I’m wearing a t-shirt from there as I type this) and so on. Before the trip, I was contemplating going getting out on Sunday to spend time at the zoo, but the idea of walking around for hours after walking around for hours just didn’t seem like a hot idea.

            One more day until I go home. I have a 1 p.m. flight, so I know damn well to get out around 10:30. I’ll be going through con withdrawal, but at least I have time to go over tape of the interviews and get them posted. That should keep me occupied for a good two weeks.

DAY SIX: Monday [July 27]

            It’s actually Tuesday as I type this. By the time I came home around 1:30 a.m., all I was able to do was have Wendy’s for dinner and collapse on the bed for ten hours’ worth of sleep. I didn’t even get my stuff from the trunk of my car.

            The flights were uneventful, save for the bouts of turbulence. I wound up in Salt Lake City for about an hour, my first-ever visit to the Mountain Time Zone. It wasn’t until the end of the flight where things got crazy. First, it took a long time to connect the jet to the terminal. Then I wound up walking for a long time to baggage claim, where four flights’ worth of passengers were waiting for their stuff. Naturally, my flight’s bags jammed up the system, and they had to be pulled out my hand. Once I got my luggage, I had to take it – along with my two carry-on bags – through the halls of JFK, which is a bit of a lonely stretch. Finally, I got to my car, paid the $108 for parking (less expensive then cab rides both ways) and drove home. The end.

           I had fun. Regrets? Of course . . . sometimes, I go out of my way to find them. But the events on Wednesday did give a little perspective. Also, nothing tops the worst con experience I had, which was the Canadian National Expo in 2007, where I managed to lose my sketchbook and camcorder on the final day. While I can smile about my time in San Diego (especially with the 90-plus degree temperature here in New York today), I do have some mental notes to make should I go back to cover Comic-Con next year:

1. Give Myself More Time For Panels

            Ninety minutes should be enough for the bigger stuff, rather than the sixty (give or take a few minutes) I had kept in mind. The Doctor Who panel was a good example; I wound up sacrificing sleep and a halfway decent breakfast, but I made it. I had all sorts of reading material with me, so boredom wasn’t an issue. It’s part of the beauty of a comic convention.

2. Go Outside My Comfort Area

            This doesn’t mean dressing up as Rorschach and posing for pictures the entire day. Panel-wise, I stuck to what I knew, and neglected other stuff. For instance, I forget to look into a panel with Stephen Pastis, the creator of the tremendously-funny comic strip, Pearls Before Swine. I had written out all sorts of panels, but I only hit a few. I actually groaned when I realized that I missed one on graphic novels, since all I do for Beyond Race these days is review those. In retrospect, I should’ve just picked a panel on Sunday and went with it for an hour. At best, I’d learn some new stuff. At worst, I’d get to sit and close my eyes.

3. Take Advantage Of Media Offers

            Once again: if I knew there would be a chance to interview the producers of The Venture Bros., I would’ve taken it, even with no prepared questions at the ready. I did have an opportunity to cover an event centered on Watchmen coming out on DVD, but then something fell through and I couldn’t be bothered with it. Aside from that, I didn’t see anything worth covering that I got e-mail about in the weeks leading up to the convention. This is something I’ll need to correct next time.

4. Dress More Professionally

            I did try to be neat throughout the convention, but the only time I wore the khakis that I had bought recently was at the party at my hotel on Thursday. Other than that, it was t-shirts and blue jeans all the way. I had people tell me that I’d be dying in the heat, but with the weather beings sunny in the mid-70s throughout my visit, I think I got off lucky. But I should get a little more gussied-up next time I go as a member of the media. Even if it doesn’t matter to my press contacts or interview subjects, it’ll make me feel like I belong.

5. Give Myself At Least Two And A Half Hours Between Leaving Home And Getting To The Airport

            Let’s just say I learned about that the hard way.

            As for going back to CCI? I’d love to, but I don’t know if I can pull it off two years in a row. I can settle for Heroes Con in Charlotte, which is a cross between the larger conventions and indie shows. The Canadian National Expo boasts the third-largest show in North America as well as the most anime-based cosplayers that I’ve ever seen, but a lot of things depend on the American-to-Canadian dollar rate. There’s also the fledgling Chicago Comic & Entertainment Expo in Chicago, where I haven’t been since 2001. And as much as I’d love to apply for a press badge for the next New York Comic Con, it’s been moved from mid-March, so I don’t have to think about that until October. Of 2010. However, there are rumors that CCI might pack up and bolt for either Anaheim or Las Vegas in a few years, so fans such as myself need to treasure San Diego and the experience while we can.

            I hope you enjoyed this ongoing journal. If you want to drop a line, e-mail me at [defunct address]. While I might recap something a little less nerdy next time, I wouldn’t hold my breath if I were you.

FLASHBACK: Adventures in San Diego (Part Two)

DAY THREE: Friday [July 24, 2009]

            It’s after 8 p.m. right now. I should be at the Eisner Award ceremonies right now. I’ve been there in my two other visits to Comic-Con. But I’m in my hotel room right now as the sun sets. Why am I not at the ceremonies? Con fatigue.

            I still have blisters on my toes. Between the walking and subconsciously readjusting my toes, my feet hurt. My leg was aching. And when I was at the DC Nation panel, I kept nodding off. With the energy that DC’s editor-in-chief Dan Didio gives off in panels, that shouldn’t have  happened at all. So I decided to do the healthy thing, rather than walking back to the hotel right before midnight.

            (Brief Rant: Why are the Eisners held on Friday? This comes the day before most of Hollywood’s entries show their stuff, turning the convention center into a slow-moving mental asylum. And they expect people to go back to their lodgings on a few hours’ sleep? Do it on Thursday, when everybody’s still relatively fresh. Possibly jet-lagged, but fresh.)

            I made it to the Batman: The Brave And The Bold panel. The press pass got me in a little early, but not early enough to beat out a long line. This doesn’t bode too well to me going to the Doctor Who panel. Anyway, the beauty of the series is that it’s for all ages, and it’s gotten quite a following in its first season. The episode that was aired was a musical. For real. “Mayhem Of The Music Meister” has Neil Patrick Harris as a singing villain who forces people to commit crimes. Since Batman is Batman, he’s got devices for immunity, but it was still a lot of fun. I don’t think anybody walked away disappointed. Well, my biggest disappointment was leaving my camera in the hotel room, thereby missing a ton of chances to take pictures of cosplayers, but it’s a disappointment I can live with.

            Aside from DC Nation, I didn’t hit any other meetings. I got three sketches, and my book is currently with an artist. One of the sketches was from Adam Warren, who is among my favorite creators. His current opus, Empowered, centers around an aspiring superheroine who’s prone to being bound and gagged a lot. Empowered (that’s her “supernym”) has managed to grow in the five volumes she’s starred in, and the only thing missing was a streamer of drool coming from me in Warren’s presence. I also interviewed Gene Luen Yang and Derek Kirk Kim from The Eternal Smile. I wound up waiting as they did sketches and sold books, but they’re popular these days, even if they both deny it.

            I wound up fighting the fatigue by bailing out in the middle of the con by joining a friend of mine for a late lunch. Shawn and me were part of a loose-knit group that posted on message boards for Kingdom Come (which evolved into Comic Book Resources). Some of us got together both times I was there (in 2000 and 2003), but it was just us two for the con, as well as Gail Simone . . . and since she’s a rock star, her availability wasn’t even theoretical. Anyway, I wound up having ribs at a restaurant, shooting the breeze. Shawn’s from Chicago, and he has family in the San Diego area, so lodging isn’t a problem for him. Sadly, he’s done after today, but he’s planning a trip to New York, where could meet me and a few other local online friends.

            I’m beat. While I don’t have any panels to hit right away tomorrow, I should try to get there early for maximum exposure. I did come 3,000-plus miles and spend gobs of money to get here, so I have to get all that I can. And thankfully, Wednesday’s flight fiasco is still the lowest point of my trip here. All in all, I’m having a good time.

DAY FOUR: Saturday [July 25]

            Bad luck caught up with me today. I was having a good time . . . I conducted an interview with Nina Matsumoto, who drew the winner of Best Short Story, “Murder He Wrote,” The Simpsons’ Treehouse Of Horror #14. I was coming out of the DC Universe panel, when I did a random check of my belongings . . . and my tape recorder was gone.

            You have to understand the seriousness of the situation. I never learned shorthand, so I’m reliant on the recorder. It’s not that I don’t keep notes, but I can never keep up with somebody talking unless they’re going really, really slow. Oh, and the interviews I’ve conducted before? On the cassette in the recorder. “Screwed” is about the right word for what I was feeling, losing a single leaf in a vast forest. But the funny thing? I still had it. Turns out it was buried in my backpack. Either I got really lucky, or a higher power took pity on me.

            The other bit of bad mojo came when I stood on line for a panel on Adult Swim programming, which included their hit show, The Venture Bros. I figured to sacrifice about an hour of conning to get in. I wound up getting in the queue about fifty minutes before it was slated to start. I waited. And waited. And the line moved little by little. And I was getting ready for it. But it turns out that the room was already filled, and I was shut out. It wasn’t enough that I was denied, but somebody should’ve counted the people and told them who would be going in and staying out. The line turned into one for screenings of Doctor Who and Torchwood, but I had already seen both. But here’s the real kick in the ass: when I got back to my hotel room and went online, I found a letter from an Adult Swim press person. Turns out interviews would be available prior to the panel. If I received that e-mail 24 hours earlier, I would’ve gotten the most out of my press badge. It would’ve been the biggest interview of the con for me. Thanks, Adult Swim!

            Aside from those two instances, I had a good time. I upped my sketch count to sixteen, met former Doctor Who lead actor Colin Baker and got his autograph, and met four former reality show stars: writer/cartoonist Judd Winick (The Real World: San Francisco), actors/models/goths Kynt Cothron & Vyxsin Fiala (The Amazing Race 12), and Melody Mooney. The latter person was a runner-up on Who Wants To Be A Superhero?, and I did a double-take seeing her as her superheroic alter ego, Hygena. This was about the time I thought my recorder was gone, and I actually came away smiling because I was happy to see her.

            I do have to confess that I haven’t gotten too many comics. My needs are few; all I need are recent issues at slashed prices. I wind up with all sorts of freebies and assorted bric-a-brac. I also wound up with a canvas bag from the Dark Horse booth, which is eco-friendlier than plastic bags. Also, with my camera back, I took too many pictures of cosplayers. I’m thinking about three-quarters of them are showcasing their skills at the Masquerade tonight. It’s not my thing; while I sometimes would like to be somebody else, I don’t have the attitude or the know-how to convincingly pull it off. I do know how to keep one’s sanity at Comic-Con: forget the bigger stuff, concentrate on what you really like. Hey, I like True Blood as much as anybody else who has HBO, but I don’t like it enough to wait on a mile-long line.

            I have one more day left, and the biggest challenge is in front of me: getting into the Doctor Who panel. I’ll have to leave early and get my breakfast on the run, as opposed to staying in and paying $14, including $6 for a glass of orange juice. I’ll have to wait on line for at least ninety minutes. It’ll be a total madhouse, and I’ll be entering the insanity. But everything should be easy after that. I’m dreading the post-con letdown. How can I get used to walking around without seeing people holding “FREE HUGS” signs? How about just walking a half-mile without bumping into sixteen different people and taking a picture of folks dressed as characters from Watchmen? I thinking I’ll need at least three days to decompress, if not an entire week.

FLASHBACK: Adventures in San Diego (Part One)

One of the things that bugs me is that there are a lot of outdated links on my blog. For instance, I found out that Reality News Online no longer exists . . . and while I delight in that due to how I was treated by the other writers, I realize that my recaps are mostly gone. The same goes for material I wrote for Beyond Race Magazine, most of which being graphic novel reviews.

The following is the first part of my experience from my trip to San Diego in 2009. I wound up getting a press pass to Comic-Con International that year, and I wound up writing about a lot over six days. Given how much bigger the show the show gets each year, the odds of me going to CCI are slim at best every year. For instance, this year's show has fans having to buy tickets to individual day, as opposed to getting a four-day pass. Even if I wind up getting admission (or another press pass), I have to worry about a. how to get there, and b. where to stay; both of which can be costly. As I contemplate my plans for one big comic con for this year (Toronto? Boston?), I'd like to share my experience from my last trip to San Diego, two days at a time.

PROLOGUE

            In the beginning, it never occurred to me to get press credentials for Comic-Con International, the end-all be-all of cmic book conventions. I did what I usually did months before the event; hemming and hawing over whether I should go. It’s not that I didn’t want to attend, but CCI is located in San Diego. I live in New York, some 3,000 miles away, I’ve only been able to get there twice, and not since 2003. And while the New York Comic Con had closed the gap, it was still a far cry from the five-day celebration of all things geek.

            By the time I decided to go, all four-day packages had been sold out. I was prepared to get four single-day passes, making for a total price bigger than the package itself, and shutting me out of the Preview Night preceding the show. It was then that I began to contemplating press credentials. Why not, I thought to myself. After all, I do write for Beyond Race Magazine, and I was the only one who went out of the way to review graphic novels. Let the other talented writers handle movies and albums, and I’d stick to my strengths.

            The application process was easy enough. I mailed a copy of the latest issue to CCI, an issue that included an article on Alan Brody, who wrote and drew White Shaka Boy. I bookmarked the story with a business card, one of many I got from my editor, Dave Terra. In fact, I have too many business cards. I’m set for the next ten years with all the cards Dave gave me. Anyway, I wound up getting an e-mail from CCI. I was in, free of charge. Okay, it wasn’t totally free for me; I had bought tickets for Friday and Saturday in the event I couldn’t get through as an official member of the press.

            Why am I writing about this now? Because I don’t want to merely walk around the convention center for free. I want to earn the pass, by writing an ongoing diary of my time at CCI for BeyondRace.com. I want to see whether the convention has gotten larger since my last visit. I’ll get a chance to interview some of the best and brightest of the comics scene. But most of all, I want to have some fun over the course of six days, or die trying.

DAY ONE: WEDNESDAY [July 22]

9:05 a.m. Eastern Standard Time

            I hate my life.

            Okay, I know I shouldn’t say it, but the people at Delta Airlines make it difficult.

            I got up before 6 a.m. Got dressed. Packed the rest of my stuff. Left for the airpot. Stopped to get gas. Had difficulty finding the entrance to the long-term parking station. Dragged two bags to the air train. Got off in the wrong direction. Arrive at the terminal, where I thought everything would be okay. And then . . . I hit a roadblock.

           It turns out I was too late to check my bags. It was about a half-0hour before the plane was scheduled to depart, and I didn’t give myself enough time. Right now, I should be in the air., San Diego-bound. Where am I? Writing this in my notebook, waiting until 12:30 p.m. That’s when Im allowed to book a flight to San Diego – with a stop in Cincinnati – that leaves at 3:30 p.m,. Right now, according to the clock, it’s 9:11. You can see why I’m ticked off at myself.

            I blew it. Preview Night? Down the drain. No press registration for me, no trip to the comic shop to pick up stuff. An entire day’s plans ruined, all because I didn’t get up early enough. Or maybe I shouldn’t have gone back home to get my razor and shaving cream. Or stopped for $20 worth of gas. As you can see, I love torturing myself.

            I’m trying to look on the bright side. I know there are far worse things that could happen to me. I know Preview Night isn’t as long as the other days of the con. I know there will be a nice hotel room waiting for me. It’s just that I’m now faced with killing seven hours with little to do except eat, sit, and walk around, pushing a cart with my bags. Crap, I got over three hours before I can even check in . . . and then three hours to fritter away after that. It’s just frustrating as hell. And to think one of the biggest problems I had going into today was that the BRM t-shirt I got from Dave was too small for me.

            I should probably stop writing now. I got reading material galore as well as over twenty copies of the latest issue. I just need to remember: if this is my lowest point until Monday, everything else with be great.

11:19 p.m. Pacific Standard Time

            So there I am, on the phone with the hotel, finding out that 1. They didn’t have shuttle service from the airport, and 2. I had until midnight to check in. I began to think that the rate I was going, I’d have to join the ranks of San Diego’s homeless for a night. I get a voice mail from my mother, to whom I bitched to about my situation. She encouraged me to go back to Delta and try to find a connecting flight, using one to Detroit. With nothing to lose, I trooped back to Delta. The lady behind the counter wound up getting me on an immediate flight to Atlanta. It was about as close to a moment from The Amazing Race as I will ever get. I should have tipped the woman. Suddenly, my day was about to be salvaged.

            Getting to San Diego mainly consisted of me trying to nap, watching television, and eating too much biscotti. But I made it to the Westgate Hotel, where everybody was super nice to me. I got into my room. I’m paying $190 a night for it, and it shows. I had to unlock one door to get to another. I have a king-sized bed, a huge bathroom, a mini-fridge (which comes in handy with a 7-Eleven nearby for water-buying purposes), two cushy chairs, and an online connection. I had to sweat out that last one; I didn’t have a wi-fi device, but I was able to get a cable to connect to the phone. This is great, since I had about thirty e-mail messages waiting for me when I finally got online. Press credentials mean getting all sorts of letters from attention-hungry companies.

            So what did I do for Preview Night? Not much, to be honest. I wasn’t overwhelmed by the sheer size of Comic-Con, since I had gone twice. Sure, it’s gotten bigger in six years, but it didn’t completely shock me. The fans were out in force . . . I saw the first cosplayer going as Vixen from Justice League. That was rare . . . not as rare as seeing a girl tarted up as Rufio from Hook on the news (yes, really), but pretty damn rare. I went in, poked around, popped into a few booths, and dropped off my business cards and copies of the latest issue for prospective interviews. I also met Gail Simone; we originally became acquainted back in 1996 on a message board dedicated to the acclaimed miniseries, Kingdom Come. Today, she’s writing Secret Six and Wonder Woman for DC Comics, and she co-wrote the Wonder Woman direct-to-DVD animated movie. Am I jealous? Of course, but I’m proud of her.

            I wound up ditching the con early, and I headed to Mission Valley via the trolley. I knew there was a comic shop near the trolley stop . . . and it wound up being closed. For, like, an hour. Happily, the guy running the place took pity on me and let me shop, and I got most of what I wanted which came out this week. I wound up having Panda Kitchen for dinner (the Orange Chicken was very yummy), got a few things at 7-Eleven, and went back to my room.

            I knew today would be the longest day, but I didn’t know how long. If you figure the naps don’t count, I’ve been up for nineteen hours. It feels a lot longer. But if I put this morning behind me, everything will be okay.

DAY TWO: Thursday [July 23]

            Today was a good day. Not a great day, but pretty good. It’s also weird: ten years ago, I went to my first big convention – Wizard World in Chicago – and David Cone pitched a perfect game. Today, Mark Buehrle tossed a perfecto for the White Sox. It’s also been ten years since John F. Kennedy, Jr. died, so I’m a little freaked that something might happen with Ted.

            I managed to interview two people today: Jeff Lemire and Jamie S. Rich. I had to do both standing up, which is a bitch. I have a tape recorder, notebook and index card, and it’s a bitch to manage all three while upright. I think I did okay; both have books out (The Nobody from Lemire, You Have Killed Me from Rich), and I was able to stay professional and courteous. I also managed to meet a lot of the press contacts I’ve made over the past year, and that was pretty cool as well. Sadly, the press room was just a panel room. I’m not sure what I was expecting, but it felt like a letdown. Also, there were people with laptops there. I’d bring mine with me, but that would probably kill my arms with all the weight I’m carrying as it is.

            I spent most of my time wandering the halls, lugging a bag full of comics, a few magazines, and copies of Beyond Race. I have blisters on four of my toes, and I have three more days of heavy walking to do. I also got five sketches; getting sketches is one of my favorite things to do at conventions. I don’t pay that much for them, which is a shame when somebody I wanted to get a sketch from charges $300 for full-body works. It wouldn’t be a total rip-off, and she’s looking to make $900 per day, but it was too rich for me. I did pay $60 for a sketch, and I was supposed to give the artist my book at the end of the con. But then I had to get a sketch from another guy, and he took his sweet time. Meanwhile, I had to go to a panel featuring Vertigo Crime, and I wanted to get the book over to the first guy right away. Finally, I got my sketch, but I had to run to the panel (and got yelled at by security people for that) because I already reviewed two Vertigo Crime graphic novels, and I wanted to get the scoop. Forty-five minutes later, I ran down to Artist Alley . . . and the guy had left for the day. Whoops. Oh, and I think I saw Verne “Mini-Me” Troyer just when I got my sketch completed, but I couldn’t stand around and gawk.

            Panel-wise, I was two for three. I severely underestimated how early I had to wait in line for the Robot Chicken panel, and it got capped before I got there. I did make Gail Simone’s panel, which was packed. Once again: I’m jealous, yet I’m proud. Mark Waid moderated the event; he kept making jokes about not being prepared, and he kept asking questions meant for Jerry Robinson, whose panel he moderated earlier. Gail kept a straight face, going on about her career, from posting online on a Kingdom Come message board to being one of DC Comics’ hottest writers. She went over her whole resume and answered lots of questions. She’s a rock star, I tell you. She’s also let Wonder Woman take over her life. She’s got a Wonder Woman alarm clock, a Wonder Woman desktop, boots, tea set, artwork, and her ringtone is the theme music from the 70s Wonder Woman television show. I wrote three-plus pages of notes for the hell of it, and that stuck out.

            After the con, I got dressed up and attended a party hosted by the Comic Book Legal Defense Fund. It helps that it was held at my hotel. I mingled for over an hour, talked comics, and paid $4 for a small bottle of water. Then again, I’ve gotten four free bottles of water so far from the hotel, so it all evens out. I can still hear the party. . . they’re outside on a pavilion one floor from my room. I could see my room from there, I’m that close.

            Things should heat up tomorrow. I’m set to interview the guys from The Eternal Smile tomorrow, I’ll try to get to the con early to catch the Batman: The Brave And The Bold panel, and I want to meet Adam Warren, one of my favorite writer/artists out there. Wish me luck, even if it is retroactive.

Next: Days 3-4 (Friday & Saturday)

Getting Ready To Ex-Plode

I started watching The Real World on and off back in 1992. I jumped off around 1996, back when the cast was in Miami, and the first twist (the kids trying to make money) was added. At the dawn of the Reality Revolution of 2000 (re: the coming of Survivor), I got sucked into all things Bunim-Murray Productions: The Real World (featuring Melissa, probably the most intentionally funny cast member in the show's history), Road Rules (back when the cast got "clues" from an obnoxious Max Headroom wannabe called "The Roadmaster") and Real World/Road Rules Challenge (starting with Extreme Challenge, where I started to turn on Julie the crazy Mormon chick).

There have been times where I should have jumped off the wagon. Over time, the premise of the shows stopped being about what happens when young people "stop being polite and start getting real," but rather about how drunk and horny these people could get. The novelty over castmates hooking up ended, and it became something to expect. Road Rules ended, forcing The Challenge (rebranded along the way) to seek out "Fresh Meat"; people competing on the show without going to The Real World first. Last season, there were eight people to appear on The Real World: Portland, and the one thing I related to was this . . .

Sure, you can question the wisdom of someone (Averey) bringing a cute Jack Russell/Chihuahua mix to run around and poop with impunity. But she was legitimately cute, and any tangent with her was welcomed by me, even if I had to wonder if knuckleheaded Johnny was trying to use Daisy to get to Averey, or the other way around. Also, I'm not ashamed to admit that I sometimes checked her Twitter account.

 So there I am, making myself watch the trainwrecks that were The Real World and The Challenge, trying to grasp onto good things . . . like Daisy, or CT finally winning his first Challenge. I had heard about BMP going back to San Francisco, where they set up shop back in 1994. It was a bumper crop for memorable personalities: AIDS activist Pedro, who  spent his last days on Earth trying to make sure people didn't make the same mistakes he did; conservative Rachel, whose presence predated the "Republican Revolution" of that year; liberal cartoonist Judd, who made a name of himself as a comic book writer; and a certain scabby troublemaker that shall go nameless here. Seven or more people fighting and fucking in the Bay Area . . . what's the big deal? Then they announced the big twist:

In the event that you're reading this years in the future and the trailer to The Real World: Ex-Plosion no longer works, I'll break it down:

1. Seven strangers are brought into a sweet pad in San Francisco. The usual stuff probably happens . . . fighting, feuding, drinking, etc.

2. The castmates are sent away on vacation . . . and when they come back, they find their exes have moved into the house.

To me, this might be -- to coin a phrase -- the shark-jumpingest move in the history of The Real World. Why would BMP go for this format? I have a few ideas.

1. More Drama

Last season, viewers had to deal with Nia, a complete bitch with zero morals. Her major claim to fame was writing a book on how to gold-dig. She wound up feuding with most of the cast and generally acted like a heinous cunt. I know, it's an ugly word, and I have a feminist friend who would clean my clock if she reads this, but I don't care. I'd take the beating. And I'm ready to call her all sorts of nasty things in the next season of The Challenge, which follows Ex-Plosion. And speaking of The Challenge . . . 

2. More Bodies For The Challenge

If MTV cares for a BMP franchise, it's probably going to be The Challenge. The Real World is no longer the marquee franchise for the network, as it's been replaced with dubious crap like Jersey Shore, Snooki & JWOW, 16 & Pregnant, Teen Mom, the humorless series adaptation of Teen Wolf, etc. Aside from whatever programs skateboarding manchild Rob Dyrdek appears on, MTV's original programming is crap. Without Road Rules, BMP has to screen prospective Challengers seven at a time, with the most "interesting" getting a chance at winning big money. They've had two seasons where "Fresh Meat" players were brought in, and it does work for a while. However, the second generation has never won a season beyond Carley winning Fresh Meat II with Landon back in 2010. Also, two of the more notable of the original "Fresh Meat" -- Evan the doughy Canadian and Kenny the Jersey Shore reject -- have more or less been banished from The Challenge after they were accused of putting a toothbrush in a place where a toothbrush wasn't meant to go. Ex-Plosion gives BMP a dozen people to play with, and they get to rip off the "Battle Of The Exes" format used in a recent season of The Challenge.

3. BMP Wants Somebody To Die

Let's go back to the original San Francisco season for a minute. BMP put in a scabby asshole who oozed more than personality with somebody who had a compromised immune system. Now, I'm not accusing BMP of wanting to show somebody dying on-camera . . . but I really, really, really wouldn't be surprised. A while back, when they were filming in Washington, D.C., a drunken Ty got upset and dropped Andrew off a stoop. Had Andrew died that night, I'm convinced co-creator Jonathan Murray  would've called it a show right there and then. Look at the trailer. Fast-forward to 1:25 . . . there's a blonde chick waving a knife around. I'm sure nothing happens, but that is the kind of shit that BMP wants . . . nay, demands from the new crop of cast members.

So . . . with all the fighting, screaming, knife-waving and a pregnancy scare, I have to ask: why would I wind up watching this trainwreck every week? Here's what I came up with:

1. I Can't Quit Anything

That isn't entirely true . . . after three seasons of The Apprentice, I finally decided that I had enough of the Donald Trump Experience. On the other hand, I watched all ten seasons of Smallville, a show on the CW that would've lasted five seasons on an actual network. That show got worse every year, and I'm convinced Tom Weilling was a worse Superman than Brandon Routh and Henry Cavill.

2. I Want To Stay Until The Bitter End

Here, there's the faint hope that the show would end with the 30th season, which would be the next installment. It would be a nice round number, wouldn't it? There aren't awards to be given out for fans who stick through the series, but there's some sort of mental thing involved that I can't really put into words . .  . where it wouldn't mean as much if you bail out way before the plane hits the mountain. By the way, I apparently suck at metaphors.

3. I Hate Myself

Filing The Real World under "self loathing" would be appropriate for myself, as well as scores of other viewers. If there's nothing else on Wednesday night, why not watch barely identifiable assholes make fools of themselves? I could do something constructive with my time, but I also like turning my brain into sludge for an hour.

The odds are good that I'll give Ex-Plosion a shot for a few episodes, at least before the big twist happens. If I have the willpower, I'd quit right before that happens, even if they bring in a dozen Daisies to frolic and poop. And if I watch the whole season, at least I can claim to be killing time before the next Challenge takes place. That's another show I need to quit, but that's an essay for another day.

Quick Thoughts On TAR24

As the 23rd season of The Amazing Race approaches its finish, some cast their eyes towards the next season, which is being run even as I type this.  The format seems to be back to "Unfinished Business," with teams that have run in the past getting another shot. I've found out the cast, and I have some feelings on them.

Jet & Cord McCoy (Cowboy Brothers)
Herbert "Flight Time" Lang & Nathaniel "Big Easy" Loften (Harlem Globetrotters)

. . . and immediately, we have problems, as we get Racers getting a third shot at a million bucks. Really, Worldrace Productions? This ain't Survivor. Both teams probably have huge fan bases, and they're not assholes . . . unless you count the Cowboys getting steamed over Dan & Jordan Pious winning, to the point where one or both of them reportedly uttered a gay slur about Jordan. On the flip side, it's easy to tell them apart . . . Jet: Black hat; Cord: White hat. And Big Easy is taller than Flight Time. On the downside, if you hate listening to "Sweet Georgia Brown," this might be a long season.

Margie & Luke Adams (Mother/Deaf Son)

A lot of fans have a mad-on for Luke, who caused friction in his initial season (TAR14) with other Racers. I don't think he's evil. At his worst, he's merely obnoxious, and his distorted voice doesn't help matters. I'm amazed that these two are back because on two occasions, Luke has been to a place I like to call Racer Hell. In TAR14, he squander a huge lead over eventual winners Tammy & Victor, blowing the final Roadblock so badly that cheerleaders Jaime & Cara wound up having to help him out of pity. In exchange, he and Margie gave their friends second place. Four seasons later, Luke suffered through a tea-sipping Roadblock that likely played havoc with his bladder. I guess he's a glutton for punishment.

Mallory Ervin & Mark Jackson (Um . . . Kentuckians?)

This is the team that makes the least amount of sense. Mallory had run TAR17 with her father Gary, getting a sixth-place finish. The following season, they improved to third in "Unfinished Business." Are you with me so far?

Two seasons later, Mark ran TAR20 with his best friend, William "Bopper" Minton. Yes, there was a grown man that answered to "Bopper," and he was awesome. The guys stumbled and bumbled, but they managed to place first in the eighth leg. The following leg showed another example of Racer Hell, as Mark wilted like a dying plant in the scorching sun of India, trying to complete a Bollywood dance routine. He and Bopper finished last in the leg, but were spared by a non-elimination. The boys wound up taking a Fast Forward, where they had to get their heads shaved. Actually, Mark was spared due to his bald dome; Bopper got shaved, and he was happy with it . . . and this came after Brendon & Rachel refused to do it in order to ensure their survival. Even after being able to skip through the other tasks, Bopper & Mark wound up getting eliminated, taking the last bit of class out of an otherwise dismal field.

Mallory & Mark would be the second gestalt team to play in an "all star" season. Eric Sanchez & Danielle Turner joined forces in TAR11 to win it, and to make me use the term "all star" with quotation marks. I don't know what happened to Gary and Bopper to keep them out of the game, but I know both will be missed . . . especially Bopper, who probably would be consider the best of the "good ole boys."

Brendon Villegas & Rachel Reilly (Big Brother Contestants)

I don't remember them beyond Rachel bawling out of the head-shaving Fast Forward. Honestly, is there such a thing as a bearable Big Brother contestant? If your IQ hits three digits, I reckon you're too smart for the show, which is the longest-running trainwreck on the CBS schedule. According to the Wikipedia page for TAR20, they got married last September. Big whoop.

 Natalie & Nadiya Anderson (Twins)

I get the hate for them . . . they're loud, shrill, and they yell "TWINEEEEEE!" a lot. However, I don't see them as evil . . . not even when they picked up $100 dropped by fellow players James & Abba and refused to give it back. I'm not into the darker aspects of gameplay, but I saw the Rockers as clumsy . . . especially when Abba lost his passport in a later leg. I'd be the same way . . . I'm constantly dropping stuff out of my pockets so often, I could be considered a walking trust exercise. Anyway: Twinees? Not evil. It isn't like you look in the bathroom mirror, say "Sri Lanka" three times, and get your soul taken away by those two. I do acknowledge that I'm probably in the minority on that. I'm surprised they're the only TAR21 team in the mix . . . I count five other teams that could've been cast: James & Abba, Amy & Daniel (double amputee athlete and boyfriend; lost a round of Taxi Roulette), Abbie & Ryan (dating divorcees; lost their chance to win $2 million after nine legs), Trey & Lexi (non-alpha dating couple) and Jaymes & James (Chippendales; eye candy for the ladies and some of the fellas).

Dave & Connor O'Leary (Father & Son; Cancer Survivors)

There was a bit of a backlash towards these two on the Television Without Pity forums. Their "story" was 90 percent about their respective bouts  with cancer, a subject which caused Dave to cry. A lot. Like football coach Dick Vermeil walking through tear gas. The team was competent, winning two legs overall, but Dave suffered an Achilles tendon injury, and the team had to bow out after five legs. I like these two, and their inclusion was a no-brainer, tears be damned.

John Erck & Jessica Hoel (Dating Couple)

Along with Dave & Conner, these two had the best chance to challenge eventual winners Bates & Anthony ("Super Hockey Bros.," as I called 'em). They won the first leg, entitling them to the Express Pass, allowing them to skip any task. They would rack up two more top-three finishes . . . but then they got bogged down in the fourth leg, and John refused to use the Express Pass. Then John got stuck on a Roadblock, and he refused to bail out. I think the rationale was that he figured Dave would have to bow out from his injury. The end result: the couple got eliminated, and Jessica looked at John like he was a complete idiot. Oh, and host Phil Keoghan threw his arms out at the camera and muttered, "Oy vey." That had to be the highlight of TAR22.

Caroline Cutbirth & Jennifer Kuhle (Country Singers)

Do you remember anything about these two? Caroline is a descendant of Daniel Boone, while Jennifer is the granddaughter of John Wayne. They flirted with Bates & Anthony. They averaged a placement of 4.91 per leg, which is worse than all but two other four-place finishers. And that's about all I can tell you about these two. I guess Pam & Winnie were too busy to fill the all-female slot. Ditto for roller derby moms Mona & Beth.

Joey Graceffa & Meghan Camarena (YouTube Stars)

These two laid on the quirk too much during their fifth-place run on TAR22 . . . especially Joey. There isn't much else I can say about them. There is a funny story . . . recently, Joey had his car towed, and he whined about it on YouTube. That led to a response from the guy who had it towed. Even if you like Joey, this video has to put a smile on your face.

 

Leo Temory & Jamal Zardan (Cousins; "Afghanimals")

The so-called "Afghanimals" are another polarizing team. They tend to lay on the manliness too thick, as if they want to get their own reality show about wild-and-crazy Afghans. As of this writing, they are in the hunt to win TAR23, averaging a 4.13 placement through eight legs (third-best in the field of five). Anybody who hates them can take heart that an "Unfinished Business" format would suggest that the cousins didn't win TAR23. Also, the original token TAR23 team was originally rumored to be Tim & Marie, known as "Pinky & No-Brain" by a few of the other teams. As much of a putz Tim can be, Marie is the bigger pill. These two are exhausting to watch, and I'm glad I'm not getting a double dose. Now . . . the possibility of their winning TAR23? That's a far bigger and far more bitter pill to swallow. Here's hoping that's not the case.

Reaction to this cast has been mixed. Between seven Racers getting a third shot and polarizing teams with little middle ground, TAR24 might be skipped by discouraged fans. Right now, I'm okay with the field. However, I feel like one team got cheated . . .  home shopping hostesses Brook & Claire from TAR17. From what I heard, they were slated to do "Unfinished Business" the following season, but Claire found out she was pregnant. They were plucky, they managed to eke out a second place finish . . . but, more importantly, I get to run this clip. Poor Claire. Three years later, this is still one of the most memorable moments in TAR's illustrious history.