Monday, January 21, 2013

The Challenge: Official Unofficial Stats (post-BOTS)

I've been meaning to post this for a while. Last month, I saw three reality finales. The Amazing Race ended with the worst less-deserving dumb luckiest least likely pair (Josh & Brent) ever to win. Survivor: Philippines came out better than recent seasons, as sex therapist Denise outplayed former The Facts of Life star Lisa and returning alumnus Mike to win the million bucks. As for The Challenge: Battle of the Seasons? Train wreck seen from orbit.

What else do you expect? The Challenge is where hope goes to die. Even in seasons ending with the good guys winning (e.g., the Good Guys in Inferno II), there's an element in the finale that's hard to scrub away (e.g., the "Mean Girls" troika treating Tonya like shit, even in the final mission). This season was supposed to be a bit of a relief; John "Johnny Bananas" Devenanzio was taking a break after lucking into back-to-back wins, and Kenny Santucci and Evan Starkman were on the "Do Not Contact" list in the wake of allegations of Tonya Cooley that they violated her with a toothbrush. While the case was settled out of court, my bile for those two and Johnny -- whom I kept dubbing "Axis of Ass" -- had not subsided. Even with thirteen new headcases from Bunim-Murray properties, I figured that the worst was over. I consider myself a smart person, yet I never seem to tire from being wrong.

I can talk smack about old headaches like Trishelle (not nearly a slut these days, but still) and Wes (still goes into every Challenge thinking he's King Shit of Turd Mountain), rookie douchebag Ryan Knight (from the New Orleans-based season of The Real World that was far inferior than its predecessor) and hipster doofus Chet (a revamped version of Matt from RW: New Orleans for a new decade). But the real enemies of all things decent hailed from the most recent edition of The Real World: San Diego: alpha dick Zach and Frank. Especially Frank. Every time he opened his mouth, he set gay rights back fifty years. Out of all the assholes on reality television in 2012, he might have come closest to matching Colton Cumbie (Survivor: One World) in sheer obnoxiousness. And that fucker was such a stain, I kept waiting for Dan Savage and Rick Santorum to write a joint statement condemning the gay Republican.

Unfortunately, an inflamed appendix didn't take down Frank like it did Colton. The San Diego quartet won $250,000, but at the expense of Sam's dignity. Sam is short for "Samantha," though the butch lesbian with the small Mohawk-style haircut would raise an eyebrow being called by her full name. On two missions, including the finale, she was bullied by Zach and Frank. At one point, Frank actually shoved Sam into the sand . . . and the little shit actually denied it in the follow-up reunion special, even though it was taped. I sincerely hope $62,500 will be enough for Sam to get therapy for spending a month with Zach and Frank.

As always, the future of The Challenge looks bleak, at least for intelligent viewers. Zach and Frank would be considered assets for BMP to bring back, and Evan and Kenny might be wiped off the "Naughty" list. Meanwhile, Coral ain't coming back. CT ain't coming back. Diem has been a headache in past seasons, but she managed to squash long-held beefs with CT in Battle of the Exes . . . but her cancer has since come back. And I can't see anybody coming in, cleaning house, and making this crap watchable. Well . . . watchable where I don't feel like showering afterward. In the meantime, here are the career stats of all BOTS participants.



The Real World: Austin

Danny Jamieson


Missions
Endgames
Season
Team
W
L
Pct.
W
L
Inferno 3
Bad Asses
3
3
.500
-
Davis
Gauntlet III
Veterans
10
5
.667
-
Adam
The Ruins
Challengers
1
3
.250
-
Darrell
Total
14
11
.560
0
3


Endgames
Season
Partner
Missions
Wins
Pct.
W
L
Fresh Meat
Evelyn
2
0
.000
-
Wes/Casey
Fresh Meat II
Sandy
5
0
.000
-
Jillian/Pete
Battle of the Seasons (2012)
Austin
2
0
.000
-
Camila/Ericms
Total
9
0
.000
0
2
ms Competed with Melinda Stolp

Lacey Buehler

Season
Partner
Missions
Wins
Pct.
W
L
Battle of the Seasons (2012)
Austin
1
0
.000
-
Eric/Cara Mariawb
Total
1
0
.000
0
1
wb Competed with Wes Bergmann

Melinda Stolp


Missions
Endgames
Season
Team
W
L
Pct.
W
L
Gauntlet III
Rookies
2
8
.200
-
Tori
Cutthroat
Red
2
4
.333
-
Emily
Total
4
12
.250
0
2


Endgames
Season
Partner
Missions
Wins
Pct.
W
L
Fresh Meat
Ryan
4
0
.000
-
Wes/Casey
Battle of the Seasons (2012)
Austin
2
0
.000
-
Camila/Ericdj
Total
4
0
.000
0
1
dj Competed with Danny Jamieson

Wes Bergmann


Missions
Endgames
Season
Team
W
L
Pct.
W
L
The Ruins
Champions
4
1
.800
Chet, Nick
Cohutta
Total
4
1
.800
2
1


Endgames
Season
Partner
Missions
Wins
Pct.
W
L
Fresh Meat
Casey
16
0
.000
Danny/Evelyn, Melinda/Ryan Johanna/Jesse, Tonya/Johnnie, Shane/Linette
-
The Duel
Solo
16
3
.188
Derrick
-
Fresh Meat II
Mandi
7
0
.000
-
Evelyn/Luke
Rivals
Kenny
9
1
.111
Davis/Tyrie, Brandon/Ty
-
Battle of the Exes
Mandi
2
0
.000
Nate/Priscilla
Leroy/Naomi
Battle of the Seasons (2012)
Austin
1
0
.000
-
Eric/Cara Marialb
Total
51
4
.078
9
3
lb Competed with Lacey Buehler

The Real World: Brooklyn

Chet Cannon


Missions
Endgames
Season
Team
W
L
Pct.
W
L
The Ruins
Challengers
0
1
.000
-
Wes
Cutthroat*
Red
2
3
.400
-
-
Total
2
4
.333
0
1
* Removed from game after suffering concussion.


Endgames
Season
Partner
Missions
Wins
Pct.
W
L
Battle of the Seasons (2012)
Brooklyn
12
2
.167
Brandon/Cara Mariasr,
McKenzie/Prestonsr
-
Total
12
2
.167
2
0
sr Competed with Sarah Rice

Devyn Simone


Endgames
Season
Partner
Missions
Wins
Pct.
W
L
Battle of the Seasons (2012)
Brooklyn
12
2
.167
Camila/Ericjdo*
-
Total
2
10
.167
1
0
jdo Competed with JD Ordonez
* Arena was stopped after Eric quit, eliminating himself and Camila

JD Ordonez


Missions
Endgames
Season
Team
W
L
Pct.
W
L
Cutthroat
Grey
1
1
.500
-
Brandon
Total
1
1
.500
0
1


Endgames
Season
Partner
Missions
Wins
Pct.
W
L
Battle of the Seasons (2012)
Brooklyn
12
2
.167
Camila/Ericds*
-
Total
12
2
.167
1
0
jdo Competed with Devyn Simone
* Arena was stopped after Eric quit, eliminating himself and Camila


Sarah Rice


Missions
Endgames
Season
Team
W
L
Pct.
W
L
The Ruins
Challengers
1
9
.100
Katie, Johanna
-
Cutthroat
Grey
5
5
.500
-
-
Total
6
14
.300
2
0


Endgames
Season
Partner
Missions
Wins
Pct.
W
L
Fresh Meat II
Vinny
2
0
.000
-
Kenny/Laurel
Rivals
Katelynn
5
0
.000
-
Jasmine/Jonna
Battle of the Exes*
Vinny
2
1
.500
-
-
Battle of the Seasons (2012)
Brooklyn
12
2
.167
Brandon/Cara Mariacc,
McKenzie/Prestoncc

Total
21
3
.143
2
2
* Removed from the game after Vinny ripped Mandi’s top off following the second mission.
cc Competed with Chet Cannon

The Real World: Cancun

Christian "CJ" Koegel


Endgames
Season
Partner
Missions
Wins
Pct.
W
L
Fresh Meat II
Sydney
6
0
.000
Katelynn/Brandon*
Landon/Carley
Battle of the Seasons (2012)
Cancun
8
2
.250
-
Zach/Samjr
Total

14
2
.143
1
2
* Brandon was disqualified for drinking alcohol prior to the Exile.
jr Competed with Jasmine Reynard

Derek Chavez


Missions
Endgames
Season
Team
W
L
Pct.
W
L
Cutthroat
Grey
0
1
.000
-
Brandon
Total
0
1
.000
0
1


Endgames
Season
Partner
Missions
Wins
Pct.
W
L
Battle of the Seasons (2012)
Cancun
11
2
.182
-
Ashley/Frankdc
Total
11
2
.182
0
1
jm Competed with Jonna Mannion

Jasmine Reynard


Endgames
Season
Partner
Missions
Wins
Pct.
W
L
Rivals
Jonna
7
1
.143
Katelynn/Sarah
Cara Maria/Laurel
Battle of the Exes
Tyrie
4
0
.000
-
Rachel/Aneesa
Battle of the Seasons (2012)
Cancun
8
2
.250
-
Zach/Samcjk
Total
19
3
.158
1
3
cjk Competed with CJ Koegel

Jonna Mannion


Endgames
Season
Partner
Missions
Wins
Pct.
W
L
Rivals
Jasmine
7
1
.143
Katelynn/Sarah
Cara Maria/Laurel
Battle of the Seasons (2012)
Cancun
11
2
.182
-
Ashley/Frankdc
Total
18
3
.167
1
2
dc Competed with Derek Chavez

Team Fresh Meat

Brandon Drake Nelson (Fresh Meat II)


Missions
Endgames
Season
Team
W
L
Pct.
W
L
Cutthroat
Red
2
4
.333
Derek, JD, Ty
Derrick
Total
2
4
.333
3
1



Endgames
Season
Partner
Missions
Wins
Pct.
W
L
Fresh Meat II
Katelynn
4
0
.000
-
CJ/Sydney*
Rivals
Ty
4
0
.000
-
Kenny/Wes
Battle of the Seasons (2012)
Fresh Meat
3
0
.000
-
Chet/Sarahcms
Total
11
0
.000
0
3
* Brandon was disqualified for drinking alcohol before the Exile.
 cms Competed with Cara Maria Sorbello

Camila Nakagawa (Spring Break Challenge)


Missions
Endgames
Season
Team
W
L
Pct.
W
L
Cutthroat
Red
2
5
.286
Emilee, Katie
Laurel
Total
2
5
.286
2
1



Endgames
Season
Partner
Missions
Wins
Pct.
W
L
Rivals
Theresa
3
0
.000
-
Cara Maria/Laurel
Battle Of The Exes
Johnny
9
4
.444
Mark/Robin
-
Battle of the Seasons (2012)
Fresh Meat
4
0
.000
Danny/Melindaeb*
JD/Devyneb
Total
16
4
.250
2
2
eb Competed with Eric Banks
* Eric quit the Arena, forfeiting the match for Camila and himself

Cara Maria Sorbello (Fresh Meat II)


Missions
Endgames
Season
Team
W
L
Pct.
W
L
Cutthroat
Grey
5
5
.500
Mandi
-
Total
5
5
.500
1
0



Endgames
Season
Partner
Missions
Wins
Pct.
W
L
Fresh Meat II
Darrell
1
0
.000
-
Jillian/Pete
Rivals
Laurel
9
1
.111
Camila/Theresa, Jasmine/Jonna
-
Battle Of The Exes
Abram
5
0
.000
-
Ty/Emily
Battle of the Seasons (2012)
Fresh Meat
3
0
.000
-
Chet/Sarahbdn
Total
18
1
..056
2
2
bdn Competed with Brandon Drake Nelson

Eric “Big Easy” Banks (Fresh Meat)


Missions
Endgames
Season
Team
W
L
Pct.
W
L
Gauntlet III
Veterans
10
6
.625
-
-
Cutthroat
Blue
1
3
.250
Vinny
Luke
Total
11
9
.550
1
1



Endgames
Season
Partner
Missions
Wins
Pct.
W
L
Fresh Meat
Katie
10
0
.000
-
Tina/Kenny
The Duel
Solo
11
1
.091
Nehemiah
Brad
Duel II
Solo
6
0
.000
-
Derek
Battle of the Seasons (2012)
Fresh Meat
4
0
.000
Lacey/Wescms, Danny/Melindacn
Devyn/JDcn*
Total
31
1
.032
3
4
cms Competed with Cara Maria Sorbello
cn Competed with Camila Nakagawa
* Quit in the middle of the Arena, forfeiting the match for himself and Camila

The Real World: Las Vegas (2002 & 2011)

Alton Williams (2002)


Missions
Endgames
Season
Team
W
L
Pct.
W
L
The Gauntlet
Real World
6
9
.400
Laterrian
-
Gauntlet 2
Rookies
10
6
.625
Danny, Adam K., Jeremy
-
Inferno 3
Good Guys
6
10
.375
Tyrie
-
Total
22
25
.468
5
0


Endgames
Season
Partner
Missions
Wins
Pct.
W
L
Battle of the Seasons (2012)
Las Vegas
9
1
.111
-
Robb/Marieng
Total
9
1
.111
0
1
ng Competed with Nany González

Dustin Zito (2011)


Endgames
Season
Partner
Missions
Wins
Pct.
W
L
Battle of the Exes
Heather
2*
0
.000
-
-
Battle of the Seasons (2012)
Las Vegas
12
2
.167
Laura/Treyng
Marie/Robb tc
-
Total
14
2
.143
2
0
* Injured; removed from game prior to third mission.
ng Competed with Nany Gonzalez
tc Competed with Trishelle Canatella


Nany González (2011)


Endgames
Season
Partner
Missions
Wins
Pct.
W
L
Battle of the Seasons (2012)
Las Vegas
9
1
.111
Laura/Treydz
Robb/Marieaw
Total
9
1
.111
1
1
dz Competed with Dustin Zito
aw Competed with Alton Williams


Trishelle Cannatella (2002)


Missions
Endgames
Season
Team
W
L
Pct.
W
L
The Gauntlet
Real World
3
6
.333
Steve
Sarah
The Inferno
Real World
1
3
.250
-
Holly
Total
4
9
.308
1
2


Endgames
Season
Partner
Missions
Wins
Pct.
W
L
Battle of the Seasons (2012)
Las Vegas
12
2
.167
Marie/Robbdz
-
Total
12
2
.167
1
0
dz Competed with Dustin Zito


The Real World: New Orleans (2010)

Jemmye Carroll


Endgames
Season
Partner
Missions
Wins
Pct.
W
L
Battle of the Season (2012)
New Orleans
7
1
.143
-
Zach/Samrk
Total
7
1
.143
0
1
rk Competed with Ryan Knight
McKenzie Coburn

Endgames
Season
Partner
Missions
Wins
Pct.
W
L
Battle of the Season (2012)
New Orleans
5
0
.000
-
Chet/Sarahprc
Total
5
0
.000
0
1
prc Competed with Preston Roberson-Charles

Preston Roberson-Charles


Endgames
Season
Partner
Missions
Wins
Pct.
W
L
Battle of the Season (2012)
New Orleans
5
0
.000
-
Chet/Sarahmc
Total
5
0
.000
0
1
mc Competed with McKenzie Coburn

Ryan Knight


Endgames
Season
Partner
Missions
Wins
Pct.
W
L
Battle of the Season (2012)
New Orleans
7
1
.143
-
Zach/Samjc
Total
7
1
.143
0
1
jc Competed with Jemmye Carroll

The Real World: St. Thomas

Laura Waller


Endgames
Season
Partner
Missions
Wins
Pct.
W
L
Battle of the Seasons (2012)
St. Thomas
6
0
.000
-
Dustin/Nanytw
Total
6
0
.000
0
1
tw Competed with Trey Weatherholtz

Marie Roda


Endgames
Season
Partner
Missions
Wins
Pct.
W
L
Battle of the Seasons (2012)
St. Thomas
10
0
.000
Alton/Nanyrs
Dustin/Trishellers
Total
10
0
.000
1
1
rs Competed with Robb Schreiber

Robb Schreiber


Endgames
Season
Partner
Missions
Wins
Pct.
W
L
Battle of the Seasons (2012)
St. Thomas
10
0
.000
Alton/Nanyrs
Dustin/Trishellers
Total
10
0
.000
1
1
mr Competed with Marie Roda


Trey Weatherholtz


Endgames
Season
Partner
Missions
Wins
Pct.
W
L
Battle of the Season (2012)
St. Thomas
6
0
.000
-
Dustin/Nanylw
Total
6
0
.000
0
1
lw Competed with Laura Waller

The Real World: San Diego (2011)

Ashley Kelsey


Endgames
Season
Partner
Missions
Wins
Pct.
W
L
Battle of the Seasons (2012)
San Diego
12
5
.417
Derek/Jonnafs
-
Total
12
5
.417
1
0
fs Competed with Frank Sweeny


Frank Sweeney


Endgames
Season
Partner
Missions
Wins
Pct.
W
L
Battle of the Seasons (2012)
San Diego
12
5
.417
Derek/Jonnaak
-
Total
12
5
.417
1
0
ak Competed with Ashley Kelsey

Sam McGinn

Endgames
Season
Partner
Missions
Wins
Pct.
W
L
Battle of the Seasons (2012)
San Diego
12
5
.417
Jemmye/Knight zn CJ/Jasmine zn
-
Total
12
5
.417
2
0
zn Competed with Zach Nichols


Zach Nichols


Endgames
Season
Partner
Missions
Wins
Pct.
W
L
Battle of the Seasons (2012)
San Diego
12
5
.417
Jemmye/Knightsm CJ/Jasmine sm
-
Total
12
5
.417
2
0
sm Competed with Sam McGinn