Eighteen male contestants line up for their shot at money and
prizes. Will they repeat the success of the original Battle of the Sexes
team, or wind up falling to the women?
In the last Battle of the Sexes,
the men went 10-5 in missions, managed to vote out members with minimal drama,
and put the best three players in the final mission: Mark Long, the inoffensive
old-timer; Colin Mortensen, the self-styled "Ladies Man" who went
through most of the missions with a bum ankle; and Jamie Murray, the bearded
goofball who kicked ass and named sea urchins that were laid on his body during
a mission. Those three were a good mix. Can the guys pull it off once again?
Abram Boise (RR: South Pacific)
Your name is Jillian. You are the
latest addition to the cast of Road Rules: X-Treme. You fall into a
sexual relationship with Patrick, but during a face-off against the kids from South
Pacific, you find him dancing with Mary Beth. In a jealous fit, you feel
the need to tango with somebody. But with who? It can't be Chris, since he's
engaged. Dave? Nope, he's still with Cara, and she's five feet away from you.
So you gravitate towards Abram, dancing sexily with him, leading him to gab
about how much he loves eighteen-year-old girls such as yourself.
And that's why I hate Abram. Yeah,
he got eliminated from The Gauntlet by Mike, but he got into a threesome
with Rachel and Veronica. He took part in a scheme to get of Katie during The
Inferno, throwing a mission and humiliating her in the process. Karma never
touches him, because Lady Luck has her arms wrapped around him. I hear that
he's involved with Coral, the Challenge's bad girl. Seriously, I can't say
anything else, other than my hoping for an early elimination. On the bright
side, he lost the Mohawk. That's something good about him, isn't it?
Ace Amerson (RW: Paris)
When I did the preview for The
Inferno earlier this year, I had called Ace a phony for staying in Paris
solely for the post-RW benefits. He lasted two missions, got dumped into
the Inferno when Syrus managed to save himself, and ended up losing to Jeremy
in Bug Helmet. I have to say that there's nothing phony about sticking his head
in a box full of bugs for ten seconds before bailing out.
I'm a little more sympathetic this
time. Back then, darn near everybody questioned his guts after his loss…
including Coral, who had almost died from a spider bite in The Gauntlet.
Ace just sulked, rather than asking his teammates to deal with the bugs
themselves. This is his second chance. If he works hard, he will be rewarded.
If he fails? There's always tending to all those bars he owns back home.
Adam King (RW: Paris)
Admit it, you can't believe he's
here, either. You can see guys like Ace and CT going into a Challenge, since
they're strong and rugged. In contrast, Adam appears to be a cross between two
members of RW: New Orleans: David (since he can't rap) and Matt (since
he can't dance).
I do feel Adam can be a tough guy.
Remember, he stood up against a drunken CT, after the belligerent Bostonian had
punched a guy. A sane person would've run, but Adam didn't. While he may not be
the most imposing guy out there, I think Adam could be a sleeper on this show.
At the very least, his awkward flirting might keep the girls entertained.
Brad Fiorenza (RW: San Diego)
My first impression of Brad? Seeing
him ride his motorcycle in the first episode, I thought of him as "Rad
Brad," a total meathead. He got into trouble with authority, going to the
pokey at least twice. One time, he left jail… without his shoes… forced to
hitchhike back to the house… so he could get ten minutes of sleep… before he
picked his girlfriend up at the airport… while hung over. You can hear the
high-fives of the casting department for bringing this guy into the fold.
I'll say this much: out of all the
new kids, I think Brad will make the biggest impact. Outside of having a good
time, he looks to be a stud on the battlefield. Heck, he could crack the final
three and not surprise me. On the other hand, he could end up in a Santa Fe
drunk tank, yelling for Jacquese to bail him out. I also wouldn't be surprised
if "Free Brad!" T-shirts were made for the Challengers.
Chris Graebe (RR: South Pacific)
I didn't get too much of an
impression of Chris the first time around. Out of the guys from South
Pacific, you had the redneck (Abram), the snarky guy (Dave), the fat guy
(Donell) and the eager-to-please newbie (Jeremy). Chris was the guy who had
given his life to God years ago. Think Matt, only without the dorky dance moves
and the inflammatory T-shirts. Chris was one of the people behind the lowest
point of that season: the move to dump Cara instead of Donell. Not only did
Donell stay on for three more episodes, Tina was brought in to stir things up
even further, and the season went deeper into the abyss.
I can see Chris as a mentor on the
guys' side. He won't drink and flirt like the others, since he's pious and
engaged. Proof of this was his brief counseling session with Derrick in the
last Road Rules face-off. Hopefully, Chris won't get a beating like the
one he got from Derrick during the boxing match they had in Argentina.
Dan Setzler (RR: Northern Trail)
Believe it or not, there was a time
when Road Rules didn't stink. Back then, it was all about the kids and
their journeys, and not just about sponsor tie-ins and voting processes. And
one of the best of the best was Dan. He was a stalwart on Northern Trail,
perhaps the best season in the show's history. He came back during the next
season, scoring the winning points for a RR All-Star Aussie Rules Football team
against the Australia kids. He was a vital part of the successful RR
team during Challenge 2000. He teamed up with ex-girlfriend Tara to last
throughout Battle of the Seasons, making the final RR team and coming up
just short on beating RW in the final mission.
If Dan doesn't make the final team,
I will be shocked. If Dan starts trouble or feeds the ever-present drama, I will
be shocked. When it was announced that Dan was doing this Challenge, many of my
online friends rejoiced. As far as I'm concerned, Dan is the man, and it will
take a lot to make me think otherwise.
Derrick Kosinski (RR: X-Treme)
Originally, I pegged Derrick to be
the next Abram. He got drunk and punched a tree, he ran into another tree with
the RV, and he had some difficulties with his teammates. But after he had a
heart-to-heart talk with Chris, and Patrick stepped up as the resident jerk, I
softened up on Derrick. He'll go far, since he's quite the scrapper.
Eric Nies (RW: New York)
Eric, Eric, Eric. What the heck are
you still doing here? It's been twelve years since you broke out in RW's first
season. Most of your cast mates have gone on to other things. You do stuff,
then circle back and do a Challenge. It's not that I hate you, big guy, but if
you do one more Challenge, people will start comparing you to Beth. And believe
me, that's not a good thing.
Actually, maybe I'm being harsh on
Eric. During Battle of the Sexes, he lasted twelve missions before
bowing out. He might be the elder statesman on the team, but he's still got
some gas in his tank.
Frank Roessler (RW: Las Vegas)
For me, it was hard picking out any
bright spots from the Las Vegas season. With all the hooking up, all the
drama, and the specter of Awesome Anne, it was hard. The only person I could
barely relate to was Frank. To wit: in the beginning, he was infatuated with
Trishelle, then watched in horror as Steven zoomed past him to snag her.
Remember that? Those two make out, while Frank made the "gun to the
head" gesture for the camera. Sure, he was just another tool boy in the
tooliest season of all, but you felt for him.
I'm glad Frank is doing the
Challenge, since he was the snarkiest person during his season. Remember when
he said that Steven and Trishelle were "both as dumb as rocks" during
their pregnancy scare? Sure, he wasn't harsh about it, but it was hysterical.
Besides, even if he gets eliminated, he's working on his MBA and looking
forward to bigger and better things.
Jacquese Smith (RW: San Diego)
Quick question to the casting
department: where did you find this guy? When his roommates wanted to use
Frankie's illness as an excuse to quit work, he balked. When Robin got
arrested, he made the call to her folks. Jacquese mixed common sense with
hilarious moments. Remember the "Free Brad" rallying cry? Or when he
was mistaken for Nelly while in Greece, and decided to play along?
Sadly, I got a bad feeling Jacquese
won't last long. Remember, this is the same guy who didn't know how to swim,
and had to wear a lifejacket while on the boat. If the first few missions
involve swimming, he might be toast, and we'll be worse off for it.
Mark Long (RR: Season One)
Like Eric, Mark is a certified
old-timer, going all the way back to 1994, when he "auditioned" to
fill Puck's place on RW: San Francisco. After getting passed over, he
starred on the inaugural season of Road Rules. Since then, he's popped
up from time to time, winning two Challenges and co-hosting a third with Eric.
Mark is the only member of the
winning team from Battle of the Sexes to come back for this season. He
didn't win a mission on his own, but managed the top overall score. But with a
new system, can he corral the younger studs into leading him to victory for a
third time?
Mike Mizanin (RW: Back to New
York)
Life can be tough for "The
Miz." Two years removed from his glory on Battle of the Seasons, he
made two attempts to dominate. Sure, he did win two showdowns, defeating Abram
in the Gauntlet and Jeremy in the Inferno, but he got overshadowed by the like
of Alton and CT. Sure, he hooked up with Trishelle and Kendal, but neither
relationship worked beyond the Challenge. Sure, he was reunited with his good friend
Coral, but their relationship was strained, to the point where he helped in
efforts to throw her into a showdown.
As he slips on his latest
"Miz" shirt and packs some more for his friends, he has to wonder:
has the game passed him by? Worse, thank to this season's format, he is on a
team with established Road Rulers such as Dan, Mark, and Theo, guys who might
not see him as a field leader. He's lasted through three entire Challenges, can
he make it four?
Nick (RR: X-Treme)
Not much to say about Nick. He was
brought in to replace Danny after the team failed two missions. He wasn't
welcomed warmly by the team, since they liked Danny, and only dismissed him
after he couldn't eat cow parts in a mission. All I remember is Nick trying to
do the missions, and his new peers (particularly Patrick) grousing about how
Nick had to step up. He won't have to worry about that… unless he screws things
up for the guys.
Randy Barry (RW: San Diego)
Randy rounds out the trio of San
Diego guys (Charlie who?). He came off as the most likable guy after
Jacquese, even if he did seem glazed half the time. I put him just below Theo
in the "Guys Who Say Random Things" department - remember,
"Boom, Bazooka Joe"? I don't see him lasting too long, but I do see
myself getting bummed out once he leaves.
Shane Landrum (RR: Campus Crawl)
I used to like Shane. He was snarky
during his season. He shown up the ladies team during Battle of the Sexes
after their Inner Circle dumped Rachel. After contemplating leaving, he was
encouraged by Genesis to stay. When he won the Ion Lifesaver, he gave it to
her, saving her for that round.
So what happened? He became a little
punk during Inferno. After getting sent into the Inferno, he liked his
chances against David, saying that the RW: Seattle veteran wasn't
"fearsome or competitive." Imagine his surprise when CT saved his
best buddy, taking David's place. Shane ended up puking his guts out, getting
eliminated from the game. Adding insult to injury, he was the final Roadie to
go home, as his teammates swept the remaining Infernos and won the big money.
If Shane wants redemption, he'd better get out his A-game ready.
Shawn Sealy (RR: Semester at Sea)
I have no idea who this guy is. I
didn't see the entire season of Semester at Sea. I didn't get that much
information about him from the casting special, save that he went to the
University of North Carolina. He was a co-host in the 2000 casting special, and
he briefly met Ayanna during Extreme Challenge.
I know this much: it's always a
treat when BMP goes after "normal" people. Seriously, did anybody
remember Shawn until today? According to MTV.com, he is engaged and is employed
as a web designer. He could also serve as a stable yin to Ayanna's
unpredictable yang.
Steven Hill (RW: Las Vegas)
There's this show on MTV called One
Bad Trip. The original premise: Some sucker goes out and gets wild in
exotic locales, while family members and/or loved ones put on disguises,
observe the wild behavior, then totally bust the sucker. This season, the
producers twisted things around: the mark now knows of the presence of the
spies, and pretends to be wild in order to bust them on their snooping. In the
first episode with the new format, a girl convinced her mother and her
boyfriend that she was going to run away on vacation… with Steven. My favorite
moment: the boyfriend discretely chucking ice cubes at Steven in total disgust.
And even though everything turned out okay in the end, who could blame the guy?
To me, Steven was one of the worst
aspects of the worst season ever. He fooled around with Trishelle and almost
got her pregnant. He overreacted when Brynn chucked a fork at him, demanding
she get booted off the show. He took a one-time RW finalist and her friend back
to the suite with him, and let them handcuff him to the hot tub railing. Did I
mention that the girls were Raquel and Rachel from Road Rules: Campus Crawl?
And that they played Steven in order to win money? After the good bits with
Sarah, that was my favorite moment from that season: Steven calling Raquel's
name, as the girls rip off the phone and go giggling off into the Vegas night.
Steven could last a long time on the
Challenge. During the RW/RR faceoff, he faced Darrell in a wrestling match,
locking himself up to force a tie and pissing off RR's resident powerhouse.
Also, remember what I said about how Lady Luck cozies up to Abram? Well, she
hangs out with Steven a lot; according to MTV.com, he hooked up with Ruthie.
That's right… he hooked up with a lesbian. Like his ego couldn't get bigger at
this point. On the other hand, I don't think I can raise my hatred for him
higher than I did for Trishelle last year.
Theo Vonkurnatowski (RR: Maximum
Velocity Tour)
Ah, Theo. My favorite swamp rat.
Last year, Theo was the top performer on the RR side. Unlike Adam and his
"vote off all the girls" mindset, Theo was a little more
compassionate. At one point, the team was deadlocked on whether to send Abram
or Sarah to the Gauntlet. Theo had the Freshlook Eyesaver, which not only saved
him from being voted into the Gauntlet, but also gave him the tie-breaking
vote. After seeing Sarah get shoved to the doom four times, Theo decided to
send Abram in. It turned out to be a bad move, as Abram got knocked out by
Mike, and Rachel and Veronica sniped about how Theo was thinking with his
privates, even though we damn well knew Sarah had a boyfriend and Theo is a
gentleman most of the time. Point is, Theo is human.
Beyond the mostly hit-or-miss jokes
(I hear he's a very mediocre comic), Theo has game. He was one of the top performers during Battle of the Seasons, and he repeated the success in Gauntlet.
Even with old-timers like Mark and Dan around, and an obvious rival in Mike
wandering about (they're 1-1 against each other), I consider Theo to be a
favorite to make the final team.
Coming soon, a preview of the
women's team.
For anybody who cares, the kid from Road Rules: X-Treme is Nick Haggart. Seriously, I used to be so happy to work on finding last names. Now, I just use Wikipedia. When that one asshole from Reality News Online took over my beat, he ripped on my need to do that. Awesome guy, right?
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