Blah,
blah, blah, procrastination. Yadda, yadda, yadda, new season of The Challenge (Bloody
Hell War of the Worlds 2) is nigh. Also, I still have to get around to
blogging from my notes on the Challenge Mania event that I attended last
Saturday). I didn't get to mingle, but I had fun . . . even with the prospect
of Cara Maria and Paulie screwing on stage. Oh, and Ruthie was there. I didn't
hit her up . . . and that's probably a good thing, given that my first and only
question would be, "Do you have nightmares about Beth dragging you through the sand in Gauntlet 2?"
This episode? Right . . . Steven Hill. Stifler wannabe. He was an item with Trishelle in the original RW: Las Vegas, and they even had a pregnancy scare. Needless to say, I didn't think much of him. The good stuff is that I wouldn't have to deal with him for much longer. The bad news:his absence didn't improve this season as much as I would have wanted.
Oh, and I'm proud of the "Jingle Bells" riff I wrote below. Hey, I had keep myself amused this season, and these people weren't helping me at all.
Episode Aired: December 27, 2004
Recap Posted: December 31, 2004
This episode? Right . . . Steven Hill. Stifler wannabe. He was an item with Trishelle in the original RW: Las Vegas, and they even had a pregnancy scare. Needless to say, I didn't think much of him. The good stuff is that I wouldn't have to deal with him for much longer. The bad news:his absence didn't improve this season as much as I would have wanted.
Oh, and I'm proud of the "Jingle Bells" riff I wrote below. Hey, I had keep myself amused this season, and these people weren't helping me at all.
Episode Aired: December 27, 2004
Recap Posted: December 31, 2004
Jingle bells, Steven smells from forty miles
away. He's such a pain and he just whacked Shane, so he has to go away. Hey!
Previously on Battle of the Sexes
2: Tonya's off-the-field partying concerned her teammates. The guys won
Shredder, running their record to 9-2. They proceeded to eliminate Randy, the
last team member with a penalty. The women sent Ibis home, and she griped to
Ruthie about Tonya coasting through the game. For some reason, the editors slip
in footage of Tonya and Tina's fight from two weeks ago. Bottom line: Tonya is
not popular.
It's nightclub time, as the kids get
their respective grooves on. Tonya interviews that the other girls perceive her
as a "ditzy blonde," but she's young and single. "I can be
stupid and silly," she adds, "and still have my [bleep]
together." She must be exaggerating, since she ends up kneeling down
outside, eventually collapsing to the side and smacking her head against a car
bumper. Theo comes out to check on his squeeze du jour, interviewing that Tonya
is hard to figure out. Coral suggests that Tonya go home in a cab. She
interviews that she has a problem with Tonya's drinking. "It's ultimately
her decision," she adds, "whether or not wants to be here. If she
[bleeps] it up, it's on her." Tonya gets loaded into the van.
It's daytime! The guys are chilling
in the pool, as Dan reads off the sponsor phone clue, which includes the phrase
"WORD UP." The players have to be ready at 9:30 a.m., and they must
wear bathing suits. Brad: "What's Jonny's problem? He always wants to see
us in out bathing suits!" Okay, that was funny. Theo: "At least say
'please.'" Over at the Girls' Lodge, Arissa reads the same clue. She and
Coral pull off a double "Yeah, boooooooyyy!" that would make Flava
Flav proud. Coral interviews that if the team can focus more on winning than
their past losses, maybe they can win. Here's hoping.
The players arrive at the mission
site. Jonny welcomes them to today's mission: Cast a Spell. This time, Jonny
has to be mysterious about the mission, telling the kids that he cannot give
them information until they pick leaders. He can tell them that they'll be using
their brains. Tina interviews that Ibis was her team's "puzzle
person," but she was voted out last week. Today's winners get spiffy
laptops that can receive television broadcasts. I'd kill for that, since the TV
in my room has a crappy antenna, and I can't see certain channels at night.
It's the $2,000 dream: recap this show, and watch a far better reality show!
Anyway, Jonny gives both sides the usual 30 minutes to pick their leaders.
The ladies try to figure out the
mission. Sophia announces she would feel good with Coral and Ruthie leading,
and Tina agrees with that. Ruthie interviews that people have faith in her, but
she's made mistakes in past missions. Finally, Tonya steps up to lead. "I
don't want to lose," Tina interviews, "but I don't want her here,
either. If we happen to lose, that girl's gone." Nice to see Tina looking
on the bright side. Over on the men's side, Shane and Brad volunteer to lead.
Steven interviews that Shane is a better leader than follower, and that he's
brighter than most people. Shane interviews that he has to win the mission to
stay in the game.
Jonny announces that until he blows
his whistle, the players cannot talk to each other or to him. Doing so results
in a 20-point penalty. Next, Jonny shows the teams stencils of each letter of
the alphabet. The leaders pick one letter to get spray-painted on each player's
stomach. Jonny lifts his shirt to reveal a "J." Jonny has a bit of a
gut; here's hoping other competitive moguls skiers don't meet the same fate.
Anyway, the players will step onto a stage to form a word. Jonny's helpers will
then take an instant picture and post it on a corkboard. The more letters that
are used, the higher the points (in order: 1, 3, 6, 10, 15, 21, and 28 points
for a seven-letter word). Both sides have 30 minutes. Shane informs us that if
a team uses the same word twice, the point total would be deducted. Of course,
the team with the most points wins the mission. After the leaders reveal
themselves, Jonny reminds them to stay silent.
The boys go off to the side, trying
to sign at each other. Steven sounds close to whispering. Theo interviews that
Steven is flirting with disaster. "It's like I'm so angry at him,"
Theo adds, "but I can't say anything to him." Shane figures that if
Steven gets a penalty and the team loses, he will go home.
Jonny gives both sides 20 minutes
that make their letter choices, and then blows his whistle. Theo gives Steven
crap about almost talking. Steven replies that nobody talked. Shane grabs
Steven's wrist. And how does Steven react? By smacking Shane upside the
head! Wow. Has it really been 546 days since the last act of violence on a
Bunim-Murray show? Steven argues with the guys some more, and we go to
commercials.
We get a slow-motion replay of
Steven's smack. He interviews that it was a reflex action, and he knew he did
something wrong. "This angers me to see this go on," Brad interviews.
"If you had a problem with somebody, that definitely should have been
worked out after the mission." Brad is the voice of reason? Are pigs
flying right now?
Now it's time for Jonny to make an
announcement. Mark thinks something is up, since Jonny never calls the players
twice. Jonny declares that there is a no-hitting policy, and that Steven
violated said policy. Bottom line? Steven Hill, you have been eliminated from
the Challenge. Somewhere, Brynn stops stabbing her Steven voodoo doll with a
fork. Shane pleads for Steven to stay, interviewing that it was his fault for
grabbing the wrist. I don't think Shane is playing the victim card. Part of it
might be a fear that his would get voted out in the future due to Steven's
departure. Or perhaps he remembers the time he drunkenly slapped Darrell in RR:
Campus Crawl and didn't get ejected. Steven hugs Shane, interviewing that
his departure was all his fault.
Jonny gives the guys a chance to
replace their letters. Robin interviews that recent events are an advantage for
her side, since the guys can't form a seven-letter word. Mark holds onto Shane,
telling him not to take responsibility for Steven's departure. Theo tries to
snap Shane out of it, telling him that he has to lead the team. Mark:
"What if he punched Eric?" Mmmmm... Eric getting punched. That is
such a happy thought. Tonya is happy, and why not? With the girls getting a break,
they can win the mission, and she wouldn't have to get voted off.
The ladies gather to strategize.
Ruthie picks out a word: "candles." The girls get the letters
spray-painted on their tummies. Ruthie interviews that nobody came up with a
better word. For the guys, Dan suggests "Master," which the guys
like. Mark interviews that he's going into this thinking they have no shot at
winning. To be honest, I don't smell the ironic foreshadowing. I'm losing my
skills.
Jonny gives both sides 30 minutes to
form their letters. There's really not much to write about. Both sides get
coordinated (Theo calling the shots for the men, Coral for the women), go up on
the stage, raise their arms, get their pictures taken, then step down. Coral
interviews that her team has lots of five- and six-point words, as well as a
few sevens. Honestly, I don't think you can use all seven letters from
"candles." Mark sees that most of the girls' corkboard is filled with
pictures. The guys discover that a few words has been repeated, resulting in a
28-point deduction.
Over at the Men's Lounge, Steven
packs up. He holds up a fake grave marker (probably plucked from High Noon)
with his death date being 2004. Ha ha, very funny. He stops to write a letter
and interviews that he understands why he got kicked off. He leaves the note
behind, carrying his bag and cardboard twin (from Bombs Away). He apologizes
for hurting the team before he gets into the Van of Shame.
Jonny gives everybody one minute to
finish up. The guys get one last word in, while the girls stand by. Jonny blows
his air horn to end the mission. The girls try and psyche themselves up for the
win. Ruthie feels that they got it in the bag. Brad tells his group that they
did the best that they could. Mark: "I'm just gonna bury my head in the
sand."
Jonny goes over today's events: Guys
shorthanded, women had full roster, blah blah blah. Tonya and Tina are unable
to stand still. Jonny announces that the guys got 735 points, then proceeds to
drag out the women's score, making both sides sore. After commercials, Jonny
reveals the ladies' score: 624. Damn. I mean, daaaaaaaaayymn. If you look up
"tough loss" in the dictionary, you'd find a picture of Sophia's face
deflating after hearing the news.
The guys celebrate like they just won
the World Series. Fellas, you just kicked your underachieving opponents for the
tenth time in twelve missions. I don't care if you were shorthanded. Simmer
down. Sophia actually slams a chair down on the ground. I really hate seeing
her that ticked off. Tina interviews that this was the biggest disappointment
since coming to Santa Fe. "I honestly can't believe," she continues,
"that they have outwitted us." The guys celebrate some more, as Brad
hands out cardboard certificates for the laptops. Mark interviews that this
will go down as "the biggest upset in reality television." Shut up,
Dodgeball Boy.
Jonny reminds the boys that since
Steven is gone, they won't have to send anybody home today. As for the women?
They get to choose between Coral, Ruthie, and Tonya. Ruthie interviews that she
didn't want to lose, but that guys had more five- and six-letter words, which
she gives props for.
The guys arrive at their lounge,
basking in the afterglow of their "upset." They find Steven's letter.
Mark reads that Steven is sorry for hurting the team. "Shane," he
adds, "I only pushed you because I love you the most." Wow, that is
very creepy. Shane interviews that he appreciates Steven taking the time to
write before departing. Brad thinks Steven did a "very negative
thing," but the team won anyway. He brags about winning the laptop and
wanting to show it off to the girls. Brad is still a meathead, but he's my
second-favorite guy still in this Challenge. Sad, isn't it?
Outside of the Main Lounge, Tonya
sits and waits. She interviews that the team wouldn't send Coral home, and that
it would come down to herself and Ruthie. Inside, Ruthie and Coral wait it out.
Ruthie concurs with Tonya's view, interviewing that the team was counting on
her.
Women's Lounge, Girls' Inner Circle.
Tina bases her vote on performance, and she's not ready to let Ruthie go, so
Tonya gets the vote. "Tonya, it's nothing I'm doing," Tina snipes in
an interview. "You just don't know how to perform. You're just not strong
as me." I think Tonya could outperform Tina in anything athletic, but Tina
is more fun to keep around at this point. Robin figures that out of the three
leaders, she would rather do the final mission with Ruthie and Coral. Sophia
dubs Coral "phenomenal," and calls Ruthie "strong," and see
a lot of intensity in Tonya. Arissa doesn't feel like voting for Tonya.
Welcome to Elimination Hill, now
with fifty percent fewer eliminations! Jonny reminds anybody who fell asleep
that Steven already went home, so the guys didn't have to vote anybody out.
Arissa comes up to drop the axe on behalf of the Inner Circle. She thinks that
all of the players left deserve to be here, and she doesn't want to send
anybody home. But she does, and Tonya is leaving today. Tonya laughs a little,
then hugs Arissa. She doesn't have much to say, save for wishing her team luck.
Jonny goes into his farewell spiel, interrupted by Tonya shouting, "I'll
be back!" The sad thing is that she's right. I feel that she might be
better off going into nursing, or wherever her skills may lead her. I've had
one friend suggest that her antics in Santa Fe are a result of a delayed
adolescence, due to her being in foster care when she was younger. I don't have
a problem with her getting wild and kissing strange boys. I just have a problem
with her doing that on camera, with those boys. Aim higher, Tonya!
Tonya walks with Coral and Shane,
blurting out, "Walla Walla goes back home!" I cannot believe I forgot
she's from Walla Walla. She interviews about being bummed over losing, and she
figured to be on the final team. She adds that some girls are looking out for
themselves. When it comes to a $60,000 check, who wouldn't?
Cut to the Men's Lounge, where Theo
and Tonya get in one last snuggle. Theo figures he'll be friends with Tonya. "I'm
not carrying anything out of this desert," he interviews. "I'll
probably just leave here and let the little summer love fizzle and die
out."
Tonya packs up and says her
goodbyes. "I'm a strong competitor and a strong woman," she
interviews. "I put myself in a position to be judged and to be questioned,
and that's fine. I'd rather do that than back down because I'm too scared of
being voted off." She gets a few hugs, orders her team to win, then gets
in the van. And now, let us remember Tonya fondly. Will you do the honors,
Tina? "Ding dong, the witch is dead! Good riddance!" I predict that
Tina's compassion for people will be her downfall.
Next time: Mark and Robin snuggle.
The mission has the kids walking on balance beams on top of speeding semis. And
guess what? It's Eric versus Coral in a war of words. Robin's crying for some
reason, but who cares? Here's hoping Coral ties up Eric with his own jump rope.
Depressing as fuck, huh?
The girls wound up with an advantage, and they still blew it. They did lose Tonya, but it didn't end up a case of "addition" by "subtraction." I wasn't kidding about wanting Tonya to have a normal life. After her turbulant time on RW: Chicago, it was nice to see her look sane in BOTS1 and The Gauntlet. But she would wind up in more four seasons: Inferno II (where the "Mean Girls" troika overlooked their own flaws to rank on her for most of the season), Fresh Meat (she and one-shot player Johnnie McBride were the fourth team eliminated, done in by a rookie Wes and his plus-one, Casey), Inferno 3 (where she won her first Challenge after six tries, winning $40,000 along with the remaining players of the Bad Ass team), The Island (first player voted off) and The Ruins, where this allegedly happened to her. I have to say "allegedly" because the case was settled out of court, and there are times I pretend to be a practicing journalist . . . but I'm thinking it happened.
Battle of the Sexes 2 turned out to be Steven's only Challenge, which was a pleasant surprise for me. Sadly, he would take part in the unnecessary Reunited: The Real World Las Vegas season in 2007. By the way, how weird was it that I felt bad for Shane back then, but I'd wind up rooting for someone -- ANYONE -- to slug him over a decade later? I'm sure he's probably a nice guy in "real life," but "Shady Shane" wore on my nerves. It tickles me that out of the six members of RR: Campus Crawl to compete in Challenges, he's the only one to have not won in multiple tries (alpha guy Eric Jones only did three missions in BOTS1). Basically, he's Homer Simpson, and Challenge titles are the Employee of the Month award at Springfield Nuclear. And Sarah Grayson would be the inanimate rod. That has to keep Shane up during some nights.
Depressing as fuck, huh?
The girls wound up with an advantage, and they still blew it. They did lose Tonya, but it didn't end up a case of "addition" by "subtraction." I wasn't kidding about wanting Tonya to have a normal life. After her turbulant time on RW: Chicago, it was nice to see her look sane in BOTS1 and The Gauntlet. But she would wind up in more four seasons: Inferno II (where the "Mean Girls" troika overlooked their own flaws to rank on her for most of the season), Fresh Meat (she and one-shot player Johnnie McBride were the fourth team eliminated, done in by a rookie Wes and his plus-one, Casey), Inferno 3 (where she won her first Challenge after six tries, winning $40,000 along with the remaining players of the Bad Ass team), The Island (first player voted off) and The Ruins, where this allegedly happened to her. I have to say "allegedly" because the case was settled out of court, and there are times I pretend to be a practicing journalist . . . but I'm thinking it happened.
Battle of the Sexes 2 turned out to be Steven's only Challenge, which was a pleasant surprise for me. Sadly, he would take part in the unnecessary Reunited: The Real World Las Vegas season in 2007. By the way, how weird was it that I felt bad for Shane back then, but I'd wind up rooting for someone -- ANYONE -- to slug him over a decade later? I'm sure he's probably a nice guy in "real life," but "Shady Shane" wore on my nerves. It tickles me that out of the six members of RR: Campus Crawl to compete in Challenges, he's the only one to have not won in multiple tries (alpha guy Eric Jones only did three missions in BOTS1). Basically, he's Homer Simpson, and Challenge titles are the Employee of the Month award at Springfield Nuclear. And Sarah Grayson would be the inanimate rod. That has to keep Shane up during some nights.