Tuesday, May 16, 2006


After watching the finale of Survivor, I hope you understand why I'm not a betting man.

I had a friend tell me that she saw Danielle in the finale teaser. I didn't believe her...blowing plot elements is more along the lines of what MTV and Bunim-Murray would do. Besides, I had the nice shiny Cirie victory to think about. Thus, my reaction to the Cirie/Danielle fire-building showdown that kicked off the finale:

"Okay, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah....no! No! Get the fire going! Get...okay, Danielle's flame is out. Get it get it get it...damn! Come on come on come on...no! NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! DAMMIT!"

After a smiling Cirie got her torch snuffed, we were stuck with a generic woman, the yoga putz, and Terry, who looked like Tom Westman with a massive head injury. For the first time since the second season, we had three contenders for the final three days. Naturally, Terry won the reward challenge, earning a "power meal" and a comfy cot to sleep on. Then came perhaps the shortest immunity challenge ever, as the players tried to stay still on increasingly smaller platforms floating on the water. Terry couldn't make the third stage, and there was much rejoicing. Aras was supposed to be Yoga Boy, but he bowed out...and now Danielle was in the finals. Seriously, does anybody remember who she is?

So after both guys lay the same sales pitch to her ("Girl, everybody on the jury friggin' LOVES you!"), Danielle made her choice. Suddenly it's Pearl Islands all over again, as I tried to will Terry's name on the parchment. And just as Lil cast Jon Dalton out, Danielle voted out "Terri." Hip hip hooray, and goodbye to one of the dumbest Survivors ever! And a special "bite me" to David Bianculli, who just had to ride Terry's jock these past few weeks.

Aras ended up making history by slipping on the rocks and not only cutting up his back, but also slicing his hand on broken glass. Not the best omen, as the crack medical team had to stitch him up. I don't remember much about the council session. Bruce had to remind us he was Asian by calling the finalists "samurais," Courtney made a huge show on how she felt screwed over, and Shane pulled a bravura performance that would send his kid running to a new school out of embarassment. Not only did he slag both finalists, but pulled the "pick a number" bit. In the end, Bruce and Shane voted for Danielle, and everybody else voted for Aras. Not the happiest of endings, but at least Terry didn't win.

On a happier note, the reunion was a huge Cirie lovefest...at least between the examination of Shane's mental health and reopening Tina's wounds about her dead son. It was the same big deal that they made over Rupert after Pearl Islands. The biggest difference? Cirie doesn't have a massive ego that needs to be fed. The lack of tie-dye also helps. On the down side, most of the non-jury members got thirty seconds, maximum. This especially sucked for Bobby, who made fun of Courtney around during the game, christianed an outhouse himself, and was all-out funny in his short time. Oh, and we're going to the Cook Islands next season...and maybe the hidden idol won't be bogarted by a total dumbass.

That's that. Oh, and I gotta rest up for The Amazing Race finale and TARCon. I'll write about that before Wednesday...gonna stoke the hatred for BJ & Tyler. "T-Tow" this, fool.

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