Airdate: September 22, 2003 (once again, I'm thinking this aired the week before the opener)
Recap Published: September 30, 2003
It’s the Real World/Road Rules Challenge: The Gauntlet
preview episode. Find out bits and pieces of what will be happening this season
as Jason brings us all the details.
Last Sunday was a good day. I
watched the repeat of Survivor and I witnessed The Amazing Race
get an much-deserved Emmy, shocking the critics who didn't know better.
Twenty-four hours later, I'm stuck watching the preview of a show that I'm
probably going to loathe in about a month. Why do I do this? For the love.
By the way, you might want to read my preview first to find out about the competitors and my initial
views on them. I think I was wrong on a few of them... and the show hasn't
officially begun yet. Not a good sign for me.
Random shots. Jonny Moseley:
"Welcome to the Gauntlet." Katie voiceover: "I think the Real
World team sucks [bleep]!" Very classy. Games in the mud. Roni smears
some brown stuff in Theo V's mouth. Cara: "This game has serious potential
potential to get ugly." Mike yells at Darrell. Rappelling. Old-fashioned
airplanes. Theo G: "We're the Real World. Keep it real." Mike
gets off the plane. His first words? "Road Rules, kiss my ass,
baby!" Delightful as always, Mike.
Credits. Techno-Western music plays
as the faces flash on the screen. Irulan voiceover: "I feel like I just
wanna [bleeping] punch somebody in the face." A female player rides a
mechanical bull. Two guys wrestle. More faces. Guy cheering in the cockpit.
Coral dances in the cockpit. More faces.
Cut to out hosts: Jonny Moseley and
Coral. Nice choice. Jonny welcomes us to Telluride, Colorado, at the Wyndham
Rocks Resort and Spa, where the show takes place. He introduces himself as the
"debonair and most-talented host" from Battle of the Sexes.
Debonair? Try "merely adequate." Cut to clip of his cell phone going
off during Razor's Edge. [2017: The clip aired during the Reunion] He introduces Coral as "most lovely, talented and
saucy." Clips of Coral during Battle of the Seasons. Coral talks
about how she won $50,000 and how she's back for more. New rules, new missions,
etc. Coral: "We got 28 of the most cash-strapped, drama-filled kids to
compete for $300,000." She's blunt, but it's mostly good.
Introduction of Mike. Clips of Mike
acting like an idiot during Seasons, including going into Miz-mode (his
wrestling persona) and talking to Theo with his butt cheeks. Mike took the
winnings and enrolled in wrestling school. Cut to the present: Mike rolls
around on the floor with another guy, as Darrell handles referee and announcer
duties. Mike tries to flip out of the pin, and Darrell gets a leg to his head.
Mike to camera: "They'll be many rounds." Panning to his wrestling
buddy... Abram: "But we're comin' back for round two!" Confession: in
an early commercial of Abram flipping out, I thought he was Mike making a cameo
in South Pacific
Introduction of Abram. Of course, we
cut to his fight with Donell, which got him kicked off. I don't want to get
started on that. "That was a really good experience for me," Abram
interviews. "It was a reinforcement of my ideas and my character."
Say what? He spewed out some questionable beliefs, alienated half the cast, and
let the most obnoxious teammate goad him into a fight. And that was good for
him? Whatever. Shot of Abram in a bubble bath with a girl.
Introduction of Elka. She tells us
she won $50,000 in Seasons. She's single, and wants to figure out what
she wants in a relationship. Shot of her in a hot tub with Theo V.
Introduction of Theo. Quick clip of
him in Seasons, challenging people to knock the bottle off his head,
only to get a ball to the chest for his troubles. Clip of him losing control of
a scooter he just won as it smacks into the curb. Honestly, I missed Theo. You
can keep James, dude. Theo admits to having a crush on Elka. Here's my theory:
since it's been established he hooked up with Becky and Coral, I think he's working through the
cast alphabetically. Theo and Elka chat, and she jokingly suggests marriage.
"Hoo-RAH!" Introduction of
Laterrian. Clip of him lifting the guys during Sexes with "RIDE OR
[Oedipus Rexing] DIE!" They don't show him getting eight points in two
missions. Anyway, he interviews that he's a year older and more of an adult.
Cut to a clip of him in a fat suit, struggling on the ice. Word of warning:
I'll try to hold off on Donell jokes, but when I get to that episode, all bets
are off.
Introduction of Montana. The editors
decide not to air her getting reamed out over the phone by her boyfriend, but
they do show her getting fired for letting kids taste wine. She insists that
her life is "completely different" and that she's changed. For some
reason, we get an old clip of her attacking Sean with a broom.
Introduction of Matt. He's wearing a
funky cross around his neck. Old clip of him talking to Danny about how
sexuality is given to people by God. There's Julie playing Spin the Bottle,
grabbing it and trying to kiss Matt. "She's not playing by the
rules," he says. "She was expecting a kiss, man!" Old analysis:
he's too much of a pig. New analysis: he can see evil in all forms. Yeah,
Julie's still on my list. Present day shot of Matt trying to grab a giant blue
ball. He tells us he's been speaking in churches as the Life Teen spokesman.
Well, better him than Chadwick. Shots of a bible, as Matt talks to the group
about voting strategy.
Back to Jonny and Coral. Jonny asks
Coral about Matt. "I hope the Lord is with Matt," she replies.
"He's gonna need the Lord." She adds that he's one of the skinnier
players out there. Well, so was Danny in Seasons, and he lasted until
the finale. Coral moves on to Theo, calling him one of the stronger
competitors, and suggesting that his loss in Seasons would make him go
insane. Cut to a clip of Theo talking trash, "starting with you,
Miz-erable." Well, he's not always witty. Jonny asks about Mike, and Coral
says that she knows him as "Mike from Parma." She can't say too many
bad things about him, since he helped her win the big money. She brings up
Abram. Jonny: "I've seen his work." Quick clip of Abram pounding on
Donell. It takes Coral a while to spit out that his bark is worse than his
bite.
Quick introductions before
commercials. First, there's Nathan. Old clip of him smacking Irene in the face
with a boxing nun puppet. There's an unwritten law that says Irene has to be
showed getting whacked during any preview special. This time, the editors held
off on Stephen slapping her. Way to show restraint, MTV. He asks Roni about
discussing something rather than talk behind people's backs. Introduction of
Roni, or as I like to think of her, the anti-Anne. She says she came to the
show because she had no job for the summer. Who wouldn't want to hire her?
She's cute, smart, a great dancer, and she was part of the best Road Rules
season ever. She gets hugged by her teammates.
Back from commercials. Introduction
of Rachel B, with clips of her all big-eyed as she walks around New York.
Honestly, she looks a lot more mature. She says that she loves the city, and
she's never bored there.
Back to Jonny and Coral. Jonny pimps
the show, which will be on "The 10 Spot." MTV still uses that term? I
am so out of the loop. Coral goes on about how people watch the Challenges for
the drama, and a big part of that is the elimination process, which is worse
this year. Jonny agrees, as he brings up the Gauntlet. We get vague
black-and-white clips: a variation of Dead Man's Drop, a stick battle, and mechanical bull riding. The hosts
explain the new deal: the winning team gets $10,000 to bank, but both teams
must vote a teammate into the Gauntlet. The loser goes home, while the winner
reunites with the people who voted for that person. Coral thinks that's brutal.
Let's see if the footage agrees with her.
Veronica suggests to some of her
teammates that the girls have been voted on, while one of the guys hasn't been
performing. Sarah feels everybody has something to offer and has screwed up in
at least one mission. At the RW pad, Coral lectures about how the current strategy
isn't working, and how things need to change. Adam in the hot tub: "I want
to make sure I have the strongest balls in my court." Sounds like a double
entendre Chuck would've said. Katie says that the "Real World idiots"
are cocky. Irulan says that the team can't afford to lose anybody that isn't
ready to go. Nathan says it's about winning money. Matt tells his teammates
he's prepared to go into the Gauntlet, and he's taken criticism from the first
day. While he's going on, Elka rolls her eyes. Now this is a shame: Mike, on
the verge of tears, can't bring himself to vote for Coral. Alton and Irulan
talk outside, and she's near tears. Katie yells at Veronica, and Laterrian
tries to calm her down. Rachel R.: "I'm telling you, us women are taking down
each other." She's been there and done that. Irulan says she can't do this. Adam tells Katie it's not
about friendship. Laterrian feels like crap. Katie explodes at Veronica.
"You're one of the bitches that voted me [bleeping] off!" she
bellows. "I'm not dumb! I know you did!" Uh oh. Hide the axes!
Back to Jonny and Coral. Jonny
thinks the players are a tough crowd. Coral responds, "We are some
tough-ass bitches!" She wonders what ever happened to voting off the
lowest score. Like you did with Stephen and Lindsay? I'm kidding... Stephen would
have been dumped no matter what, contract or not. Jonny segues into the next
contestant introductions.
Introduction of Adam. Montage of
Adam acting like a jackass, attributed then to his ADD. Since his season, Adam
has biked across the country, and he's now in Los Angeles to pursue acting.
He's got a beard, but it's not as scraggly as Jamie's. Present-day shot of him
climbing out of a car. He tells Katie that he's the strongest competitor. Her
response? "He's gonna make the game ugly because you're being a [bleep]!"
Introduction of Katie: a
freeze-frame of her, cigarette in one hand, flipping the bird with the other,
saying "they can go [bleep] themselves!" Classy. Clip of her in
Spain, during the meringue fight. Clip of her licking Steve's face. She has moved
to Hollywood to take acting classes, and her roommate is Trishelle. Shot of
them in the hot tub.
Introduction of Trishelle. Clips of
the hot tub orgy and making out with Steven. I want the part where Frank, who
was smitten with her, makes the gun-to-the-head gesture. Suddenly...topless
women! Trishelle explains that she and Katie posed for Playboy. I guess Hef saw
them as a package deal; who'd get hot and bothered over a substitute Roadie?
Trishelle: "The photos look great. They're tasteful, and-" Katie
interrupting: "No crotch shots!" I have no response.
Introduction of Steve. Hi, Steve!
I'll try to keep the Television Without Pity references to a minimum. Anyway,
there's Steve in Fes, getting his organ crushed in the narrow corridors.
"Since I was on a reality TV show," he says, "I decided to move
to L.A. and become an actor." Soundtrack grinds to a halt. "Wait,
that's everybody else." Ha! Clip of him squirting a girl with meringue. He
voiceovers that he taught second- and third-graders, and he's moved to New York.
Clip of him running in a fat suit. He treads water. Cut to David getting out of
the water. I hate these segue clips.
Introduction of David. Old-school
clip of him scatting. I can't begin to sound it out and convert it to words.
He's making a weird face, and that's not helping. Melissa and Danny get on his
case as David gets angsty. Clip of him messing up Breath HoldBungee. "My Challenge before was
good," he tells us, "but this one's gonna be better." That might
be debatable: we get a clip of him throwing out a towel in disgust. Maybe him
and water really don't get along.
Introduction of Sarah. Old clip of
her crying about how her parents didn't know. The editors don't show any of her
failures, opting for the nude painting and her grabbing a key in a case
containing spiders. "Watching yourself on TV," she philosophizes,
"you kind of start to realize maybe you're not exactly how you see
yourself." Shot of her at a table, chatting up Rachel B.
Introduction of Norman. Old clips of
him in New York. Clip of him preparing for Slam Dunk in Seasons without
his partner Becky, who was scared of heights. I think I had more to say about
him than MTV. That's sad.
Introduction of Rachel R., standing
in the bubble bath, soap covering her chest. Highlights of her in Sexes.
She interviews, "I decided to do another Challenge because I was so
cheated out of my experience last time." Cut to the Inner Circle From
Hell, where Emily and Ellen trash on her, and Ruthie lets them. "This game
is ugly!" she tells the camera. "The Inner Circle is ugly!" She
claims that she's better prepared now.
Back to Jonny and Coral. Jonny does
the absolute worst Rachel impression ever. She should smack him for that, it's
that bad. Coral laughs, urging Rachel to stay in her bikini. Jonny brings up
Trishelle. Coral goes for the obvious path, thinking that there would be men
here. "Dudes in the dude ranch," Jonny quips. Shut up, Jonny. Maybe
Colin did take Jonny's place after all. Coral doesn't think Katie can control
her temper.
Introduction of Theo G. Clip of him
telling Tonya to shut up. He interviews that he's never been on television with
a girlfriend before, and he might act differently than before. He adds, "I
don't feel like I need to starve for attention like a lot of other people may
be doing here."
Introduction of Tonya. Old clip of
her feeling the need to throw a glass at Theo. It's hard to imagine that at one
time, any interaction I wanted with her was with a crowbar. Anyway, she's
enrolled at UCLA. She insists to others that she hasn't performed poorly.
Back to Jonny and Coral. They banter
before commercials. Coral: "Don't go anywhere. I'll send the Miz after
your ass." Big deal... I just throw a six-pack to the side, and I'd be
safe.
Introduction of Darrell. He's
changed his hair and lost the crazy sideburns. Clip of Shane smacking him in
the face. One reason that I've softened on Campus Crawl is that those
two eventually settled their beef in the same episode. And they beat South
Pacific. Anyway, we see him paddling on an inflatable raft. "I'm here
for the free trip," he interviews, "and I'm trying to win some more
money."
Jonny and Coral are poolside,
wearing robes. Coral takes a look at the rest of the contestants,
"including a few romantic couples, which makes me physically sick."
Introduction of Dave. Clip of him in
the stripping mission. Pardon me while I wash my eyeballs after getting another
look at Donell in a thong. Introduction of Cara, who voiceovers that they
started dating after the show. What happened between Dave and Mary-Beth? Not
that I care, of course. Dave tells us that Cara dumped her boyfriend and he
moved in with her. In the present, they lay in bed, and Cara wishes that Dave
didn't want "alone time" right now. Cara in interview: "There
might be some kind of drama along the way. It could be a little whiney."
Cara and Coral argue, and Cara curses. "Don't say [bleep] you to me,"
Coral replies. "I don't know you like that. That's a little much."
Messing with Coral? That's a rookie mistake.
Introduction of Coral. She dances
the "I won money and I don't gotta share it with Holly" boogie in Seasons.
She thinks that her previous experience as a "proven winner" gives
her an advantage. "I will [bleep] somebody up for a car," she tells
Tonya. "I will eat bull nuts. I will eat a cow's [bleep]. I'm talking
about balls of hair soaked in [bleep]. Gimme the Saturn!" Who knew Coral
had a Campus Crawl player within her?
Introduction of Tina, the discount
Coral. She learned that she's very high-strung. "I don't give people
chances," she interviews. "I am quick to judge." Cut to her
shamelessly flirting with Dave, while Mary-Beth, Dave's squeeze at the time,
concentrates on picking a lock. Tina insists she has mellowed out. Cut to her
crying in a pool with floating snakes. Is it wrong that I find pleasure in
that?
Introduction of Veronica. Brief clip
of her parachuting in Challenge 2000. She rappels in Telluride. She
interviews that she'd like to own her own business, since she can't work for
anybody. In a competitions, she keeps grabbing Irulan. "You don't put your
[bleeping] hands on me, period," Irulan snipes, "because you will get
dropped." Oh, please. After dealing with Emily, Veronica probably isn't afraid of anybody.
Introduction of Irulan and Alton.
Clip of them wrestling in Vegas. They're currently living together. Alton:
"I would say my head, my heart, and my spirit have just been with
Irulan." She says they've been trying their hand in the entertainment
business. I guess not all reality alumni can be teachers. Alton roots a
teammate on in rappelling. Irulan jumps towards a rope, but misses and falls in
the water. She says that their ultimate goal is to win the money.
Back to Jonny and Coral. She thinks
Irulan is "small and scrawny," but she might be one of the top
competitors. After all, Irulan did outwrestle Rachel R. a while back. Coral
continues: "There's this girl Coral on the Real World team. I heard
she was a bitch." Clip from Seasons of Coral smacking Mike with an
answer card. Jonny moves on to Veronica. He doesn't want to say anything, but
he knows about one person taking part in a threesome, and how that could be
used strategically. Shot of Veronica walking out of the shower. I can hear
Emily cracking her knuckles. Jonny segues into how the cast members get
"dirty" around water. "That's why I lock my shower door,"
Coral replies.
Montage of free love. I never
guessed that was missing in Sexes. Darrell's in the bubble bath, and
he's moaning as Adam gets naked, the Road Rules logo covering his butt.
Roni takes a picture of Abram, Veronica and Rachel R. Mike drops his shorts on
a dare. Veronica pecks Tonya's lips in the hot tub. I see Abram getting into
the shower, and he's macking with somebody. I think it's Rachel R., but don't hold
me to that. Off screen, his teammates urge him to write "Real World
Sucks" on the steamed glass. Pan to Roadies in the bath. Theo's wearing a
Santa cap. Once again, I missed Theo so much.
Back to Jonny and Coral. Jonny notes
they haven't talked about the missions yet. Missions? So it's not just about
the fighting, gossiping and casual sex? Color me shocked.
Players jump on a rope suspended by
a helicopter. Dave paddles frantically on an inflated raft. The players whirl
around on a giant turntable. Log rolling. Running an obstacle course in fat
suits. Steve: "I'm engulfing the powers of the Yokazuna, the grand
champion of the sumo, and combine it with the raw power of Donkey Kong."
More running in the suits. Climbing on a rotating ladder. Theo G. climbs out
the window of a car suspended a few hundred feet in the air, negotiates a
horizontal ladder, climbs into another car, and honks the horn. Old airplanes
flying. Jonny voiceover: "Your next challenge: Red Baron."
Dogfighting. Awesome. Players trend snake-filled water. Roni holds onto a rope
above the snakes. Rappelling. Adam: "That was an awesome effort! Way to not
give up!" Team rowing. Adam again: "Hey, Real World, see you
in Telluride!"
Back to Jonny and Coral one last
time. Jonny pimps the start date (Monday at 10 pm) and the Fantasy Challenge
(on mtv.com). Coral guarantees she'll be in front of her television set,
finding out who's been talking smack about her. I will also be in front of a
set that day, fearing for those who disrespect Coral. See you next week!
Hoo-RAH!
Not much I can add. Keep warm and safe tomorrow.
Not much I can add. Keep warm and safe tomorrow.
No comments:
Post a Comment