The Inferno Episode 5: Disco Inferno

Apologies for the delay. It's not like I've been super busy. Like most of you, I've been watching Dirty XXX with some horror at how it's playing out. I mean, Johnny could go out next and CT could retire with his second straight win, and I'd still nitpick all the twists. However, I have to acknowledge that BMP is looking back at Challenge history . . . especially with the latest episode, where they brought out bits of the awesome-in-retrospect Battle Of The Sexes intro to go over the relationship between Aneesa and Veronica. Which . . . ick. Aneesa can do SO much better. On the bright side, Rachel got shit talked about her, and that's awesome by me since I still don't like her.

 Bottom line: even though MTV would probably only run "my" seasons online (Gauntlet 2 is currently available; I really wouldn't recommend it), I should keep up with the archiving. This might be a little problematic, especially since I will be covering two comic book conventions and start undergoing vocational training in a few weeks. Screw it, I will make the time. Also, since lots of Challenge alumni peek on the Facebook group I'm on, I never know who will be reading.

Anyway . . . here's a blah mission, the start of Mizdal, and I bring up the Sally Jesse story at the start of the recap. Also, Darrell murders "Inferno" and leaves its limp body in the open. Good times.

Airdate: February 23, 2004

Recap Published: February 29, 2004 (hey, Leap Day!)

The players go retro and play with dominoes. But while Real World has no problem finding volunteers for the Inferno, the Road Rules guys don’t want to face the music.

Before I get started on this episode, I should throw in my two cents on the treatment of Trishelle on the final episode of The Surreal Life 2. Make no mistake, I don’t like her. We’re in different worlds, and I don’t necessarily see her youth as an excuse for her behavior. And yes, I celebrated each time she was bounced from the Challenge. But you know what? She did not need to be dressed down by the likes of Sally Jesse Raphael. Treating Trishelle like trash was Sally Jesse’s job? Last I checked, she didn’t have a job. I had the misfortune of attending a taping of her show back in the day. Believe me, Sally Jesse belonged in that house more than anybody in there, including Trishelle. Now that I’ve defended Trishelle, anticipate pigs fly over Wrigley Field in October during the Red Sox/Cubs World Series.

Previously on The Inferno: After a heated Real World meeting, Trishelle ended up going to the Inferno. Road Rules thumped RW in Climbing Wall. Abram taunted Mike with “Who’s the big winner?” I’m telling you, that’s quickly supplanting Laterrian’s “Hoo-RAH!” as the show’s catchphrase. In the Inferno, Holly outlasted Trishelle in a chili-eating contest. CT interviews that his team needs to step up.

Night. Now it’s time for another Challenge tradition: Mike looking to hook up with a girl. This season, the lovely Kendal is in his crosshairs. Here, he wrestles with her playfully, calling out moves and tossing her around. As much as I loathe the “Miz” persona, I concede that Mike has good amateur wrestling skills. He’s so quick, Kendal has little time to react. Mike interviews that Kendal is very sweet and angelic. She interviews that she’s enjoying Mike’s company. He manages to pull down both her socks and pulls a sneaker off her foot. Yeah... that’s love.

Mike is at a table with Julie, who is showing off 327 of her front teeth. He’s going on about he uses Jacuzzis in a romantic way. Kendal thinks that he needs a tool to get the girls. “All this cuteness with Mike and Kendal is just overwhelmingly sickening,” Julie interviews, “Mike and Kendal are Ken and Barbie. They’re the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.” Mike keeps insisting that all women go for the Jacuzzi, and that they want to be bad. Kendal leaves, but returns to dump a glass of water on Mike’s head. The hilarity never seems to end.

RW area. Coral tells the team that the losing “ain’t cracking.” She figures that the team should decide who should go and win in the Inferno. Syrus interviews that the team has “huge freakin’ hogs, like thoroughbreds,” but none of that want to go into the Inferno. Mike interviews that they’ve tried several plans, but none of them work because of the in-fighting.

Breakfast. A shirtless and scruffy David reads the clue off the sponsored communications device. I can hear the thuds nationwide, as the ladies swoon and hit the floor. CT interviews that RW has to step up, since they have two fewer people. Christena: “We want to keep this lead we have. I think we’re tearing away at their team, and I think it’s beautiful.”

Shots of Acapulco life. Cut to Dave, welcoming everybody to El Alebrije, the largest club in Latin America. Today’s mission? Disco Domino Derby. Each team gets 110 giant dominos. The objective: line them up and knock them over with one push. The first team to get it done wins $10,000 for their bank, as well as a home entertainment component. Naturally, the kids cheer harder for that than the check. Dave’s motions with the arm? Pretty good for a novice host. Gotta move that product, man. “Any time you throw a prize in there,” Coral interviews, “greedy Real Worlders will snatch it up.” Dave adds a twist: the teams will be geared up with roller skates and disco outfits. Nice way to distract from a dull mission.

Both teams suit up. After Heavyweight Hustle and the fat suits, I have no problem with the retro gear. Afros are everywhere... even Darrell gets one, even though he’s got another back at the villa. Katie tries to find a feminine outfit. CT looks like John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever... y’know, if Travolta had walked the streets of Boston. Mike has a helmet over an afro, and I keep thinking of Oscar Gamble. Syrus dons a lime pimp suit with black-and-white zebra-striped lapels. Timmy’s suit has an eagle on it. Needless to say, the players are having fun, and I don’t hate them for it.

RR skull session. Timmy instructs Jeremy to deliver the dominoes. Jeremy goes off on yet another monologue about how he’s the New Kid and he has to Prove Himself To The Others. Holly: “I think there’s some Real World pride at stake here. To go behind 4-1... wouldn’t that be pretty for them?” Over on the RW side, David advises his goofy-suited troops to be efficient. Mike interviews that RW is down by two players, and they have to work twice as hard to make it up.

Dave blows his airhorn, and both teams start rolling. Here’s where I’d be screwed. I can’t skate. I’d be clinging to a wall, shouting directions. “We have more people to set up the domino, more experienced roller skaters,” Jeremy interviews. “If we don’t win this, there is something seriously wrong with our team.” More rolling and assembling. Mallory interviews about the importance of skating. Suddenly, Mike tips over a domino, leading to a premature chain reaction. What kills me is that David calls out “Michael!” That is such a David thing, calling Mike by his birth name. Mike interviews that he managed to knock down the back half, and his mistake could cost his team the mission. RW frantically starts reassembling. David interviews that the only thing to do is keep your head in the game.

More rolling. More assembling. This is the soccer of missions... fun to play, boring to watch. Jeremy rolls around, bragging about how he was born on four wheels. He was born in a car? I can see that. Assembling. Position adjusting. RR rushes, as does RW. Suddenly, the atmosphere takes the feeling of DEFCON 2. RR pushes their first domino, followed by RW. The camera follows one RR line... but pans to another, which has stopped dead on a staircase. Kendal interviews that a domino was on the wrong stair. Actually, the problem is that a stair was skipped, and one domino didn’t strike another with enough force to continue the reaction.

Meanwhile, the RW line keeps moving, finishing first. The team celebrates, as the lights flicker brightly. Syrus to Mike: “You are three men and one woman all in one!” What? Seriously... what? Mike interviews about how the team came together, while Coral and Syrus playfully grind on him.

Denouement. Dave awards the $10,000 and the component to RW. Mallory interviews that this was the boost they needed. Holly interviews that the morale is down for RR. Dave tells both teams to decide which two men will be nominated for the Inferno. Syrus interviews about learning from the past to plan the strategy.

RW Meeting. Coral declares there are no weaker guys here. She wants a nominee to “not pull a Trishelle, not pull an Ace.” As much as I can like Coral, I’d want her to shove peppers down her throat first, or coat her face in syrup and bugs. Leah wants to have confidence in whoever goes into the Inferno. Coral openly wonders who would be crazy enough to go in. She keeps going, basically talking about Mike without bringing his name up. Eventually, he volunteers to be nominated, but he vows to win the Aztec Lifesaver. He interviews that the only way to do things right is to volunteer and feel like winning. Coral asks CT if he wants to go, but David volunteers instead. He interviews that they can’t lose again, and he and ”Michael” feel confident in themselves. The team does a cheer, and the girls chest-bump each other.

RR Meeting. Timmy asks who want to go. Abram volunteers, prompting Holly to call him a stud. Thankfully, Veronica keeps her trap shut about the icky stuff. Abram interviews that he must be out of his mind to volunteer. Timmy asks for another volunteer. The other three guys don’t say a word. Shane looks especially displeased. He declares that he doesn’t want to volunteer and then get pushed into it in the future. Basically, he’s playing the Sarah card. Holly thinks everybody should have a shot, and she can’t guarantee not going back in. “No one wants to go to the Inferno because anything can happen there,” Veronica interviews. “No one here is taking initiative, so we’ve got some problems.” The camera cuts around the guys, who are silent.

Coming back from commercials, Jeremy breaks the silence, declaring that he has no problem going back in. Holly interviews that no one should offer themselves up after winning. Holly, where the heck were you last season? Sarah needed you, girl! We get a flashback of Bug Helmet, with Ace bailing and Jeremy jumping around like a spazz. Holly: “I think everybody should share equal time down there, but if you’re willing as Jeremy is to go, then why not?” Shane interviews that he is happy, and he will never volunteer.

And now let’s get a nugget of wisdom from Jeremy. “People like to be led, that’s the bottom line. There’s the few that like to lead, and I’m one of those.” I laughed. Hard. Whatever you say, Jeremy. For somebody who’s always wanting to prove himself, Jeremy has an ego on him. Katie: “To volunteer yourself once is pretty ballsy. But to do it twice, then it just shows the other guys as wimpy.” For once, I agree with her.

Dave announces the nominees. Mike beats his chest as his name is called along with David’s. Abram and Jeremy are announced, and both sides cheer. Abram and Mike clink water bottles. Dave gives both sides ten minutes to make their picks. Darrell goes over the process again. He does it cleanly... except he pronounces it “Infuerno.” I want a remake of My Fair Lady with Darrell in the lead. How would be mangle “The rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain”?

RW Meeting. Mike: “One word, two syllables: Abram.” Everybody shoots him down. He mentions that he beat Abram once before. He keeps begging to drive Abram to the School of Hard Knocks one more time, beating his chest. Julie figures that Jeremy is a guaranteed win, and RW has to eliminate from the bottom up. Isn’t that what they thought before Ace ran off?

RR Meeting. Jeremy suggests Mike. Everybody agrees. Shortest meeting ever. Abram interviews that he can take Mike out of the game. Group cheer: “One, two, three, KILL!” Yeesh.

Both teams make their presentations. Once again, there’s the usual standoff before the plates Once again, Jeremy’s plate is misspelled, having an extra ”e.” Julie is confident that Mike will win the Inferno, since he’s bigger than Jeremy. She also says “big winner,” but it sounds like her voice has been infected by the virulent Boston accent. Coral: “We’re just hoping that we send his cute lil’ ass home.” Speaking of Jeremy, he’s a little nervous now. “When Miz was drawn to go up against me,” he interviews, “I take a deep breath and I’m thinking to myself, ‘What am I gonna do?’”

Night. Time to hit a local restaurant. That is, unless you’re one of these kids. Then you go to Hooters. Yes... a Hooters. In Acapulco. Christena and Mike talk about the RR guys not stepping up. She interviews that those guys look pathetic and weak.

Elsewhere, Abram and Jeremy are walking and talking. Abram gripes, telling Jeremy that he’ll keep quiet for now, but would force the others into volunteering. “Now I realize why I don’t trust any of these people,” Abram interviews. “Everybody’s got a knife in their pocket.”

Hooters. Christena tells Mike that her team has to get it together, or go home. “I don’t know what we’re afraid of,” she interviews. “My team is getting weak!” How is going 2-for-2 considered being weak? Back outside, Jeremy wants Darrell and Shane to go next. At Hooters, Christena tells Mike that Jeremy volunteered to get nominated. Mike thinks Jeremy was stupid, and I agree. Jeremy expositions that there’s another mission before the Inferno, and he can win the Aztec Lifesaver. If he wins it, he gets to pick somebody else. My fantasy involves Darrell getting shoved in and losing, then having to deal with Sarah (5-for-5 in the Gauntlet) on the boat ride home. Seriously, I had to listen to one negative thing after another from Darrell, and watching him get served would be sweet.

Hooters. Kendal interviews that Jeremy is a great teammate, but she likes flirting with Mike. Mike interviews that he’s friends with Kendal, but he doesn’t know if that will escalate. For now, he seems content dancing like a dork behind Kendal as he follows her.

Next week: Okay, I have no clue. I see stationary bikes, tubes, and water. Oh, and whatever they’re doing, Katie stinks at it... enough for Timmy to call her a weak link.

Rereading the recap . . . I predicted a Red Sox/Cubs World Series in jest, especially after they both came up short in 2003. Of course, the Red Sox would wind up winning their first title in 86 years, and they would come back 3-0 against the Yankees in the League Championship Series. Hey, remember when Curt Schilling wasn't the entire horse's ass? That was forever ago.

And dang, I was hard on Darrell. In retrospect, I can understand wanting to get rid of Sarah in Gauntlet, and he wasn't at the level of Adam, Rachel and Veronica (sorry for the flashback). I didn't start embracing him until Inferno II.