A Gay Old Time

I have DirecTV, which means I have access to lots of channels. Way too many channels, in fact. Most of them I pass on the way to my favorite programming. One of them is Logo, a gay-themed station. This Sunday, they will air Real Gay, which will bring together gay cast members from a cornucopia of reality shows. Some of these people I've never heard of (Ebony and Michelle of America's Next Top Model, Jim from American Idol), some I can do without (Coby "Tom Westman Sucks!" Archa from Survivor: Palau; Lynn & Alex, they of "Ramber? We never heard of Ramber!" fame from The Amazing Race), and a few folks from BMP (Genesis and Willie from Real World, Sophia from Road Rules).

Here's the big thing...from 10:30 a.m to the start of Real Gay at 9 p.m., Logo will be airing gay-themed episodes of The Real World. And good gravy, some of these shows go all the way back to the days of New York and Los Angeles. Being the fanboy that I am, here are some of the episodes I'll try and watch on Sunday. Bear in mind that the gayiety in some of these eps is not what brings me in.

11 a.m.: Aneesa contemplates getting back with Veronica. No, not the oily bitch I hate...the one us posters dubbed "Feminem" back in the day. Actually, the big highlight is Cara hooking up for the umpteenth time (with one of Kyle's buddies), and the producers piping in David "Bishop Woo Woo" Broom's cult hit, "Come On Be My Baby Tonight." Feel the love. Woo woo. (Chicago)

12 p.m.: The debut of Beth A., the first lesbian in RW history. Also, the gang finds out that Aaron appeared in a surfer calendar, and decide to torture him about it. (Los Angeles)

2 p.m.: First episode of the third season, as we meet AIDS activist Pedro Zamora, as well as those who will befriend him, and the one asshole whose act wears thin really quickly. Feel free to break out a copy of Judd Winick's Pedro & Me and do some comparing. (San Francisco)

2:30 p.m.: The good news: it's a Danny-based episode, and he's cute. Bad news: it's a meh episode, where his folks meet Paul, his blur-faced boyfriend. Oh, and Jamie produces the cast's cable access show so badly, their boss rips him a new one. (New Orleans)

3 p.m.: Rachel takes Pedro home to Arizona to meet her folks, and to pronounce his name in a way that reminds us that she's Latin. Also: Judd plans Pam's birthday party. Good times. Did you know they had a kid a few months ago? (San Francisco)

3:30 p.m.: MTV News Now special, where we catch up with Danny and Paul, and we finally see the man behind the blur.

4:30 p.m.: I don't remember this episode, where Norman finds love, and Julie spends a night with the homeless. I'm throwing this out because it's old school, and it's much better than the Austin follies going on now. (New York)

5:30 pm.: The introduction of Feminem and her ex, as well as a primo tantrum from Aneesa. Also: the cast starts to work with kids on a mural. Yes...somebody at BMP thought it was a great idea to expose children to the likes of Cara, Kyle, and Tonya. (Chicago)

7:30 p.m.: Pedro gets sick. Really sick. Judd bawling in the confessional sick. Also, Mohammend has girl problems. I think this was the closest he got to a plot all season. (San Francisco)

8 p.m.: It's the Mardi Gras episode, which will invoke some major melancholy due to recent events. Danny tries to remain faithful to his guy back home, but screws up. Also: Julie tries to discover the fun of Mardi Gras, David has sex with some random girl and excludes himself from the group, Matt gets stuck in the same room as David has sex, and Melissa gives one of the funniest monologues in the show's history. Oh, and Danny walks around buck naked. Good times? The best. (New Orleans)

8:30 p.m.: Pedro and boyfriend Sean get married. Also: Puck races in a soapbox derby. Yeah, those two plots are so relatable. (San Francisco)