Recap Posted: February 21, 2003 (I can't find when it aired. I don't think it preempted the Challenge)
It seems like every time you turn
around, somebody from Real World or Road Rules is hooking up.
That may be because, well, every time you turn around, that is indeed what is
happening! MTV had a special on discussing the various hookups. Let’s take a
look.
We start
with an off-camera voice asking Theo to define a hookup. No, he’s not the Theo
currently on Battle of the Sexes. This is Theo from Road Rules:
Maximum Velocity Tour. He mulls on the question, his bright blue headband
sucking away at his brain. Aneesa (Real World: Chicago), Steven (RW:
Las Vegas) and Mike (RW: Back to New York) respond with “kissing,”
“sex,” and “getting busy.” Theo is still thinking. Kendal (RR: Campus Crawl)
thinks it’s something that lasts more than three seconds. Theo has an answer:
“A whole lot of patty cake.” I miss Theo.
Montage
of cast members getting intimate/cuddly/wild. An unseen narrator says that RW
and RR cast members hook up a lot. Coral (Back to New York) pops
up to deliver her classic line to Jisela: “Get off the ho train.” There’s more
kissing and embracing. Becky and Norman (RW: New York) kiss… wait a
minute! I know Norman doesn’t swing that way! What are you trying to pull, MTV?
There’s the one where Steven and Trishelle make out, while a frustrated Frank
points the finger gun at his own head. Cut to Trishelle: “I love to kiss boys.”
After the
title sequence, we get establishing shots of Los Angeles. Our narrator? Dan
Renzi of RW: Miami. Apparently Dan is so big nowadays, they let him use
his last name. Congratulations! His hair’s messed up, but it beats his “George
of the Jungle” coif in Sexes. Dan shows us the concept of this special:
to link nineteen RW and RR cast members together via hookups.
Dan
points out that most of these get-togethers take place in Los Angeles, which is
home to over 60 ex-cast members. He wonders why they’re all there. I try to
hold off my cynical comments. Theo says it’s safe, since other cast members
live there. Blair (RR: The Quest) believes it’s refreshing to go out and
hook up with somebody who doesn’t care about the show. Timmy (RR: USA)
thinks that the hookups happen because they’re in the same area. For some
reason, there’s a shot of Holly and Chadwick kissing, which makes me feel icky.
Dan
introduces a quick montage. Turns out that there have been 40 on-camera hookups
on both shows combined. In the interest of speeding up the story and not being
too anal, I’ll stick all of them on the back of this article. Highlights: Becky
getting too friendly with Bill the ex-director; the Melissa/Mike/Melody
threesome from RW: Miami; Rachel and Sean, along with their baby at the
2000 reunion. David (RW: Seattle) and his romance with casting director
Kira; Colin and Amaya (RW: Hawaii) getting romantic; and Malik (RW:
Back to New York) and Jisela (RR: The Quest) getting cuddly,
followed by Jisela kissing Kevin and Lori (both Back to New York), and
going topless for Blair (The Quest). It ends with Trishelle and Frank
kissing, from a recent episode of RW: Las Vegas. Cut to Arissa in the
confessional: “I feel like I’m in a porn that I can’t escape!”
Dan tells
us that some hookups don’t happen on camera. Jisela basically repeats what Dan
says. Theo notes that not having a hookup revealed is revenge on the producers
because they catch so much. “It’s like your sneaky little way of betraying the
universe,” he adds.
Back to
Dan, who promises to link two Back to New York cast members through
nineteen degrees of “spit-swapping separation.” He starts with Mike. Cut to
Mike in Miz-mode. I hate wrestling, and I hate the Miz. Mike gets links to his
love interest on Seasons, Tara (RR: Northern Trail). Mike
interviews that they clicked well, and they got to kissing. Cut to Mike totally
copping a feel. Mike continues, saying they tried to keep things secretive, and
that one cameraman kept following them around. There’s the scene where Tara
gets out of bed, sees the camera, and immediately flees to another room,
pretending to exercise.
Dan
narrates that before Mike, Tara was interested in Dan. Not that Dan; that would
be a miracle in itself. No, this Dan was on Northern Trail with her.
Shot of the couple making out on the beach. In an archive interview, Tara tells
us she’s never been in love before. Dan is scared of getting close. “What am I
talking about?” he adds. “She’ll probably get rid of me in two weeks anyway.”
Narrating Dan tells us that Dan and Tara are friends, and were partners on Seasons.
Next,
there’s Dan and Holly. I’ll clear it up: Hetero Dan and Holly from RR: Latin
America, who met on Challenge 2000. Holly hugs Dan after he
skydives. In an archived confessional, Holly says that Dan is the best friend
she’s ever had. Yeah, that is Dan’s effect on people. Teck pops up briefly,
saying that Dan has a girlfriend back home. In a present-day interview, Timmy
says that both of them denied that a hookup happened, but he doesn’t believe
them.
Next up:
Holly and Timmy. I never heard about that. Anyway, during Hurricane Julliette,
cast members weren’t allowed outside. Cut to the toga party, with Stephen and
his insane headdress, and Mike dry-humping Sharon. Good times. “We just spent
so much time together,” Timmy says, “sharing peanut butter, if you will.” Nice
euphemism. There’s a clip of Holly saying that the hurricane was a “huge
turning point,” but that’s probably not related to her and Timmy. He says that
she got so much flak about Dan, it was reason enough to keep it off-camera.
Timmy
also met Becky on Seasons. Wow, I’m learning so much. Timmy says that
nothing happened between them until after Seasons. There’s a “Wacky
Timmy” montage. He goes on about how he and Becky rarely talked, but they got
together afterwards. Theo says he’s glad they spent time together.
After
commercials, Trishelle thinks that RW cast members hook up more than RR.
Steven believes that the RRs seem to be “dirtier.” Blair: “I’d like to
think the guys from Road Rules are pimps.”
Dan comes
back to reiterate the concept. He adds that sometimes, cast members don’t
necessarily hook up with each other. Trishelle interviews that the only way to
go solo is very quietly. Cue Divinyls with “I Touch Myself.” Ew. Mike
interviews that he’d pretend to be sleeping. Aneesa heard some do it in the
shower. Theo talks about Stephen (RW: Seattle), and how he caught him
“just making out with himself. There were mirrors involved, and smoke.” Steven:
“I openly admitted to masturbating like a banshee.”
Dan is as grossed out as I am, so he suggests that Seasons was an ideal place for love connections. Timmy compares it to Spring Break. Theo: “If you’re a guy and you can’t hook up on the Challenge, you basically need to donate your penis to charity.” Dan tells us that Theo would say that, since he hooked up twice on Seasons. “Becky invited me over for a bowl of chowder,” Theo drawls, “which turned into ‘chowder and,’ if you know what I mean.” He goes on about how a director was trying to find Theo while he was hiding in Becky’s room.
Theo had
also spent time with Coral (Back to New York) on Seasons. I
remembered seeing the clips, so this didn’t shock me. Cut to shots of Theo and
Coral close to each other. Why didn’t BMP pick up that ball and run with it?
Theo says that they spent time with each other after Seasons.
Dan drops
a bomb: Coral has dated Steven. Suddenly, Coral drops ten points in my book.
Steven? Ick! Steven interviews that during the casting finals, the producers
brought in Coral to give him a hard time. Puddle of Mudd’s “She Hates Me” plays
in the background. Steven goes on, saying that they went out for coffee, and
thought there was electricity, but nothing happened. Mike adds that she liked
him but he didn’t want to be in a relationship with her. Okay, maybe Coral’s
judgment isn’t that bad, and the writers just needed an easy link to Steven.
Dan
introduces the obvious hookup of Steven and Trishelle. She interviews that they
were attracted to each other. Steven: “When we kissed, there was just something
was there.” Cue the Steven/Trishelle montage of dancing and cuddling in bed.
Trishelle admits that in an effort to get some action away from the cameras,
she accidentally locked herself under a stairwell. Steven knew they wouldn’t be
dating; only hooking up. Trishelle has no regrets, and they’re friends.
Dan comes
back, saying that Steven had ticked off Trishelle so bad at one point, she
hooked up with Eric. Man, I forgot most of RR: Campus Crawl. Aside from
the UTEP mission and Steven getting handcuffed in the hot tub, everything is a
blur after Sarah got voted off. Trishelle says that the producer asked her if
she did it to make Steven jealous. Cue Eric lifting Trishelle into a Jacuzzi.
Steven told her he didn’t care. From what I heard, the get-together of the
casts of Campus Crawl and Las Vegas was Hookup Central, where
almost everybody got lucky.
Steven
wasn’t the only one affected. “It was horrible!” Kendall laments with a smile.
“It was my worst nightmare!” Trishelle admits to not knowing about the RR
relationships. Dan sets the next degree of Eric and Kendall. Montage of
kissing, including them making out after they screwed up the first mission.
Kendall is embarrassed by some of the things he said. Cut to an archived Eric
confessional, saying he can’t get in a relationship with somebody who gets
angry. Cut to the fighting montage. There’s a shot of Kendall puking. Campus
Crawl was all about the vomit. Kendall reveals that she’s friends with
Eric, and they call each other for love advice.
Quick
digression: does anybody remember the video for Coolio’s “Too Hot”? It was
about people who had unprotected sex with each other. A would lie with B, B
with C, and so on (I remember a “Javier” and a “Loopy,” but that’s it). At key
moments, these people would burst into flames, combust, or turn to ash.
Somehow, this chain reminds me of the video. It’s probably just me being weird.
Back from
commercials, Dan goes over the chain from Mike to Kendall. After Campus
Crawl, Kendall dated Blair. That’s trading up, in my opinion. Blair
interviews that the premiere party for the show was at the Saddle Ranch where
he works. There’s a shot of Blair operating the mechanical bull. Maybe he tried
to waste those American Idol wannabes when they were flaunting their
credentials. They clicked immediately, going out for six months. Kendall adds
that they spent every waking moment together, but they just broke up because it
was time to do so.
Before
Kendall, Blair had gone out with Keri (RW: Chicago). That’s news to me.
Theo says that he spent New Year’s with them. Blair was happy about meeting a
girl who would go drinking with him until 2:30 am, then take him to a strip
club and buy drinks for him there. Not my idea of Nirvana, but that’ll work for
Blair. He adds that he didn’t take it to the next level, and they stayed
friends.
Of
course, Keri is linked to one of her housemates, Kyle. Or as some forum
dwellers dub him, “SpongeKyle Squarehead.” Montage of Keri/Kyle intimate
moments. Kyle from 2001: “We are very touchy-feely friends, and that’s fine,
because no man can be in constant restraint 24 hours a day.” Somebody pipes in
Jimmy Fallon’s “Idiot Boyfriend.” I love that person. Blair interviews that it
was more of an involved relationship. Aneesa adds that Kyle wanted to be
respectful of his family and girlfriend. In a clip, Keri tells Kyle that she
thinks it’s lame that she put herself out there. Cut to the Keri/Kyle fight
montage.
Dan
surprises nobody in revealing that Kyle has been dating Lori (Back to New
York) for the past year. I could write 500 words on that relationship, but
it would be me typing “Why, Lori?” 250 times. Mike says that they met during
the Chicago wrap party, and didn’t click right away. Dan says that
neither Kyle nor Lori wanted to be interviewed for the show. After all, Lori’s
probably got enough hate mail as it is. Jisela playfully grouses about how Lori
told her they’d be single forever.
Before
there was Kyle, Lori had been interested in Kevin (Back to New York),
who she met during the Casting Special, back when she had a boyfriend. In a
clip, Kevin interviews that there is an attraction between them. On the first
day in the house, Lori announces she’s single. There’s the montage of Kevin and
Lori getting cuddly, but things didn’t work out. “I feel like such an ass,”
Lori laments in a confessional.
Dan: “And
then Jisela showed up.” Dan? That’s “Hah-sela,” not “Yee-sela.” Great, now I’m
nitpicking. A puckish producer plays Christina Agurelia’s “Dirrty,” as Jisela
tries to pull Kevin’s pants down. Cut to the confessional, where Kevin and
Jisela deep-kiss. In an interview, she thought it would be funny to do that on
camera. “I can’t say I kissed that many people in one night ever again,” she
adds. Of course, they show her kissing Lori and taking her bra off for Blair.
Dan ends
the degrees of separation by talking about the one guy Jisela didn’t kiss that
night, the one who invited her to the house: Mike’s roommate Malik. He’s the
one with the quiet temperament, the scraggly facial hair, and the afro you can
see from orbit. In a present-day interview, Malik calls Jisela a playa that
can’t maintain relationships. Jisela counters, saying that his feelings were
not hurt, adding, “I know I can’t fall in love with somebody, at least not that
quick.” Cut to archive shots of a pensive Malik. “Imagine if you got your heart
broken on national television,” he says. “The sympathy and love you get… I get
e-mails from Africa, Ireland and Japan. I’m like, ‘Okay… road trip!’”
“Bootylicious”
accompanies shots of Mike and Malik together. Malik can’t believe he’s hooked
up with Mike in that way. Neither can I; the aspiring wrestler and the mellow
would-be DJ do make for an odd couple. Dan takes one last look at how Mike and
Malik are connected through 17 other cast members, punctuating that with “Suck
on THAT, Kevin Bacon!” He adds that if Mike and Malik ever hooked up, the chain
would be a chain. Dan wonders what that would be like.
Cut to a
beach. Malik and Mike are running towards each other in slow motion, while
“Dream Weaver” plays. Either you were annoyed, or you laughed really hard. I
laughed. Sue me. Mike falls down in regular motion, and Malik makes an “Oh,
that Mike!” face. They meet, their lips inches from each other. Then Dan
interrupts: “Actually, Mike and Malik would be pretty gross.” Cut to the duo
shouting “Hell, no!” to the camera. Yeah, that relationship would keep me up at
nights.
Dan
thanks us for watching, and says that if cast members keep getting that way
with each other, “we’re going to end up with one giant pot of reality hookup
stew!” The camera pulls out as Dan rides the mechanical bull, as Blair operates
it. Dan thrives at first, but Blair manages to throw him off. Dan pops back up,
shouting “Do it again! Do it again!” Cut to end credits.
These
were the 40 hookups shown in the first segment, along with my notes.
- Becky/Bill, RW: New York
- Mark/Kit, RR: Season One. I
don’t remember this relationship, and the local station hasn’t shown their
season.
- Devin/Emily, RR: USA.
Haven’t seen that season, either. I do know that the people in Emily’s
town frowned on her dating him, and they ended up traveling together
- Puck/Rachel, RW: San
Francisco. The less said, the better.
- Chris/Michelle, RR: Europe.
I had to pause the tape. I actually thought they were Antoine and Belou at
one point.
- Jake/Kalle, RR: Islands.
Brief clip of Jake admitting an attraction.
- Mike/Melissa/Melody, RW:
Miami. Voted as the best moment by MTV.com users in 2001. Note to future
cast members: threesomes are only as good as the supporting cast. Here, we
had Sarah poking fun, Dan grousing about the trio using his shower, and
Flora trying to squeeze herself between window panes to take a look.
- Dan/Tara, RR: Northern
Trail.
- Noah/Anne, RR: Northern
Trail. Say what? In the clip, they just look at each other, and Anne
kisses Noah’s face. I don’t get it.
- Judd/Pam, RW: San Francisco.
Is this a hookup? They don’t get romantic until after their season, they
date for several years, and then get married. Nice use of clips: Pam
revealing Judd as her guy in the 1996 reunion, and her showing off her
ring in 2001.
- Sean/Rachel, Road Rules
All-Stars.
- David/Kira, RW: Seattle.
This relationship was covered last year. Sadly, they’re not shown trying
to out-drama each other in a parked car.
- Abe/Susie, RR: Latin
America. This was big. Susie was a member of the Australia team that
competed against Latin America. Abe basically puts on another face and
seduces her. Gladys calls Abe on his fakery, he calls her a bitch several
times. Next thing, Gladys is beating the crap out of Abe, and he’s whining
about calling the federales on her.
- Janet/Jason, RW/RR Challenge
(1999). It’s funny that they’re were three other hookups that happened
which were not shown: Noah/Montana, Nathan/Kalle and Kefla/Roni. Weird.
- Ruthie/Kaia, RW: Hawaii. It
was one kiss. Ruthie was so hammered, she didn’t even remember kissing
Kaia.
- Matt/Kaia. Two of the more
hate-worthy cast members shared a passionate kiss.
- Amaya/Colin. “You kissed my
bunny” sounds like an euphemism, but Amaya didn’t mean it like that.
- Kathryn/Laterrian, RR:
Maximum Velocity Tour. The infamous restroom hookup.
- Dan/Holly, RW/RR Challenge
2000.
- Lori/Kevin, RW: Back to New
York
- Malik/Jisela
- Jisela/Lori
- Jisela/Kevin
- Jisela/Blair
- Adam/Ellen, RR: The Quest.
The worst couple ever? He had ADD, and she had her own problems. There’s
one clip of bedsheets writhing. Ugh.
- Steve/Katie. Are you kidding
me? Okay, they were slightly interested in each other, but they had
significant others back home. The clip lasts less than two seconds. “Blink
and you’ll miss him” sums up Steve’s RR experience.
- James/Rebecca, RW/RR Extreme
Challenge. I’m still trying to figure out how folk singer Rebecca got
interested in balls-to-the-wall rugby jock James. My only answer: she
started wearing makeup during the season. Maybe it leaked into her brains.
- Keri/Kyle, RW: Chicago
- Chadwick/Holly, RW/RR
Challenge: Battle of the Seasons. Met at the end of Holly’s season. God
loves them, because nobody else will.
- Mike/Tara
- Eric/Kendall, RR: Campus
Crawl
- Rachel/Darrell. I forgot
about them making out. Once again, that season was a blur.
- Eric/Trishelle.
- Steve/Trishelle
- Trishelle/Brynn. The clip is
accompanied by Steven talking about how much he likes bisexual women. Shut
up, Steven.
- Brynn/Trishelle/Steven. Oh,
sure, it’s all fun until a fork gets thrown. Then certain people get all
pissy.
- James/Emily, Extreme
Challenge and Battle of the Sexes. I’m still trying to figure what she
sees in him.
- Ayanna/David, Battle of the
Sexes. She’s not shrill, he knows her name. What gives? Give me something
to work with!
- Alton/Irulan, RW: Las Vegas.
And they’re still such a darling couple! Yeah, right.
- Frank/Trishelle. That was
shown four days before the special. Not a big deal.
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