The Inferno Episode 10: Hail to the Hero

Once upon a time, before his redemption storyline that kicked off in Cutthroat (with Johnny kicking, fittingly enough), I was a CT fan. Well, for a few weeks. On RW: Paris, he went from being a well-natured goof to a volitile goon. The "highlight" was the time he almost came to blows with Adam King, where CT was yelling, "ONE! ON! ONE! ONEONONE!!! I will WORK you!" and shoving the guy around. He didn't really look better going into this episode, but then he made a nice move and came out on top. Yes, it was in a stupid game that required zero skill, but I was still amped up over it, especially since I did not like the other guy. Of course, CT blew it three weeks later, but at least we had an entertaining clusterfuck to distract us. Oh, and Leah suffers a massive panic attack, while looks really mild when compared to recent seasons.

Airdate: March 29, 2004

Recap Published: April 5, 2004

Katie underachieves, Leah freaks out, and one team is undermined by the rules... and that's just a prelude to the most exciting Inferno yet.

I have a confession to make, dear readers. Up until now, I haven't been feeling this season. It's symptomatic of my views of reality television so far this year. Survivor: All-Stars is now made up of people whom I'd rather not see win $1 million, and I've written off Real World San Diego altogether. And since I'm not in the business world (or employed, for that matter), The Apprentice is mostly lost on me. As for the Challenge? It's the usual mix of toxic personalities, lame missions, and crack editing... emphasis on "crack." But today, one episode has brought me back from the brink, and one player has restored my faith.

Previously on Inferno: Darrell and Leah spent a lot of time together. Road Rules thumped Real World in Come Sail Away, boosting their bank to $60,000. Coral didn't want RR to win anymore. David and Shane were nominated and subsequently selected to go into the Inferno. CT interviewed that David is his good friend, and he wants him to stay until the end.

Villa. Darrell is at the window, chatting up Leah, who is poolside. In a miraculous development, Abram's hair has grown out, and his mohawk from last week is gone. Bad editors... if I notice something like that on the second view and with nobody [2017: else telling] me, then something's wrong. "That's the beautiful Leah right down there trying to get a tan," Darrell tells us. "She's trying to get as black as she can be so she's trying to [bleep] with me." Charming. Leah lies on a chair, and she has a nice tummy. "Why do y'all think I'm doing so damn good on these missions?" Darrell asks, pushing the TMI envelope. "I'm getting sexual healing every morning, every night, three times a day, breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and sometimes a late night snack." I know it's wrong for him to say that and for me to quote him, but dammit, you try not quoting him. In the pool, Leah and Darrell flirt and sweet talk each other. Darrell interviews that Leah is cool, but it's not a relationship. "When's the last time Darrell did a relationship?" he asks. "Darrell don't do relationships!" Darrell also don't do first-person.

Night. David and CT check to see if David wet the bed. Alrighty, then. CT interviews that he's known David for a long time, and they're both from the Boston suburb of Charleston . "To have David here is a comfort," he adds. "I know my experience would be different if he wasn't here." He then demonstrates what he found his buddy doing on the bed. David laughs, interviewing that he's had a great time with CT.

Daytime. Giant platform. Dave welcomes the players to Bungee Bound. The object: bungee 160 feet off the ground, grab a flag, and throw it to the water below. The team that has the fastest time wins $10,000. The catch? The players are handcuffed behind their backs. Veronica explains that they have to get out of makeshift handcuffs made of two wristbands attached to three carabiners. Between "carabiner" and "candelabra," my vocabulary's getting bigger. Dave continues, adding that all jumps will begin with the sound of the air horn. The players will have five minutes to jump. If a player doesn't jump within that time, that person will get the slowest time, plus a five minute penalty. Please get a red pen, and circle, underline and put arrows around what I just wrote. There will be a test later. CT reminds us that RW has lost the last three missions, and he hopes everybody jumps. Dave adds that the best players on each side will win the Aztec Lifesaver. "I want to have the best time," Shane interviews, "we win, we get $10,000, and then I send David's ass home tonight." And to think I once liked him. Shut up, Shane.

Abram gets strapped and cuffed. As you might figure, he's a little too excited. He interviews that the only problem he sees is getting the cuffs off. Dave blows his airhorn, and Abram drops immediately. As he bounces back up, you can see the traffic on the ground. Abram gets free and throws his flag at 52 seconds. He interviews that the only problem was getting the carabiners off. His mohawk has returned in all its punk glory.

Montage! Mike drops. Timmy drops. Julie drops, and the POV camera shows us all 145 of her front teeth. Syrus drops. Mike finishes at 0:23. Timmy shouts "dammit!" as he finishes at 0:40. Julie: 0:26. Syrus grits his teeth, getting out at 0:38. Coral interviews that RW is kicking RR ass.

Cumulative times: RW 1:27, RR 1:32. No averages? I'm guessing that this was supposed to be a "gimme" mission for RW, given their small numbers. Christena drops and spins around smiling, finishing at 0:24. Kendal does a somersault off the platform, clocking out at 0:35. CT voiceovers that he really wants to come through for the team, and he wants to come in first. He clocks out at 0:18. Timmy interviews that it's not a good day for RR. Coral steps off the platform feet-first, finishing at 0:25. David: "All we have to do is sit there and cruise. Get pretty good times and we got it won." Times: RW 2:10, RR 2:31. Veronica jumps, and the editors get fancy on us, showing stills of her face while in the air. She finishes at 0:19.

Leah and Katie walk hand-in-hand, both nervous about the jump. Katie interviews that Leah has never jumped. "I'm trying to act like I know what I'm doing," Katie adds, "but we're both very nervous." On the platform, a shuddering Leah tells Katie to go first. As Katie suits up, Leah has a case of the dry heaves. She tells Katie that she can't feel her hands. Katie is panicking because she's going first.

Air horn. Most of the RR team is already screaming at Katie, who is sobbing. I don't get it... I know she's bungeed at least once. While the thought of being handcuffed behind the back is scary, I figure it would be a better option than going with a 50-something, which is what she did on The Quest. Meanwhile, the editors blur Leah, trying to sell to us that something's wrong. RR is still screaming. Timmy is rubbing his face, unable to hide his frustration.

Time elapsed: 5:36. Remember when I said to get the red pen? Look at what you marked down. Dave said they had five minutes. Veronica: "I [bleeping] hate you!" Is it wrong of me to want Katie's cord to break, and for Veronica to break the fall? Shut up, Veronica. Holly in an interview: "Katie's time is not good for our team." Veronica: "What the [bleep] are you doing?!?" Finally, with 10:38 elapsed, Katie jumps. Cut back to a blurred, wavy Leah. Katie gets uncuffed. Elapsed time: 12:27. "Real World is stoked, because we know we won," Julie interviews, basically all eyes and teeth. "All we gotta do is wait for Leah to come down, and even if she takes a minute, it's gonna be okay, because we're gonna win."

On the platform, Leah gasps, collapsing into the arms of a production guy. He says that Leah is going down... via the elevator. On the ground, Coral cheers Leah on, not knowing of the drama. Leah lies down, gasping, squealing and crying. She still can't feel her hands. This is every bit as painful to watch as Coral's allergic reaction from last season. Various production guys attend to her as she gasps.

After the commercials, Leah is still gasping, getting carried away by one of the guys. Coral goes to her side. With tubes up her nose, Leah cries that she wants to jump. Darrell comes over, interviewing that he doesn't know what's going on. Leah hyperventilates, and Darrell wipes the drool off her mouth with his shirt. Leah gets on a stretcher and is loaded into an ambulance, with Coral riding with her. See, this is the Coral I like. This wipes out the bad vibes I felt towards her last week.

Dave fills everybody in on what happened. Leah will be disqualified, and receives the worst time logged, plus a five minute penalty, for a total of 17:27. "I feel bad for her," Shane interviews, "but I thank God for my team, because Real World was kicking our ass." Dave adds that they're going to finish the mission. "Let's see some smiles," he adds. Shut up. I miss Jonny Moseley. Julie: "It is such a bummer when you can taste victory, and you know you're going to win, and it just gets ripped out of your hands because Katie jumps and Leah doesn't!" Julie has a point, but she's smiling through the whole interview. Julie can shut up as well.

David interviews that he wants the Aztec Lifesaver. He somersaults off, with CT cheering him on. Final time: 0:40. "Every single mission I have, I had to undo a carabiner," David interviews. "If the Inferno has carabiners, I'm going home."

A nervous Darrell gets ready. "Today, I gotta bungee-jump handcuffed, pull some Houdini stunts," he interviews. "You ever see a black Houdini? No!" He voiceovers that he's trying to conquer his fear of heights. Are we still on that? He jumps, finishing at 0:22. Holly jumps. Her time: 0:17. Veronica yells that Holly did better than her. Shane jumps, the rope banging his head on the bounce up. It looks like he was perilously close to getting strangled by the cord. His time: 0:20. "In the Inferno, it's game time," he interviews while lying down. "This was the appe-teaser. Now it's time for the real meal."

Dave announces the final times: RR 18:07, RR 17:07. In other word, Katie's extended freak-out made Leah's freak-out even worse. If Katie had been disqualified, like she should have been, RW would have won. Instead, RR profits from the one person most of them cannot stand. Dave gives the win to RR, and there is subdued applause. "I'm glad that we won," Veronica interviews, "but I'm really not too happy that we won because the other team got a disqualification over a mental health thing." Dave hands the Aztec Lifesavers to CT and Holly. Syrus says that RW only has $30,000 (to RR's $70,000), and they're getting their butts kicked.

Hospital. Leah is in bed with Coral by her side. Leah interviews that she can't control her anxiety, and she feels bad because it affected her teammates. Coral asks the doctor if Leah can go to bed at the Villa. The doctor prescribes something to help Leah sleep. Coral wheels Leah out of the hospital.

Thirty minutes before the Inferno. CT and David decide to swap clothes. Must be a Boston thing. CT figures that the Inferno will depend on how David performs. He foreshadows, "Honestly, I want Dave to stay no matter what." The fellas whoop it up. "There's nothing I'm really not afraid of," David interviews, "but I don't wanna eat bugs."

Inferno site. Slow-motion walking. David sees milk and cookies, and he's not happy. Dave welcomes everybody to Don't Toss Your Cookies. David explains that both players drink whole milk and eat cookies, then spin around on a turntable for ten minutes. The first person to throw up loses. As if I can't hate Shane any more than I already do, he's wearing the "Where's Rachel" t-shirt. I hate her, and I hate him. "Going into the Inferno, I feel the best I've ever felt," Shane interviews. "I honestly feel like I'm going to win. David's not a competitor. There's nothing fearsome or competitive about him." Time out. Has Shane never seen David's season? David was a rough-houser back then. I don't care how weak his stomach is or how sore his body can get. Bottom line: I would not want to mess with David.

Dave goes through the motions, asking Holly if she wants to use the Aztec Lifesaver to take Shane's place, but she has faith in his eating ability. Dave asks CT the same question. CT says that he sat on the AL twice already, but he never had somebody close to him go into the Inferno. He interviews that David has a weak stomach. CT declares that he will take David's place. "That's a MAN!" David shouts. "Bye, Shane!" Poor sportsmanship? Yeah. Much deserved? And how! Shane interviews that he's not afraid of David, but CT intimidates him. You smell that, Shane? It's a big plate of comeuppance. Hope you like the taste.

The guys get on the turntable chairs as Dave explains the rules. Each player will have 10 minutes to eat one cookie and drink one glass of milk. Afterwards, they spin around for ten minutes. In the next round, they eat two cookies and drink two glasses of milk. They repeat the process until somebody pukes. Shane interviews, but it's just a flurry of bleeps. Dave goes on, saying that the turntable will go faster as time goes on. CT jokes that this will be the only time he'll cheat on his diet.

Dave bangs the gong. Both players eat their cookies. Syrus: "CT keeps a stone face, got his shades on, cool as can be. Lookin' like a Boston mafia boy, chillin' in the corner." More eating. Veronica teases that everybody won't be able to see CT's six-pack abs after he eats the cookies. CT: "You won't be able to see Shane after all these cookies!" Zing! CT might be my new hero. Both sip their milk from straws.

Now it's time to get on the turntable. It slowly spins, as Shane whoops it up. CT doesn't show any emotion. Coral interviews that CT has never thrown up in his life, and it would be the first time if he does it here. The turntable goes into edited fast motion. A time-lapse camera shows Shane keeping his head still, while CT goes from left to right.

After the turntable stops, Dave gives both players ten minutes for two cookies and two glasses of milk. David sidles up to CT, saying that Shane couldn't last two more rounds. CT replies that he'd be surprised if he lasted two more rounds. Shane munches away. CT quips that the whole milk might put him to sleep. And then... Shane pukes up white stuff. If it’s wrong of me to celebrate, then I don't want to be right. RR looks stunned. "Man," Timmy laments in an interview, "just a whole lot of baby food came flying out of his mouth." The editors give us a slow-motion replay. It's so typical that somebody from Campus Crawl would go out by puking. Game over. The RW guys celebrate, hugging CT. Shane admits to Holly that he swallowed his vomit three times. Kendal actually wipes away her tears. "It's like seeing Superman crumble," she interviews. Oh, come on. Shane isn't Superman. He's not even Booster Gold. Shane interviews that he doesn't drink milk at home, and he wanted to stay.

Denouement. Dave congratulates CT for risking himself. That was a bold move. Had CT lost, RW would've been down three people and looking at another Challenge loss. Now the team has hope. Mike says that RW has seven players to RR's eight. Dave tells Shane that he did a lot for RR, and it was a pleasure meeting him. Whatever.

Pier of Shame. Shane is escorted by Christena, Holly, Veronica, and Kendal. I'm guessing Katie is happy-dancing back in the Villa. She'll be breathing easier tonight. "I wish I could stay," Shane interviews. "I wish I could finish this. But the cookie crumbled. I lost." For the last time: shut up, Shane! He sails on the Short Boat, while the ladies wave and hug the despondent Kendal.

Back at the Villa, Darrell and Coral check up on Leah. She interviews that Darrell has been sweet to her, and that she's not sure what will happen with them both. Darrell jiggles a stuffed bunny, prompting Coral to leave. Darrell interviews that it's more than sexual with him and Leah. "The whole incident with the anxiety attack is scary," he adds, "but now I want her to fight it out and stick it out and make it to the end with me." The couple cuddles in bed. I think this is my favorite pair for this season.

Next week: How do you top CT stepping up and saving the season? To start, we got rotating platforms and paintball guns. Katie screws up so badly, Mike cheers her on. But that's nothing compared to the man event. It's Coral vs. Julie: Round Two. Needless to say, I'm not feeling so bad about recapping anymore.

I was really in the tank for CT, wasn't I? In my defense, I was grasping for ANY reason for that season to be redeemable. Once again: stupid, stupid endgame. On the upside, we get a dose of Compassionate Coral. My take on her is that she does care for her friends, she only ridicules people who really deserve it, and they deserve it more often than not. At the time, the most recent example had been her comforting Sarah after getting sent into (and winning) her fourth Gauntlet, followed by her giving justified crap to the Road Rules team. In the next two episodes, "compassionate" would not be an adjective that would apply to Coral.