In retrospect, this might have been the last great Challenge moment for me while recapping on a semi-major site. After Inferno came Battle Of The Sexes 2, which was downright brutal to watch. Needless to say, I will reminisce in great detail when I start reprinting the recaps here. I will say that the confrontation was worth the wait, even as it had been hyped before the season officially started. In the span of The Gauntlet and The Inferno, Veronica did not get any sort of comeuppance for being a total bitch. Sarah had basically worked through whatever feelings she had towards those on the Road Rules team that wanted her gone. She went out a winner. Sure, she got as big of a share as Veronica, Adam and Rachel (and, seriously, when was she ever worth the admiration we give to the likes of Laurel and Emily today?), but she didn't bite anybody's head off. The Road Rules team of Inferno was far worse. Sure, we expected nothing less from the likes of Veronica and Abram, but Holly and Christena turned out to be heinous bitches as well, which was so disappointing. But for a few minutes, the worst of the worst got what was coming to her. And it was glorious.
Airdate:May 17, 2004
Recap Published: May 24, 2004 (either I really took my time, or resources were spent covering the Survivor: All-Stars finale)
Veronica makes Katie angry. You wouldn't like Katie when she's
angry. Plus: the final Inferno.
MTV is up to its old tricks. They
hype an "event" starting at 6 PM, which is just the start of reruns.
Then they aired a one-hour clips show with zero new material. Memo to the
powers that be: nobody cares, and David is not a rookie. He was on Challenge
2000. He tried to chase down a cow in order to kiss it, among other things.
Then MTV hyped the finale... except it wasn't a finale, but rather the final
Inferno event. If you want clips set to different music and a shot of Julie
mud-wrestling Jamie back in New Orleans, watch the clips show. If you want the
facts (or at least the on-camera representation), check out my recaps.
Previously on The Inferno:
Veronica and Katie fight during the Leah/Kendal Inferno. Voiceover Lady fails
to mention that Veronica dragged Katie into her fight with Mike. Coral got
angry when her teammates wouldn't let her choose Katie over Veronica. CT:
"If they lose Katie, then we lose Katie." Yeah, because she's hurt
her team so bad, they've only won $110,000. Coral tells her team that they'd be
sorry to push her. RR won the last mission, and Dave handed out Aztec
Lifesavers to Inferno nominees Veronica and Coral. For Veronica, it's a chance
to once again bully Katie. Coral contemplated which poor bastard she'll send in
her place.
Nighttime at the Villa. Coral
clutches the Lifesaver. "Some times," she smiles, "I like to
pick up things and do that dance! And do that dance!" She then goes into a
side kicking fury, reminiscent of the style of Tom Buchanan. She expositions
that the Lifesaver guarantees a spot in the final mission.
Outside, some of the players eat
dinner. Veronica reminds us that she won the Lifesaver. Christena wants to
celebrate "ladies not going to the Inferno." Coral toasts with Holly.
Today's theme: Coral hangs out with people that make her look worse than
before. It's one thing to be a bitch, but it's another to hang out with members
of the Axis of Ass. CT interviews that Veronica is going to send Katie into the
Inferno.
Cut to inside, where Katie tells
Kendal that she's mad. Katie interviews that she has the right to be pissed
off. "She’s chickened her way out of the Gauntlet going to that," she adds,
"and she's chickened her way out of the Inferno. Every single girl on our
team has gone now except for her. Veronica's just an evil bitch, bottom
line." Kendal laughs in her interview, wondering if the fighting will ever
stop. Katie wonders if she should pack, but decides against it. Whimsical music
plays as Katie uses Timmy's deodorant, since he uses her razor on his face.
Soon, her armpits are on fire, and a hysterical Kendal finds out that Katie
used Ben Gay. "Why do they make it look like deodorant in Spanish?"
Katie laughs as she tries to quell the fires. "I hate Mexico!"
Coral enters a room, as Mike lies
down. She expositions that she can elect somebody to take her place. She tells
Mike that he pissed her off, interviewing that he should have had her back. But
she decides not to send him in.
Instead, she asks Christena on the
whereabouts of David. Christena points him out, pointing out the
different-colored eyes again. I wish I could do this. I'd refer to Christena as
"The girl who was nice on her season, but makes me choke on my bile
today." Coral interviews that she's sending David in because he deserves
it. "I'm gonna tell him ahead of time," she adds, "but I'm gonna
wear a helmet." She lets him know that she's not doing in out of spite,
and they shake on it. "I knew she was gonna pick me off the bat,"
David interviews. "I would've picked her. I kinda wanted to see her leave
the show the whole time." Personally, I would've picked between David and
Syrus, on account of their bodies getting easily banged up, and Mike and CT
already winning Infernos. I figure David gets the nod from Coral since he was
bailed out of the Inferno twice, and Syrus was Coral's only ally last week.
Inferno site. Katie sees a clear box
filled with water and fish heads. Already, David threatens to kill Coral. He
interviews, "I really would love to throw Coral off the staircase right
now." Veronica and Coral cackle about not having to suffer. Shut up, the
both of you. Katie smiles a little.
Dave welcomes everybody to the final
Inferno: “Smell Ya Later.” The objective: outlast the competition by enduring
disgusting smells for four hours. Have I mentioned how much I hate time-limit
endgames? The winner gets to compete in the final mission, the loser will, in
Dave's words, "not be able to get a whiff of any of that cash in the
bank." See, we got smells, and he said "whiff" and… never mind.
The glass coffins are filled with fish heads. Every half-hour for the first 90
minutes, another layer of foul-smelling stuff will be added to the coffins. If
both players are still around after four hours, they go to sudden death.
Whoever can hold their breath the longest wins. Dave asks Coral who she'll send
in her place. She gives David a good send-off, adding that she wishes she could
go. Sure you do, Coral. Of course, Veronica shoves Katie in her slot. Dave
takes the players away for a rules briefing. "I hope David sends her
home," Veronica interviews. "If he doesn't, then so be it. Not
everything can come true for me."
Both players prepare to go into the
coffins. As Katie gingerly touches a fish head on the headrest, Darrell yells
and stamps his foot. Very clever, jerk. David and Katie get into the tubs, and
Dave bangs the gong to start the Inferno. David laughs, as Katie thinks it's
foul. Five minutes pass. Coral doesn't want anybody going to sleep, and David
has his eyes closed. Coral is still happy that she's not in the Inferno.
"I'm glad it's not me," she interviews, "and I'm glad it's not
Veronica, either." Cut to Coral holding Veronica. Coral, do you know how
hard it is for me to defend you when you're buddy-buddy with the princess of
darkness? Katie took Julie out... that has to mean something to you!
Time remaining: three hours, thirty
minutes. Referees place clothes over the players' faces while introducing the
first rank item: spoiled eggs. The smell is so bad, even Dave is repulsed.
David gags, and Dave reminds him that puking will not result in
disqualification.
Time remaining: three hours. The
next item: spoiled milk. I dump that stuff out a few days past expiration, so I
can't begin to imagine what the lumpy mess smells like. The spectators get a
whiff, as Dave tells the referees to throw in another bucket. Katie tells him
to shut up. David: "I can just feel the glumps of rotten dairy products
going over my cheeks, and I'm like, 'Is this really my life?'" Mike and
Holly recoil from the aroma.
Time remaining: Two hours, 33
minutes. Dave announces the final ingredient: two cow tongues and a cow
intestine. Kendal wonders why Katie is so calm. Dave tells the players they
have two and a half hours left. We fast-forward through that time, as everybody
gets bored. Heck, Abram decides to take a siesta. Have I mentioned that I hate…
wait, I totally did. Never mind.
Time expires. Dave orders the
players to sit up. CT interviews that his pal David is shaking and cold. Sure
enough, David's chest is twitching like crazy. Both players put on goggles and
noseplugs in order to submerge into the waste. "When it come to sudden death,
I'm thinking David gonna win," Darrell interviews. "Katie smokes a
pack a day." Cut to Katie coughing. Dave bangs the gong, and both lie on
their stomachs, face-first in the water. Kendal tells us that Katie wants her
to bang on the glass when she wins. "She's planning on holding her
breath," Kendal exclaims, "until she dies!" That's hardcore
stuff right there.
Back from commercials, everybody
looks in, braving toxic fumes to see who will win. Katie's head shakes. More
looking on. Suddenly, David rises from the slime. Game Over. Everybody is
shocked. Dave is shocked. Kendal has enough presence of mind to run to Katie
and get her out of there. Timmy's mouth is open. As Katie celebrates, Coral
tells RR that they can't get rid of her. Timmy's mouth is still open.
Seriously, I think Timmy will use his prize money for surgery to get his jaw
working again. CT helps clean David off. "What are you going to do?"
David laughs in an interview.
Denouement. Dave congratulates Katie
on winning the Inferno and going into the final mission. She time, she gets
mild applause, including some from Veronica. In an interview, Katie proclaims
herself to be the Inferno Queen. I can't wait for the royal summit between
Katie and Sarah, Queen of the Gauntlet. Dave wants to hug Katie, but the smell
keeps him away. After giving David the "pack your bags" spiel, Dave
reminds the remaining players that the final mission is tomorrow morning.
Who wants to see cast members
feuding? Let's start with Veronica. "Because Katie won the Inferno
tonight, it means we still have Katie, we still have Real World's team mascot -
which is going to give them a lot of confidence going into the mission - and
plus they have less people to share their money." About that last part...
what? Why should she care about RW's total? Then again, why should she care
about anybody's money? She's been to so many Challenges, she's probably a
millionaire. Katie: "I hate her. That sneaky bitch Verantula." Over
on the forums where we [2018; I meant "I"] post, Veronica is called "Klepronica," on
account of how she "borrowed" a sweater from Pua and plagiarized
Ayanna's paper. "Verantula" is a worthy moniker to such a sad human
being. Katie continues: "I've never disliked somebody with as much passion
as I dislike her."
Before we get to this season's main
event, I should let you guys in on a secret. The big fight took place after the
Inferno... the Kendal/Leah Inferno. This is coming from Kendal from her recap.
As childish as Katie comes across here, I do not blame her one bit. Sarah
didn't snap last season since her inner bitch is probably underfed. Katie
doesn't have that problem.
Katie voiceovers that she goes to
Kendal's room and she sees "a skank by my side." She continues,
saying that Veronica starts talking, and she sees red. Cut to the camera
rushing to the room. You know it's urgent when the guy pushes the door, not
caring that his hand is in frame. A topless Veronica snaps her head to the
camera as Katie works her over verbally. "Hold your [bleepin'] tits, you
stupid bitch!" Hoo boy. Katie screams for Veronica to shut up and not to
mess with her. Drop your f-bombs accordingly. "Once again - YEAH, LAUGH,
YOU [bleepin'] WHORE! LAAAAUGGGHH!!!" The way Katie screams that out, I
want it on a t-shirt. She flashes double birds, screaming "slut" and
"whore." Veronica: "I am think the girl is clinically
insane." Yeah, and you've been screwing with her, so how sane are you?
Katie yells about how she was
talking to Kendal, then flames on Veronica some more. Mike is in the doorway,
cracking the hell up. Katie: "YOU ARE A SHORT! SCRAWNY! ACNE-FACED LITTLE
[bleep] [bleep] [bleep]! AND YOU CAN GO [bleep] YOURSELF!" Now Syrus is in
the doorway, and he's having fun with this. Katie screams for Veronica to step
up to her. Christena starts pushing Katie away, as Veronica advances, holding
her bare chest, screaming "What do you want me to do?" over and over.
Mike manages to maneuver past Veronica and Christena, taking Katie away as she
still screams and flips the bird. Damn, this made my season.
In another room, Mike sternly tells
Katie to calm down. She snorts and smiles, and he hugs her. I'm not sure
whether Mike actually cares at this point, or if he wants to protect her so she
can weigh her team down. Katie wants to hit Veronica, but Mike points out that
she would go home. "I really don't like that girl at all," Katie
laughs in an interview. "I want to call her out… in… screw a few more cast
members, slut!" If I'm wrong for laughing, then I don't want to be right.
Holly and Coral try to calm Veronica
down, as she yells for Katie to keep away from her. Holly: "Veronica
snaps, too. I think everybody's reached their breaking point." You think?
In the other room, Katie screams to Christena, and Mike shushes her and puts
his hand over her mouth. Christena: "These two women hate each other, and
it's ugly. They're both in the wrong, they're both of their mind, and they're
both on my team." Mike tells Katie that Veronica will try to kick her off,
"because she's a little wuss." "Kendal said that she's never
seen me like that before," Katie interviews. "You also haven't had an
entire team against you for the last thirty days." Katie wants out of the
Villa, and Mike makes plans to escort her out.
As Veronica lies down, Coral says
that she can't believe this happened. Veronica snipes about how RR has
sabotaged missions in order to get Katie out. "She should be lucky that
she's still here!" Veronica whines. "She sucks!" Yeah, she's
lucky. Lucky to be on a team that treats her like dirt. As much as I don't care
for people like Katie, I care for bullies even less, and that makes me care for
Katie. If Veronica had the chance to see how bad she looked on The Gauntlet,
as she tried to shred Sarah's self-esteem alongside Adam and Rachel, she'd...
oh, who am I kidding? She'd still bully Katie. "She's lucky that I can't
be physical with her," Veronica interviews, "because I want to slam
her face into the ground."
Elsewhere, Katie can't find her
favorite bag. She tells Mike that "it might be in the whore's room,"
then makes an attempt to get it. Mike is no dummy (at least not tonight) as he
sternly orders Katie on the bed and gives her a time-out. "These two girls
are on our team," Holly interviews, "and we have to work together to
win, yet they both would prefer to kill each other." Veronica screeches
about how she wants to be hit, so Katie would be sent home and RR would win the
final mission. Wow, Veronica's as low as Julie. Such punks. Katie finally gets
her bag, sighs, and gets up to leave.
Back from commercials and back to
the actual timeline (shhhhhh! It's our secret!), David and CT say their
farewells. In his interview, CT looks like he's about to cry. I can imagine a
boozed-up Leah yelling at the TV, "He didn't step up, CT! He didn't earn
his keep!" CT interviews that it's hard to lose David before the final
mission. He tells David to swim home in order to lose the smell. David
interviews that he got closer to CT, and he's happy for him. David continues:
"When in your life are you going to get a paid vacation in a tropical
environment, living in a great house and having three great meals a day? So you
have to take the good with the bad." David sails off, and his fans hurt so
bad. You don't even know.
Outside the Villa, Christena gets a
text message for the final mission. Pick-up time at 2 PM, wearing team colors,
shorts, tank tops, socks and tennis shoes.
Morning. Both teams get ready.
Kendal tells her teammates that Katie still smells from the Inferno. Holly:
"She's gonna to have to stand far away from me!" Oh, I bet Katie
would like nothing more. Christena has a sour look. Kendal yuks it up some more
about the Infernal stench. Holly interviews that Katie feels tired of being
pushed around, and she projects her anger on Veronica. I did not notice that,
Holly. "I think there are times Veronica deserves it," she adds.
Katie interviews about knowing that her team doesn't want her here. Syrus:
"I'm calling up Rent-A-Back right now. I got two rented kneecaps, and an
ankle with a kickstand. I'm running to the end." Coral hopes that there
will be no spiders. Given that she's the main event, I'm guessing production
assistants have stomped out anything with more than two legs. Darrell reminds
us that his team has eight people while RW have four, and the mission might
favor their smaller number. "Do I think we have a chance of winning?"
he asks us. "In my right mind... no." Way to think positive, Darrell.
Mission site. Dave congratulates the
players for making it this far, and tells them that they're eligible to share
in their teams' bank accounts. One team will add $150,000 to their total. The
mission: Seven Deadly Sins. It's a footrace with seven stops, and we get brief
clips from the last [2018: I meant "final"] episode:
Lust: The players straddle tubes. That's it. I get flashbacks of
Veronica straddling the ladder last year.
Wrath: The players bash piñatas.
Gluttony: The players eat stuff. CT and Darrell blow chunks.
Envy: Something with walking balance beams across kiddie pools
and carrying giant puzzle pieces.
Greed: Crawling through nets. I'm guessing money is underneath
the nets, in order to slow down needier players.
Pride: The usual puzzle. What, you were expecting the teams to
mess up a model's face and glue pills to one hand and a phone to the other?
Sloth: Males carrying females, probably to the finish line. I get
happy memories of Adam carrying Sarah around last season. Good times.
Dave adds that some of the stops
might remind them of various missions and Infernos. The first entire team to
finish wins the $150,000. And now, Katie has the final say. "The $150,000
grand prize? Very nice. Enticing, yes. But to piss off my team is almost more
than that to me. That's immature, but it's priceless to me. I want to sit there
and piss them off, almost to the point where I'd like to stretch out right
before the finish line, because I hate my team with more passion than anybody
here has to win this game." This is how bad The Inferno has been:
it would take the weakest player on either side throwing the final mission in
order to make it a good season. After all the abuse she endured from her
teammates, isn't it worth Katie screwing them? It is for me.
Next week: The finale. Piñatas are
bashed. Kendal: "This is the crucial moment where we have to work as a
team." Holly notes that RW has the lead since they have four players.
Katie crawls on the net. Stall, Katie, stall! Puzzle. Mike points out that
whichever team takes the puzzle first wins the game. Darrell: "I'm
thinking we ain't gonna win, honestly." Dave awards the $150,000 check.
Like I said: epic scene. Seriously, you have to remember there was a time where BMP did everything NOT to get any cameramen in their shots. We wound up with a guy RUSHING to the door, not caring that he had his hand exposed. And thinking about it, I'm not sure Katie would have assaulted Veronica if Mike had not gotten into the mix But for those few minutes, it looked like it could happen. And I was too busy laughing myself sick to really care about Veronica's well-being. Hey, I did that at the beginning of the season, so I didn't have to do it again. And Mike's interference was selfish; he admitted as much in the Inferno II preview special.
Not much else to add. David would return three seasons later in Gauntlet 2 and basically underwhelm. Also, I'm amused that Veronica has not been a huge presence in Vendettas. It's the nature of the series; the longer it lasts, the worse people get. As I type this, her biggest contribution over the past few seasons has been a Twitter beef with Johnny, who . . . well, he doesn't make her look like an outright saint, but he nudges her towards neutral. Seriously, at one point last week, he told her to "Go back to your box of wine. It's getting lonely." Now I'm hoping she takes a chunk out of him at the inevitable Reunion. But she'd probably have to wait in line. Circle of life, I guess.
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