Surviving Fans And Favorites

I should be putting my full effort into writing a book review or two. Instead, here’s an essay on the opening episodes of Survivor: Micronesia – Fans Vs. Favorites I wrote out while at work this morning. You’re welcome.

Four episodes into Survivor: Micronesia – Fans Vs. Favorites, I can say that it’s a slight improvement over the previous season (China). Even though players from both tribes (Malakal for the “favorites,” “Airai” for the “fans”) have shown a lack of brainpower, and there’s little to suggest that this edition won’t be a colossal fuck-up like any other “all-star” season on CBS, at least there’s some game-playing going on, misguided as it may be.

In last week’s episode, Malakal suffered a loss at the immunity challenge, and somebody had to go. At this point, there were two factions: a loose-knit coalition between couples Pavarti & James and Amanda & Ozzy, and the foursome of Jonathan, Yau-Man, Eliza and Ami (the latter two having zero business posing as “all-stars,” but that’s a gripe for another day). In the middle: Cirie, the couch potato-turned-power player from Exile Island two years ago. She got wooed by both sides for her votes. She talked with Amanda and Pavarti, and soon there was a move on her part to boot Yau-Man.

Let’s pause the action to reflect on this. Yes, Yau-Man is dangerous. He’s not at all big, but he’s wilier than any cartoon coyote you’re likely to meet. He managed to last 38 days on Fiji and came within one bad deal from winning the $1 million prize. But at this point in the game (nine days), wouldn’t you need somebody like that on your camp, winning challenges and making camp life bearable? To me, Cirie was thinking too far ahead. She dreaded the idea of Yau-Man going to Exile Island and retrieving the sole hidden immunity idol, a feat he pulled off in his first season. Here’s the problem: he would either have to be picked to go by Airai when they won a reward challenge, or selected by his tribe If they won. In my head, both were scenarios nobody would explore if they were smart.

So what happened? Jonathan took Cirie’s wavering as an insult, they had a verbal battle, and Yau-Man got five votes out of nine to get sent packing. One genuine fan favorite was gone, and the other two had a backlash against them over on the forums at Television Without Pity. Like I had posted there on that night, it was like a holiday dinner at your house where your favorite aunt and uncle from separate marriages yelled at each other, and the beloved granduncle keeled over into the mashed potatoes. And it didn’t help matters to see Eliza sick in the following episode, and a few tribe members realizing they got swept up in Cirie’s zeal. It was a hangover without alcohol (“We did WHAT to Yau-Man last night? Really?!?”) But at least Cirie was trying to play the game; if she had been passive in Exile Island, she would’ve been the first person off, and she’d be rooted to the couch today, watching this season with the rest of us.

Moving on to the latest episode, we had Malakal winning the reward challenge. For the third time, they sent Kathy to Exile Island. This was a smart move, since there was less of a chance a weak-looking player such as her would find the idol. And if they knew she was on the outs along with Chet and Tracy, she could be handed the idol and be sent back to make things go awry at Airai (I’m prouder of that phrase than I really should be). But the rub was that somebody from Malakal had to join Kathy . . . and this time, it was Ozzy.

Pause. As I write this at work, where I’m wide awake and haven’t done jack this morning aside from handing in my timesheet, I remember reading in the episode thread at TWoP where somebody had found out that Malakal had a system where there was an order as to who would go to Exile Island. The only way this is a good idea is if the person who retrieves the idol tells everybody else in the tribe about it, with the understanding that it would be played if the wielder was threatened. In exchange, the idol would be easy to track after the obligatory tribal shakeup, and it would be used as a weapon to take out any perceived power player from Airai. Hey, it makes sense in my head. Then again, I’m not actually there, and I can play “armchair survivor,” trying to figure out strategies in a week while the actual players would speculate over a few hours. So I understand why taking turns going to Exile Island might be a good idea.

However, this is a flaw in the system, and its called “Ozzy.” This guy is half-man, half-fish, all-amazing. If there is water involved in a challenge, Ozzy will rock it. In the reward challenge, Ozzy had the presence of mind (or instructions from his comrades) to stay underwater and move coconuts closer to the edge of the cage in order to make it easier for his teammates to retrieve them. Bottom line: Malakal had voted off the biggest threat to find the idol . . . and they sent the biggest threat to find the idol.

Back to the action: Kathy didn’t feel up for an idol hunt, perhaps still worn out after she and Cirie slogged through the water two episodes ago. At worst, she feels singled out by Malakal and only two people like her at Airai. At best, it’s like she’s at a Survivor fantasy camp, and she’s paid five grand extra to receive private sessions from former cast members. On more trip to Exile Island might bring her a romantic package with James . . . emphasis on “package.” Ozzy said he wanted to look for food, and she bought it. He read the clue. Swim, swim, swim, clue. Swim, swim, swim, clue. Swim, swim, swim, clue. Swim, swim, swim, idol. Now one of the strongest players in the game had even more power. I’m not saying Ozzy cliched a total victory, especially after dumbass James got voted off last season while carrying two idols last season. But Ozzy does seem to have a few more brain cells than the gravedigger. And in a salute to Yau-Man’s discovery of an idol two seasons ago, Ozzy crafted a dummy idol and put it in the hiding place. It would have been every better had Ozzy went into a giggling fit and flicked his tongue like Yau-Man, but you can’t have everything. It’s hard not to like Ozzy right now, even if he does have Jeff Probst hanging off his jock.

Fast forward: Airai has lost the immunity challenge – their fourth defeat in the last six challenges – and somebody had to be sent off. All common sense pointed out Chet as the obvious choice. He had been following Janu’s path from Palau with the lack of effort in challenges and camp, and the accelerated disintegration of the body. His only allies: Kathy and Tracy. Chief amongst the majority was Joel, a very large and tattooed firefighter who looks like he lives on a diet of puppies and orphans. Two episodes prior, he got it into his head that Mary and Mikey B. were a power couple, and he got Mary voted off, passing up a chance to oust Chet. He still had it in for Mikey B., even though the guy’s greatest sin was making people call him “Mikey B.” Reality fans with a masochistic streak already put up with a “Mikey B.” of sorts (Mike Malin, a.k.a. “Mike Boogie” from Big Brother), so why watch another? Getting back to the point: again, Chet seemed to be the correct choice to boot. Of course, we had somebody say that Chet was going home in the episode’s first act, so the seed of doubt was already planted in my mind.

Enter Tracy. Right now, I can’t tell her from Alexis and the other woman whose name I can’t be bothered to remember. In retrospect, you can understand her fear of a vote against Chet; if he got voted off and Kathy – a potential loose cannon – had retrieved and kept the idol, she’d be the next to go. So she came up to Joel and played on his loathing of Mikey B. The obvious move was to keep the tribe strong, especially when there was no obvious timetable for a merge or shakeup. But Joel listened to Tracy, nodded his head . . . and managed to talk a few allies into voting for Mikey B., who went out 6-3 and didn’t even think to punch Joel in the mouth for the change of plan. Also, Airai had Chet for seemingly the next few days, a loose wheel ready to pop off the axel in challenges. You can understand why Jason voted for Chet, looked into the camera and said, “Please leave the island.” But Chet is still in the game thanks to Tracy . . . and I’ve decided to think of Joel as “Mongo” from here on out, because he would so fall for an exploding candygram. Also, I wouldn’t put it past him to punch a horse.

Whatever beefs anybody has with no obvious weak links getting voted off so far have been rendered moot by the teaser for next week’s episode, where Jeff orders everybody to drop their buffs for a tribal shakeup. Now Cirie and Tracy will be seen as smart for getting rid of potential power players that could have gone against them. And maybe things will pick up for a franchise still reeling from the strategic vacuum that was China. At the very least, whomever wins this season will look like a saint compared to the winner from Big Brother 9. And no contestant has insulted the mentally handicapped . . . but the season is still young.

Axis Of Ass: Then & Now

In 2003, I was recapping Real World/Road Rules Challenge: The Gauntlet, and I was furious. I had made the mistake of staying emotionally attached to Sarah Grayson, and I took exception anytime her teammates sent her into the Gauntlet. I had followed her since Road Rules: Campus Crawl. I had occasionally written to her, especially after she posted on the RR thread at Television Without Pity. I even met her at a reality event at Calico Jack’s in Manhattan, even as I was suffering through a nasty cold. It was a good night . . . I got to meet some of the saner stars of the Challenge, and I witnessed Antoine dancing on the bar before getting pulled down by management. Good times.

Anyway, whenever Sarah got sent into the Gauntlet, I got pissed. Eventually, I came up with a term to group the jerks together: the Axis of Ass. There were three members: Adam, the douchy ADD case with the stupid beard; Rachel, the butterface lesbian, who should go down as the single most overrated Challenger ever; and Veronica, a bitch whose bitchy actions before and after Gauntlet are still talked about. There was also Darrell (a cast member on Sarah’s season who had wanted her gone from the start), Laterrian (who had knocked her out a rolling log and refused to take responsibility for it in order to avoid the Gauntlet), and Abram (more on him later), but the Adam/Rachel/Veronica troika was the main Axis. In the end, they stayed on the winning Road Rules team and got their shares of the $150,000 prize. Happily, none of them has won a Challenge since, and Sarah managed to go out with her money, as well as her dignity intact.

I would feel the need to invoke “Axis of Ass” several times in my recaps and on the TWoP forums. The Inferno gave us a Road Rules team hellbent on eliminating weak link Katie, but four teammates took center stage. Veronica was in on it, of course. Holly and Christena emerged as stealth bitches whom I had once liked. Finally, there was Abram, the knuckle-dragging Bozo from Bozeman, whose throwing of a mission was one of the most sickening acts I had ever witness. Down the line, there came other Axes: elder assholes Mark and Eric in Battle Of The Sexes 2, the “Mean Girls” trio of Veronica, Rachel and Tina (a discount version of Coral) in Inferno II, and Beth, Wes and Nehemiah in The Duel (I had posted that Aneesa belonged with them, but I think it was more about buddying up with members of The Real World: Austin – one of the suckiest seasons ever – and not wanting a piece of Beth after she bailed out of a Gauntlet date two seasons prior).

As the Challengers devolved into a cesspool of media whores, where sanity and manners were increasingly out of fashion, I didn’t feel a need to lump two or more people together. But now, I do. Out of the darkness of Gauntlet 3 rides four supreme dicks. Two of them have telltale Boston accents, and you have to take delight that they were probably crying in their beer when the Patriots lost the Super Bowl. Two of them are products of the Fresh Meat season, and neither one of them are as funny as they think. You can tell them from the others by their repeated interview loop: “Trim the fat, trim the fat, lose the girls and trim the fat.” They are the all-new Axis of Ass, and in the latest episode, they came dangerously close to getting rid of a Challenge legend and keeping somebody who’s about as malignant as they are. Let’s meet them, shall we?

Evan Starkman

Basically, Evan is the Canadian version of Challenge veteran Theo Vonkurnatowski, in the “I used to love you, but now I have to kill you” sense. He came off well enough during Fresh Meat, and he and his partner Coral tore through their share of missions. But he wound up with a hernia, and he and Coral ended up getting sent home early for their injuries. Over time, he’s become less funny, and the latest Challenge has revealed him as an unredeemable jerk. I’m hoping he’ll stay north of the border following this season, but I doubt it.

Kenny Santucci

Unlike Evan, I’ve known Kenny as little more than a punk from the start. He’s always coming off as fake in interviews, always trying to be clever and funny. Basically, he’s a knockoff of Veteran teammate Brad. Before the season started, he had the gall to say that Coral faked her severe allergic reaction to a spider bite at the end of Gauntlet, during the preview special, Physically and Mentally Challenged: 25 Most Unforgettable Challenge Moments. It was bad enough when his ex-Fresh Meat teammate Tina said the same thing, but Kenny wasn’t anywhere near Telluride when that went down.

Danny Jamieson

If not for RW: Las Vegas, Danny would have had a huge part in the worst season ever. I mean, when you act like such a dick that you erase any sympathy people might have when you got your face smashed into pavement, that is bad. Danny is another gung-ho alpha dog who insists that the women on his team are a huge weak link. Of course, if the Rookies had the same philosophy and tried to eliminate his fiancé Melinda, he’d have a huge fit.

Chris “CT” Tamburello

If you look up “Masshole” in the dictionary, you’d find a picture of CT in a sleeveless and stained t-shirt, a cigarette in his mouth, a can of beer in his hand, and a Patriot or Red Sox cap cocked at an angle on his head. This evolutionary throwback has taken to the “trim the fat” philosophy like fair-weather Bostonians jumping on the Celtics bandwagon. Interestingly enough, the Assembly Required mission wasn’t the only time CT helped throw a mission. Back in Inferno, he played a huge part in getting his close buddy David win the Aztec Lifeshield in order to escape a date in the Inferno and put Leah (CT’s ex-roommate in Paris) in his place. In retrospect, David was just as much dead weight on the Real World team as Katie was to Road Rules, and it was fitting that she defeated him in the final Inferno, as badly designed as it was. There was also the time CT tried to pick a fight with Dan (Inferno II), the time he lost to Brad on a disqualification in the final Duel and proceeded to lose all of his shit, and the time he got kicked off Inferno III for punching Davis. Following that, CT’s replacement for the Bad Ass team – Derrick – went on to win his first Challenge in six attempts. I honestly think CT doesn’t believe in karma; otherwise, he’d try not to be such a big-haired prick all of the time.

The fact that the Axis of Ass (along with any other collaborators) got away with throwing a mission is galling. But that lead to a chain of events that along eliminated Coral. For some viewers, Coral is a heinous bitch whose bark is far worse than her bite. To me, she’s an entertaining bitch who gives great interviews, whose ability to avoid elimination is almost magical, and who snipes on those who truly deserve it. This is somebody I want to see from start to finish. I will admit that she did get too prissy when the Rookies revealed that it came down to a coin flip between her and Evelyn (shades of Brad getting drawn to battle Abram in the Inferno) to go into the Gauntlet. Her anger raged even more when the Veterans team went against her wishes and picked Beth to face her. I do understand the team’s need to banish Beth, since she’s usually a drag on team morale wherever she goes. But Coral had a point about the possibility of giving up 50 pounds to Beth. And when the spinner landed on Ball Brawl, I got worried . . . scared, even. I’ve seen Beth overpower Ruthie (who gave up a lot more than 50 pounds) and Montana (who doesn’t make the Challenge her life) in Reverse Tug-Of-War. I’ve seen Beth win a wrestling-based mission in Duel (defeating Diem, Jodi and Robin), and coming close to taking out Svetlana in Push Me. A win from Beth meant that she’d be gunning for the Axis afterwards. It would have been like watching a knife fight between Hitler and Hussein. Who would you root for?

Happily, Coral overcame Beth’s weight advantage to win Ball Brawl. There’s a one-in-three chance Beth will claim to have thrown the Gauntlet, but I don’t care. In a clash of the Challenge titans, good prevailed over evil. However, this was a clash that should not have happened in the first place, and I blame the Axis for that.

I will give the Veteran women credit for not returning the favor and intentionally giving up on the following mission, which would have resulted in the elimination of one of their male teammates. A few of them probably knew about the screw job, nobody would have blamed them for throwing the mission. Katie still has the tire scars from where her Road Rules teammates threw her under the bus during Inferno, and I’m amazed she didn’t try to rip CT’s eyes out during their heated exchange preceding Assembly Required. But whether the ladies were too dim, too cautious or tool cool to throw Walk The Plank, the results were a slap in the Axis’s collective face.

The mission was simple: in separate gender-based heats, one team had to walk down a plank over water, while the opposition hurled tethered medicine balls at them. After the Veteran guys staked the team to a lead, the girls could only afford one fall in order to clinch the win. Casey was the only one knocked off, and not only did she have the presence of mind to not take Katie with her on the way down (shades of Laterrian), she kept her legs together hitting the water. That was the way I was taught to jump off a ship prior to taking a cruise years ago. For somebody whose fear of falling kept her from missions in her first few Challenges, Casey has managed to evolve nicely . . . something no member of the Axis can claim. Speaking of which, Evan and Danny had gotten knocked off, and Kenny drew a disqualification for grabbing a tether.

The ensuing Gauntlet could not have worked any better for the Veterans. After the team picked Derek (a perceived “big gun”), the Rookie chose Ryan, figuring that the stronger Derek would win any contest. But the spinner came up on Sliders, and with verbal help from the Veterans, Ryan pulled off the upset. This left the Rookies with only three men along with Ryan: MJ (a gift from the producers after Tyrie left to be with his ailing girlfriend), Frank (living on borrowed time by flapping his yap over girlfriend Jillian going to the Gauntlet three times), and Nehemiah (got cuddly with Beth during Duel, so you know he’s got mental problems). In contrast, the Veteran guys are seven strong, and the Axis can send in outsiders such as Adam (knocked out in two previous Challenges), Eric (the overweight “Big Easy” who is seen getting medical attention in trailers for the season), and Brad (who has taken over Derrick’s mantle as the hard luck Challenger) into the Gauntlet. And for this, the guys have the girls to thank for the advantage . . . not that the Axis will be quick to do that.

Why should anybody continue to watch this Challenge? Because I firmly believe that at least two members of the Axis will get thrown into the Gauntlet, and maybe they’ll be pitted against each other. I believe that karma will punish as many of the Axis members as possible, even if it’s not as overt as losses in the Gauntlet. Maybe Danny and CT would have to say goodbye to their girlfriends (Melinda and Diem, respectively). Maybe Evan will lose Kenny or vice versa. And while scrubs like Casey and Katie might be sacrificed for a supposed “greater good,” those who whine about “trimming the fat” and “no more free rides for the girls” will be equally at risk to get stomped. Comeuppance and schadenfreude . . . that’s what keeps me going. I hope it’s good enough for you.

Thoughts From A Blah Friday

Thoughts On A Blah Friday

Note: The following was written this past Friday at work. Edits were made accordingly.

As I start this entry, it’s 7:50 a.m. I’m nowhere near a computer and I won’t be able to get online until about 4. That’s because I have a job. It’s been about six weeks since I’ve started this temp assignment and I’m a little surprised that I’ve lasted this long. I don’t have the gig, but I have to get here before 7, meaning I’m expected to get up around 5 . . . something unthinkable for me as recently as late November. Here’s a rough breakdown of a typical day:

7 a.m.: Arrive, get settled in,

7:15-12:30 p.m.: Arrange medical charts, fetch them for others, help out by running errands. Bigger priority: not falling asleep. Honestly, there are times where I have nothing to do, and I’ve barely improved on my nighttime sleeping habits. So I have to try and not drift off into sweet slumber. This is done by going outside in the cold (in contrast to my work area, which has gotten as warm as 80 degrees), drinking water, snacking, reading magazines and newspapers (my supervisor frowns on this, so I have to be sneaky about it), working on puzzles (usually copying the day’s Jumble onto an index card and trying not to get too stressed when I get stumped), working on potential blog entries, and talking to co-workers. I’ve connected with the others, though I could have done without suffering a serious allergic reaction in front of them.

12:30-1:30: Lunch hour. I always go out at this time. I get some fresh air, get the Village Voice (Wednesdays), The Onion (Thursdays) and drop off my check at the one bank (Fridays). Some days I bring lunch, other times I buy it.

1:30-2:55: More working, albeit at a more relaxed pace, since things have died down.

2:55-3:00: Mad dash to catch the ferry back home. Usually, I get to the terminal in time. I hate running, especially since it involves quick sprints following and walking and trying to cope with the burning in my legs, but I don’t want to wait another thirty minutes for the next ferry.

While I am making friends and developing some semblance of a work ethic, I can’t see myself staying at that place for keeps. A lot of it centers around the early hours, but it all comes down to me wanting to write. I still have a magazine that I freelance for, and if it really takes off, I could go there on a regular basis, hopefully getting up in the morning when there’s light out. That’s just the way I feel.

Onto two quick topics so I don’t doze off again (yep, I’m still weak):

The Amazing Rebound

When was the last time we went into the finale of The Amazing Race certain we’d be smiling at the end? After the utter crap that was All-Stars, we needed a comeback season, an edition that wouldn’t be the best but far from the worst. We started with donkeys, and we’re ending with no jackasses running for $1 million. Okay, there is Ronald Hsu, but at least he tried to be a better teammate for daughter Christina after he ripped into her a few times. It’s not like he constantly yells at her like Mirna did to Charla last season. He’s just another member of the Nice Person/Bad Racer Club (president: Flo Pessenti).

The Hsus’ wins in three legs puts them in position to become the first team bonded by blood – other than the Linzes from Family Edition to win the race, if not merely topping the current standard set by the Mycoskie siblings (TAR2) and the Duphiney brothers (TAR3). Another family team making it to the finale has proven to big a bigger shock: youngster Nicholas Fulks and his grandfather, Donald Jerousek. There hasn't been an age difference this great in the show's history, but these two have lucked their way towards the finish line. They've emerged as the cuddliest team remaining . . . mostly because of the 68-year-old Donald, who got muddy performing a pole-vaulting Roadblock in Ransdorp (The Natherlands), and had trouble playing robot soccer in Osaka. In addition to the memories, the duo will also be walking around with tattoos, which they received in Italy in order to receive a Fast Forward.

The logical favorites to win are TK Erwin & Rachel Rosales, another in a long line of dating couples. I haven't had much insight into these two, save that they are very laid back. They're like hippies, but not the dreadful "hippies" from three seasons ago. They have argued, but - and this is rare by reality television standards - they actually work through it as adults should. That alone makes them unique . . . which is ironic for me, considering that "TK" is a mark writers make when they don't have the information they need as they're writing. Just me? Okay, then.

The real miracle came in last week's episode, where Jennifer & Nathan got eliminated. They were the bickering couple, with the hook being that Nathan had cheated on Jennifer(or was it the other way around?), and they were now going to make things work, audience members' eyes and ears be damned. If you don't watch the show, then you don't understand; having a team like that in the final leg of the race is almost always a given. These two fought each other through most of their stay, and it was hard to watch. They were competitive enough, but they never won an individual leg. That was awesome, especially after Jennifer bitched about how everybody should get a chance to win after she and Nathan came in second right behind Azaria & Hendekea in Burkina Faso. At one point, they came out of a Detour in the lead in Croatia, but a cab driver wouldn't take them to the Pit Stop because Jennifer was wet. Meanwhile, a less discriminating cabbie took Ronald & Christina to another leg win. It was a great running gag while it lasted. The end came in Taiwan, when a squabble over getting to Youth Park in Taipei, Taiwan cost them the game . . . and on Jennifer's birthday to boot. When they arrived at the Pit Stop, I'm sure I wasn't the only one singing "Happy Birthday" at the TV screen.

Bottom line: Sunday, 8 p.m., one hour, happy ending. I'll be doing the usual thing: going to Stitch in Midtown for TARCon, followed by DimSumCon the next day. The best part is that the get-together at Jing Fong falls on national holiday, so I don't have to sweat losing a day's pay. For The Amazing Race, things have been great. Here's hoping they get even better.

A Token Gesture

Last month, I visited the recap site I used to write for. You know, the one where I spent my last few months getting flayed for my opinions before getting cut loose. Anyway, the head honcho was crowing about how Entertainment Weekly recognized the site as one of the best online, especially for their interviews with reality contestants.

First of all, the way interviews were handled wasn't too special when I was there. On the night where a contestant was eliminated, us writers would be asked for questions on the site's Yahoo groups forum. It wasn't that complicated. Secondly, I think most of the bigger reality sites get interviews, so it's not that big a deal. We're talking e-mailing questions to producers. The funny thing is that the site was second on "Must Click Television" sites list. The first entry? Television Without Pity. That just seems right to me.

Another thing I wanted to mention about the site is that they'll probably be doing their annual "25 Most Memorable People In Reality" list, or whatever it's called. Want to know who will be at the top? Dick & Daniele Donato from Big Brother 8. How do I know? For one thing, they've put participants from reality's foulest backwater on top in their first two editions: the "Friendship" alliances from Big Brother 6 (I have zero clue), and Mike Malin and Will Kirby from All-Stars (over Cirie Fields from Survivor: Exile Island and Yul Kwon of Survivor: Cook Islands). The fact that Alison Grodner, the show's executive producer, has been subject to speculation of rigging events to ensure a daddy/daughter finale will barely be noticed by the site. They just love to toss Big Brother salad. Besides, they lost all credibility with me two years ago, when they failed to place Tom Westman on the list. All Tom did was lead the Koror tribe to victory after victory on Survivor: Palau, snare a shark by himself, win all but two individual immunity challenges, not recieve a single vote the two times he was vunerable, and win the final vote 6-1. You know which Palau cast member did make the 25? Wanda Shirk, who spent a day and a half before getting pushed off after a "pick 'em" game to form the two tribes. Also getting the boot was Jonathan Libby, but he didn't make the list because he never sought attention by making up annoying songs on the spot. So if you get sucked into the countdown and find yourself pulling for Yau Man Chan or Jordin Sparks, don't say I didn't warn you.

It's about 2:50 p.m. now. I figure next time, I'll go into the TAR finale and aftermath, the unlikely resurrection of The Mole, and/or a review of a book written by Bill McDaniel, the Mole from the second season. In the meantime: stay warm, stay safe, and stay awake.

The All-New Atom In 30 Seconds

I'm not much of an artist. Let's not mince words . . . I donwright suck. But when Chris Sims of Chris's Invinicible Super-Blog set up a recap contest for his site's third anniversary, I answered the call. The following is a highlight sequence from 2007 for one of my favorite comic books, The All-New Atom. It's supposed to be a 30-second recap, but I just had to put more of my crap MS Paint skills into it. If I had more time and a higher ceiling, I would've thrown in stuff like Dean Maryland and his circus peanuts or Atom spilling his guts while hanging on Wonder Woman's girdle. In the end, I'm happy with the finished product, and I hope you are as well. Oh, and click on each pic to see it full-sized.

Surviving Survivor

I got a job as a temp. I end up waking up around 5 a.m. and I start the workday at 7. For me, it's a battle to try and stay awake. I wrote most of the following on Friday, and I figured that it would be a waste not to share, especially with the season finale of Survivor: China minutes away.

As the fifteenth season of Survivor stumbles and stutters to its climax, I take solace that in the wake of the Mitchell Report, things could be a lot worse. After all, steroids aren’t a factor on competitive reality programs. Then again, there was that one time during Inferno II where Landon’s neck veins were bulging out in a suspicious manner. And Mike was always a wannabe wrestler, and we all know most grapples can be all about the needles. Well, that and the mysterious deaths, but that’s another entry.

Not that Survivor: China couldn’t use the excitement. Sadly, the fall seasons pale in comparison to the editions following them, with the exceptions being Pearl Islands (introduction of Rupert Boneham, the most overrated player ever; Jon Dalton and his attention-grubbing ways; wussy boy Osten Taylor, who ended up quitting the game, the return of Burton Roberts and Lillian Morris after their torches were snuffed, and the latter’s thorough spanking of Dalton in the final immunity challenge) and Cook Islands (Yul Kwon’s brains, Ozzy Lusth’s athleticism, Jonathan Penner whacking Jeff Probst’s ego like a pinata, the outnumbered Aitu tribe that overcame a 6-4 disadvantage to make it to Day 38). With a second “all-star” edition set to air in a few months, it feels like we’ve been running out the clock, as we speculate on which players would make the cut, waiting in anticipation to see the “best” or “most worthy” battle it out . . . and how bad things will be, especially after the horror that was Survivor: All-Stars in 2004. I’m still surprised that Susan Hawk didn’t luge for Richard Hatch’s neck at the reunion; the only thing between those two was Rob Cesternino, and I bet even an 80-pound girl like Courtney could plow through him, to say nothing of a truck-drivin’ bruiser like Sue.

So what happened this season? Well, the casting skewed young, and that resulted in me being unable to tell most of the people apart . . . and it didn’t help that the more recognizable personalities got booted early, like old farmer Chicken, WWE “Diva” Ashley, Dave the total Section 8 case. There wasn’t really one bandwagon that fans could board at any time. For instance, James was a very buff dude who cracked wise a lot, but he tended to act like an asshole around the others, and he wasn’t that big of a threat in individual contests. Todd became the latest Mormon to shame his religion on reality television, as he took great pains to portray himself as a poor man’s Richard Hatch. While Todd claimed Hatch’s gameplay and sexuality as his own, poker player Jean-Robert grabbed the rest: ego, hairline, facial hair, and gut. Amanda? I never got a grip of who she was. I didn’t think she rode Todd’s coattails so much as she trailed a half-step behind him, waiting to use him as a shield at a moment’s notice. As for other players such as Frosti, Erik, Peih-Gee, Courtney and Denise, I never sensed that they would end up winning, since the editing skewed towards Amanda and Todd.

There were some memorable moments, like Todd essentially giving both hidden immunity idols to James, and then having the gall to wine on-camera about how James should have offered to give one back. Then Jaime grabbed a plaque that she figured could be an idol, and she attempted to play it during Tribal Council. The result: Jeff declared it not to be an idol, and tossed it into the fire, giving the assembled contestants a good laugh. Contrary to what a certain recapper griped about, I didn’t feel the message was, “Durr, Jaime so stupid!” For one thing, any hidden idol in past seasons came with instructions. For another, Jaime and Peih-Gee threw an immunity challenge in order to vote out Aaron – whom they booted over James, both of them having transferred from Fei Long to Zhan Hu – and I viewed this as sweet comeuppance. Actually, James did try to botch things on his own, pretending to hesitate on eating balut, but Denise gagged on her plate, and James reluctantly finished to help Zhan Hu to a win. Yes, it has been that sort of a season.

Anyway, James ended up getting voted off after failing to utilize either idol, earning everybody else the right to yell “JACKASS!” at him for as long as they can remember his screw-up. I thought it would open up the field, but Denise’s unwillingness to budge from the status quo resulted in Erik’s departure. Honestly, aside from him admitting to Jaime that he was a virgin, are we even going to remember him this time next year? With Peih-Gee’s boot on Thursday, we’re down to three days remaining and four players: Todd, Amanda, Courtney and Denise. I figure that Amanda is the odds-on favorite to win because she’s ticked off the least amount of people. If she gets voted off, Todd stands the best chance of winning. Courtney is a longshot at best. I’d say she’s wasted away to nothing, but that’s how she started the game. At one point, she got cuddly with Frosti, and I was hoping they’d get affectionate enough for him to play her exposed ribs like a xylophone. The worst moment from Courtney came after Todd’s sister came over for a family-reuniting reward challenge, and she revealed that their younger sister had suffered a miscarriage. Courtney wasn’t the only one to speculate on whether the story was true; Jon Dalton and his friend’s lie about a dead grandmother still looms large four years after it happened. But Courtney escalated this in an interview where she openly mocked the idea. I feel that was a unbelievably stupid move on her part. First, I consider Todd to be a different species of jackass than Dalton. Secondly, it’s not wise for somebody who can be knocked back by a stiff breeze to disrespect a story like that, especially with a reunion to be had months later, where the aggrieved party will undoubtedly get front-row seats.

Finally, there’s Denise. Sweet, kind, unable-to-rock-the-boat Denise. In the teaser promo for the finale, each finalit got a nickname. Todd was “The Schemer,” Amanda got “The Chameleon,” and Courtney became “The Longshot.” Denise? She was “The Lunch Lady.” She received minimal exposure through most of the game; all we could see was her mullet, which she’d try to put in a ponytail. In key twists in voting, she was usually left out of the loop. She’s won two reward challenges, but the first was with the help of her husband, and the second was given to her by Courtney, who kept misfiring with a Chinese crossbow and hitting Denise and Todd’s targets. She was a guest of Peih-Gee’s in a reward that took them and Erik to a Shaolin temple, while Denise showed her black belt karate skills to the local kids. However, Denise left Peih-Gee out of her rewards, mostly to keep Peih-Gee weak. Sadly, Peih Gee ended up getting her bitch out, and it wasn’t pretty.

Lately, I’ve been reading forum posts, and I can’t understand the amount of hatred for Denise. Okay, so she’s not strategically-inclined. She could have joined Peih-Gee and Erik to force a tie against the Amanda/Courtney/Todd troika, but she stuck with her tribal alliance. She seems to play not to win, but to finish fourth. Here’s my question: what’s wrong with that? I mean, let’s say either she wins immunity on Day 38 or Amanda does not, and the others turn on Amanda. Even with a jury full of embittered assholes and bitches (and Frosti, who doesn’t fit either description) who would hate the idea of somebody who “coasted” to the finale, would you tell me that Todd or Courtney would fare any better? Besides, there’s no way a Denise win should be considered to be worse than Jenna Morasca winning The Amazon. Also worse: Amber Brkich winning All-Stars, especially when she functioned mainly as Jerri Manthey’s sidekick during The Australian Outback and wasn’t really a star, let alone an all-star. Amber won because Rob Mariano carried her, and Rob advanced as far as he did because most of the other players were morons and stooges.

In the end, Todd will get the final boot, Amanda will win, Courtney and Denise will be lucky to get one vote apiece, and Jeff Probst will do everybody short of fellating James at the reunion. And we can move on with our lives and to what really matters: the rest of The Amazing Race 12.

Those Amazing Donkeys

This past May, I watched in horror as two jackasses – Eric Sanchez and Danielle Turner – won The Amazing Race All-Stars, completing one of the show’s most ill-conceived, ill-planned, and ill-cast seasons.

This past Sunday, I watched in amusement as donkeys stalled two of the more irritating teams in The Amazing Race 12, eliminating one of them in the process. Suddenly, the rampant pessimism I have for the show has mostly dissipated.

It’s not easy being a TAR fan. Survivor remains the gold standard for CBS; you know there will be two installments airing every season and on Thursday nights. By comparison, TAR gets shuffled around a lot. The last few seasons, it got run on Sunday nights. That doesn’t seem too bad, until the fall rolls around, and NFL games starts going past 7 p.m. Then you’d have to wait for that to end, they endure 60 Minutes before TAR starts up. Hell, it didn’t even make the schedule this season, as it got confined to limbo, waiting for a show to drop dead in order to fill the slot.

On Monday, October 22, CBS mercifully put a bullet into Viva Laughlin and announced that TAR’s twelfth season would air in its place. On Tuesday, the first promo was spotted on YouTube. On Wednesday, the cast was announced. Makes me wonder why Viva was scheduled in the first place, since even the dimmest of bulbs would know that a drama with singing and dancing wasn’t going to fly too far.

As much as I like TAR, I have to say that casting has been crap the last few seasons. Too many alpha male teams, too many female duos that looked too much alike, and so many headaches to be had. Even the all-star season led to second-guessing. For instances, should frat brothers Kevin O’Conner and Drew Feinberg, the heroes of the original edition, have run the race despite Drew being banged-up before he fell down in the first leg? Was it that important to cast the underachieving David & Mary Conley a second time? And as far as mixing and matching Racers, the producers could have done a lot better than Eric & Danielle, particularly since a. Danielle didn’t run well the last time (fourth eliminated with best friend Danni in the ninth season), and b. people in the know noted that Eric wasn’t that into girls in the first place. Put it another way: the biggest casting coup for the show was not bringing in Dick & Daniele Donato. The noxious father/daughter duo had applied for TAR, but wound up on Big Brother 8 instead, claiming to be “estranged.”

Of course, the casting for this season doesn’t look that flawless. For one thing, over half of the cast comes from California. There’s also a lot of dating couples, bringing back memories of the third season. They even had a gay guy/straight girl team in Ari & Staella that resembled the terminally bitchy Aaron & Arianne. If the Race had taken them somewhere warm, I would’ve been ready for Staella to go topless in a cab, screaming, “Girls gone wild!!” just as Arianne did in Mexico.

There are some nicely-baited hooks, though. Nicolas & Donald are the show’s first grandchild/grandparent team. Kate & Pat got the biggest double take from fans since they’re official label is “Married Minsters.” They’re both women, by the way. I can’t stop grinning anytime I think “Lesbian Ministers!” And yet, in the online promo, Kate called the show “a love letter to the planet.” So yes...I’m a fan. One team I’ve hated at first sight, however, are the goths...or should I say, “goths.” After the nightmare that was pseudo-hippie douchebags BJ & Tyler three seasons ago, my threshold for phonies is pretty damn low. When I saw the “goths” in the promo, the guy called the girl “Vixen,” and I figured, “I bet she spells it with a ‘Y’.” I was wrong...she spells it “Vyxsin.” And his name is “Kynt.” And they showed up to the starting line in pink tops with black stripes, like they were caught in an explosion at Hot Topic. And their introductory footage had them frolicking in a cemetery. And they make comments like how they’re “gothic Energizer bunnies” and “Oh my goth!” Either they’re the biggest phonies this show has ever had, or the goth scene in Louisville is unbelievably weak.

Another concern I have is more about the long-term: piss-poor leg planning. Too many sponsor shoutouts and needle-in-haystack tasks are aggravating to watch. So far, we’ve gotten one quirky Roadblock (one Racer rides a bicycle on a high wire almost 200 feet over the North Atlantic while the other sits below, suspended by the bike) and a task where teams have to take peat, load it onto donkeys, and go to the next route marker. Anytime you bring in animals on this show, whether it be gentle orangutans, mine-sniffing rodents or noisy camels, you have the makings of a party.

It was at that time where two donkeys, sent from the heavens, decided to stall. The first halted on Ari & Staella, even as Ari threatened to cut into the beast of burden and eat it. The other slowed down on Jennifer & Nathan, one of the dating teams. Their deal is that he more or less cheated on her, and there’s lots of tension between them. In other words, a Top 3 team, guaranteed. But they couldn’t handle their ass, and team after team whizzed by them and Ari & Staella. In the history of TAR, there’s never been a team that went out first which would have been a problem for viewers in future episodes. We had teams that invoked indifference (Matt & Ana, John & Scott), nice teams that seemed ill-prepared for the long haul (Gina & Sylvia, Debra & Steve, the Black family), and teams whose early departures were a crying shame (Deidre & Hillary, Avi & Joe, Ryan & Chuck, Bilal & Sa’eed, John Vito & Jill), but never an appalling team. And yet, here were two of the stubbornest donkeys around, honking and braying their respective teams into oblivion. I have to say, it was awesome.

Eventually, Jennifer & Nathan managed to get their donkey moving and finish tenth. Ari & Staella, on the other hand (or hoof), got the first elimination. Maybe this is an omen for the remainder of the season. Maybe it’s just pure luck that events shook out the way they did. But as Survivor: China staggers to what will probably be an unsatisfactory conclusion, The Amazing Race has gotten off to a great start. Here's hoping the jackasses that walk on two legs don't screw it up.

TAR Stars: Loathing & More Loathing

“What if.” That’s the most annoying and haunting question anybody can ask. You wonder if you should have zigged instead of zagged, gone down instead of up. For The Amazing Race: All-Stars, you can’t help but to ask that question over and over.

What if John Vito and Jill had better navigational skills? What if Drew didn’t fall down and go boom? Better yet, since he had gotten injured in a fight where he works as a court officer, what if the producers had the chance to replace him and Kevin with a healthy, popular team?

What if David & Mary weren’t a television exec’s dream come true, two Kentuckians going into the world for the first team. What if Rob & Amber hadn’t had the leg from hell, breaking their lucky streak in Argentina? What if Uchenna & Joyce had played conservatively in leaving Poland, not going for broke when they had a lead? What if Oswald & Danny had elected to make the noodles instead of going for the nostalgia trip with the dragon drum?

Most importantly, what if producers Bertram Van Munster and Elise Doganieri decided not to cast two people who had originally race as parts of separate teams? Well, we probably would have been spared one of the most depressing endings in the history of The Amazing Race.

You can probably imagine the mood at TARCon as Eric & Danielle arrive on the mat for the win. Save for a few wiseasses, I don’t think anybody wanted those two to triumph. Like I said before, I would rather have wanted beauty queens Dustin & Kandice to win, or Charla & Mirna. How upset was I? While venting to my camera, I actually said that I would have wanted Ramber to have won. And I said that with a straight face.

And how did the Stink and the Pink pull off the win? By winning one of the dumbest tasks created since a mere deep dish Chicago pizza stood in the way of Freddy and Kendra’s million bucks. One person from each team would answer four questions on what they thought of other racers, then enter numbers into an electronic safe. Then the other person would look at the questions and try to guess the combination. And Danielle finally does something right for once, as she get the combination before the others could. Next thing I know, Phil’s congratulating Stink & Pink, and butthead Jeremy’s giving his boy Eric love over the phone. I responded the only way I knew how: lots of booing and a middle finger. I don’t care if it was immature. So is Eric.

In the end, Eric & Danielle will go down as one of the luckier teams in the show’s history. They are the first pair to win only one leg en route to total victory. All this with Eric treating Danielle like crap more than half the time. Even worse, in an “Elimination Station” interview on CBS.com, John Vito & Jill were happy with the end result, because Danielle is from Staten Island like them. First of all, I’m from Staten Island (or “The Rock,” as JV calls it), and I sure as hell wasn’t happy. Secondly, if JVJ had faced Eric & Danielle in any event, they probably would have smoked the Stink and the Pink. If you’ve seen Jill on TAR3, you know exactly what I mean. That girl was all but fearless going through four continents. One time, she fell down and didn’t even give herself time to go “boom” before picking herself up and running. Basically, Danielle is the anti-Jill. And John Vito cannot tell me that he would be applauding Eric and not think, “Man, I can take this guy. I really, really could.” To think...of all the Islanders to get on reality shows, the good (JVJ and Drew, Nitro G, Stacy Carmona from Murder In Small Town X) and the bad (Island-born Nathan from Survivor: Cook Islands, Danni from my alumnus Wagner College, the various guidos from both of MTV’s True Life episodes based on the Island)...and Danielle was the first to win? Damn.

Eric & Danielle entered TAR as losers, and they leave as losers with $1 million between them. They have confirmed that they are no longer a couple, which means that Danielle is free to date guidos from Staten Island, and Eric is free to date...guidos from Staten Island. Hey, I’ve heard stuff about his preferences. I did laugh at one forum poster who were torn as to what Eric would buy with his share of the money: two $250,000 hookers, or 250,000 $2 hookers. Mean? Yes. Sick? Probably. But if it helps me through to the start of TAR12, I won’t mind
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That’s all for the venting. Next time, I’ll go over the pomp and circumstance of TARCon, the best way for me to take the pain away.

Countdown to TARCon

"It could be worse."

This is what I keep thinking. I’m heading to TARCon tomorrow night, where the diehard fans of The Amazing Race convene for the season finale, and I keep thinking that, over and over, a mantra to keep away the thought of another dismal finish. Through crappy eliminations, poorly-planned legs, and Danielle’s barely concealed cleavage, I keep thinking: "It could be worse."

With the exception of Survivor: Fiji, The Amazing Race: All-Stars is a better reality show to watch than anything else. The Apprentice? Totally irrelevant at this point. American Idol? Hijacked by a voting bloc dedicated to keeping the less-talented in contention. Dancing With The Stars? I don’t follow that, but the phone voting raises the same questions as AI, especially with Master P – a rapper with all the mobility of a tree – lasting a few episodes too long two seasons back. The Real World: Denver? Fighting, fornicating, and the biggest psycho ever seen in the form of Brooke. Road Rules: Viewers Revenge? If I get started on that show and the all-new, all-ugly Axis of Ass, I will never stop. So yeah...even at its worse, The Amazing Race is still the superior reality program to watch.

The finale still has the prospect of being very painful. We start with Charla & Mirna, the quarreling cousins. These two hail from the show’s fifth season, where the producers went for broke and gave viewers enough gaudy contestants to get viewers’ attention, like beauty queens and a Big Brother runner-up with her dummy boyfriend. The big draw of Charla & Mirna was Charla being a little person. They performed well enough in TAR5, securing several second-place finishes before their elimination. The big problem wasn’t Charla’s height, but the space between Mirna’s ears. Sadly, these two haven’t improved much in their second go-round, starting with three straight eighth-place finishes before they managed to catch fire. Mirna still seems intent on making everybody miserable, she still puts on broken accents, and she still insists on being pushy to everybody she meets. As much as people adore Charla, they seem oblivious to her not being much better than her kooky cousin. There’s Mirna putting the squeeze on an airline agent...and there’s Charla underneath the desk. The cousins (or "Charla & Snarla," as I like to think of them) have gotten too lucky for too long...and yet, they’re a far better alternative as winners than the next team.

Meet Eric & Danielle. In the ninth season, Eric was running with best buddy Jeremy, while Danielle floundered and faltered with Danni. Apparently, Eric’s juvenile flirting rubbed off on Danielle, and they became a couple...an ugly, loud, eyeroll-inducing couple. These two are the latest in a very long line of racing couples that bicker and nag at each other while going deeper and deeper into the race. Eric hasn’t evolved at all from his first season, he doesn’t seem to be in sync with his partner, and he takes things too seriously. When they were Yielded by Dustin & Kandice, he got pissy, calling them "dirty pirate hookers." Ron Burgandy, this idiot isn’t. He pitched a similar fit when they were Yielded later, this time by Oswald & Danny. From what I heard, his biggest rant didn’t make the cut on television, but it was very ugly. Danielle races and acts as well as she did the first time: poorly, and with barely-covered breasts. Worse yet, she’s from my home borough of Staten Island, which has yet to field a winner in any reality show. Sadly, Danielle is closer to that goal than John Vito & Jill, the darling and hot team from TAR3 who displayed the same sense of direction as in their first go-round, getting eliminated first this season. Nine times out of ten, Jill would hand Danielle her ass on a platter, but I guess we’ll never see my hypothesis tested.

By process of elimination, I feel the need to root for beauty queens Dustin & Kandice, who placed fourth in TAR10. Back then, they raced competently enough that Phil Keoghan kept bugging them about their chances for becoming the first all-female team to win the race. They wound up placing behind Lyn & Karlyn, two women who had zero business finishing third. Then again, if that didn’t happen, they wouldn’t have gotten an invite to appear on The Early Show, they wouldn’t have come to TARCon with several older women in their entourage, and I wouldn’t have seen at least one of them rock out to "Sweet Home Alabama" playing on the jukebox. Anyway, both teams feuded, and the beauty queens kept calling their rivals the "sistas." Ugly? Sure...but I figured maybe Lyn & Karlyn reminded the queens of the fellas who raped Andy in The Shawshank Redemption. This season, Dustin & Kandice have raced well enough with a few bobbles here and there. Why root for them? They have four leg wins (to two from Charla & Mirna and zlich from Stink & Pink), they race competently enough, and I finally found a mnemonic to tell them apart (Kandice: girlier name, curlier hair). Sure, the "all-female" title was taken by the winners of the inaugural season of The Amazing Race: Asia, but I’d put my money on the beauty queens.

As you can tell, I just want this season to be over...and even then, I’m dreading CBS dropping an "America’s Choice" fan vote, where the overhyped and overrated get big money (lookin’ at you, Rupert). Sure, the good moments weren’t that many (Ramber’s colossal flameout, Charla in knight’s armor falling down twice, any moment with Oswald & Danny where they weren’t sweating a task). Yeah, this season couldn’t really be called "the best of the best," especially with David & Mary and a banged-up Drew running. And the redemption of teams of Team Guido and Teri & Ian got cut off as they got eliminated (as least the Guidos get to take part in the celebration this time, instead of being stranded some 4,000 miles away). In summary, this won’t go down as the best season in the show’s history. Heck, some folks actually consider it to be the worse.

So why am I pumped up for this show? Because my aderaline gets pumping watching every week. Because I learn new stuff at every location shown. Because I end up caring who stays in the game and who gets eliminated. Because Phil Keoghan kicks the ass of every other reality show host. And because thanks to TARCon, I know that I’ll never be alone in watching this show and taking it too seriously. No matter who wins tomorrow night, I know that I’ll have fun either way.

TAR Stars: Frats All, Folks

Q. What's worse that watching one of your favorite teams become the first team eliminated?

A. Watching one of your favorite teams get eliminated in one extremely painful episode.

Back during TAR1, Kevin & Drew were the "it" team of the season. Yeah, Rob & Brennan seemed nice, and Frank & Margarita's relationship made for compelling drama, but the Frats were funny, savy and successful. Their feud with Team Guido felt like a battle between good and evil, right up until their final fight in the streets of Beijing, where the Guidos pulled victory from the jaws of defeat. At that time, TAR fans figured there couldn't be a worse elimination scene.

Cut to last Sunday. Drew had fallen down in the previous leg. He suffered altitude sickness, requiring oxygen treatment during the twelve-hour eat/sleep/mingle period. There was a report that Drew had been hurt in his job as a court officer when he got involved in a brawl. So there he is at the pit stop mat, walking away from Phil as the host was ready to drop the elimination boot. All Drew wanted was something to cover his head. Given the two legs he and Kevin had run, he might have wanted a paper bag instead.

In the last few weeks, the TAR-based threads on Television Without Pity's forums have been peppered with cries of "Why did they go on the show if Drew wasn't healthy?" and "I never saw the first season...what did people see in these jokers?" I can forgive those posters...TAR1 was a great time, and I can't recommend getting the DVD enough, even if it means waiting until it was half-off like I did. But as the Frats tried to claw their way to the middle of an increasingly dysfunctional pack, they shot themselves in the foot. The worst part was Kevin driving 40 kilometers per hour. That wasn't so bad, but they had missed the sign saying that they could increase their speed. While other teams whizzed past them, the Frats were sizing them up for time penalties. The worst part was the editors going back to a "50 kph" sign over and over. It's a tact used to make teams look stupid, and it's like hitting a bad puppy with a rolled-up newspaper. Except...it's the Frats getting smacked. That just feels wrong to me. I'm biased as hell towards the Frats, so I can never be impartial.

Since I hate myself, I watched Lynn & Alex's commentary on Reality Remix. They were outraged...OUTRAGED!...that Drew walked away. Along with host Kennedy (yeah, she's still around), they bayed for Drew to show some respect. At the end of the segment, they pointed out how Kevin & Drew cheated on the Roadblock. "When you cheat and lose," one of them snarked, "you suck!" I agree, but I have a few corrections:

1. The Roadblock was performed by Kevin, not Kevin & Drew.

2. Kevin didn't intentionally cheat...when Mary gave her answer to the guy handing out the clues, she actually said the correct answer out loud. The thing with Mary is that neither she nor husband David are smart Racers. While I argue with the notion that they are to TAR what Rupert Boneham was to Survivor, I agree that these two should never have been invited back.

3. Lynn & Alex couldn't carry Drew's jock. They're scumbags. They all but accused Amber of having anorexia, and now they're praising Ramber's racing skills. Are they hypocrites, or are they following orders since Ramber has a show on Fox Reality? They gave shit to the lovely organizers of TARCon. And the worst offense? I heard they made fun of Carissa Gaghan trying to hold back the tears when her family got eliminated in TAR8. And now they're misrepresenting what happened just to be vicious. I'd tell them both to go to hell, but since they're on Fox Reality, I'd say they're already there.

Wow...I guess I disagreed with the analysis after all.

I have the right to be cranky. Not only did I see another nice team go, but now Danielle is the only Staten Islander left...and she didn't deserve to be running in the first place. Also, David & Mary continue to suck, Mirna is back to being a shrill harpy, and even Charla had a huge fit. Over what? I don't remember. All I remember was they were following a cab, Dustin & Kandice were following them, and next thing I know, Charla and Mirna are screaming at the cabbie and genuflecting like crazy. If they're not out in the next two episodes, I will be shocked.

And yes, freakin' Ramber won another leg...I think they're the first team to win the first two legs. On the bright side, Oswald & Danny finished a strong second again. A few weeks ago, I pointed out how players who won all-star editions of Big Brother and Survivor hailed from the second seasons of their respective shows. Now chew on this: Kevin & Drew were fan favorites from the first season of TAR, and they were the second team eliminated. Rudy Boesch was the fan favorite of the original Survivor, and he was the second person eliminated. Hey, with my two favorite teams gone, I have to take whatever joy I can get.

TAR Stars: The First Cut Is The Deepest

Happier times: JVJ & Me, TARCon4 (2003)

While I was writing my post on Sunday, I was aware that something could go wrong with the first episode of The Amazing Race: All-Stars. In each season, there's never a team that you knew you could do without. We had somewhat blah pairs (Matt & Ana, Scott & John), nice folks who probably would've been toast if they lasted longer (Deidre & Hillary, Gina & Sylvia, Debra & Steve), and fun duos whose absence in subsequent legs made their seasons a little less fun (Avi & Joe, Ryan & Chuck, Vipul & Arti). Also, there were Dennis & Erika (the formerly engaged couple, she liked to skydive naked), the Black Family of Family Edition (perhaps the most unfortunately surrnamed team in reality show history) and Bilal & Sae'ed (cut out of TAR10 in the middle of the leg).

So there I was, painfully aware that a team I had liked in the past might be the first to be sent packing. I had the Frats, the Chas, the Guidos (had them to win) and Uchenna & Joyce (they did slay Ramber two years ago). The team that got eliminated first? Naturally, it was John Vito & Jill, the ones closest to me. And the worst part? They basically went out the same way as they did in their last outing

Here's the thing about JVJ: they showed strength in TAR3, as well as mental stability (looking at you, Flo), but they constantly bled time throughout the race. Some of it wasn't totally their fault, but they had lots of navigational problems. The biggest turning point came in the ninth leg. After finishing last in the previous episode, they went for the Fast Forward. You could see the wheels turning in their minds: Get the Fast Forward, win the leg, and don't worry about elimination for another two legs. Up until that point, there had never been back-to-back nonelimination legs.

JVJ broke off from the other four teams, hit a cabin in the Swiss Alps, and ate blocks of cheese to uncover the location of the Pit Stop. It seemed like everything was going to plan...until Flo & Zach got the break they needed when they didn't get eliminated. In the following leg, the teams went to Malaysia, JVJ struggled with the Detour, and couldn't catch up to Teri & Ian to the Pit Stop. As a result, JVJ got eliminated, and it was the start of the fall of TAR3...but that's another story.

Back to the current season: JVJ reached their bags first. They got to the ticket counter first, and they figured out that the flight that departed second would arrive in Ecucador first. At the end of the day, they managed to be in the front of the pack. Even better, in the "other teams talk about Rob & Amber" segment of the show, John Vito gave us this: "I've had enough of Rob & Amber, and I think that America may have also." As if I couldn't love the big fella any more than I already did.

The next day, the teams were let go in three groups, fifteen minutes apart. They had to go to Cotopaxi Park and make it to Hacienda Yanahurco...ideally at the north entrance. Rob & Amber and Oswald & Danny (the eventual top two teams for this leg) went for the same tact: speak Spanish and get taxis for themselves to follow. JVJ found a guy for him and Jill to follow. Eventually, JVJ finds out that they've been going the wrong way. While this is going on, every other team makes it to the park, and JVJ hit the south entrance. It came down to a race between JVJ and a struggling Kevin & Drew to not get eliminated...and since three people in there are Staten Islanders and proven fan favorites, I get depressed. If the editing is to be believed, the Frats managed to get to the Pit Stop before JVJ even got to the Detour. And just like that, my heart gets shattered every bit as bad as when they got eliminated the first time.

On Monday, I forced myself to watch Reality Remix, with commentary from unfunny and bitchy gay couple Lynn & Alex. They claimed that JVJ was the only team they didn't know about. So they knew who Teri & Ian were, but not JVJ? How does that work? They likened JVJ to the expendable slutty girl that gets killed off in horror movies. Then then declared that Kevin & Drew will be eliminated next, labelling them "the fat guys" and, according to Lynn, "they're going to roll themselves right off the track." As you can tell, I love to make myself suffer. Happily, the producers didn't want to punish their viewers by casting those twits, so they're stuck on Fox Reality where they belong.

It's been tough rooting for John Vito & Jill. First came the heart-breaking elimination in TAR3. Then came the news that they were no longer a couple. I mean, if the lovey-doviest couple around couldn't make it work, then what hope did the rest of us have? When I saw John Vito at TARCon9, I couldn't ask him for details. It wasn't any of my business, and I didn't have the stomach to ask if JV was dating Erika, or if he brought her to the party as a friend. And now, I have to settle for watching JVJ on "Elimination Station" on CBS.com, where viewers can check out eliminated teams as they're sequestered. Seeing them wander the grounds by themselves was painful to watch, and I'm pretty sure they're not going to become a couple again. It's like have a favorite aunt and uncle divorce; they're cool as singles, but you can't imagine them apart, and you wouldn't want to do that. As a heterosexual guy, I should be thrilled that Jill is on the market (as far as I know), but she looked so much better with John Vito than she would with me.

There was a lot more to the first episode, but I'm not in the mood to going over Rob & Amber coming out in front yet again, Teri & Ian finishing in the top three (something they needed eight legs to achieve on their own merits in TAR3), David & Mary freakin' fawning over Ramber and finishing behind eighth-place Charla & Mirna (didn't finish below fifth until their elimination in TAR5), and poor Drew getting banged up as he and Kevin finished in tenth. Right now, JVJ is gone, and The Amazing Race: All-Stars is poorer for it.

The Return

I'm back. Not that anybody cares. Hell, I didn't care for the longest time. I never wanted to be somebody who would blog every day, regardless of how crappy I felt at the time.

I guess apathy played a huge part...I started this blog after I was tossed out by a certain reality-based website, and the need to recap faded away over time. Meanwhile, those really noxious ogres still chug along. When I read their yearly recap and saw they rated Will Kirby and Mike Malin over the likes of Survivor superstars Yul Kwon and Cirie Fields, I almost threw up. Then again, in last year's edition, not only did they not put Tom Westman -- the ass-kicking silver fox who dominated Survivor: Palau -- in their top 40 personalities list, they inserted Wanda Shirk. Remember her? Lasted about 36 hours on the show? So at least the dopes running the site are improving.

I've been keeping busy. For one thing, I'm freelancing for a free bimonthly magazine whose head honcho loves my work. Also, I'm gearing up for next weekend's New York Comic Con. You might have heard about their disasterous debut last year, when the fire marshall shut the place down for an hour or two, where people who had their tickets paid in advance were turned away, and where I found myself in a pissed-off mob, pressed against a wall, wondering if it was worth it to have gone to McDonald's before the proverbial fecal matter hit the fan. The good news is that there will be more room in the Javits Center to manuever. The potential bad news? The plans were made before folks like Stephen Colbert and Hayden Panettiere (Claire Bennet from Heroes) signed on. All it takes is for Masi Oka screaming "YATTA!" in a panel room, and everybody gets locked out again.

The real reason I'm writing is because the latest edition of The Amazing Race debuts tonight. This time, it's an "all-star" season, which doesn't bode well, given the past history of similar editons of established CBS shows. I'll ignore Big Brother, since that's the Special Olympics of the genre. Any show where a grown man who asks people to call him "Boogie" wins $500,000 is not that important. Survivor: All-Stars was crap from beginning to end, what with a naked Richard grinding on Susan's ass, Susan's subsequent freakout about it followed by her departure, and Amber and Rob taking on the likes of Jenna, Tom and Rupert. Look at those last three names. Do any of them strike you as the least bit intelligent? For me, the season peaked with Shii Ann holding off elimination by winning immunity, followed by her rubbing it in the other contestants' faces and calling them "stupid, stupid people" in an interview. Even if she wasn't the snarky "Shii Devil" I grew to love on Survivor: Thailand, I couldn't argue with her.

Anyway, it took months of speculation before the offical cast list was announced. It was like waking up on Christmas morning and opening presents, with Kevin & Drew represented by the Wii, while the likes of Eric & Danielle and Teri & Ian were the tube socks with premade holes. A lot of teams rumored to be in the race missed the cut, such as Kris & Jon (brightest spot of the abymisal TAR6), Kelly & Jon (rumored to have passed) and Dave & Lori (the nerds from TAR9). The biggest guns missing were Colin & Christie, since she was pregnant. Chip & Kim didn't get invited, provoking the usually mellow Chip to have a snit fit (justified in my opinion). Don't get me started on the exclusion of Ken & Gerard, two of the funniest guys who still had hair on their heads, fleeting as that may be.

So who do we have to contend with starting tonight? Let's run down the Racers...

Dustin & Kandice: Easily the strongest all-female team in the show's history. Sadly, these beauty queens were bratty last season, and I can't tell them apart unless they're wearing their "NY" and "CA" shirts.

David & Mary: Everybody's pick to be the first team eliminated. While their "rural couple meets new people" storyline was cute, their racing skills were very poor, and Mary had a tendacy to crack the whip on her husband. Also, I saw a clip on The Early Show where they're at an airport book store, and they freakin' fawn over Rob & Amber. Dammit, didn't Roise O'Donnell get you some dignity to go along with your new house?!?

Eric & Danielle: They're the weird "mixed" team, as Jeremy and Dani sit this one out. While Eric & Jeremy did a decent job in TAR9, I do remember that Danielle & Dani didn't exactly strike fear in the hearts of other teams. On the other hand, at least they got an invite that BJ & Tyler may have recieved instead.

Uchenna & Joyce: The only winning team racing this season. While they're very athletic and focused, it took a small reality show miracle for them to win TAR7, and that was probably the result of Joyce getting her head shaved in India for that to happen. If Ramber ends up getting eliminated, the pressure will be off this couple.

Rob & Amber: Why? Okay, they did dominate TAR7 with a vengeance, and they deserved the spot. But I am so tired of seeing them. I'm tired of hearing stuff like "reality royalty" to describe them. And I am tired of Rob bitching and whining about how he was robbed of a million bucks the last time. Guess what, Robby? Second place looks so good on you! Deal with it!

Charla & Mirna: Another team that gets in on "popularity." Look, I have no beef with Charla's lack of size. Problem is, she keeps going on about how she can do stuff normal people can, and doing stuff like biting into hundreds of chocolates to find one with a white center isn't my idea of normal. But Charla's even more lovable compared to her cousin, who had half of the teams in TAR5 ready to kill her at the drop of a hat. I did hear about a new strategy of theirs: Charla has those kiddie shoes with the wheels in them, and Mirna will drag her whenever possible. That alone would be worth seeing them in action.

Teri & Ian: What galls me about these two is the revisionist history CBS is willing to teach about these two. The official site on CBS.com calls them "one of the fan favorites from all the seasons of Race." Really? These two basically bickered their way through TAR3, lucked out in surviving each leg only when another team did worse, and managed to finish second, which was as big of a bummer as Flo & Zach winning. If I hear Ian yell "Time to hump!" or Teri break out the paper underwear, my head will make an appointment with the nearest wall.

John Vito & Jill: My people, and not just because I interviewed them way back in 2002. The team that didn't race well enough to thrive, but looked classy (and hot) doing it. However, these two are no longer a couple, and I'm not sure how that will affect them. All I hope for is that they remain civil to each other and to the other teams. And if they're still cool at the end and make the final episode, I might go to TARCon wearing the camo pants they love to sport.

Oswald & Danny: Better known as Team Cha-Cha-Cha, these fabulous gay guys ran TAR2 well, killing locals with kindness and managing to freak out their opponents with their zen-like racing tactics. Apparently, there was a falling out between the pair (not couple...never a couple), but they're back on good terms. They're probably going to bow out in the early going, but isn't that what some people thought the first that around? Besides, Amber came from the second season of Survivor and she won All-Stars, and Mike Malin also hailed from the second Big Brother...and Oswald & Danny are the only team from TAR2. Something to think about.

Joe & Bill: Am I crazy for thinking that "Team Guido" will win? I know they're the oldest team running this season, but their extensive travelling experience has to be an asset. With bunching more prevelant than in TAR1, the odds of a "Guido edit" (stranded in Alaska as the top two teams finished in New York) happening again are slim to none. Also, I don't think they'll be as evil as their first time out. I've met them a few times, and they don't seem to be mean-spirited and arrogant...as opposed to Richard Hatch, who's probably keeping that attitude up even in the slammer.

Kevin & Drew: The biggest "no-brainer" selection. The bald frat brothers parlayed their fame into guest spots on Rosie, their own reality show on the Discovery Channel (which I recapped), and handing out clues to teams on TAR8. These two weren't slouches in TAR1, winning three legs and staying in contention for most of the way. They're also responsible for some of the funniest lines in the show's history. I can't say how far they'll get this time around, but it should be a fun trip.

Hopefully, I'll get motivated enough to write about the new season as it runs. Also, I should go over my time at the NYCC, as well as the upcoming trip to The Colbert Report next Wednesday. Who knows...maybe I'll get to recapping the Challenge again. Yeah, right. Don't hold your breath on that.

Adventures in Baltimore

I don’t remember much about the vacation I took with my family to Baltimore in 1994. I recall my father was jazzed since one of his favorite shows – Homicide: Life On The Street – was set in Baltimore. I had gotten tickets to an Orioles game, but the players’ strike left us taking a tour of Orioles Park at Camden Yards instead, as well as a trip to Bowie to see the Bowie Baysox of the Eastern League. I’m pretty sure we went to the Inner Harbor a few times. And I recall buying Green Lantern #0 and Starman #0 while I was down there. I’m sure I got two other comics, but I can wait on figuring out what they were.

As you know, I live near New York City, home of DC and Marvel Comics. Up until this year, New York didn’t have a major comic convention. Then came the New York Comic Con, a three-day event that turned into a full-blown disaster, what with the limited space and the fire marshal shutting the Javits Center down for a few hours. I needed something meatier. San Diego? Too far and too expensive. Chicago? Ditto. Toronto? I’d have a free room with Stephen, but the airfare got jacked up, and a twelve-hour train ride would be a hassle. In the end, I went with Baltimore, which is where I’m writing this.

Actually, I’m in Linthicum, which is near the local airport. Even though I decided to drive down here, the shuttle service allowed access to the light rail system, which takes me to the convention center. Throw in a good deal ($89 per night), and I was sold.

Friday

After packing up, checking a few last things online and having a quick breakfast, I was off on my journey. Getting to Linthicum was mostly simple...just take the New Jersey Turnpike the whole way south, breeze past Delaware, and make a few turns. Happily, I didn’t get any major scares, although I did have to gas up twice. The second time was a little messed up, when a gas attendent was asking me about a runaway fugitive who was hiding in upstate New York. The guy had a thick accent and no front teeth. I don’t know what was scarier...that guy, or the price I had to pay for gas.

I ended up screwing up, making one wrong turn and getting a tour of suburban Linthicum. I finally lucked into a parking lot near the airport and I got good directions. After rolling around trying to right the right hotel, I found my destination.

The room is a beauty. Sure, I take a hit in terms of television choices, but so what? I have a refrigator, a microwave (which I won’t use) and an ethernet connection (which I can’t use). It’s a big room, and it should be comfy for tonight and tomorrow.

After unpacking, I took the shuttle service to the light rail, and proceeded to Camden Yards. I bought a Left Field Lower Box for $27, then entered the park. The place is about a decade old and it’s held up well. After getting a pork sandwich at Boog’s Bar-B-Q, I settled into my seat. There was one small problem....the Orioles were hosting the Yankees, and lots of their fans decided to make the trip south to basically act like idiots. Really, nothing’s as bad as a Yankee fan rubbing superiority in your face. There were lots of them in my section, and they were loud. It could have been worse...in another section, I saw four Yankee fans escorted out. Naturally, they were waving their arms, happy with getting the heave-ho.

Surprisingly, the second-rate Orioles actually kicked some ass. Melvin Mora hit a two-run homer than landed one section to my left in the first inning. The O’s tacked on five runs in the second inning – three driven in on a Jay Gibbons homer – and chased Cory Lidle out of the game. The Yankees got two runs in the third, and that was as dangerous as they got against Erik Bedard. The only dark spot was that Alex Rodriguez didn’t screw up in a major way...he went 1-for-3 with a sacrifice fly. Joe Torre ended up replacing most of the lineup with rookies in the last few innings, and Craig Wilson got a two-run homer off Brian Burres, who was pitching in his first game in the majors (2/3s of an inning, one strikeout), but Julio Manon got Thompson to fly out to left field for the final out. If only the drubbing shut up the Yankee fans.

I made it back to the airport, where I screwed up where I was supposed to way for the shuttle. I ended the night by getting dessert (animal crackers from a vending machine) and going online at the business office.

I’m looking forward to tomorrow. I have my sketchbook (29 entries so far), some references, and money. I’ve been told that the Baltimore Comic Con is mellower than the bigger cons. I’ll see for myself.

Addendum: In Camden Yards, they don’t play “God Bless America” in the middle of the seventh inning...they go with “Take Me Out To The Ballgame.” I miss that. Also, when I got a hot dog inside the back, the average age of the folks working the stand had to be at least 65.

Saturday

It was deja vu all over again.

About 90 minutes into the Baltimore Comic Con, somebody pulled a fire alarm. Not quite the same as the overcrowded Javits Center in Feburary, but there I was, waiting outside the Baltimore Convention Center, waiting to get back in. On a surreal note, Lou Ferigno – the Incredible Hulk himself – was five feet from me. That wasn’t the weirdest comic con experience I had...that would be the Sofitel Hotel in Chicago back in 2001, when Kenny Baker (the fella inside R2-D2) asked me how my breakfast was.

I got the morning started right...the hotel offers a free contiential breakfast. The best part: making my own waffles. I’m serious about this. They have cups of batter laid out. You pour the stuff into one of two irons (either four little waffles or a single one), flip the iron over for two minutes, then flip it back, open up and enjoy. Very yummy. Wish I could say the same about the convention at first.

The con hit a discouraging note at first...a few artists I wanted sketches from were charging big bucks. One of my faves was asking for $100 for pencils, inks and shadowing. It would look great, but it was outside my price range. One hundred bucks here, $50 there, $75 with this guy...not good.

The convention is small compared to the big shows in San Diego, Chicago and Toronto. It’s kind of like the Big Apple Con, only better laid out and fewer z-list celebrities (no offense to Lori Petty, who will appear at the con next week. The rest? No apologies, guys). I recognized dealers by their layouts...I’ll never remember their names, but I can sniff out what I want, even though I left my list back at my room.

As for sketches, I got four today. Three were free, and I got the fourth for buying two comics. I’m not above paying, but my ceiling is usually $25, $50 if I really like the creator. I had gotten Marvel Comics villianess Nightshade from Bob Almond back in New York, so I hit up Bill Willingham for a quick head shot of Nightshade from Shadowpact, a DC Comics heroine. I also got sketches from Alex Robinson (Ray Beam from Tricked), Michael Avon Oeming (Dr. Manhattan, Watchmen), and Pop Mhan (Edward Elric, Fullmetal Alchemist). My big day will come tomorrow, because I did something kinda stupid, yet totally cool.

There I was at a DC Comics panel, relaxing from the grind and listening to A-list talent (Mark Waid, Kurt Busiek, Willingham, JG Jones, George Perez, Marv Wolfman, and Barry Kitson). Dan Didio (DC’s vice president and executive editor) asked the creators which character they’d like to kill off. Kitson goes into a story about a villain who had smokestacks on his back and fishnet stockings. Yes, it was a male. Kitson couldn’t remember the character’s name...he knew who drew it and what title it was from, but he was stumped on the name. So he made the audience an offer: find the issue, get a free sketch. Cut to me in my seat, light bulb above my head.

After the panel, I talked to Kitson to confirm the details, then I went down two floors to the con floor. In a few minutes, I found the guy: Bloodthrist, from Superman: The Man Of Steel. Ugly sucker. I paid $1 for it, went to Kitson’s table, got on line, waited until he returned, and I showed it to him. Ding ding ding, I was the first person with the book. I would have gotten the sketch today, but he had people in front of me sketch-wise. At Kitson’s request, I showed the issue to Didio. His reaction?? “Holy shit!” and “I’d kill him, too.”

The rest of the day was eventful. I had dinner at the ESPN Zone, walked around and got lost, and made it back to the hotel after 10 p.m. I also walked around the Inner Harbor, which reminded me of South Street Seaport back home, with all the shops and restaurants, and the smell of seawater. Last time I was at the Seaport, I didn’t keep track of Yankee fans. Today, they were out in force, in full colors. I guess Baltimore is to them as Philadelphia is to Mets fans...a place that’s close enough to root for the visiting team.

All in all, it was a good day...and I got at least five people who noticed my “The Fake News Is All I Need” t-shirt that I got in the mail from Glarkware on Thursday. I’ll hit Kitson and Danielle Corsetto for sketches tomorrow, look for more deals, then haul butt back to Staten Island tomorrow. Right now, I’m just going to pack up, take in some old-school Doctor Who on the local PBS station, and get some sleep.

Sunday

Long day. Lots of mistakes made. I checked out of the hotel, got on the highway, got off too early, and had to wait for a train before I could get back on track. From there, I wound up going back and forth between Kitson and Danielle, as both were busy sketching for other people. As a result, I couldn’t get sketches from any other artists. Not that this was a bad thing; I don’t know how many more freebies I could have squeezed from folks I merely kind of liked. It just got frustrating because I couldn’t find any deals on comics, at least before I got a copy of Justice League of America #0 at half-price. Also, I ended up misplacing my cell phone and camera, but I got both back. My mind? The jury is still out on whether I had one to begin with. In the end, I got an awesome sketch of Superman from Kingdom Come from Kitson. This goes nicely with past sketches from the groundbreaking miniseries of Red Robin and Kid Flash.

As for Danielle? I asked her if she was tired of drawing mostly female characters. She didn’t mind, because she wasn’t all that good drawing males. After some thought, I decided to have her sketch Monkey Woman from Who Wants To Be a Superhero?. Danielle had never seen the show before, and she was tickled when I explained it to her. She was also impressed by the picture I had brought of Monkey Woman from the show’s website. Also, she had folks read her sign-up list and get jazzed by my request. This is the final product, which goes great with her past sketches of Social Butterfly (Livewires) and Barbara Gordon (Birds of Prey).

I wanted to get out early to beat nightfall, but I lost. Aside from traffic congestion and the occasional raindrop, I made it back without major incident. It was the longest I’ve ever driven in one shot, and I’m impressed that I pulled it off. And the best part? I know that I can always come to Baltimore for my convention cravings. I just hope that Orioles aren’t playing the Yankees next time.

Five Years Later

I remember bits and pieces of the summer of 2001 before everything changed. I had an unpaid, uncredited internship at Travel Agent Magazine. I went to Wizard World in Chicago, staying at Hotel Sofitel for $99 and having Kenny Baker – the guy in the R2D2 unit in the original Star Wars movies – ask me about my breakfast. I went to Wrigley Field, a must-see destination for any true baseball fan. I watched the Staten Island Yankees many times in their new ballpark.

On September 9, I went into the city to the Sanrio (Hello Kitty) store, because Melissa Howard was doing a promotion there. Before you think I was stalker fanboy, we had been e-mailing each other off and on at the time. She was the second reality star I met after Judd Winick...and nine months later, I started my ritual visits to TARCon.

On September 10, I attended the first class of my final semester at New York University. I forget the title of the course. The teacher was Gary Belsky, who was an editor of ESPN: The Magazine at that time. I met familiar faces, swapped summer stories, the usual thing.

I had a plan for the following day. I wanted to get to NYU early, because I had to try and get some of my sketches scanned at the computer lab. My class for Tuesdays was Sports Journalism, taught by writer/editor Dr. William Serrin. I had taken Jounrnalistic History under him the previous year, and he was a fun guy to listen to. Heck, he even wore a New York Knights jacket, modelled after the fictional team from The National. Tuesday was going to be a good day.

I woke up to the sound of my clock radio, which was tuned to “Imus In The Morning” in those days. I heard Don Imus say something about a plane hitting the World Trade Center. I tried watching on the television in my room, but I wasn’t getting a signal. I had better luck with the cable, and I saw the unthinkable happen. Yeah, the Twin Towers had been bombed back in 1993, but we didn’t see this coming. I think we were used to bad stuff happening elsewhere...and we had stuff like the Oklahoma City bombing and the massacre at Columbine to deal with. But this was different.

I tried calling my mother...at the time, both buildings were still up. She worked on 32nd St., but the express bus she took went by that area. I remember calling the journalism department, telling that I might not be coming to school. I get back to the television, and one of the Towers was gone. Then the other one joined it.

I lost it. I really, really lost it. My grandmother called from Yonkers, telling me not to go to the city. You think? My grandfather called from Brooklyn, and he had to calm my blubbering down. I was all alone except for the family dog. Eventually, I found that my mother was on the Verrazano-Narrows Bridge at the time of the attack. She saw the planes hit the Towers from the express bus. She had seen death when my father passed on five years earlier, and she didn’t need to see that. Mom ended up in Brooklyn, and she managed to call me. She was okay...a wreck like me, but okay nonetheless.

I was lucky...I didn’t get killed, and I didn’t personally know anybody who died that day. I made a frantic phone call to my buddy Joe, and since I didn’t have online access at home, he had to relay my safety to our mutual friends. I was scared, but life had to go on. I vaguely remember going to a Bed, Bath & Beyond with Mom on Wednesday, which was painful enough without the lingering thoughts of “God, what happens now?” Of course, the new Barnes & Noble was closed down, and comic book delivery was bumped back a day. I got relief the following day with two books from my favorite writers: Judd Winick (The Adventures of Barry Ween v3 #4 and Christopher Priest (Black Panther #36). Hey, we needed comfort at the time.

I can’t say that life went back to normal by the time I was done with classes. As luck would have it, I had signed up to intern at the Villager, and they had an office near Canal Street, where non-residential vehicles were not allowed. One of the first stories I wrote had me interviewing reporters camped out along the West Side Highway. I did stories on cell phone service after 9/11, how Chinatown businesses struggled after 9/11, and other stuff I can’t recall. One story I wrote for class ended up in the Villager months after my internship was completed. In the aftermath of 9/11, several comic book companies scrambled to create stories for special tribute editions. I even got to interview Marvel Comics editor-in-chief Joe Quesada for the story, as I called him from one of the classrooms, frantically scrambling to write down his responses.

I wish I could say that 9/11 affected me for the better. I’m still the same person, just trying to live the best that I can. There are times where I felt guilty taking air meant for other people, but that thought went away. But anytime I see ads for movies about the events, I think “Too soon, too soon.” I don’t care how beautiful the films could be, I just can’t bear to remember what happened. I can imagine being on a plane like that, but I shouldn’t. Anytime I get on a plane, I wonder if this might be the last time. It’s not an overwhelming fear, but it’s something that never would have gotten in my head if not for that day when the world changed.

To be honest, I’m not sure what I’m saying here. I don’t live in fear, but I’m cautiously optimistic. I try to think of the best about most people, trying not to follow others and suspecting people based on race. I had a professor who came from Iran back when I was at Wagner College. I guess the bottom line for me is that I’m glad to be alive, and that I should never try and waste my life.

If you want to read something with a lot more meaning, try “They Missed” by Gail Simone, published on September 13. I met her online on Jonah Weiland’s message boards for Kingdom Come in 1996. While she would become a critically-acclaimed comic book writer, Gail nailed what happened that day and put a positive spin on it.

Lounging In Linthicum

I did it. Took me about four hours, an obscene amount of money for gas, and an encounter with a gas attendant missing his front teeth, but I made it to Linthicum, MD. Why have I come out here? Because I will be attending the Baltimore Comic Con for the next two days.

I had been yearning to hit a big con for a while now. While I would have liked to go back to Toronto and stay at Stephen's place for the Canadian National Expo, the price for a plane ticket got jacked up. Meanwhile, the Baltimore con wasn't as far, and I landed a great deal on a hotel. After contemplating coming over by plane, train and bus, I elected to drive down there, which is the longest I've ever driven in one shot.

How did I spend the evening? When I first came to Baltimore on a family trip in 1994, I got tickets to see the Orioles at Camden Yards, the wicked-cool retro stadium. Naturally, that was the year the players went on strike, and we had to settle for a stadium tour. Tonight, I found myself in the left field seats, watching the Orioles beat the snot out of the Yankees. Not that the New York fans in attendance cared...nothing could shut them up.

The only bad news is that I can't get online from my room, since I don't have ethernet. Right now, I'm going online in a 24-hour business room. I'll write out my experiences on my laptop and put them up under "Adventures In Baltimore" when I get back home on Sunday. After that, I'll work on the final recaps of Who Wants To Be A Superhero?, because I got sidetracked by other stuff. The show's been over for little more than a week, but it's not far from my mind. In fact, I printed up images of two heroes in order to possibly get sketches this weekend. Can you guess which ones? I'll say this...I didn't print up Fat Momma. I have nothing against her, but I needed a pic without her looking crazy and/or holding a doughnut.

That's about it. The fun starts tomorrow, and I can't wait.