Finishing "Unfinished Business"

When people look back on the eighteenth season of The Amazing Race, they probably won't rate it as one of the best editions in the show's history. Oh, it's far from the worst, ranking better than TAR6 (the first full-on "Season From Hell," where the good guys went out early, the bad guys stayed on, and the detestable Freddy & Kendra lucked into a win over the awesome Kris & Jon), TAR8 ("Family Edition," or "The Season With Good Intentions," filled with watered-down challenges and Linda Weaver and her awful, awful kin) and TAR11 ("All-Stars," which I'll get to a little later). For me, it's been one heckuva ride, which will lead to a happy ending this coming Sunday night, with the first two-hour finale in nine seasons.

I don't mind the criticism. Everybody has a right to their own opinion, no matter how ludicrous it may be. And there have been a lot of flaws from "Unfinished Business," where eleven teams of two returned for another shot at the $1 million grand prize. I would have to be unbelievably naive to overlook them. Among the problems:

• The casting of Amanda & Kris (TAR14), which seemed odd until you realize that they ran four legs in their original season, the same number that Zev & Justin (TAR15) -- a far better "story" for redemption -- ran in their first go.

• The casting of Mel White (TAR14) , father of teammate/acclaimed director Mike White. Those two made for a good story (finishing fifth the first time), but Mel was 70 years old, which isn't the right age to strip down and search for a toy frog in a mud pit in less-than-optimal temperatures. The other Detour choice involved standing in a waterfall for a full minute, which might have broken Mel's body in half.

• The casting of Jamie & Cara, the mouthy cheerleaders of TAR14. They came in second in their first race . . . seems impressive, until you realize that after Luke self-destructed on the final Roadblock, the girls helped him out, and he and Margie (his mother) basically gave them second place in gratitude. Also, they were the only team where you needed to learn how to tell the duo apart, which is always annoying for me.

• The casting of Ron, the overbearing father of Christina (second place, TAR12). It seemed that he had mellowed out in the first few episodes, but he soon fell back to his old, obnoxious ways. I think once all the promotion is over, Christina will run away with Azaria (ran TAR12 with his sister Hendekea; married Christina after TAR18) and not bother leaving a forwarding address for daddy.

• The leg which was so heavily sponsored, it made some fans feel like they were being waterboarded with Snapple.

• The meddlesome Double U-Turns. While it is a clever gimmick to make teams handicap others by forcing them to complete the other Detour option, it still needs fleshing out. It was awesome to see the cheerleaders scream at dating goths Kent & Vyxsin (more on them later) to U-Turn Flight Time & Big Easy, the Harlem Globetrotters team (apparently, the really cool nicknames like "Curly" and "Meadowlark" were exhausted by the late Nineties), only for the goths to U-Turn 'em instead. But then Jamie & Cara U-Turned the Globetrotters, rather than being forced away to do their task. Also, the second Double U-Turn was positioned in a leg between a Detour and the episode's finish, killing any suspense as to who would survive to race another day. The Globetrotters wound up getting to the U-Turn stand first, forcing cowboys Jet & Cord (whom I recapped way back in 2004) to choke down some cheese fondue. And since father/daughter team Gary & Mallory were saved by a non-elimination leg in the previous episode, the cowboys wound up whistling "Happy Trails" on their way out of the game.


• The deteriorating relationship between Kent & Vyxsin. They weren't quarrelsome in their first race (TAR12), though they were probably picked for their unique "look" than their racing skills (finished fifth). But then things got heated, and Kent (who changed his name back from his Goth moniker of "Kynt" -- hey, at least it wasn't "Azrael Abyss" or something like that -- after his father passed away) began to get pissier and pissier, while Vyxsin got nasty herself. It was as if they were slowly transforming into TAR6's Adam & Rebecca, the wussy boy/possible closet case and his castrating shrew "girlfriend." Needless to say, their elimination in last Sunday's episode (they violated Race Commandment Numero Uno: "Thou shalt always READ. THE DAMN. CLUE.") was a relief for most fans.

Some of these glitches and others have irritated a few critics, particularly Andy Dehnart of Reality Blurred, who hasn't been that happy in a long time about this show. The worst of it came when TAR got renewed for a nineteenth season, when he suggested the show should be temporarily canceled. He keeps whining about whether being a fan or not. If you think a show should be taken out, even just for a while, then you're not a fan, period. Also, he had been slinging praises for such relevant shows like WWE Tough Enough and Celebrity Apprentice, I wouldn't take much stock in anything that guy says.

So why is it that I've been liking this season for the most part, and that I'm looking forward to tonight's finale at TARCon?

1. There Are No Headache Teams Left

Normally, there's usually at least one team in the finale that you can't stand. Last season, it was Jill & Thomas. Granted, they weren't as annoying as the bickering Chad & Stephanie, or the dumb-as-tat-ink Nick & Vicki, but they did bug. I know that Flight Time & Big Easy rely on the kindness of other teams, and that they are loud enough to not require microphones. I know that Zev kvetches a little too much, and that he lets Justin do more of the heavy lifting. And I know that to some people, Mallory acting like a dog that's always happy even though the owner pretends to throw the ball ten times in a row can be annoying. But between those racers, along with Gary and Kisha & Jen, we have a good field for the final leg or two.

2. This Season Is A Lot Better Than TAR11

Seven seasons ago, we had The Amazing Race: All-Stars, a well-meant, probably-insisted-upon-by-CBS season where too many things went wrong. As a Staten Islander, it hurt to see John Vito & Jill (who were no longer a couple . . . and Jill has since gotten married to someone else) run themselves out of the first leg, followed by an ailing Drew stomping off the mat after his elimination with frat buddy Kevin in the following episode. Perpetually overexposed Rob & Amber wound up winning the first three legs (the first team to pull that off without using a Fast Forward), only to get eliminated on a needle-in-haystack Roadblock, where the always annoying Mirna beat Rob, and she and cousin Charla (her diminutive cousin who isn't a complete pill) beat them to the Pit Stop. The finale was a disaster. Charla & Mirna had lucked into the finale leg, though they did win two legs (two more than they did in TAR5). Beauty queens Dustin & Kandice recovered from getting eliminated in TAR10's penultimate leg to win four legs. Finally, they was Eric & Danielle, perhaps the worst team ever to get that far in the show's history. The deal was that they were both on TAR9 with different teammates. They flirted a lot, and that was enough for the producers to pair them off, even though it was an open secret that Eric was deep in the closet. The bickering between him and Danielle (did I mention she finished eighth with teammate Danni?) didn't help matters, and they went into the finale having not won a single leg. The three teams wound up running into a task that was a glorified version of The Newlywed Game. One team member would answer a series of questions relating to the game, while the other would try to guess what the partner said to open a safe. The only missing visual was Charla beating Mirna in the head with a cue card. Anyway, Eric & Danielle lucked their way into finishing the task first, and they got a million bucks that neither of them deserved. Also, Danielle became the first Staten Islander to win on a reality show, which was a black stain on the borough . . . or it was, until Jersey Shore and Mob Wives were created.

3. It's The Best Reality Show Around

Okay, I don't really know that for sure, especially since I'm not watching the high-end cable reality programs these days. But take a look around the networks. You can't trust phone-vote shows like American Idol and Dancing With The Stars, where a bloc of voters can easily wreak havoc. Celebrity Apprentice was pretty irrelevant until Donald Trump started taking shots at President Obama, to the point where the Commander-In-Chief interrupted last week's Boardroom climax with the news of the death of Osama Bin Laden. All right, maybe it was a coincidence, but I would think that the news could have been posted earlier. I have this image of Obama watching the show, waiting for a crucial point in the episode, then instructing his staff to get the networks to break into their coverage. Sometimes, in my mind, he's dressed as a Starfleet Captain, sitting in a replica of the captain's chair, giving the command with a simple "Engage." My points are that 1. I wouldn't be surprised if the timing of the news was intentional, and 2. I am a weird person.

Oh, and Survivor: Redemption Island could have been settled if Mark Burnett had just given the million dollar grand prize to Rob Mariano on Day One and be done with it. Never will one so overrated win so much with the help of those so very, very stupid. Yes, I'm aware that there's a chance that some of the remaining players will grow enough brain cells to throw Rob over the top rope by next Sunday's finale, but I doubt it.

4. The Rise Of Zev & Justin

The team's hook in TAR15 was that Zev suffers from Asperger's Syndrome, and Justin was his best friend. They hung in there, and they managed to win the fourth leg . . . only to realize that they lost their passports. After a frantic search, Justin found his, but Zev had managed to drop his in a monastery (as detailed here), and the pair was eliminated. This season, they've gone from lasting four legs to winning four legs, not only being the most improved team, but also have the most leg wins this season going into the finale. Yes, Justin has been doing more of the heavy lifting, and Zev does tend to get frustrated easier, but they are both the best story of this season. The prime example came when the boys elected to chow down on cheese fondue for a Detour in Switzerland. They could have bailed out like Kisha and Jen did after seeing the enormity of the task, but Zev kept talking Justin into sticking with it. And even after Justin had to throw up and Zev gave a look where he looked seconds from dying, they finished the task, and wound up finishing in first place. I don't have any diagnoses of autism, but I do consider myself having enough "loose wiring" to emphasize the most with Zev than any other Racer, and I hope the boys pull it off in the end.

As I type this, I'm hours away from driving to Manhattan for my seventeenth consecutive TARCon. There hasn't been much of a response this season (probably due to it being held on Mother's Day), so it's been moved to a small location. There probably won't be as many past and present Racers dropping by on account of a huge TAR party for the show's tenth anniversary on Saturday in Miami hosted by Snapple (yeah, those guys again). Also, I don't see the winning team doing a "victory lap" with television appearances beyond The Early Show. After The Bonnie Hunt Show got canceled and Live! with Regis & Kelly didn't bother inviting Nat & Kat over last year (which was a blessing, since neither host looked like they even watched the show, given past interviews with previous winners), whomever wins Unfinished Business won't be as hyped as victors from other reality shows. Still, I feel like this has been one of the best seasons in a while, and enough to bring the Emmy back to TAR. Here's hoping the finale validates my hopes.

Adventures in Orlando: Day Four

I should have posted this hours earlier. I wanted to watch The Daily Show, and I waited for it on the couch. When I came to, it was after 12:30, and I missed that and The Colbert Report. You have to love those post-vacation comas, right? My mother went right to bed after we got home. Did I mention she has to go back to work tomorrow?

Nothing much happened on our getaway day. Mom had to get up early to arrange details for the flight home. We hit the breakfast buffet one last day, and I only had two helpings of stuff this time. It wasn't like I had a pile of pancakes topped by muffins and omelets all the time, but I reckon I was chowing down on stuff that wasn't quite healthy for me. Also, I didn't get to weigh myself anytime this weekend, and I would've been afraid to do that, for fear that I gained weight that I couldn't burn off from all the walking. Have I mentioned that I just took a nap?

Nothing really happened today. The animals that had been outside our window were not to be seen, as if they knew we were done with the place. Not only did our bag make it to Newark right away, but it was one of the first on the conveyor belt. And when we got home, there were several newspapers waiting in front of the door, even though Mom wrote a letter to our deliveryman to hold off during the weekend.

Short story: I had a good weekend. There were no major hitches to speak of, which is great since I'm the sort that keeps stepping on rakes during vacations (forgetting medication, missing the window before a flight, losing my sketchbook and my camcorder on the final day of a convention, etc.) The weather was nice . . . I don't think the temperature hit 80 degrees all weekend. I had bought a tube of sunscreen to lose and I forgot all about it, and all I got was mildly red around my neck. When I looked in USA Today, I saw that we might be getting snow. Snow. Really. Gotta love the wonky weather of the early 21th Century, right?

Anyway, Disney World was great. The "characters" don't do anything halfway at all. Granted, the happy and helpful attitudes and the nametags with their hometowns listed (drinking game: drink when you meet somebody who's actually from Africa!) are a little cult-y for me, but it was nice in the long run. More importantly, in a vacation spot that calls itself "The Happiest Place on Earth," I didn't suffer sugar overload to the point where I wanted to haul off and slug a hapless "character." And I didn't get molested by some schmuck in a costume, which was also good. I do have to mention that I didn't really get close to any of those guys. I really thought I would be out of place there, and I wasn't.

I think that's enough talking, especially since I'm suffering from bouts of keyboard dyslexia right now. I've been uploading far too many pictures of the weekend on Flickr, and I'm still not done. Tomorrow, I'll decompress at home, and then I'll start looking for work. So I can get a job. So I can make money. So I can save money. So that I can get away from home again. And so that I get motivated to blog again. I think that really is a circle of life.

Adventures in Orlando: Day Three

Had a bit of a rough start this morning. Last night, I had taken Chlor-Trimeton to help me get to sleep. It used to be in my routine years ago until it vanished from drugstores. When I went to Duane Reade on Thursday to prepare for the trip, I found one box on the shelf. Well, I think it might have turned me into a zombie for a few hours. I felt like I could use a nap . . . or a coma. Five comas, back-to-back. Add that to eating lots of rich food, including African cuisine, I didn't feel my best going to my final destination in Orlando: Magic Kingdom.

Yes, there I was, along with my mother, at the place which is about 180 degrees removed from my mindset. And seriously, every employee (sorry . . . "character"; that's what they're called) had been super-nice to me and Mom all weekend. I'm not used to it. I think it's a mix of my neuroses, my mental condition, my past with interaction, and the fact that I've live within the boroughs of New York my entire life. Somebody tells me to have a great (or "magical") day, it takes a lot for me not to respond with "Go fuck yourself."

It turned out the Magic Kingdom wasn't that big of a deal. All right, I think that's because I'm not a kid and it was the off-peak schedule. I reckon March is a great time to head to Orlando, when it's warm even in the final official days of winter, but not Southwest America warm, where local birds burst into flame in midair on a regular basis. The lines that I went on weren't too long., and I didn't feel that much like a fish out of water. Also, I have to admire a place where the first place you walk into ("Main Street, U.S.A.") has no rides, but lots of places to shop and eat. I think Plan B would've involved burly men grabbing patrons by the ankles and shaking money loose.

I went solo to Carousel of Progress in Tomorrowland. This was an exhibit shipped direct from the 1964 World's Fair in Flushing, N.Y., with lots of improvements. Basically, it's the story of an eternally-young family watching the times bring improvements to their lives. They're young on account that they're audio-animatronic (had to copy the phrase from the map), meaning they move around like humans, but they're not real and just a little creepy. Even the dog is a little unnerving to watch as he lifts his head and barks at the right time. In the end, we're about ten minutes into the future, where the boy is teaching Grandma the art of virtual reality video games, and Father keeps repeating game scores, prompting the voice-recognizing oven to ruin Christmas dinner. It's hokey in general, but it's cute to watch, with the stands rotating like a wheel, given the allusion that the stages are moving.

Me and Mom also visited a show based on Monsters, Inc. This one had the Pixar visuals, but the key was that the characters reacted to audience members. Also unnerving, and I was ready to duck out of view if my face had come up on screen.

We did a lot of walking, though looking back at the map, we didn't do much in Fantasyland. Once again: I'm not into rides. Mom made me go to the Haunted Mansion in Liberty Square, which was a bit lame. I'm probably not alone . . . only kids that were never exposed to the likes of Scream, Saw, and their sequels would get frightened, even with the nice effects. Also, the ride stopped for about a minute, which was annoying. We took a riverboat around Tom Sawyer Island, which had audio-animatronic sites near the water ("Indian" village, shack with rowdies, etc.) And then there was the Hall of Presidents, featuring Audio-Animatronic Abraham Lincoln giving the Gettysburg Address (I think), and 44 presidents that mostly nodded when their names were announced. A more cynical mind would've added more, like having William Henry Harrison cough violently, William Taft chewing on a turkey leg as big as his thigh, Gerald Ford falling apart, a robotic Hillary Clinton grabbing her husband by the ear, and George W. Bush . . . ah, screw it. You come up with something. In the end, the audio-animatronic Barack Obama gave a speech, and I half-expected audio-animatronic (yes, I hit CTRL-V yet again) Fox pundits to barge in and yell at the President for indoctrinating the audience. Disney engineers can make an eight- or nine-foot Hopper . . . why not Bill O'Reilly's big head?

We bounced around a bit. I wound up eating a hummus sandwich with strawberry yogurt for lunch. Happily, the bad feeling in my stomach was mostly gone. We wandered around Adventureland and Frontierland for the rest of the day. Tom Sawyer's Island was a bit of a waste, though watching my mother try to navigate a "barrel bridge" was pretty funny. That was very unstable; all it would take is one extra from Wall-E to break the thing. The Country Bear Jamboree was up my alley, though my mother thought I was nuts for liking (wait for it) audio-animatronic bears that seemed inbred (or "in-bear-ed") playing on funny instruments. Oh, and the animals with their heads mounted on the wall were enjoying it as well. She got at me by making me go to Pirates of the Caribbean. As you'd expect, a lot of the visuals are based off the movies which were inspired by the original ride, including several appearances by everyone's favorite metrosexual swashbuckler, Captain Jack Sparrow.

And that's about it. We tried to get into a few restaurants on Main Street U.S.A., but they were full up. Mom got her quota of shopping done while I watched (as I occasionally tried to find a snack that would be guaranteed not to send me to the hospital from an allergic reaction), and we went back "home." I managed to catch The Amazing Race (Jaime & Cara getting eliminated = satisfactory conclusion), and we got dinner at the cafeteria afterward. Tomorrow, we head for home. I know there's a lot I left out . . . like Mom looking for places to smoke, and how non-flash photography and moving objects aren't a great mix . . . but I think I covered the basic stuff well enough. I have to say it: I had a good time. While I wouldn't rush to sink a few grand coming back here anytime soon (or fall backwards into an ALL. EXPENSES. PAID. vacation), I can now see the appeal. Even if we had a week, there would be far too much to do. We never even got to explore the parks thoroughly at night or touch base at Hollywood Studios. One day, I might get a chance to come back, and now I wouldn't hesitate at the thought of going. Just don't expect me to wear the mouse ears.

Adventures in Orlando: Day Two

Well, we had quite a day. Turns out that the Animal Kingdom isn't totally a wild animal park, but rather a glorified zoo . . . albeit a fun glorified zoo.

Mom and me spent the whole day there, exploring most of the place. We didn't go on any rides, since I'm really not a roller coaster kind of guy. Mom decided to go shopping first for the kids of the people who she works with. We found out that for no charge, you can have your goods delivered to wherever you're staying the following day. "Clever" doesn't begin to cover it. I wound up using that method myself, even though all I bought was a t-shirt and an Eeyore doll made up for a safari. I think Mom likes Eeyore because I remind her of him. Make of that what you will.

While we didn't do any rides, we did take in a few shows, like one based on A Bug's Life. In it, you put on 3-D glasses (which seldom works out for me) while Flik (the heroic ant of the movie) introduces various insects (and a spider) to the audience. Of course, things go wrong, like one bug spitting acid at the same time water is spritzed on the crowd. Things really go south when an eight-foot Hopper (the biker-looking bad guy) comes out to try and get even with the crowd on behalf of insects. He calls out hornets, and you don't see anything happening on the scr- HOLY SHIT WHAT POKED MY ASS?!?? Giant spiders descend from the ceiling. It's basically chaos until a lizard tries to eat Hopper, and he manages to flee. As a parting shot, the PA asks all assorted insects to leave, and you feel stuff crawling under you. I looked at my seat afterward, and I didn't see anything that would suggest that happening.

We wound up ping-ponging between the Africa and Asia regions. In Africa, you can go on a safari which gets close to the animals . . . or at least as close as you can get. I'm thinking electric fencing is involved. Basically, if you have a digital camera like me, it becomes a game of spotting an animal and taking a pictures while the vehicle is going at a good clip. Even if you have over 2,000 "bullets," it's still a challenge. Sometimes, you wind up with elephants with their backs to you. The biggest highlight of the day came away from the safari, going on a trail. I managed to see gorillas. Lots of silverback gorillas, looking at the throngs of people gathered with studious looks. Or maybe it was utter contempt. At one point, one of the apes wound up taking a few drinks from a small waterfall by using his big hand. Needless to say, they were imposing-looking suckers.

A lot of the day is a blur in retrospect. We went to the far-off Rafiki's Planet Watch (named after the wise ape from The Lion King), which had a building of behind-the-scenes stuff, as well as a petting zoo. I'm happy to report that the zookeepers did not rip the tails off the donkeys, then reattach them with tacks. I went on an Asia trail on my own. I wound up spotting a tiger, and as my finger pressed down on the button to take the picture, another tiger leaped up and wrestled him for about five seconds. I wound up with a nice blur for a picture.

We wound up going to a balls-out production of The Lion King. Nothing to end a day like live-action performers interacting with giant mechanical animals (including a grown-up Simba and Pumba the warthog) and some poor guy dresses as Timon the meerkat. They covered the big songs -- "Circle Of Life," "Can't Wait To Be King," "Hakuna Matata," "Be Prepared" and "Can You Feel The Love Tonight" -- and put on one hell of a show. No sensations of bugs crawling on my ass was also appreciated.

Mom and me had lunch at a place in Asia. We also filled up at the resort for breakfast and dinner. I'm amazed that I didn't roll or bounce back to the room. The price totals are obscene even with the meal plan, but once again: ALL. EXPENSES. PAID. Magic words to live by. Sadly, there's not enough time for us to do stuff in or around the place. I guess it's an acceptable trade-off. I did vist an arcade, where I managed to suck wind on a few racing games. It's sad that I grew up around arcade games, yet I can't get my bearings on a crap pod-racing game based on a movie -- The Phantom Menace -- to save my life.

One more day left. Don't know the gameplan as of this writing. I'm thinking the Magic Kingdom is definitely in play. Mom is now okay with a lack of fireworks in order for me to watch The Amazing Race, though I'll see if we can do both. For the record, I have that on timer back home, but crap does happen, and I don't know if I can avoid spoilers if I have to on Monday. But the bottom line is that even as sore and as full of food as I am, I'm still having a good time. If I don't have nightmares of Hopper and Simba beating me up, that will be a bonus.

Adventures In Orlando: Day One

Friday, 9:20 a.m. Eastern Time
Flash back to February. My mother is at a company event in Manhattan. She's been working at a wine importer for years, and the office would probably fall apart without her. To her surprise, she's honored by her bosses with a big gift: an all-expense-paid trip to wherever she wants to go. This explains why I'm on a plane bound for Orlando, writing this longhand for my blog.

Anything related to Disney barely interests me. The allure of the Magic Kingdom is lost on me, since I'm not into rides or waiting on line to go on them. Disney owns ABC, and the only show I've watched on a consistent basis has been No Ordinary Heroes, which is currently in a ditch with NBC's The Cape, waiting for somebody to throw dirt on it. I'm still pissed that two great shows -- The Mole and Pushing Daisies -- got canceled, while crap like Wipeout and The Bachelor remain on the air. The latter seldom works out in the end; most of the final couplings don't make it to the altar (present note: I am not going to look up the exact stats). Bill Simmons theorized that since there's months between the doofus bachelor proposing to whichever mental case he chooses and that making it on the air ("The most dramatic Rose Ceremony . . . EVAR!!!"), the putz figures that it would be easier to plow through groupies in the end, because that's probably what he does during that period of time. Seriously, if you watch The Bachelor and/or The Bachelorette, you're a part of the problem.

Where was I? Right . . . Disney World. My mother isn't really Disney-minded, but she's been interested in going to a wild animal park. And yes, Disney has one of those. While I'm not at all that keen about, say, getting the business end of a giraffe's tongue, it does sound like an intriguing weekend. Seriously : All. Expenses. PAID. And it's not like I'm missing anything right now. Well, there is C2E2, which is starting up today in Chicago. I went to the inaugural edition last year (covered here, here, here and here), and I figured that it's too early in the year for me to go on my annual convention trip. I tried getting a four-day package for Comic-Con International at San Diego, and I wound up getting nothing after 4-6 hours of trying to pull it off online.

Right now, I'm in a good mood. My mother and me got to the airport on time, and I don't think I forgot anything. We're not sitting together, and she could get a middle seat for me. But then the nice lady on the window offered -- yes, offered -- to switch seats. I should hate the window seat, but I'm used to it. With an aisle seat, I feel like I'm dangling. Like I said, I'm in a good mood. Even with Mom suggesting going to Disney World (re: Magic Kingdom) to watch the parades and get my picture taken with Goofy, I'm all right. And I hope I stay all right when I get online later in the day.

Plane's moving. I'll be back later.

10:38 p.m.

Well, the good news was that the flight was pretty uneventful. I know that the odds of a crash or an Oceanic 815 thing happening are about one percent of one percent of one percent of . . . repeat that about twenty or thirty times. But it's always in the back of my head, y'know? We landed early, and our sole suitcase (remember, we're just staying three nights) isn't there. We're assured that since Mom put special Disney tags on it, it should be on the bus. We get on the bus and arrive at the Animal Kingdom Lodge. We look in the storage compartment on the bus . . . no suitcase. Well, it must be at our room already. We enter our room . . . right, no suitcase. For all I know, it could be back in Newark. Well, we hang around the room, my mother on the balcony, looking at the animals outside. It's not like they're so close to the lodge, but they are visible. We wind up seeing giraffes, zebras, and an East African Crowned Crane (we also got a sheet with animal pictures, hence the lack of "funny looking bird" here). Eventually, my mother's hunger forces us to get a quick lunch, since she didn't have much to eat back for breakfast at Newark Airport. We get back to the room . . . NOW our suitcase is there. This is good for me, since I had a long-sleeved, flannel-y shirt on. I know . . . I'm nuts. I just figured that I should be warm for getting out early in the morning, even though the forecast back in New York called for temperatures to peak at 69 degrees (and it isn't even spring yet!) Anyway, one change of top later, we head for Epcot Center.

You would think that Epcot would be outdated, but they've kept up with the times. Take Spaceship Earth, for itself, the ride that takes place in the big globe that everybody notices. It takes you through human history, with all sorts of sights and sounds, as well as frighteningly realistic figures moving around. It's as close as I've ever been to the condition known only as "tripping balls." The only bad part was that a camera took pictures of my mother and me. At the conclusion of the rides, passengers answer questions that shape a future civilization. And that's where the pictures came in, as our heads were stuck on goofy cartoon figures. For me, it was traumatic. For my mother, it was freakin' hysterical. I also played a video game where I controlled a figure made up of images of me running, jumping, and celebrating. Needless to say, I am not showing my mother that.

Given how late we got to Epcot, we really didn't get to do much. The other ride we went on was based on Finding Nemo, but that was lightly ruined by unruly kids who wouldn't shut up during the ride. We wound up in an aquarium of sorts, complete with sharks, dolphins and two manatees. I don't remember being so close to sea cows before. There were also a lot of flower sculptures of Disney characters, which was nice. We wound up having Chinese food, did a little shopping, and I more or less strong-armed Mom into leaving before the fireworks. So now I owe her a fireworks show by the end of the weekend. In my defense, we've been up since before 7 a.m., and I didn't really sleep on the plane ride.

The hotel room is okay. We both thought we'd get something bigger. For my mother, her frame of reference is the hotel she stayed in London two years ago while visiting my cousin, who was studying abroad. For me, it was the unexpected find from Expedia in a Baltimore suburb last year, where I was staying for a mere two days for Baltimore Comic Con. It turns out a lot of cable stations aren't on the television, but that's not that big of an issue. I also didn't make it back for Fringe, but that's why I set up the VCR before I left home . . . because I wasn't sure if I'd make it back in time. Ditto for Sunday and The Amazing Race, which I had to set for more than an hour to cover any schedule pushing due to the NCAA Basketball Tournament.

All in all, this was a good day. Here's hoping I'll be more Happy than Grumpy by Monday. I'd settle for more Happy over Dopey at this point.

The End Of Russellmania

The end of the Russell Hantz era of Survivor came this past Wednesday night. Okay, if you absolutely have to be picky, it ended on August 27, 2010 (as extrapolated here). The ending was anticlimactic, as a guy named Matt Elrod became an answer to a reality television trivia question by besting Russell on Redemption Island (more on that later) in a game of domino stacking and tumbling. As for as endgames go, it wasn't as lame as, say, covering the contestants in itching powder and sweatshirts, sticking them on treadmills, and going to jump ropes for a tiebreaker, but it was pretty unimaginative. Russell went out the way fans would expect . . . in a blaze of sour grapes. He called out his tribe (Zapatera; came out as "shoemaker" on Babelfish), accusing them of throwing the last challenge in order to vote him out two days prior, and did some crying. In other words, typical Russell-like behavior.

For those just coming in: Mark Burnett was running out of ideas for Survivor, which remains his favorite child. Three seasons prior, he had cast Russell for Survivor: Samoa, along with nineteen others who will remain in obscurity as the years pass. Russell was an asshole from Day One. He lied about being caught in Hurricane Katrina, lied about losing a dog in the storm, burned another player's socks without him knowing about it, and basically became the most hated man in reality television. He also managed to form an alliance and snag hidden immunity idols without getting clues, which probably resulted in lots of production people losing their jobs. He managed to last all 39 days on skill, luck, and with the help of some of the dumbest people to play the game. With Russell having no shot at the $1 million grand prize on account that he was a massive jagoff, the others treated the money like a hot potato, flinging it between each other until some girl named Natalie kept it in the end. But Russell made an impact, and even I was entertained near the end. I chalked it up to a combination of Stockholm Syndrome and the fact that everybody else was a blur. Quick, name any five contestants from that season without using Wikipedia. Yeah, I thought so.

Since Russell was the only memorable person in Samoa, he got a berth into the following season, a rehash of the all-star format titled Heroes Vs. Villains. This time, he was put in a game with nineteen other people with experience on the show. Naturally, he landed on the Villains tribe, where his main rival was Rob Mariano. Rob is somebody whom I consider to be one of the most overrated players in the show's history, and you can't tell me any differently. Quick summary: he played a fool in his original season (Marquesas) to the point where his second tribe tried to throw a challenge in order to vote him off (it didn't work). He made the merge, but didn't make the jury. However, he was memorable enough to warrant bringing him back two years later for All-Stars. He hooked up with Amber Brkich (known as "Lamber" back in the day because she followed Jerri Manthey everywhere), and they managed to run the game as a power couple because they were taking on the dumbest people to play the game. Between Lex, Kathy, Rupert, "Big Tom" and Jenna Lewis, you didn't have enough brainpower to operate a toaster. Long story short: Rob got three votes for him, three votes against him, and Shii Ann was nice enough to vote for Amber, giving her the win. Oh, and Rob proposed to Amber before the votes were announced, and they became America's Couple or somesuch bullshit. They also were inflicted on fans of The Amazing Race twice, but that's another rant altogether.

Anyway, the Villains managed to run the game, and Russell got himself in an alliance that managed to trump Rob's, and the Beantown Bozo got bounced after eighteen days. I'll spare you the rest of the details of the season, including JT handing an immunity idol to Russell (along with a nice note that Russell laminated as a keepsake). The runty bastard made it to Day 39 again, only to finish third after Sandra (whose win was delightfully unexpected) and Parvati (who rode the Russell train to second place). At the reunion, precious time was taken for Rob and Russell to snipe at each other, and I think host Jeff Probst may have wet himself in joy. You have to understand something about Probst: the man loves him some alpha males. Sure, Russell's size didn't make him a top dog, but his personality made him an attraction, and that was enough for Probst to start touching himself. Word of warning: if you're related to Jeff Probst in any way, you might want to stop reading now. I'm only going to get nastier from here on out.

Somewhere in the world, Mark Burnett was also idly playing with himself. Here he had a main event between two of the biggest "names" in reality television. He had to do something. So he made a decision: invite Rob and Russell back for their fourth and third tries, respectively. Burnett would put them on Redemption Island, where he would send those who had been voted off to a place where they would live on the bare minimum on their own. When two of them would be on the island (or whatever Burnett would call an island . . . his definition of that is pretty loose), they would compete in a duel. The winner stays, the loser throws their buff into the fire and leave the game for good. As I write this, I'm assuming that once a merge between the two tribes, whomever is on Redemption Island would come back to the main action. While this new format has shades of Pearl Islands (where the outcasts beat the two tribes, and two of their number were voted back into the game), it was clear that Burnett was scrapping near the bottom of the barrel. Specifically, Real World/Road Rules Challenge, which started on that format back in 2003 with The Gauntlet. Of course, there would need to be a season to film between HvV and Redemption Island. What could be done?

Answer: invite champion collegiate and professional football coach Jimmy Johnson to Nicaragua, along with nineteen of the dumbest people that could be cast. All right, I'm probably being too hard on the Nicaragua cast, but anybody with half a brain was voted off quickly, while another game of hot potato was played between people who probably couldn't spell "Survivor." Jimmy himself was gone after eight days, a victim of age and nature. He did wind up getting a lap dance from Probst at the reunion special, while other players (including jury members) got shafted on air time. The host then grinded all over the leg of Terry Bradshaw, one of Johnson's co-hosts on Fox's NFL pre-game show. To say it was embarrassing would be an understatement. Between two people quitting (including the unbelievably odious Naonka, who will no doubt be the "guest of honor" at an NAACP fundraiser where people would pay to punch her in the mouth), "masterminds" getting outwitted, Probst openly using his reality host mind powers to influence a vote, the players not getting influenced by Probst's mind mojo because they didn't have minds to begin with, and a dumbass nicknamed "Fabio" (because he was blond and dim, and apparently that was enough to warrant the moniker), Survivor hit an all-time low in quality.

Once all footage of Nicaragua was buried in a hole thirty-feet deep that was then filled with concrete (something the producers of The Amazing Race did with their all-star season years ago), Burnett moved on with promoting Redemption Island and Rob and Russell's involvement with it, which was the worst-kept secret ever. Once the cat was finally let out of the bag (half-torn to shreds already), Probst laid this gem on the Entertainment Weekly website: "I’m not concerned at all about any Russell fatigue — that people have had too much. If you’ve had too much of Russell, I dare say you’re not really a Survivor fan. He embodies Survivor. He’s polarizing. You hate him or you love him." You just had to love the cavalier "fuck you" attitude Probst had for the fans. Russell was an anchor that was dragging the show towards the abyss that most shows are falling into, and those sane enough to hate the punk had problems? Also, at the Nicaragua reunion special, Rob revealed that he and Amber had their second kid. You would think that Rob would at least look to have a normal life, as opposed to being a grown-up version of the eternally bratty morons that pollute Real World/Road Rules Challenge every single season these days. Honestly, Mark Burnett could look at the "hinjinks" of mouth-breathers like Evan Starkman, Kenny Santucci and Johnny Devenanzio (the show's permanent Axis of Ass) and start getting horny at "bad boys" stirring up trouble on his show.

And that brings us to today. I'm not going to get into most of the action, given that I still don't know most of these people after four episodes. One day, I might write an essay on Phillip, a man who seems to be more of a Section 64 than a "mere" Section 8, but that's not happening today. I'll skip to the irony of a fella named Ralph finding the hidden immunity idol without getting a clue about its whereabouts. In Nicaragua, the producers at least tried to "Russell-proof" the idols by hiding them in less conspicuous places. So it was hilarious that Ralph ("Redneck Yeti" comes to mind describing him) just stumbled across it, beating Russell at his own game. The pipsqueak managed to get by, allying himself with Krista and Stephanie. Since Russell is known as "Russhole" on the forums, I think of those two as "Russhoes." I know, it's not nice, and I'd be happy to hear alternatives. Anyway, after the Zapatera tribe won their first two reward/immunity challenges, the bulk of the team elected to throw the next one in order to vote Russell off. Sure enough, they managed to lose the challenge, the majority sextet successfully split their votes, a three-way tie was forced between Russell, Stephanie and Ralph (who probably didn't think of using his idol), and Russell wound up losing on the tiebreaker. After snuffing out Russell's torch and sending him to Redemption Island, Probst chastised Zapatera for voting out "one of the most successful players in the history of Survivor." There are so many reasons why I could never play this game. One of the top ten would be the fact that I could never, ever respect Jeff Probst. EVER.

Probst: Well, you have voted off a two-time finalist and a certified genius. Whether it will bite you in the ass remains to be seen. Grab your torc-

Me: Um, Jeff? Could you repeat that?

Probst: You didn't hear what I said?

Me: Not really. Sounded like your cheeks were full of Russell's spunk. Could you spit it out before talking?

Now you know the rest of the story. Russell lost the Redemption Island challenge, got teary-eyed (like he had in past reunions after his losses), and baited Ralph (one of four players who elected to watch the contest) into revealing his hidden idol. On EW and his own site, Probst praised Russell with so much vigor, any printout made of those pages would come out very sticky. Russell himself has contemplated suing his tribemates for throwing the challenge. My response would be, "If you're not fucking over somebody, you're not playing the game right." Oh, and Russell may have leaked spoiler info on Samoa and HvV. I'd go over that, but it's the night where we have to set the clocks forward by an hour, and I should go to bed. Personally, I don't think this is the last we've seen of Russell Hantz. I honestly believe he'll come back next year to "star" on Celebrity Apprentice, which would mark the first time I would root for Donald Trump to lunge across his desk to strangle somebody, as opposed to the other way around. Probst predictably left the light on for Russell as far as returning to Survivor. If that happens, that might be the broken straw that finally -- FINALLY -- gets me to stop watching this rapidly declining show. But I doubt it.

PS: While thinking about what to write for this post, I decided that I wanted to be famous. If that happened, I might wind up being considered being a guest if and when Probst gets roasted. Rather than asking you to search my posts on the Television Without Pity forums for mentions of him, I figured it was high time to actually embed something . . . in this case, how I would address the overrated bastard. Just replace "my" with "Russell's," and don't forget to throw in a "Rob's" for good measure. Enjoy!



PPS: The Joes in the van are Breaker and Dialtone. Now you know . . . and knowing is half the battle!

Reality Rant: No Sympathy For The Devils

As I begin this essay, I'm at a Burger King in Manhattan. I managed to kill a half-hour on my own, but now I face about an hour's worth of time left on this computer. All this because I was on a date that ended early (long story), and I'm just passing time until the latest DWNY event. So I reckon this is about as good a time to talk about The Real World/Road Rules Challenge and what pisses me off about it.

I realize that it has to be all drama, all the time. The days of somebody like Roni, an athletic girl who got little camera time during The Gauntlet, appearing on the show are over. And we'll never have a heroic figure like Sarah and her five Gauntlet wins ever again. So we get stuck with mental midgets and scumbags galore. Bunim-Murray Productions managed to invite CT to two Challenges where he got into fights and had to leave before the first mission was even played. At the heart of this discord: three assholes who have made the game theirs.

It started with Fresh Meat, where experienced BMP hands were partnered with new recruits. One of them was Kenny Santucci, a Guido from New Jersey. He was paired with the noisome Tina (who hasn't been back since she smacked Beth in Gauntlet 3), and they managed to walk away with second place at the end of the season. Also new was Evan Starkman, who seemed to be a likable Canadian boy at first. It helped that he was teamed with BMP legend Coral, a chick who can't do wrong in my eyes. However, Evan wound up getting a hernia, and Coral hurt her knee, so they had to bow out midway through the competition, opening it up in the process. In subsequent Challenges, Kenny remained a woman-hating dick, while Evan crawled toward the dark side, culminating with turning his back on Coral in Gauntlet 3, joining the forces of evil that I labeled the Axis Of Ass. While most headaches from the past several Challenge seasons have been Fresh Meaters (Evelyn, Casey, Diem . . . Ryan and Eric to a lesser extent), there came a third loser who became a major player: John Devenanzio from The Real World: Key West . . . or, as viewers came to know him as, "Johnny Bananas." It's bad when one of them is on. It's another when all three appear at the same time, which happened in the previous season, The Ruins. They trashed the competition, ridiculed others, and sailed off with an easy win.

What bothers me is that there's never comeuppance for people like Kenny, Johnny and Evan. Things break their way, they manage to top the winners' list in money earned (toppling four-time Challenge winner Darrell), and they never get shit for treating others -- particularly women -- like crap. I keep expecting somebody . . . ANYBODY . . . to boo them at the post-season reunions, but that never happens. All I can do is impotently put the hammer down on them in the Television Without Pity forums and make insinuations about their sexuality. Other casts are in on the joke; they referred to Kenny and Evan as "Kevan" during The Ruins. I honestly believe that Kenny cannot have sex with a woman unless he tapes a picture of Evan on the back of her head. Am I wrong for saying stuff like that? Probably. I do not consider myself homophobic, but I get so angry seeing Kenny talk shit on Fresh Meat II, I drift off into my darker side, like I did with Beth when I recapped Gauntlet 2. He winds up with perhaps the strongest Fresh Meat girl from the stable (Laurel), they win one Exile endgame, then he engineers the destruction of Wes and Evelyn's alliance. And it's not that I like either of those headcases, but I get an earful of "Mr. Beautiful" (yes, this is what Kenny calls himself) pat himself on the back about it, doing everything but whip it out and yank it during interviews. And the worst part is that the others kowtow to him. There were times where Kenny and Laurel didn't win a mission, and they were vulnerable to going into Exile. Guess what? It didn't happen, because nobody had the brains or the spine to pull off the maneuver. Even worse, I find myself reading other forum posters' messages, where they stop looking at Kenny at his rotten core and notice how good-looking he is. So's most of the cast of Jersey Shore, but would you want to spend any time with those people?

This Wednesday is the season finale. I'm pretty certain Kenny will wind up winning $100,000 when it's all over. Of course, he'll get applauded for his actions at the reunion. When I found out about the date of the reunion at TARCon, I considered waiting to see Kenny come out, but I decided against it. Even if he knew he was a scumbag, getting told that he is one probably wouldn't affect him. And the next season will feature Johnny, so that's going to be painful to watch. Sooner or later, whether it's on-screen or off, karma will catch up to the likes of Kenny, Evan and Johnny. I'm hoping for "sooner" and "on-screen" myself, but I seldom get what I want.

PS: I managed to kill over a half-hour. I should visit Burger King more often for my blogging needs.

Reality Rant: The Best Of Times, The Worst Of Times

As the title of this blog entry suggests, the finales for The Amazing Race and Survivor: Heroes Vs. Villains were as different as night and day. And surprisingly, I actually liked the ending of Survivor a lot more than TAR.

What happened with TAR16 that made it a bit of a failure and unworthy of winning an umpteenth Emmy? Too many engineered rivalries (Narcs vs. Heidi & Joe, Lesbians vs. Brett Vs. Caite), easy Speed Bumps for teams that finished last in a prior leg, and a crappily-designed leg that caused Linda Holmes, the former Television Without Pity recapper known as Miss Alli, to declare that she was done with the show. Oh, and it turns out Jet, one of the beloved cowboys, isn't fond of gay people, to the point where he allegedly used a three-letter word to describe Jordan in front of Dan & Jordan's mother at the CBS finale party. After hearing that, I felt the need to take a shower. I'm not gay, but I don't want chinks in the armor of people that I root for.

Back to the finale . . . I watched at my usual destination: Stitch, a bar/restaurant in the fashion district (or is it garment district?), for TARCon. I miss the days of the Play-By-Play near Madison Square Garden and goodie bags (which were repealed once some asshole put a few up on eBay), but I honestly cannot imagine spending a TAR finale anywhere else, let alone at home. I paid $50 cover to get in around 7 p.m. as opposed to $75 and 6 p.m. because I was going to spend money at Who York (more on that later), and I already spent $55 on Custom Quest. I did find a seat, although I mostly stood up to watch the episode. Basically, there was no room for teams to maneuver. Dan & Jordan managed to butt ahead of Jet & Cord on line at the airport since the Cowboys were lollygagging near the ticket counter. Then the brothers wound up jumping to first class, which bent the rule of buying economy/coach tickets only. From there, their trip through San Fransisco was about as easy as it gets. The teams went through an ascender for a Roadblock and wound up at LucasArts for a fancy virtual reality task. How poor was the design? At one point, Jordan had finished his task (walking around a virtual environment) and had to stand around while Dan, watching on a monitor, had to read a clue circling around Jordan's avatar . . . and meanwhile, Jet (with his cowboy hat-wearing avatar) stood in front of Jordan, waiting for him to move out of the way so he could complete a level. Given that the fan favorites wound up losing on one of these turning points, I imagine the designers won't be getting bonuses this year.

Anyway, the brothers got their clue, did an all-too-easy "remember the legs?" task (putting up posters of teams in order of their elimination), and went to Candlestick Park (which I thought was torn down when the Giants moved out) for the finish line and the $1 million that they were lucky to get. Like I said, the brothers were like pond scum because they managed to rise to the top despite some shaky legs. The Cowboys came in second, followed by Brett & Caite, who got done in by a crappy cabbie and their leaving their fanny pack behind. Brandy then began to eviscerate Caite for the use of the U-Turn several legs ago. Never had a TAR finale gotten that ugly, and I've seen Eric call up his dumbass ex-partner Jeremy five seasons prior.

The difference between the TARCon crowd and the reaction on the TWoP episode thread could not have been more different. Most of the people posting hated the win, thought the brothers to be unworthy winners, and pissed all over Brandy. The TARCon crowd cheered the win. Yeah, I couldn't believe it, either. I thought the Cowboys would be the out-and-out favorites of the crowd, but when I talked to others, they said that they were pulling for the brothers. I think it's because Jordan was a fan of the show, and that he lived the ultimate dream. I wouldn't say that past winners were recruits that wouldn't have known TAR from Big Brother, but Jordan's pressuring of Dan to apply must have struck a cord. Also, most of us cheered on Brandy ripping into Caite. It's not that Brandy was right in doing so, but Caite and her partner (and ex, if I've heard correctly) were just another in a long line of irritating couples. It didn't matter that Caite could laugh about her "The Iraq" blunder by appearing in the meme-tastic video for Weezer's "Pork & Beans." Caite still sucks, and I wish TAR would stop casting pageant contestants altogether.

Almost two weeks after TARCon, I have to say that most of it was a blur. First came two former Racers in Mark from TAR13 (wearing a Villains t-shirt from Survivor) and Drew from the original season and the only other Staten Islander besides myself that I can recall (John Vito used to come to TARCon, but I haven't seen him in a while). Then came a mix of past and present Racers, including Dan & Jordan, Jet & Cord (and their black and white cowboy hats, respectively), Caite, Louie & Michael (the latter without his trademark mustache), Heidi (without Joe; he was promoting a book), Monique & Shawna (the "Momtrepreneurs") and Dana & Adrian (the first team eliminated, whom I met at the Quest). Off the top of my head, there was also Ken (TAR3), Tom & Terry (gay team from TAR10 with matching hairlines), Joe (TAR6, who I briefly bumped into and didn't realize it; I usually recognize his diminutive partner Avi on sight), and some others. It got crowded, and I didn't get to chat up many people that much. I saw Heidi laugh it up with the Narcs, showing that Louie & Michael's Blind U-Turn of her and Joe was water under the bridge. I did get to talk to Jordan, who was thrilled not only to win, but to be the first gay Racer to triumph since Reichen & Chip from way back in TAR4. I also chatted with Murtz Jaffer from Reality Obsessed. He told me that the reunion for Real World/Road Rules Challenge: Fresh Meat II was filming that Tuesday. I think I'm getting old, because I didn't get the gumption to go up to MTV's headquarters and hassle some of the idiots involved . . . especially Kenny, whose superiority complex is eclipsed only by Russell's. I honestly wish I brought a tape recorder, because it's so hard for me to remember some of the other conversations that I had. I did see a woman breastfeed her baby, though. Took me about two seconds after I was shooed away for me to realize what I had seen. You can check out my pictures here. It was a good time had for such a lame finale.

One week later, there came the finale for Survivor: Heroes Vs. Villains. And for the first time, I had to miss a final episode. I'm into Doctor Who New York, a local fan club of sorts dedicated to the hit British sci-fi series. That night was a Who York event featuring Sylvester McCoy, the seventh actor to play the Doctor on the show, and I couldn't miss that. Like with TARCon, I can't remember most of the stuff he talked about, but I do remember having fun. When I got home around 11, I rewound the tape and played it, shotgunning three hours of Survivor fun in one shot.

While The Amazing Race had a finale that was unpredictable and yet lame, Survivor had a predictable finish that was awesome. Last week, I predicted most of the outcome correctly, except what happened was what I wanted to happened, as opposed to what I thought would realistically happen. I thought that Parvati was going to win, because she had more experience than anybody else (having played 114 out of a possible 117 days in three seasons), and mostly because I didn't like her. She wound up winning the 833rd endurance challenge of the season, and Colby rolled over and died for the most part, except when he made an eleventh hour plea to Russell that fell on the troll's deaf ears. Then came a blindfolded maze challenge, where Russell barely triumphed over Jerri and Parvati, with Sandra, as usual, nowhere near contention. There was suspense whether Jerri or Parvati would be the last to go, but Jerri got a predictable 3-1 boot. Then came Day 39, where the finalists had to face a jury of their peers. Here are the approximations of their arguments for the million bucks:

Parvati: "Did I use Russell to get this far? Yes. Am I going to take a long shower to cleanse myself of the evil scuzziness? Of course. If there was another way, I would've taken it. I'm young and I'm hot, people . . . you gotta vote for me."

Russell: "I'm Russell Motherfucking Hantz, the greatest player in the history of reality television. I lied to y'all, I hid a machete on my teammates, I showered losers with visions ranging from the final three to fellatio, and I ain't sorry. Y'all should be the sorry ones, lookin' all losery on those hard benches. Don't think I didn't see the fake gagging one of y'all did when I voted that one time. If y'all have a brain in your damn heads, you'd vote for me. Dumbasses."

Sandra: "Okay, I didn't win an individual reward or immunity challenge. I never got close to that. I promised myself that I'd get rid of Russell, and I obviously failed. But I tried to work with the Heroes, and what did they do? Right . . . tell Russell about it. Then I had to change my plans to work with the majority, because I'm sticking to what won me the million the first time . . . being as sneaky and non-obtrusive as possible. Oh, and I burned Russell's stupid porkpie hat today. Who wants a fistbump? Besides Courtney, who's already in the bag for me. I love ya, girl!"

Then the jury got to ask questions. All I can remember was Coach borrowing "the penitent man will pass" quote from Indiana Jones And The Last Crusade, Courtney's love-in with Sandra, and Rupert being unable to blink throughout the proceedings, looking like a serial killer. Then he tore Russell a new asshole, probably as a response to Russell mockingly calling him "the second coming of Christ" . . . which wasn't far from the truth, given that Rupert's ugliness is usually buried under good press. Then came the voting, with three votes shown for Parvati (including one from Coach, where he went on a long-winded speech about Arthur, punctuated by an eagle's screeching) and three for Sandra (including Rupert being proud to write her name for a million bucks again like he did on Pearl Islands). After the usual Jeff Probst spiel of "This has been a great time, but y'all gotta wait a little longer," the show went live at the Ed Sullivan Theater in New York. I won't lie . . . after the Who York event, there was a part of me that wanted to go up there and see if I could get close to some of the people involved. I think Sandra needed a hug from a big hairy guy who wasn't as insane as Rupert. But it was late, and I probably would've gotten stuck getting hugged by Jon Dalton, who was inexplicably in the audience. Whether he sneaked in or was brought in as a potential punching bag for Rupert's doughy fists, I will never know.

To say that I was thrilled with Sandra's 6-3-0 win over Parvati and Russell is an understatement. Like I said before, previous "all-star" seasons of CBS reality shows have ended with the least deserving winners. For instance, Mike Malin's win on Big Brother All-Stars was recapped by Miss Alli, and it was harrowing to read. Amber didn't deserve to be cast for Survivor: All-Stars, and I still say Parvati was "favorite" enough for Fans Vs. Favorites even though she finished fifth on Cook Islands (which surprised me). Sandra's win took hard work, effort, and a little bit of luck to pull off. She wound up with the $1 million grand prize, the distinction of being the first two-time winner in the show's history, and a lovely tiara which she wore on the reunion after her win. Parvati got $100,000 and the makings of a good argument for being the best player ever. And while it's hard to put a positive spin for Russell, he wound up with $350,000 for two straight seasons of work ($100,000 second place money from Samoa, $50,000 for third in HvV, two $100,000 prizes for "fan favorite" honors). As for the others?

Sugar: She found out that it's not okay to cry and dry-hump a sleeping Colby (not at the same time, mind you).

Stephenie: Despite her early and ugly exit (as described here), it probably was for the best, especially after her crappy behavior in Guatemala. Also, it's a shame that she got a third time at-bat, while Bobby Jon was shut out.

Randy: I honestly don't believe he's a racist. I reckon he hates mostly everybody, and that he's so grouchy that he should be living in a trash can. Getting dispatched by James quickly in his final immunity challenge was not sweet. Throwing his buff into the fire after being voted out? Totally sweet. And he was the first Villain to be aware of how dangerous Parvati was.

Cirie: If only she had worked with Tom. And if only she had better support up top. I swear, if she gets a fourth chance, she could kill somebody with a loose boob.

Tom: If only he had worked with Cirie. His early exit and status as the only ex-champion to not play a part in the later game does ding his overall legacy, but I still feel he's one of the best players ever, as evidenced in his domination in Palau.

Tyson: Dumbass. Can't believe I picked him as the winner.

Rob: He's had five chances at a million bucks and he's failed each time. I think he should get back to construction and tend to his wife and beautiful baby girl.

Coach: His work as the lead singer of the Dragonz almost makes up for the time he cried after Sandra smacked him verbally during Tribal Council.

Courtney: When I want a snarky New York chick, I'll take Shii Ann. But Courtney wasn't too bad, and I liked how she insisted on referring to Probst as "Jeffery."

JT: Super dumbass. Who gives a hidden idol to the enemy? I had to explain it to Bob & Kathy, who let me watch the episode at their place. In terms of total brainless moves, Erik giving up individual immunity in Micronesia -- Fans Vs. Favorites still tops that.

Amanda: Too bad that "The Closer" couldn't blow another finale win. With her lack of jury-convincing skills, Russell could have beaten her in the end.

Candice: Who?

Danielle: . . . who? Oh, the one that almost catfought with Amanda for the immunity idol clue. That was awesome.

Rupert: Using a pocketed rock as a fake immunity idol was pretty smart, but he's still the most overrated player in the show's history, and no amount of tie-dye can hide that.

Colby: It was like seeing a favorite player hobble around with a different team . . . Willie Mays with the 1972-73 Mets, for instance. The next time he's on television, may he hawk razors again.

Jerri: Wins "Most Improved" honors, but her would-be fling with Coach? Yeesh.

There's not much else to talk about, aside from Russell laminating JT's letter to him (which was awesome), a brief remembrance of the late Jenn Lyons, and no performance from Dragonz. For the first time in too long, Survivor had outdone The Amazing Race. Here's hoping that TAR's braintrust gets the show back in gear come the seventeenth season. And here's hoping Survivor walks away with an Emmy this fall, and not one for Probst alone.

Reality Rant: Russelling Up A Finale

While The Amazing Race has faltered in its latest season, Survivor: Heroes Vs. Villains has been mostly unpredictable and interesting to watch. Sure, some good players (Stephenie, Tom, Rob) wet out too early, but we're heading for an intriguing finale. Let's look at the final five:

Colby: No way does he win. The only way he gets the $1 million is if he makes it to Day 39, there's a 3-3-3 tie, and Jeff Probst supplies his biggest mancrush with his own vote. Colby's been more or less out of contention throughout the competition, culminating with his refusing to back Amanda in her catfight over the immunity idol clue with Danielle. All he wanted to do there was watch Treasure Island in peace. He did show signs of life in the latest episode, yelling at his brother during the reward challenge, guaranteeing that they would never get invited to run on TAR. He either goes out on Day 37 or Day 38.

Jerri: Unlike her Australian Outback rival Colby, Jerri's been playing the game. The problem is that she hasn't been shown to be a huge part of the game. She's been a swing vote once or twice, and she's won reward and immunity challenges (the latter being a first for her in her three seasons), but she's either early cannon fodder or a third-place finisher. At least she didn't play the part of the bitch like in her original season.

Russell: For all of his strategy, bravado, and the uncanny ability to get immunity idols, Russell has no social game at all. Basically, it's just him bullying others, targeting those who don't dance to his tune, and beating off about how awesome he is. The good news: contrary to what Rupert might think, he's still not as bad as Jon Dalton, a human tick who didn't so much play the game as irritate those around him. The bad news: he ain't winning the million bucks, and he's probably going to break down at the reunion like he did at the end of the Samoa season.

Parvati: I have problems with her. I feel that she was a mediocre player in her original season (Cooks Islands), but she got invited to Micronesia: Fans Vs. Favorites on account that she was flirty "eye candy." Then she won that season, which I didn't think she deserved. Also, she beat Amanda for the grand prize. I could beat Amanda. Hell, Russell could beat Amanda. I feel that Randy was right about her, that she just flips her hair and she gets stuff for it. She's already got 111 days on her odometer going into the finale. Should she win, many would consider her to be the best player ever, and I don't know how I feel about that.

Sandra: She's my favorite of this lot. She won Pearl Islands by going under the radar, staying out of the crosshairs and not getting a single vote cast against her despite a lack of immunity wins. Her gameplay is next to pathetic, but she manages to be a vital swing vote when she needs to be. I like her for being snarky and for not kowtowing to the likes of Russell. Last time, she got a 6-1 win on Day 39. Granted, it was against Lillian, a spacey Boy Scout leader who missed a number of days. There's no way the road to riches will be that easy for her.

Also, I'm thinking that Dragonz will perform at the reunion. That's a band featuring Coach, Courtney and JT. Seriously, check to "Ponderosa" videos on CBS.com. For an amateur band, they're pretty good. It's almost worth it to have a deluded chump like Coach and a dumbass like JT cast for this season. But for what'll happen?

What I'd Like To Happen: First up, Jerri gets voted off, followed by Colby. The latter will announce the total failure of the Heroes tribe to get any major advantages, culminating with JT delivering an immunity idol to Russell with a "Hang In There, Buddy" letter. The jury will be ugly as usual, and the vote goes down 4-4-1. It's revealed that each finalist votes for the other two in case of ties, and Russell's vote decides the game. That explains why he was sobbing during the Samoa reunion; because he knew he blew Heroes Vs. Villains. In the end, he decides to vote against Parvati, giving the big prize to Sandra.

What Will Probably Happen: Well, Colby's out by Day 38. Jerri has an outside shot getting into the final day, but she won't win. I'm thinking a Parvati/Russell/Sandra finale is practically preordained. Russell doesn't win, that much is certain. I hate to say it, but Parvati will probably get the win over Sandra, either 5-4-0 or 6-3-0. Oh, and Survivor will finally get a nomination for Best Competitive Reality Series at the Emmys.

No matter what, it's been one helluva ride. And if it turns out badly? We'll have four months for the next season in Nicaragua

Comic Rant: A Letter To Dan Didio

The following is a letter that I am going to mail to Dan Didio, the editor-in-chief of DC Comics. After scanning a recent issue, I am ticked enough to write an old-fashioned letter to him.

Dan Didio
c/o DC Comics
1700 Broadway
New York, NY 10019

Dear Mr. Didio,

I want to take you back to May 2008. The occasion was Wizard World Philadelphia. The event was a panel on Final Crisis. At the time, I was worried about a favorite character of mine; he had his own book, but it was canceled after 25 issues. I was worried that he was going to end up in editorial limbo or worse. So I stood on line -- something I never do -- and asked my question: Would Ryan Choi, the All-New Atom, be safe?

You and Ian Sattler emphasized that Choi would be "safe." "Our hope," you said, "is that we get to show him in other series, and people get to know him and we can give him his own book again somewhere down the line." Satisfied, I sat down, content that Ryan Choi would not be touched.

Flash forward to the present. I'm looking through a copy of Titans: Villians For Hire, and I see Ryan Choi is there. And then he gets attacked by Deathstroke and a cadre of super-villians. To my horror, Ryan is stabbed through the chest, killed in what I can only describe as a "Ted Kord Bitch Death." To add insult to injury, Deathstroke presented Ryan's body in a matchbox to Dwarfstar, the closest thing he had to an arch-nemesis.

Ryan Choi was a brilliant character, created by Grant Morrison and developed by Gail Simone. While Ray Palmer wasn't totally lacking in backstory, Ryan was intriguing in his own right. He took over Ray's position as a professor in Ivy Town, got into a relationship with Giganta, and had a giant floating head for a roommate. He survived the Black Mercy, teamed up with Wonder Woman, and fought zombie version of his tormentors from high school in Hong Kong. With three guys named "Flash" and four Earthlings as Green Lanterns, surely the world would have been big enough for two Atoms.

What I want to know is this: why did Ryan Choi have to die? Is it so important for Silver Age-era heroes to come back that "legacy" characters have to be sidelined or worse? What happened between May 2008 and now to make Ryan a dead man? I know that it's dangerous to get attached to certain characters, but I figure that you more or less lied to me two years ago, and I feel you owe me an answer. Any answer will do.

As for buying comics from your company? Look, I'm not going to pretend that I'm going to take all of my business to Marvel. The fact that Gail Simone is under exclusive contract means I will buy at least two books from your company. But I honestly feel betrayed by this recent event. And if I don't get a chance to remind you at the next convention I visit, I'm sure somebody else will more than likely do that.

Sincerely,
Jason Borelli

I know, the odds of me getting a letter back aren't good, let alone a satisfactory answer. Should I get a response from Didio or anybody else representing DC Comics, I'll post it here.

A Quest Called Quest

Before I reminisce about the clusterfuck that was the sixteenth season of The Amazing Race and the subsequent celebration of TARCon XVI, there was another bit of a debacle. Well, a debacle for me, anyway.

Actually, that's not really fair. There was a lot of work done with the Gotham Quest, which was set up by Custom Quest Events. The connection to The Amazing Race is that it was formed by a quartet of former Racers: TAR15 champs Meghan Rickey & Cheyne Whitney and third-placers Brian Kleinschmidt & Ericka Dunlap. It was a good setup; for $55 a head, individuals, pairs and teams run around New York, completing TAR-inspired tasks. After some deliberation, I decided that unlike Jordan Pious, this was about as close to getting on The Amazing Race as I was going to get.

We met at a Sbarro's on a dreary day in Times Square. Some of the wannabe Racers dressed alike, representing their own groups. I decided to go it alone; according to Brian, some tasks were best to go alone, while others would benefit from being on a team. I was handed a passport and $1.50 by Meghan. Then I immediately and unknowingly broke the spirit of the rules and bought a new umbrella. The one I bought was busted up pretty badly, and I would need protection, especially since I had on a short-sleeved shirt with no jacket. Oh, and my left sneaker had scratches on the sole, making it easy for water to seep in and soak the sock. Needless to say, it was going to be a long day.

BOOT CAMP:

Your team has been recruited to join the Army. Find Lieutenant Francis P. Duffy in Times Square to get his enlistment number, located on his backside. Memorize the number sequence and verbally deliver it to the Quest Rep standing at the Armed Forces Recruiting Office in Times Square. You must memorize the number. No writing it down!

(All team members may work to memorize and deliver the number. If you need help finding the Recruiting Office, take a look with Duffy.)

At first, I lucked out. I started looking for actual people before stumbling onto a statue of Lt. Duffy near the ticket line for Broadway shows. But then, I screwed myself up, big-time. The idea was that I had to get a number from a Rep behind the statue. He even showed me the number that I was suppose to memorize. But I got it in my head that the "enlistment number" was his birth and death dates, as seen on the back (or "backside") of the statue. Like a dummy, I went to the other Rep, delivered the dates, and got shot down. I went back to the statue, going so far as to take a picture of the back. I tried delivering the numbers, but I was wrong. The Rep at the Recruiting Office told me I had to "transpose" the numbers, and I must have looked like I was expected to talk in Chinese. I wound up giving up entirely. After I misinterpreted another clue (more on that in a bit), I came across . . .

HIGH FLYIN'

Navigate your team to the National Broadcasting Company headquarters and look for the flags surrounding the statue of Prometheus. Find the Quest Rep under the Netherlands flag to get a note card. You must count every flag and give your answer to the Quest Rep standing underneath the Estonian flag. ONLY COUNT THE US FLAG ONCE. If your answer is correct, your passport will be stamped.

Finding the Rep was the easy part . . . I just had to look for somebody with a nametag. Counting the flags was also easy, at least at first. Turns out there are flags surrounding the area of the statue, flags near benches, flags elsewhere, flags, flags, flags. I finally came up with what I thought was the correct answer, and I looked for the other Rep to hand in my total. And I looked. And I looked. I called my mother to find out what the Estonian flag looked like. I have a copy of Our Dumb World at home, which came in handy . . . until you realize that picking out one flag in slightly less than two hundred was like finding a needle in a haystack. Needless to say, I gave up. And I would have been wrong anyway; my total of 171 (give or take five) was off by about twenty flags.

So You Think You Can Dance


Find the world's largest indoor theater nicknamed the "Showplace of the Nation." Gather your team and find five strangers to perform the dance that made this building famous. If it meets the standards of the Quest Rep, your passport will be stamped.

I am not a people person. I realize this, but I trucked over to Radio City Music Hall to try and get people to dance like Rockettes. It could be done; on my way to Rockefeller Plaza, I saw a group dancing. Sadly, I was pretty unconvincing in trying to round up people. I think the key is to get tourists to do stuff like that. It didn't help that I was 0-for-2 and in a bad mood because of my soaked foot. Ever have people cross a street to get away from you? That's some demoralizing shit right there. Now I was 0-for-3 and thoroughly ticked off at myself. And after realizing that I'd be too late to complete another task, I was 0-for-4. I needed salvation, and fast.

Common Sense


This delightfully tacky yet refined establishment, which is famous for its chicks, breasts and thighs, is a Quest destination. Once you locate it, find the Quest Rep standing by the parking meter in front of the main entrance to get your next clue and a chick...if you're lucky.

Here's how dense I was . . . I thought the clue pertained to a KFC near Times Square. In my defense, there was a parking meter nearby. After failing at Radio City Music Hall, I went uptown to Hooters on 56th Street. What? I pass by there sometimes when I'm looking for the express bus back home. Anyway, I wind up seeing Mark Yturralde from TAR13. This is a good omen: he and Bill Kahler were the "nerds" of that season, and Mark is the treasurer at Comic Con International, the humongous convention that's Mecca to geeks the world over. After greeting him enthusiastically, he gave me this clue:

The Quest Rep is 41 cents short to pay the meter. Using only the money provided to you at the start of the race, you must give the Quest Rep exact change to pay the remainder of the meter fee. Give the Rep 41 cents, one coin at a time, in the order of the Presidents' years in office from earliest to most recent. You may not use a coin more than once. Make sure you keep the change.

I think I sat down on the ground to figure this out before I realized that the answer was easy: penny, nickel, dime, quarter. Problem was, I didn't know how to get change. Luckily, there were three or four banks nearby. However, I was self-conscious about making change at a bank where I wasn't a customer. So I had this approximate conversation:

Me: Hi. Can you make change?

Teller: Sure. What do you need?

Me: [handing in a dollar] Nine dimes, a nickel and five pennies, please.

Teller: Are you with The Amazing Race?

Me: Wait, so I'm not the only one?

I got my change, and presented it to Mark in the given order (quarter/Washington, nickel/Jefferson, penny/Lincoln, dime/Roosevelt). At long last, I got my passport stamped, and I got a "chick" of sorts: an egg. All I had to do was present it at Sbarro's for an extra point. I took it and place it in one of the pockets of my backpack, sure that it wouldn't break.

Oh Say Can You Sing

Make your way to the most famous concert hall in NYC. The only way to get there is to Practice, Practice, Practice. Find the Quest Rep and ask for your clue and a piece of paper.

The answer was Carnegie Hall, which was a stone's throw away from Hooters. There, I saw Dana & Adrian Davis, the first team eliminated in TAR16. My mission: it wasn't to sing "The Star-Spangled Banner," but to write out the lyrics and then sing it. I got most of the lyrics from memory, got a few words from others singing it to Dana & Adrian (there should have been a separate, faraway area for those brainstorming), and got the rest from a text-answering service. Once they went over my lyrics, Dana & Adrian asked me to sing the anthem, which I did . . . poorly. However, I got a point for my efforts and a bonus point for identifying Francis Scott Key as the writer of the anthem. Emboldened, I headed north to Central Park.

The Heat Is On

Find "The Bard Of Avon" in Central Park. Once you locate him, find the Quest Rep and solve the puzzle. In order to accomplish this Quest you must be able to hand the heat and concentrate.

After a few pieces of advice on direction and a near-collision with a bike rider, I found a statue of William Shakespeare. Waiting for me were Meredith Tufaro (from two legs of TAR6) and Murtz Jaffer (host of Reality Obsessed, a Canadian show). The deal: I had to flip over up to ten tiles to reveal a puzzle. Answer the puzzle, get the stamp. The catch? Before I turned over a tile, I had to take a lick of a teaspoon of wasabi paste. What wasabi has to do with Shakespeare is beyond me. I figured that I ate wasabi with sushi all the time, so how hard could it be?

By the second tile, my mouth was on fire. Nearby, a few people who ambled onto the scene were laughing. I drink my bottle of water, and I think I wound up dropping it. I wouldn't say I was in agony, but I wasn't exactly comfy. After flipping a third tile, I had a part of a knot, an oar, and what looked like the letter "D." My brain must have clicked on to self preservation mode, because I got the answer: "2 B Oar Knot 2 B." And I scored a bonus point for identifying Hamlet as the play where the quote came from. Sadly, I had to go back to Sbarro's, since time was running out. Here's what I wound up missing:

One Blind Mouse: This was more of a team-based challenge, and I don't know if I could have been able to pull it off. At Driprock Arch in Central Park, one team member would be have his/her shoes removed. Another person would be blindfolded, and the first person had to direct the teammate to the shoes, have him/her retrieve them, and put them on the person's feet. Sounds like a riot, to be honest. The judge for the task: circus clown Al Rios from TAR4.

Show Some Love: This was another "gather complete strangers for fun" task. This time, you had to go to the "LOVE" Statue and recruit ten strangers for a group hug. A judge would take a Poloroid picture, and that had to be presented at the finish line.

Stuff And Guff: The clue directed people to Herald Square. The goal was to stand next to a Quest Rep when "Stuff" and "Guff" (or "Gog" and "Magog") rang in the new hour. I would've went, but I didn't think it would be that far south . . . and by the time I realized it, it was too late.

You Don't Know Jack: You had to go to a Jack's 99cent store and use the money provided at the start to buy shower caps for the whole team, which had to be worn at the finish line. My mother would have loved this, since she goes to Jack's all the time.

T-Rex Tower: This was at the same location as "One Blind Mouse." You had to use a certain amount of Jenga blocks to form a tower 33 inches high, then set a small Tyrannosaurus Rex figure on top.

I wasn't really in the best of moods when I made it to Sbarro's about two minutes late, with Brian exuding me to "run it out." It took forever to get my passport out of my backpack . . . and when I opened the pocket, I had broken egg all over it. I lost count of how many paper towels it took to dry the inside of the pocket. And when picking out dessert for my free lunch, nothing really looked good to me, since I had allergy concerns over the stuff I did like. Anytime I was asked if I had fun, all I could do was smile and shrug. My passport didn't get scored, but I think I got 4-6 points total.

I should have had more fun. I let myself get down in the dumps for failing the tasks and for not having footwear that would be puddle-proof. In retrospect, I should've had a partner to make things easier. Still, I feel that the next time there's a chance to do the Custom Quest, I won't be quick to dismiss it entirely.

Reality Rant: The Road To TARCon

I was going to write a long-winded essay on the upcoming season finale of The Amazing Race, but I've been distracted. And when I say "distracted," I mean "procrastinating like hell."

What it boils down to is that we have a chance to have a team win that's also a true fan favorite. No offense to the likes of recent champions TK & Rachel, Nick & Starr, Tammy & Victor and Meghan & Cheyne, but as pleasant as they all were, they were just the most enjoyable in comparison to other teams, but bland in the bigger picture. This season, we have Jet & Cord McCoy, the affable cowboys from Oklahoma. In a bit of kismet, I actually recapped them when they were on Kevin & Drew Unleashed in 2004. Aside from a mild outburst at the Pit Stop in Seychelles, they've been an exemplary duo, winning four legs and a lot of fans in the process. If they win, this would make up for the Harlem Globetrotters -- "Flight Time" and "Big Easy" -- melting down in the penultimate leg last season. Even with the somewhat repetitive "Oh, my gravy!" talk, they're fun to watch.

Their opponents? Well, we have brothers Dan & Jordan, whom might have applied to the show as opposed to being recruited. I figure that's the case because Jordan is a true blue TAR fan that's living the dream of running on the show, and he dragged Dan with him. Unfortunately, Dan can be a bit testy, like with a Chinese cabbie in the last episode. Also, they're mediocre Racers; they didn't place higher than sixth in the first four legs, they finished fifth twice in the three ensuing legs, and their only leg win was aided by a Fast Forward. Granted, climbing from car to car on a 541-foot Ferris wheel took testicular fortitude, but they're basically pond scum, in the sense that they've risen to the top while better teams (narcs Louie & Michael, lesbians Carol & Brandy, father/daughter duo Steve & Allie) got eliminated.

Speaking of pond scum, there's Brent & Caite. As everybody in the free world knows, Caite was a contestant in the Miss Teen USA pageant in 2007, when she garbled an answer to a question about how Americans couldn't locate their country on a world map. Caite's been helbent to prove that she's not stupid. She is, however, annoying, and so is her boyfriend. I'm too lazy to look up specifics, but there was the whole Carol/Brandy thing, where Caite got wind that they had made fun of her, and she and Brent -- whipped into a frenzy by Louie & Michael -- pulled a U-Turn on them. And apparently, Carol & Brandy will confront the team at the finish line in the finale. I'm not a fan of Brent & Caite, to the point where I'm pulling for the lesbians to tackle them. Like Dan & Jordan, they've lucked their way into the finale. They managed to finished higher than sixth once in the first six legs.

This hasn't been the best season of The Amazing Race, to the point where there's been a bit of a backlash against the critically acclaimed show. The remedy for that besides Donald Trump bad-mouthing the program? Jet & Cord need to win. It's that simple. If either of the other teams wins, it's going to be a disappointment. As for me, I'm going to go to TARCon for the fifteenth consecutive season to watch the finale. I'm pretty sure most of the crowd there will agree with me. At least no matter what happens, I'll be meeting some of the past and present teams from the show. I'll have fun no matter what, and I'll try and recap the festivities later this week.