Airdate: January 26, 2004
Recap Published: February 1, 2004
We take one last look at The Gauntlet, one good look at The Inferno, and one lingering look at the various drama kings and queens who play the game.
Looks like my preview article wasn’t redundant after all. This episode abandons the old format, where the show’s host and a cast member talk up the season. Instead, we get a final look back at The Gauntlet, and a quick peek into The Inferno. Also, I get to tell some people to shut up one last time. I do that a lot.
Scenes from Gauntlet. Scenes
from Inferno: Guys trashing a room with guitars, paintballs, bungee
jumping, running on a wall, exercise bike, giant dominos, and David naked.
Voiceover Guy talks about sunny
Acapulco and a $12 million house. “All quiet and serene,” VOG notes, “until The
Inferno comes to town!” Players cheering upon arrival. Guys wrestling with
each other, Katie going on a bitch fit. Coral and Mike argue. Guys do damage
with guitars. Julie squirts lotion on Jeremy. Ace helps Syrus with his chicken
costume. Abram wrestles somebody. Katie and Veronica fight. Katie: “This game
is so [bleeping] nasty.” Zip line mission with Katie kicking and screaming.
Bridge bungee. Guys with their heads in bug-filled boxes. Abram says he’s done.
He’s wearing a mohawk for some reason.
Voiceover Guy tells us that before
we get into The Inferno, we have to take care of Gauntlet
business. Clips time! Theo V. tells Alton to help Irulan pack. Roni takes a
picture of Abram, Rachel R., and Veronica in the tub. Coral can’t believe Mike
sent her to the Gauntlet. Coral almost dies during Gold Rush. Theo G.: “We’re
Real World. Keep it real.” I’m sorry... what show are you on, again?
Voiceover Guy drops by one last time
to tell us to get to the source of the RW/RR rivalry. Cut to Day One and Mike
saying, “Road Rules, kiss my ass, baby!” Upon reflection, I prefer Jisela’s
opener from Battle of the Seasons: “MTV, kiss my ass, because I’m not
afraid of heights!” Mike interviews that RW is full of drama kings and queens.
Coral thinks RW is more popular and that RR is “the red-headed stepchild.”
Rachel R.: “I think they feel superiority over Road Rules, and I think Road
Rules has to continue to kick their ass in every single mission until they get
it.” Trishelle figures that RW has more fun, while RR is more concerned with
competition. Katie thinks that RR has more rivalry within itself.
Title card: “Boys vs. Girls.” Coral
interviews that the guys voted off the women, thinking that would help them.
Sarah thinks it was weird seeing Adam’s anti-women interviews. Cut to Adam
telling Dave and Theo V. that they should vote off the women. Katie becomes the
first person to tick me off by saying some women, especially Sarah, let it
happen. She continue, “Me, I was like, ‘I went already. Eat [bleep].’” Hey,
Katie? Maybe if you didn’t waste your energy bitching out your teammates, you
would’ve beaten Rachel B. Rachel R. considers the women to be the backbone of
the RR team. Clips of Veronica and Roni winning missions back her up. “I wasn’t
trying to vote off the girls,” Abram interviews. “If I had a team of Amazonians
[sic], I’d be like, ‘Make me some money, man.’” Veronica: “It’s not like they
were trying to have all boys. I’m sorry, but not all girls are strong.”
Segue to the next segment: “Road
Rules vs. Sarah.” In a nice touch, the editors pipe in “Where Is the Love?” by
Black Eyed Peas. Sarah laughs about how there were three teams: RW, RR and
herself. Cut to Jonny calling her up to the Gauntlet five times. Mike thinks
that RR copped out by going after an easy target. Veronica: “If one of our weakest
players - Sarah - keeps coming back because she wins in the Gauntlet, she’s
still our weakest. It doesn’t change that.” Rachel R. snipes about Sarah
getting disqualified several times. Cut to Sarah dropping the cat in Inferno.
Rachel: “She was complaining.” Cut to Sarah telling the team that her back
hurt. “She quit on us.” Cut to Sarah, unable to move up the rope in All or
Nothing. How many Roadies actually completed that mission? One. “And those are
characteristics that when there’s $150,000 on the line, you don’t mess with.
You send that person into the Gauntlet.” Dear Lord! Sarah’s still out there!
Her underachieving will destroy us all! It kills me that I saw Rachel love
Sarah last week, and now she’s badmouthing her all over again.
Trishelle: “If I would have been on
the Road Rules team, I would have put Sarah in the Gauntlet every single time,
every time. She sucks as a competitor.” First of all, I have to laugh anytime I
hear Trishelle say the word “suck.” Second, I’m guessing somebody is a little
bitter over her Gauntlet loss to the sucky competitor. Third, notice that
Trishelle says that exactly as Adam would have. More on that later. Coral is
proud of Sarah. “Gauntlets suck,” Sarah interviews. “I can’t put it any more
simply than that. They just really blow. They both suck and blow. I don’t like
them, I don’t ever want to do them again, ever.”
Next segment: “Friendship vs.
Competition.” In previously unseen footage, Nathan argues with a hot-tubbing
Katie. “I swear to God,” she shouts, “if she fell down, I would help this bitch
up in a second.” The camera pans past Adam to Trishelle. Mike interviews that
he takes friendship out of the game and looks at performance. Katie claims that
RR took issue with her friendship with Trishelle. “We’re roommates and friends
first, way before the shows,” she continues. “Fortunately, I like Real World
people better, not because they’re on The Real World, but because
they’re nicer people.” Coral notes that Katie and Trishelle traded secrets. “As
soon as the competition starts,” Katie says, “that’s when the friendliness
dies.”
“Road Rules vs. Alton & Irulan.”
Cue the Irulan/Sarah Gauntlet. Coral interviews that RR booed Irulan when she
was announced, and that set the tone for the nastiness. Irulan falls into the water,
sealing Sarah’s win. Coral adds that Theo V. yelled “Ding dong, the witch is
dead!” That’s harsh. Clip of Theo screaming “Go home!” and Nathan holding back
an angry Alton. “Alton was ready to beat Theo down,” Mike interviews. “Back in
the house, we basically had to keep him in the basement because he was looking
for Theo. He wanted to basically kill Theo.” Sarah says that Alton and Irulan
had been yelling at production all the time. She didn’t bring up getting hugged
by a production member for wasting Irulan in the Gauntlet , which she discusses
on her web site. Cut to Irulan making noise with her clapper, then threatening
to drop Veronica. Sarah adds that RR would lash out at RW. “After a while,” she
continues, “it became this giant feuding extravaganza.” Rachel considers Alton
and Irulan a team within a team, which she thinks wasn’t good. Trishelle: “You
can definitely use relationships with people to manipulate the game.” The sad
thing is, I bet she’s not even thinking about herself.
Cut to Abram getting greeted in the
bathroom by Veronica. Oh, no. “Veronica & Rachel & Abram vs. The
Censors.” Trishelle interviews that Veronica’s butt was on the line, and she
had to do something. Mike figures that Veronica knows how to play the game.
Veronica correctly points out that Abram had already been bounced out of the
game. Cut to Abram and the ladies hitting the shower. “Maybe they were trying
to get votes?" Abram ponders. “I’d like to think no. If they were, all the more
power to me.” Rachel notes that Abram was already gone, and she and Veronica
would never vote for one another. “For us to have sex with each other,” she
says, “it didn’t really matter at that point.” Rachel adds that Dave wanted to
join in on the fun. Abram thinks that the scene was kept “a little too PG-13.”
Cut to Veronica in the tub, her arms positioned between Abram’s legs. That’ll
give you nightmares. Abe says that he was so proud of himself. Yeah, he would
be. “I would not take back one minute on that show,” Rachel concludes. “If you
ask me if I regret the threesome? Never.”
After commercials, we move into
rivalries. First up: “Katie vs. Veronica.” In previously unseen footage, Katie
bitches out about Veronica to the guys. Mike interviews that he’s never seen
anybody hate each other more. Trishelle notes that the rivalry started when
Katie thought Veronica voted for her. Cut to the altercation, where Katie loses
whatever cool she had. She claims that Veronica manipulates a lot of people.
Veronica replies that it wasn’t true. Katie then sheepishly admits that she was
told Veronica didn’t do it, and Veronica tells us that she wasn’t impressed by
Katie’s off-camera apology.
“Coral vs. Trishelle.” “Coral?”
Trishelle gripes. “What a bitch!” Turns out Coral talked about Mike and
Trishelle having sex before their first kiss, after she got into the bike
accident. Coral interviews that Mizchelle would be lying if they denied having
sex during the season. She adds that Trishelle “just bit off more than she can
chew with me.”
“Mike vs. Trishelle.” Say what?
Mizchelle is no more? Do I want to live in such a cruel world? Anyway, Mike
tells the story: the day they came back from Telluride, she told him that she
wanted to flirt with two of her exes at a party, and he couldn’t get mad. Mike
continues, “I look at her, and I’m like, ‘This isn’t gonna work, is it?’”
Trishelle tells us that after the break-up, she got back with Adam, and that
pissed Mike off, since Mike and Adam hate each other. I did read about
Trishelle and Adam, but hearing it out loud makes me sick. No wonder Trishelle
sounded like him while bashing Sarah. “Who goes out with Trishelle?” Coral
wonders. “‘Trishelle is my girlfriend?’ That doesn’t really work.”
“Coral vs. Trishelle vs. Mike.”
Coral claims she wasn’t mad at Mike for dating Trishelle. Trishelle figures
that Coral was jealous that Mike wasn’t paying attention to her. Coral: “It was
Mike being hypnotized by her vagina, and treating me like [bleep].” Trishelle
insists she didn’t turn Mike against Coral. “He just liked me more than her,” she
adds. Cut to Gauntlet voting, where everybody voted for Trishelle, while she
and Mike voted for Coral. “It was hard to vote her off,” Mike admits with a
comically pained look, “so I didn’t.” Coral: “He was more willing to let me,
his friend for three years, go home than to let his free [bleep] go home.” Mike
admits to making a mistake. “Coral just gives you an eye for a second,” he
adds, “and that will affect you for a week.”
“Coral vs. the Spider.” Clips of
Gold Rush and Coral’s breakdown. She interviews about going into shock and
being unable to breathe. “For somebody who’s deadly allergic to spiders,” Sarah
chimes in, “she made it really, really far.” Mike didn’t believe her, opting to
wait to see the episode. Rachel claims that Coral filled out paperwork about
her allergy prior to filming. “Give me a break!” Trishelle snots, not endearing
herself to me in any way. “Everybody knew she was lying. And even if she could
have had a spider bite, she made it more than it was.” It’s amazing that
Trishelle never got into nursing. Mike claims that Coral manipulated the team,
arguing how strong she was. Clip of her collapsing. “We were pissed,” he adds.
“We should have won that.” Sarah figures that RW would have won if they left
Coral behind at the very beginning. Coral interviews that if she knew about the
bite, she would have told her teammates to leave.
Sarah adds that Coral needed shots,
and her leg got swollen. “I didn’t see it,” Mike notes with a sheepish grin. “I
was over at Trishelle’s hotel.” Rachel thinks that it’s mean how RW had no
sympathy for Coral. Sure, but had Sarah been bit and affected, Rachel would
have smacked her. Cut to Nathan bitching out Coral. For the last time: shut up,
Nathan. Coral says that nobody visited her at the hospital, and Mike was
sleeping with Trishelle when she got home. Actually, in the Inferno on
his web site, Mike claims that a nurse called him and said that Coral would be
released soon, so there was no point for a visit. Sarah giddily reveals that
Coral didn’t get bit during the mission, but while she was taking care of
business in the bushes. “So we learned a valuable lesson,” she laughs. “Don’t
piss in the woods.” Mike interviews that Coral’s hands were shaking at the wrap
party from all the adrenaline pumped into her, and thinks maybe she did get
bit. Coral still loves Mike, and hope he’ll be at her side in Inferno.
Before the commercials, we get a
look at the Inferno site, which looks like Torquemada’s meditation room, with
the torches and darkness. Cut to Coral wearing a t-shirt that says, “Melissa
Will Kill You.” More on that later. Coral: “I’m gonna make Trishelle one that
says ‘Infern-ho.’” She cackles, and Mike busts a gut.
Enough Gauntlet stuff... it’s
time to get burned! Cast members arrive in Acapulco on boat. Abram flashes two
middle fingers. “If there’s a Lord in Heaven,” Coral shouts skyward, “let Abe
fall off the top boat!” Roll call: Abram, Ace, Christena, Coral, Darrell, CT,
Jeremy, Julie, Holly, Leah, Katie, David, Kendal, Mike, Shane, Syrus, Veronica,
Mallory, Timmy, Trishelle. Leah notes that everybody is friends already, and
they tell her to cherish the quiet moments which will be gone soon. Mike adds
that at the beginning of every Challenge, people don’t fight. “I see this is
going to be boring,” he adds. “Then about a week or two into it... oh. My bad.
I almost forgot... this is The Real World and Road Rules.”
Cut to guys fighting. Mike: “So you
did lie to me!” Abram curses. Julie: “When I hear her voice, it makes me want
to go home.” I instinctively reach for my wallet, willing to pay for her
departure. Coral: “She cannot be talking to me like that!” David jumps around
naked. Weird note: David looks like Antoine now. Maybe Mr. Nascah went
metrosexual on us.
Coral interviews that Inferno
will be intense, since some people hate each other. Cut to Katie yelling at
Veronica. Actually, “yelling” is too small a word. “SHUT THE [bleep] UP!” Katie
screeches. “YOU ARE A SHORT, SCRAWNY, ACNE-FACED [bleep bleep]!” And she flips
the bird. Oh, I get it... David’s trying to be Antoine, and Katie wants to be
Belou. Abram: “They wouldn’t bring them back if they didn’t think they would
get some good [bleep] on them, man. It’s gonna be good drama. Katie: “[Bleep]
YOU!”
Trishelle interviews that a lot of
tension was brought over from Gauntlet. Back to clips: Coral asks
Trishelle what she should have done. “Keep your [bleeping] mouth shut,” she
replies. Veronica interviews that she thrives on drama. Clip of a mission
involving zip lines and not touching a safety line. Veronica is in front,
kicking and screaming, while Julie is pulling behind her. I have no idea what’s
going on. Afterwards, Julie tells Veronica that she’s just trying to win.
Veronica: “Shut the [bleep] up.”
Trishelle doesn’t know why people
don’t hate Julie. Cut to Coral wearing the “Melissa Will Kill You” shirt,
telling Mike that she’s wearing it for Julie. This is my official position: I
am disappointed in Coral. If Melissa was behind it, then I’m disappointed in
her as well. The shirt is not needed, because Melissa already killed Julie.
Last year, Melissa and Amaya won the first event, cracked the Inner Circle, and
kicked Julie’s annoying self out. Also, Melissa is the least threatening person
around. I would be intimidated by Coral before Melissa. And yet, I know people
who would want that shirt. Heck, I’d buy it and give it to a friend.
Flashback time: MTV salivates as
they show Melissa in full-on bitch mode at the beginning of Battle of the
Sexes. Trishelle blathers about how it’s all high school bull. Oh, head
cheerleader Trishelle has a beef with Coral and Melissa. I’ll be begging Sarah
to come back and run Trishelle out again in about a month. Coral: “As long as
you’re getting up that ladder, Julie, you can stay as long as you want and win
me my money.” Cut to another scene: Julie is blathering about how ineffectually
women fight, and she wants to fight like men. David recommends wrestling.
Coral’s response? “I don’t wrestle. I [bleeping] beat bitches up!” That has to
be the first great quote of the season.
Coral interviews that four people
from RW: Paris are here: CT, Mallory, Leah and Ace. Veronica thinks that
RR has the advantage, since the Parisians have never had a mission. This is in
contrast to Veronica, who has done 37 Challenge events. CT, who looks like he
was gang-made-over by the Queer Eye guys, says he profiled everybody,
trying to be “behind the scenes.” Abram: “Me and CT get along really well.
We’re both assholes.” CT adds that people didn’t know what to think of him, and
they were careful what they said around him. Trishelle reveals that Ace is a
poor sport. CT gossips about how Ace would change the rules in a card game. He
does a pretty good impersonation of his old roommate’s Southern accent.
Trishelle interviews that Mallory was bitchier than she expected. Leah says
that she went to support Mallory. “When I found out that Leah was going,” CT
says, “I kinda figured they’re doing this for the drama.” Cut to CT wearing a
bikini and a thong. Immediately, I wash my eyes with bleach. So not a fan of a
man-thong. Leah gushes that the ladies were in awe over “his fine ass.”
Veronica thinks CT is hot.
Mike: “Yes, you can cross team
boundaries to get a little ass.” He’s such a smooth talker. Turns out he’s
talking about himself and Kendal; they were friends before Inferno. Cut
to the couple kissing and dancing. Coral gets a dig in, saying that she can’t
see Kendal screwing Mike over. Coral goes on about how Kendal and Blair (from The
Quest) used to date, how Blair and Mike are friends, how Blair and
Trishelle are friends... then Coral runs out of steam. Trishelle notes that
Kendal used to room with her and Katie. Apparently, Kendal has a high tolerance
for pain. “You would expect some sort of loyalty,” Trishelle snots. Oh, shut up
and stick to your own love life. Mike: “I just create drama, don’t I?” Katie
jokes that her roommates are attracted to the same type of guy. “I like both of
them,” she laughs, “and I think if they both stop dating people from the shows,
we’ll be fine. It’s so incestuous, it’s sick.”
Veronica interviews that Shane is a
loving person. Cut to a topless Shane on the dance floor. Trishelle notes that
it’s a challenge to get the gay guy to kiss her. Cut to Shane dancing with and
kissing Katie. Veronica thinks that Shane will kiss the girl, but not have sex
with her.
Clip of... Darrell and Leah? Say
what? It’s not even a racial thing. It’s just the weirdest combination I could
ever think up. Coral shares my surprise. Cut to the new couple in the pool,
discovering a camera trained on them. Turns out Leah crushed on Darrell during
his season. Katie didn’t see the coupling at first. “Yeah, I heard it,” she
adds. “They liked my shower a lot.”
Mike interviews that Inferno
will be a lot more dramatic than Gauntlet. Leah expositions that the
teams vote for two of their own members to face the Inferno. Coral adds that
the opposing teams pick each other’s representative to go into the Inferno. No
mention of the Lifesaver or the alternating events; either the editors cut that
out, or I interpreted the MTV.com description incorrectly. Katie notes her
excitement, since she has a lot of friends on the RW side. Abram reveals that
RR alternates between voting between males and females; whether this is a team
policy or mandatory is unknown. CT rolls his eyes, saying that RW didn’t want
to get rid of the women. Leah says that the first Inferno took 30 minutes, and
the last one went four hours. Shots of roaches poured into a box, followed by
guys with their heads in the boxes. Abram figures that this season will be so
much better, television-wise, than Gauntlet.
Closing montage! Close-up of a
spider. Close-up of Coral. A guy dives off a balcony and into a pool. Roller
skating. Players going up a spinning wall. Abram curses twice. Leah squeals in
terror. Busting of furniture. Bungee. Katie is scared to fall. Coral is
spinning on a platform, out of paintballs. Chicken suits. Syrus: “I will carry
the [Oedipus Rexing] flag to victory.” Somebody gets slimed. Wrestling. Guy
bungees. “I [bleeping] hate MTV, man!” Fade to black.
Once again: I was NOT a fan of Katie. Aside from her, Holly and Christena, I didn't change my opinions that much about this cast. I was dead-on about Julie, which you will see almost immediately.
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