Saturday, May 15, 2010

Reality Rant: Russelling Up A Finale

While The Amazing Race has faltered in its latest season, Survivor: Heroes Vs. Villains has been mostly unpredictable and interesting to watch. Sure, some good players (Stephenie, Tom, Rob) wet out too early, but we're heading for an intriguing finale. Let's look at the final five:

Colby: No way does he win. The only way he gets the $1 million is if he makes it to Day 39, there's a 3-3-3 tie, and Jeff Probst supplies his biggest mancrush with his own vote. Colby's been more or less out of contention throughout the competition, culminating with his refusing to back Amanda in her catfight over the immunity idol clue with Danielle. All he wanted to do there was watch Treasure Island in peace. He did show signs of life in the latest episode, yelling at his brother during the reward challenge, guaranteeing that they would never get invited to run on TAR. He either goes out on Day 37 or Day 38.

Jerri: Unlike her Australian Outback rival Colby, Jerri's been playing the game. The problem is that she hasn't been shown to be a huge part of the game. She's been a swing vote once or twice, and she's won reward and immunity challenges (the latter being a first for her in her three seasons), but she's either early cannon fodder or a third-place finisher. At least she didn't play the part of the bitch like in her original season.

Russell: For all of his strategy, bravado, and the uncanny ability to get immunity idols, Russell has no social game at all. Basically, it's just him bullying others, targeting those who don't dance to his tune, and beating off about how awesome he is. The good news: contrary to what Rupert might think, he's still not as bad as Jon Dalton, a human tick who didn't so much play the game as irritate those around him. The bad news: he ain't winning the million bucks, and he's probably going to break down at the reunion like he did at the end of the Samoa season.

Parvati: I have problems with her. I feel that she was a mediocre player in her original season (Cooks Islands), but she got invited to Micronesia: Fans Vs. Favorites on account that she was flirty "eye candy." Then she won that season, which I didn't think she deserved. Also, she beat Amanda for the grand prize. I could beat Amanda. Hell, Russell could beat Amanda. I feel that Randy was right about her, that she just flips her hair and she gets stuff for it. She's already got 111 days on her odometer going into the finale. Should she win, many would consider her to be the best player ever, and I don't know how I feel about that.

Sandra: She's my favorite of this lot. She won Pearl Islands by going under the radar, staying out of the crosshairs and not getting a single vote cast against her despite a lack of immunity wins. Her gameplay is next to pathetic, but she manages to be a vital swing vote when she needs to be. I like her for being snarky and for not kowtowing to the likes of Russell. Last time, she got a 6-1 win on Day 39. Granted, it was against Lillian, a spacey Boy Scout leader who missed a number of days. There's no way the road to riches will be that easy for her.

Also, I'm thinking that Dragonz will perform at the reunion. That's a band featuring Coach, Courtney and JT. Seriously, check to "Ponderosa" videos on For an amateur band, they're pretty good. It's almost worth it to have a deluded chump like Coach and a dumbass like JT cast for this season. But for what'll happen?

What I'd Like To Happen: First up, Jerri gets voted off, followed by Colby. The latter will announce the total failure of the Heroes tribe to get any major advantages, culminating with JT delivering an immunity idol to Russell with a "Hang In There, Buddy" letter. The jury will be ugly as usual, and the vote goes down 4-4-1. It's revealed that each finalist votes for the other two in case of ties, and Russell's vote decides the game. That explains why he was sobbing during the Samoa reunion; because he knew he blew Heroes Vs. Villains. In the end, he decides to vote against Parvati, giving the big prize to Sandra.

What Will Probably Happen: Well, Colby's out by Day 38. Jerri has an outside shot getting into the final day, but she won't win. I'm thinking a Parvati/Russell/Sandra finale is practically preordained. Russell doesn't win, that much is certain. I hate to say it, but Parvati will probably get the win over Sandra, either 5-4-0 or 6-3-0. Oh, and Survivor will finally get a nomination for Best Competitive Reality Series at the Emmys.

No matter what, it's been one helluva ride. And if it turns out badly? We'll have four months for the next season in Nicaragua

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