Saturday, August 12, 2017

The Inferno Episode 4: Hollyday

Not much to say about this episode. Once again: I was not Team Katie at this time, and her hesitation at competing in the mission did not make me a fan. I probably figured, "Damn, at least Sarah didn't balk once. I mean, she didn't do Red Barron, but Road Rules had a three-person advantage, and Cara and Darrell sat out as well." And I really had enough of Trishelle at this point. Also Julie, but she wouldn't get her dismissal for another eight weeks, much to my chagrin.

Oh, and I really, really, REALLY regret likening Timmy and Holly to Judd Winick and Pam Ling from RW: San Francisco. While Timmy is more of an alpha guy than Judd, Pam had NEVER pissed me off the way Holly did in The Inferno. But I wouldn't start getting mad at her for a while longer.

Airdate: February 16, 2004
Recap Published: February 22, 2004

Meet Holly. Holly is Road Rules’ leader. Holly can talk Katie into performing. But can Holly take on Trishelle in the Inferno and live another day?
Previously on The Inferno: Mike had the absolute gall to dance with another woman in front of Trishelle, who got bitched out by Coral. Road Rules won Wreck 'n Roll, upping their bank to $20,000. Trishelle was shocked when Mike and Coral led an effort to nominate her into the Inferno. RR was stunned when Real World chose designated team leader Holly for the Inferno over perennial scrub Katie. Trishelle made her peace with Mike, but was still furious with Coral.

We open with Holly and Kendal on the hammock, joking about how Holly wants to go back to Colorado with a tan. Kendal interviews that Holly is more scared of the Inferno than she lets on. “As far as I’m concerned, she’s like She-Ra,” Kendal continues. “She can do anything. She’s like the most powerful woman in the world. So I think Trishelle should be scared.”

Inside the Villa, Julie and Trishelle have a similar conversation. The key difference? My skin doesn’t crawl when I watch Holly and Kendal. Julie says that she should have been more vocal at the meeting, and that it would be an enormous defeat if Trishelle lost. The thing about RW is that there’s no de facto alpha female. I don’t get scared by Trishelle or Leah, Coral is 80 percent mouth, Mallory’s soccer skills don’t translate to the missions, and Julie is borderline psychotic. I’m beginning to see why the genders are alternated. Julie interviews that Trishelle shouldn’t be going to the Inferno. She continues, “The fact that certain members of our team have that much influence in meetings is a little bit worrisome.” She tells Trishelle that she doesn’t want “Coral garbage” since Coral has problems with them. Trishelle is pissed that Coral manipulated the votes. Julie continues, saying that everybody who had a problem with Coral voted fairly. Yes, this team is a third-world nation, and Coral is the dictator. Shut up, Julie. Trishelle: “Last season, I didn’t say anything. And [bleep] that. I’m not going to let her walk over me and intimidate the [bleep] out of me.” I guess she forgot about stinking so badly that last season everybody but Mike voted her into the Gauntlet. Twice! Julie concludes that Coral will control the meetings unless she or Trishelle stops it.

Mission site. A giant wall dangles from a crane. Mike expositions that there is another mission before the Inferno, and the players have a chance to win the Aztec Lifesaver. Dave welcomes everybody to Climbing Wall. Yeah, that’s the name of the mission. The objective: climb the wall and secure the sponsor flag on the top. The team with the best average time wins $10,000 for their account. Should a player fall off the wall or drop the flag, that person gets the slowest time logged, plus a two-minute penalty. The fastest players on each side get the Lifesaver. Mike interviews that Holly and Trishelle are going to the Inferno unless they win the Lifesaver. It’s interesting that Mike’s hair is all messed up. My theory is that since he’s about to “see” Kendal, he wants to look like Blair, who she dated for a while.

The wall slowly spins around as Shane and Syrus get ready. They climb up, using the various ledges and nooks. As Syrus breathes heavily, Shane gets to the top first, but he takes his time putting the flag up. Shane finishes at 52 seconds, while Syrus comes in at 1:08.

Holly interviews that if she were the fastest person up the wall, it would change the Inferno. Her opponent is CT. Cut to Shane wearing a “MILF” t-shirt. Coming from a gay guy, I have no idea what that means. Holly gets up the wall quickly, but CT beats her, getting a 0:46 time to her 1:20.

Jeremy vs. Julie. He makes good time, but she slips. Unable to hang on, Julie lets go for the disqualification. Ha! If loving her failures is wrong, I don’t wanna be right. Meanwhile, Jeremy finishes at 1:25. Julie interviews that she was cocky going up, and that she’s an idiot. I can’t argue with that.

Veronica vs. Leah. Veronica gets up the wall as Leah slips and hangs on to a ledge. As Veronica finishes, Leah slips for the DQ. Veronica’s time: 1:33. Mike tells Leah she did well, but she doesn’t want to hear it.

Christena vs. Mallory. Christena slips twice, while Mallory slips and falls for the DQ. Christena follows suit, getting a DQ as well. Christena gripes that everything she tried didn’t work. Mallory thinks the mission sucks. Christena can’t believe Holly did it so fast.

Shot of the wall. Shot of Katie. After a dramatic pause, she announces that she won’t climb the wall. Shane asks why she came in the first place. She replies that she didn’t think it would be this hard. “Katie sees the climbing wall and she’s frightened,” Shane interviews. “She doesn’t like heights. She doesn’t like physical activity. If it doesn’t involve smoking or drinking, she doesn’t want to do it.” Katie says that ice cream eating and swimming pools don’t scare her. Maybe she would’ve been equipped if she hadn’t bitched her way out of last season. She interviews about not feeling confident when the team doubts her. You know what inspires confidence? Not drama queening about the stupid mission.

Back from commercials, Holly gets in Katie’s face, asking how she can believe in somebody that doesn’t want to be here. Holly tells Katie that she must prove herself. Katie says she wasn’t expecting a wall. Holly knows she can do it. Katie promises to try, but she isn’t expecting to do well. Holly interviews, “In terms of being the positive one and encouraging every single player on our team, I definitely have it in me to step up and be the leader.” Darrell playfully taps Katie on her helmet.

Katie vs. Coral. Holly shouts encouraging words. Veronica crosses her arms, a sour look pasted on her face. Katie struggles, while Coral falls for the DQ. Katie gamely keeps going, jumping to reach a ledge, but she falls as well. Her teammates clap and cheer her effort. “There’s a lit cigarette down here for you!” Christena shouts. Nice incentive. Holly tells Katie that she made it further than most people, and that she impressed her teammates. Cut to the jaw-dropping sight of Katie getting hugs from the others. Oh, sure… RR is all smiles now. Last season, it was all Adam and his cadre could do to keep from throwing Sarah down the stairs.

More races. David beats Kendal, finishing at 0:53 to her 1:35. Abram beats Mike to the top. “Hey, Mike!” he shouts while clipping his flag in place. “Who’s the big winner?” Heh… nice payback from their Gauntlet. Abram finishes at 1:00, Mike at 1:06. Leah reminds us that Trishelle will go to the Inferno unless she wins the Lifesaver. As Darrell goes up the wall, Trishelle grabs a ledge, but slips for the DQ. Ha! Darrell finishes at 2:27. I’m guessing that he bitched about the heights, but the interview was cut out. Timmy goes solo, scorching up the wall at 0:37.

Dave announces the average times. RW finished at 2:54, and RR finished with 1:57. Dave hands the cardboard check to RR, as they go up to $30,000 to RW’s $10,000. Dave also awards Aztec Lifesavers to CT and Timmy for their times, saying that they can save their teammates and sacrifice themselves. I’m confused… I thought that the Inferno was a same-sex affair. Wouldn’t the teams just reconvene to pick another person, like RW did with Syrus? Dave tells both teams that he’ll see them at nightfall.

Villa. Abram and Holly chat on the couch, thinking their team is solid. But Holly is worried about the Inferno. “It is a very daunting place,” she interviews. “You can’t help but wonder what it is you’re going to be doing, what if there’s an unforeseen variable and you lose, and you’re done.”

RW area. Coral asks Trishelle if she’s scared, or if she’s mad for going into the Inferno. Trishelle is mad, but she doesn’t want to talk about it. She interviews that her team was unsupportive, and the vote was manipulative. Coral brings up the club fiasco once again. “She wants to yell at me for going to the Inferno,” she interviews, “she wants to blame it on me? Whatever. I can take it.” Trishelle blathers about how votes were changed once Coral spoke up. Unless the editors misled us, I’m sure Mike got the ball rolling with that. But I guess Trishelle can’t bring herself to scream at Mike. Coral says that she believed in what she had to say. Trishelle accuses her of talking over everybody else. As Coral starts to rebut, Julie talks over her, causing her to snap. Trishelle looks at the camera, all “See what I have to deal with? Gawd!”

Back from commercials, Coral is still rolling. “It’s not my fault you’re going to the Inferno!” she tells Trishelle. “They picked you, not me!” Actually, “they” should be a “we.” Trishelle once again maintains that it’s all Coral’s fault. They go back and forth until Syrus breaks them up, telling Coral that Trishelle has to get ready. Coral leaves, muttering “copout” as she passes Mike. “I think I got what I was feeling across,” Trishelle interviews. “I’m not going to put up with your [B.S.], basically. I’m calling you out. It’s easier for other people to do the same thing.” Way to delude yourself, Trishelle.

As the bile in my stomach rages, Julie tells Mike that Trishelle stood up to Coral. Say what? Trishelle decides that Coral is to blame, and that’s stepping up? I saw paper ballots last week. I’m guessing that it wasn’t an open vote, where minds could be changed in a minute. And even if it was, Mike started bringing Trishelle’s name up. Not Coral. I feel that Coral can be shut down, but Julie’s celebrating like Trishelle did it. I wish that Coral had gone back to the room, grabbed their heads, and knocked them together. Julie and Trishelle totally deserve each other. If they get locked into a room with Adam, Katie and Puck for eternity, I wouldn’t be happier.

Inferno site. David: “I see five or six bowls line up full of really hot chilies. Based on looking at it, you can see it’s not a good time.” Dave welcomes everybody to Chili Counter. The object: eat as many chilies as possible within one hour. The winner stays, and the loser goes home. Dave asks CT if he’ll save Trishelle. CT declares that she will go, because she is confident and she’s from Louisiana. Is that the state with the hottest peppers? Remind me to ask Blair or Theo. Dave poses the same question to Timmy. He can’t say anything, and Holly has to speak for him, declaring her intention to go. Anybody else think Timmy still carries a torch for Holly? They would be a great couple… totally the Judd and Pam of RR. Shane interviews that Holly wants to go to the Inferno. Mallory figures that if Trishelle wins, RR will lose their best female competitor.

Inferno time. Dave bangs a gong to get things going. Trishelle munches on a larger pepper, while Holly pops a small one into her mouth. Trishelle holds her nose, obviously feeling the heat. CT tells her to “take a little sip of milk, have a little crackah, take your time.” It’s the accent that makes it funny. Trishelle interviews that she’s nibbling on one pepper, while Holly already has two down. Holly thinks she’s going to be sick. Trishelle shakes her head as she drinks.

Time remaining: 31:00. Holly has a 5-2 lead. She scarfs down another pepper, while Trishelle takes her time. Kendal interviews that Holly is confident.

Time remaining: 18:00. Holly is up 7-3, but she wishes time would go faster. Trishelle eats, wiping sweat from her brow. CT interviews that she looks ready to quit. Julie grabs her by the shoulders, giving her a pep talk. I don’t want to say what’s going on in my mind at that moment. CT yells that Holly isn’t as strong as Trishelle, prompting her to tell him to be nice. Coral: “EAT THE [bleeping] PEPPERS!” Who says she isn’t a team player? Holly complains that parts of her body are on fire. Wait until tonight, Holly. Trishelle is still feeling the heat.

Dave announces the five-minute warning. Julie cranks it up a notch, cheering on Trishelle. Mike joins in. Now the whole team chants her name, but she’s too busy sweating. The editors put things in slo-mo, inserting effects that make Trishelle look even more damaged. The team cheers in slo-mo. Voiceover: “There are decisive moments in all of our lives.” First of all, who the hell are you? Second, what is that supposed to mean? Maybe this is the moment when Trishelle decides to hang with the likes of Vanilla Ice and Tammy Faye Messner.

Dave bangs the gong. Game over. Holly wins, 9-4. Needless to say, I am a happy, happy camper. As RW stares in disbelief at a two-person deficit, RR celebrates Holly’s victory. Trishelle gets water bottles applied to her face. Holly says she’s on fire all over her body. Trishelle interviews that she’s disappointed in letting her team down, but she couldn’t make up the deficit.

Denouement. Dave congratulates Holly for her win and sends Trishelle packing. Leah gives Trishelle a hug. CT interviews that RW need to step up, and quickly.

Villa. Several RR members pamper Holly, who is lying down. Not for much longer, if those chilies kick in soon. “She’s like our team leader,” Christena interviews, “and we needed her to come back.”
Elsewhere, Mike tells Trishelle that he wanted her to win. He interviews that his relationship with her is like a roller coaster. Must be because throwing up is heavily involved. “As of right now, we’re on the ups,” he interviews. “We’re all good.” Trishelle interviews that it’s sad to go and she tried her best. As always, Coral has the last word. “Trishelle causes her own drama and she brought it on herself,” she voiceovers. “She didn’t want it that bad, and it wasn’t worth it for her. That means she needs to go back to L.A.” Unlike two weeks ago with Ace, Coral’s meanness coincides with my feelings. Here’s hoping she rids us of Julie in four weeks. Trishelle gets on the short boat, as Katie and Leah say their farewells from the dock.

Next week: With Trishelle gone, Mike’s free to wrestle and flirt with Kendal. Yes, Mike is on the prowl again. Long live Mizdal! Coral complains that, “This losing crap just ain’t cracking.” Dave welcomes everybody to Disco Domino Duel. Bad wigs, bad costumes, and giant dominoes. I have no idea.

That was the end of Trishelle as far as BMP shows were concerned . . . or at least that was what I figured. And then she showed up on the second edition of Battle Of The Sexes in 2012, on a team made up of housemates from the two Las Vegas-based seasons, alongside Alton, Dustin and Nany. To my shock, Alton went out along with Nany near the end of the season. In the following episode, Trishelle & Dustin defeated Marie & Robb from RW: St. Thomas to stay in the game. In the end, Trishelle & Dustin finished in second place, splitting $50,000. That was not a good season, since the rookie team representing the not-so-great San Diego season won, and Frank and Zach worked out their frustrations on Sam, who really deserved better. The team from RW: Brooklyn finished in third because the Challenge Gods -- if they truly exist -- were content to sticking it to Sarah Rice, giving her beta males in Chet and JD, and Devyn Simone, who did make for awesome television. Seriously, Devyn was the closest we'd get to Coral and Melissa back then.

Trishelle did not go out on that high. Instead, she followed up her only completed season with Rivals II, teamed with Sarah. Remember what I said about her and underwhelming teammates? Anyway, Trishelle got into it with Aneesa, and Trishelle wound up bailing on the game, never to return because host TJ Lavin HATES quitters. And Sarah was booted from her second Challenge in three seasons thanks to a partner being an asshole (fat fuck Vinny pulled Mandi's top off in Battle Of The Exes). Like I said: Challenge Gods did not like Sarah.

I leave you with what I would like Trishelle's ultimate legacy to be: popping up in the video for William Hung's cover of "She Bangs," fighting another woman over him. Yes, this really happened. Well, in a video, but you know what I mean. Also, when confirming Trishelle's appearance, I had it on mute. Because I may hate myself, but I don't hate myself that much.

Saturday, August 05, 2017

The Inferno Episode 3: Enter the Wiznitch

I'm going to start by saying that this episode might have the best mission in the history of the Challenge. I mean, I will badmouth the Infernos up and down, but Wreck 'n Roll looked awesome to play, and it was awesome to watch. In fact, that got reincarnated as a"Pit" in Battle Of The Bloodlines, where Mike Boise defeated Stephen Buell. This was a bit dramatic . . . basically, Cara Maria gave Stephen a "handful" on the bus, and she was going to keep her boyfriend Abram (Mike's brother; all-around psycho) out of the loop. And then Abram and Mike showed up, and Johnny -- being the small-dicked pot-stirrer that he is -- dropped a dime on Cara Maria. Abram got into it revving Mike up, to the point where he got a nosebleed, seemingly from the anticipation. It's stuff like that that has led me to theorize that the Bozo From Bozeman has been murdering hobos and drifters throughout the state of Montana for years.

The title? Well, The Inferno was running around the same time as the second season of The Surreal Life was wrapping up, with Trishelle as one of the cast members. One of the episodes centered around the has-beens and never-weres putting on a play for children, and Trishelle played "The Wiznitch." Because 2004, that's why. As much as I have disliked Trishelle over the years, I will say this: NOBODY deserves to be trashed by the likes of Sally Jesse Raphael the way Trishelle was in the finale. I attended a taping Sally Jesse's show. Afterward, the audience got served pizza before the next episode. I dug in, ate a slice, and got the fuck out of there.

Oh, and we get to an ongoing theme: "Katie Is Weak, And She Will Destroy Road Rules From Within." The funny thing is that Mike and Coral saw how RR treated Sarah in The Gauntlet, and they still won. Hell, they probably would have triumphed even if Coral didn't get bit by the spider.

Airdate:February 9, 2004 (two days before my essay on the season premiere got posted)
Recap Published: February 15, 2004

Think your last breakup was messy? Trishelle comes after Mike after he has the nerve to dance with another woman, and gets slapped for her actions. Meanwhile, the kids live like rock stars for a few minutes.
In case anybody was wondering, I did not write about the Fantasy Challenge. Basically, it’s the same set of rules as last season, with 10 points going to the Aztec Lifesaver winner. Going into this episode, I had my team (Team name: “In Brightest Day…”) picked out: Coral, Mike, Julie, Kendal, Veronica and Katie. But after seeing the commercials, I substituted Trishelle for Veronica. Would I reap the benefits? Let’s find out.

Previously on The Inferno: The players arrived in Acapulco, and got the lowdown from new host Dave Mirra: each mission is worth $10,000, and the final mission pays out $150,000. Road Rules won Grope the Rope, while Real World triumphed in Birdfeeder. Syrus bailed out of a date in the Inferno by winning the Aztec Lifesaver, and he sent Ace in his place. Sadly, Ace lasted all of eleven seconds against Jeremy in Bug Helmet, as he became the biggest joke in BMP history… at least until David Broom got busted for patronizing a prostitute. Damn, and he had been so good lately. Insert your own “Come On Be My Baby Tonight” joke here.

After the credits (Yellowcard, “Miles Apart,” underwhelming action), we hit the Villa, where Leah, Julie and Trishelle talk about hot guys. Leah goes with Darrell, while Trishelle likes CT. Leah always likes Mike. Trishelle reminds us that she went out with Mike during The Gauntlet, and they broke up when they got home. Oddly, she’s wearing a red Miz shirt. She tells the other girls that she dated him for his personality, not his looks. Have I mentioned that I hate her? “I didn’t break up with Mike because I didn’t care about him,” she interviews. “I’m really bad with relationships. I’m really not datable. I’m very hard to tame.”

Cut to Julie, with Mike and Darrell. Mike tells Julie about the day he and Trishelle broke up. Apparently, she had made out with five other guys in front of him. Julie laughs as Darrell counts it up. Mike interviews that Trishelle doesn’t know how to have a boyfriend, and she thinks the world revolves around her. “I can be her friend,” he adds, “but I can never have a relationship with her.”

Nightclub. Lots of dancing: Coral with CT, Mike with Christena, Leah backing into Darrell. Julie’s spastically dances by herself, which suits me fine. Cut back to Mike and Christena. It looks innocent by BMP standards. Trishelle looks pissed in every possible way. “I don’t necessarily like to see my ex-boyfriend hook up with other people in front of my face,” she interviews. It hurts my feelings.”

Trishelle yells at Mike. Since the party’s at full blast, the editors insert subtitles. Trishelle calls Mike an ass and bitches him out, but he walks away. “I’m gonna kick your ass!” she shouts. “[Bleep] you!” Mike doesn’t understand how her mind works. He adds, “Drama-filled night, once again, here we go.”

Coral reads Trishelle the riot act about her hurting Mike. I don’t know if its Coral concerned about her friend, or just wanting to bust on Trishelle. Either way works great for me. Cut to Mike looking on, and Abram dancing like a total spaz. Perhaps he should hook up with Julie. Wait, I take that back. More arguing. Trishelle insists she’s not serious. Coral tells her to chill out. Trishelle gets in Coral’s face, refusing to chill. I know Coral’s bark is probably worse than her bite, but Trishelle isn’t being smart here. Coral walks away, and Trishelle threatens to beat her ass. Jeremy tries to put a hand on Trishelle, and barely avoids her swipe. “[She] wants to beat us up, which I didn’t like,” Coral interviews. “I don’t really like when people talk crazy to me. The editors waste Beyonce’s “Crazy in Love” on Trishelle yelling, asking Mike what the problem is. Mike won’t talk to her, and walks away.

Night becomes day, and we got a new mission. Dave welcomes everybody to Wreck ‘n Roll. The mission: “decorate” identical hotel rooms by wrecking them like rock stars. Of course, everybody loves this mission, especially Abram. Dave introduces Yellowcard, which makes Julie really happy. The band will give a guy and a girl on each side a new guitar. As they play a song, both teams must use the guitars and their strength to smash everything. The ensuing rubble must then get shoved into three crates given to each team. Abram basically repeats everything Dave said in an interview, adding that the crates have eight-inch holes. In other words, stuff has to be broken down before it’s shoved into a crate. Dave adds that the team with the most debris by weight wins $10,000 for their bank account. Julie does another spastic dance.

Mike and Julie get their guitars. Julie has this crazy look in her eyes. I start fearing for the lives of her teammates. RR discusses strategy, as Christena gets a guitar. Holly recommends Abram for guitar-wielding duty. Darrell interviews that Abram is already strong, and the weakest male player – Jeremy – should get it. Interesting… Mike and Julie are the most aggressive people on RW, while Christena and Jeremy strike me as even-tempered. “I’m going nuts!” Jeremy shouts at the camera, Miz-style. “I’m amped! I’m charged! I’M GONNA BREAK EVERYTHING!” Shut up. You’re on the damn show already, so dial it down a few notches.

Back from commercials, Yellowcard starts playing “Way Away,” and both sides start grabbing stuff and throwing it down. “It feels so [bleeping] good to just pick that thing up and smash it on the ground,” Abram interviews. “It’s great. Loving this mission.” Timmy dumps a plant into a crate. RW has 39.0 lbs of debris, while RR has 46.5. Christena slowly hacks away at a bureau with her guitar. Katie interviews that she hasn’t been performing well, and she’s trying to concentrate. Jeremy starts wailing on drawers.

Over at the RW room, Mike does a 360 with his axe, chopping away. This display of lumberjacking would make Sean proud. One guy bashes a chair. Mike obliterates the drawers. More stuffing into crates, and Timmy still working plant detail. RW 76.0, RR 79.5. Timmy interviews that they’re doing great working as a team.

Jeremy busts a television with his guitar, and then stands in awe. Abram joins him, using a chair to deal his blows. Jeremy: “You have the opportunity to take a brand new guitar and smash it straight through a brand new television. I mean, this is a guy’s freakin’ dream.” For a record, I have two dreams: employment and doing commentary on a VH1 show. I can handle I Love the 90s. Abram shatters his chair, and Darrell finishes off the TV. Julie hacks away weakly with her guitar. Christena and Jeremy team up. More dumping. RW 115.5, RR 111.0.

Jeremy hacks into a table, while Holly carries debris away. Julie bangs some more. Mike grabs a mirror, throws it to the ground, and smashes it. First of all, he’s just guaranteed himself seven Challenges of bad luck. Second, the mirror probably weighs a few pounds. Third, he turns the shards into little jagged shards. He voiceovers that he’s beating stuff in time with the music. In other words, he’s having way too much fun with this mission. Julie hacks away. Darrell breaks stuff. RW 160.0, RR 169.5. Jeremy bashes a piece of a guitar. Julie yells at her teammates. Dumping. RW 236.5, RR 239.0. Christena throws her guitar on the ground. Julie is clearly wiped out, but still hacking. Abram interviews that every bit counts.

Syrus drags out the decimated drawers. The singer does a backflip off a speaker. Julie screams that the song is almost over. Christena breaks her guitar, obviously out of editing sequence. One of the RW guys shakes his foot out of a broken TV. More bashing. And finally, the airhorn sounds, signaling the mission’s end. In terms of watching, I think Wreck ‘n Roll was one of the best missions ever. Both teams come down from their respective highs. “Dude, that was the best experience of my life!” Julie gushes. “I can die a happy woman. Now I lived my dream fantasy!” Darrell interviews that he’s not feeling good, and he hopes everything will be fine.

Dave reads off the results: RR brought in 290 lbs, while RW got 266. He awards the cardboard check to RR, which Timmy busts over his knee and throws to the ground. That’s not gonna make the sponsor happy. Veronica updates that RR is up 2-1 on RW, and they’re sitting comfortably. Dave tells the teams that they must decide which two women are to be nominated for the Inferno. Jeremy shows off the check and his guitar.

RR meeting. Katie immediately offers herself up for nomination, since she stunk up the first two missions. Kendal interviews, commending Katie for volunteering. Holly also considers putting her name out. She is wearing a bandage under her eye; in her recap, she revealed that Shane took a victory swing at some shutters, and she nearly lost an eye. Holly figures that she can’t be beat if she goes into the Inferno. Darrell: “Holly, Holly, Holly, what is you doing? You’re too valuable for us. If we lose Holly, we’re gonna be in trouble.” Apparently, Darrell will love anybody on his team who isn’t Sarah. The team confirms the nominations of Holly and Katie.

RW meeting. Julie decides to vote on the times from the first mission, going with Mallory (disqualified) and Leah (slowest time). Mallory interviews that she knew she’d be on the chopping block. Trishelle agrees, adding that she can’t vote for herself, since she had the best time in Grope the Rope. She interviews, “I am thinking that there is no chance in hell that I’m going to get nominated for the Inferno. That’s not even an option to me.” David goes with Leah and Mallory. Leah interviews that she expects the nomination.

Now it is Mike’s turn. He votes for Leah for her slow time… and then Trishelle, who had told him, Coral and Mallory that she was going to beat their asses. “As a team, no one should get into fights with each other,” he says. “No one should be getting into any kind of drama.” I’m sorry, Mike… is this your first reality show? Trishelle gripes over Mike’s reasoning. “He felt that I was threatening the team,” she laughs. “I’m a huge threat, I guess.”

Mallory votes for Leah and Trishelle, as does Coral. She interviews that Trishelle brought the drama on herself. “If this is going to be a factor in your three votes every team,” she snipes, “you [bleeping] send me right now, because that’s not going to make me do this for our team.” Mike and Coral proceed to gang up on Trishelle. “That’s not cool saying you’re going to beat people up,” Coral chides. “That’s never cool.” I know… she’s going to come off as a hypocrite when she tells Julie that she beats bitches up. Seriously, I don’t care. Trishelle: “Coral is just so freakin’ manipulative. She does not want me because I am competition to her.” Yeah, because Coral is so afraid of Trishelle. Shut up. Syrus votes for Trishelle and Leah. CT reads off the totals, Trishelle has four votes, and Leah has six. She interviews that she’s pissed at Mike.

Trishelle bitches to Syrus about the vote. Being a man of peace, Syrus tries to calm her down, telling her not to get emotional, lest she get thrown to the wolves. She sighs, asking about her incentive. Syrus starts to say something, but she doesn’t want to hear it. “I’m on the most selfish team that I’ve ever been on in my entire life,” Trishelle interviews, “and I don’t intend on letting anyone walk all over me.” To review: she does some sketchy stuff to her peers, and acts surprised when she’s called on it. Suddenly, her being friends with Julie makes more sense than ever, since they can’t see that what goes around comes around.

Villa. Trishelle asks Mike if they’re on the same team. “You think?” Mike responds. “We’re wearing red, aren’t we?” Actually, he’s got his black Miz shirt, but I get his point. He brings up the threatening of teammates, telling her that she should have apologized. He interviews that she had done so, the vote might have been different. Trishelle doesn’t believe this. “If you’re going to vote for people on a personal note,” she interviews, “keep your reason to yourself. I do not think that’s being a team player. And it more hurt my feelings as a friend.” She tells Mike that she has a problem with him kissing other people. Mike rightfully throws that back in her face. I imagine Mike watches The Surreal Life, setting up his own drinking game with Trishelle in the center of it, and passing out before Vanilla Ice throws one of his hissy fits. He tells her that he was sorry to have voted her in, but all she had to do was explain her actions. As he says this, the editors bring in some music, which I instantly recognize from the song played during Coral’s flashback montage last season. Even though Coral can be a rampaging bitch, I sympathized with her back then. Trishelle? Not so much. She wipes her eyes before hugging Mike. “I had way too much pride,” she interviews, “and I didn’t want to admit any faults. When you really care about somebody, you have to put that aside. I guess I’m learning that now.”

 Dave announces the nominations: Leah and Trishelle from RW, and Holly and Katie from RR. Timmy thinks that RW has “more grudges, more he said/she said.” Julie interviews that RR has a good strategy of sending in the strongest and weakest players. Dave tells the teams to make their picks.

RW meeting. Coral doesn’t want to vote based on how RR will vote. She wants to ensure that the RW representative will stay by picking Katie. Trishelle wants to vote for Holly, since it would be better to get rid of her. Over at RR, Katie wants a weaker player, since she’s 99 percent certain that she’ll get picked. She interviews that Trishelle has a lot of pride.

Back at RW, Mike tells the team that Holly would kick RW ass in every mission. He figures that voting Katie would be easy. But, according to Mike, “we keep Katie in there, she’s gonna mess up every mission for the team. If she messes up every mission, we win every mission.” RW agrees to send Holly to the Inferno. On the other side, Holly suggests Trishelle, since she’s a better player than Leah. Her teammates concur.

Outside, the teams keep their plates hidden from each other before putting them up for display. You’ll be happy to know that the names are spelled correctly this time. Both teams hug and act cordial, but Timmy looks nervous. “There’s a huge fear in losing Holly,” he interviews. “I don’t want her to leave. She’s a strong female, possibly the strongest we have.” As Holly and Veronica hug, Timmy mouths at the camera, probably about how this is a bad move. Or he could be pimping his show. I really need subtitles. Veronica interviews that having Katie on the team helps RW, since they wouldn’t vote her into the Inferno. “In an ideal utopian world,” she adds, “Holly would win the Aztec Lifesaver, and she would pass that right on over to Katie.” Looks like Katie and Veronica still hate each other.

Trishelle asks Mike if the team will support her. She interviews that he’ll always be a friend, even though he pisses her off. “He thinks I might win the Inferno just to spite him,” she adds, “and I may just do that.” Coral: “There’s not one person on our team that would sacrifice themselves for Trishelle. Not one person. I’m looking forward to seeing her in the Inferno with some roaches on her head.”

Next time: We got a climbing wall suspended by a crane, and Katie doesn’t want to climb it. Shane: “If it doesn’t involve smoking or drinking, Katie doesn’t want to do it.” Holly: “How do you believe in someone that doesn’t even want to be here?” I don’t ever want to hear another word about Sarah being a quitter ever again. Coral and Trishelle argue. Dave lays out the second Inferno: eat as many chili peppers in one hour. Suddenly, the word “Inferno” takes on a new and scary meaning.

Postscript: Trishelle brought in 92 points for me. While Julie netted a disappointing six, the Coral/Mike juggernaut brought home 45, giving me a respectable 143 points to start things off. I’m getting that Saturn this year. I just hope Julie isn’t the one to award it to me.

Totally forgot about David Broom actually "servicing a ho" back then. For $10. I'm thinking he would've paid more if he got further than five missions in his two Challenges. Also forgot Kendall had a blog; luckily, Archive is able to bring it back.

I have to end by posting the video for "Way Away." I'm a little nervous; in the past month, I have brought up Danny Dias, who wound up overdosing. Then I posted Linkin Park's video  for "Numb," and lead singer Chester Bennington committed suicide. All I'm saying is that I hope nothing bad happens to anybody associated with Yellowcard. "Way Away" resonated with me, especially when my relationship with the recappers of Reality News Online became increasingly strained. Before I started recapping Inferno II, I opened a post with lyrics from that song. I liked the band, I liked that song, and I'm really, really, REALLY hoping my blog isn't some sort of Death Note. Oh, and I think the same guy does the sweet backflip in the final verse that he did in the episode.