TARCon: Tools Totally Outran Weenies

What can I say about BJ & Tyler, who won The Amazing Race last night? Well, they’re the first team to win the final three legs, the first to win the final two since Rob & Brennan from the first season, and the first to win three consecutive legs since Colin & Christie in TAR5. They finished last in two non-elimination legs, marking the first time a team got their money and possessions taken by Phil Keoghan more than once. They managed to keep things light throughout the race, befriending locals and thanking them in their own language. Bonus: unlike the other three all-male teams that won, you can easily tell them apart (BJ has dark hair, Tyler has light hair). Now...what better way to wash down crow than with a tall glass of Haterade?

Hated them. HATED THEM. How can anybody root for these phonies? They wear “Bowling Moms” t-shirts, and suddenly I’m supposed to be on their side because of a shout-out to Linda & Karen? Worse, BJ tried to channel the spirits of Frank Mesa and Chip McAllister by saying “It’s on like Donkey Kong!” They schticked their way throughout the race, endangering the lives of anybody between them and the camera. At least Jon & Al showed more depth after the first few episodes. Why should I feel sorry for them when their main haters, Joseph & Monica, come off as major tools?!? And “T-Tow”? Every episode with that bullshit. I get it...you’re hip, you’re alternative, you’re so freakin’ funny. There, I said it. Oh, and about befriending locals? Didn’t apply in Italy, where they mocked the accents. Now do us all a favor AND GO AWAY. And be sure to thank Eric for blowing the final Roadblock before you fade into obscurity.

You have to forgive me...last night was a trying night at TARCon. Apparently, they was a sizable pro-“hippie” faction. Contrary to popular belief, we don’t all follow the lead of the head recapper in liking and hating teams. That was one of many disappointments that night.

1. Taking a Stand

I got to Stitch shortly before 7 p.m...and I couldn’t find a seat. Every table? Tapped. Every barstool? Filled. So I had to watch the carnage unfold on my feet. This is in contrast to going to the Play by Play and Planet Hollywood, where most people had a seat. I understand the organizers couldn’t hit Play by Play because it might have been overtaken by Rangers fans during the NHL playoffs, and plans for a return to Planet Hollywood fell through. But if we go back to Stitch again, I’m getting there at 6 p.m....on the day before the finale. Better safe than sorry, right?

2. Oh No, Rayo

I was rooting for Ray & Yolanda because I didn’t have anybody to pull for since Dave & Lori got eliminated. So what happened? Right...they kept bleeding time, got their stuff and money taken by Phil, managed to get bunched with the other teams all the way up to the end, but they couldn’t make it interesting. They’re just like Danielle on Survivor...less camera time and storylines meant that they wouldn’t win, a fact I denied myself all night. This morning, Ray pulled the ultimate cheeseball move, proposing to Yolanda live on The Early Show. He’s the fourth Racer to pop the question on national television, fifth if you count Rob Mariano at the Survivor: All-Stars finale.

3. Human Error

I got home after 2 a.m., and I checked the tape. During every TARCon, I record the final episode, since most of the audio is drowned out by the crowd. I’ve done this for every season since TAR2. I rewound through the news, which I recorded in case somebody covered the party at CBS. As I did that, I noticed the time seemed off. I kept going back, and the sickening truth hit me: I didn’t get the first hour. I had not captured the elephants with the clues, the first trip to Japan in the show’s history, the guys chilling in bathrobes at the Capsule Hotel, the wild amusement park Roadblock, Eric & Jeremy wondering how hot the maiden was that they were carrying at the Detour, and the weird goth-looking chick Ray & Yolanda carried around. The tape picked up right when Ray & Yolanda gave their stuff to Phil. I guess it was only a matter of time before I screwed up that big. But after such a disappointing night, it seemed fitting.

In my next entry, I’ll talk about the fun stuff at TARCon...Racers whom I hadn’t seen in a long time, one guy’s transformation into a stud muffin, and how touchy-feely one set of female Racers were towards me. And I found out how Yolanda knew Ray was flipping her off behind her back. Next time, I swear.

PS: The other guys who proposed on the tube: Kevin O’Connor (on Rosie), Colin Guinn (The Early Show), and Aaron Crumbaugh (after he and Hayden were eliminated from TAR6).