Friday, April 15, 2005

Inferno 2 Episode 6: Balls Out

Previously on Inferno II: The Good Guys won their second mission, upping their bank account to $20,000. Karamo and CT got into a fight over which Good Guy should be sent into the Inferno. CT got his way, as the Bad Asses picked Mike to go into the Inferno, prompting Mike to go into some more lame-ass Dave Chappelle-as-Rick James impressions. Karamo got nominated to face Mike by the Good Guys. CT sniped about Karamo’s attitude. “You dug your own grave,” CT interviews, “now you’re gonna get buried.” Hey, Beth didn’t get mentioned for leaving last week! That has to burn her and what few fans she has.

Villa. Karamo confides in Tina that he wanted to fight CT, but managed to call himself down. He tells Dan that he doesn’t feel confident about the Inferno. Dan asks if Landon would be easier to beat. Karamo feels that Landon could kick his ass, but he’s more comfortable with him. He brings up Robin, who didn’t want to face Tina two episodes ago, but she felt good about losing to Tina. Bottom line: Karamo would rather lose to Landon than to Mike. Same here...if Mike beats me in anything, I’d have to ensure five minutes of Mike’s busted impersonations. Who wants that?

Nighttime. CT and Abram chat in the pool. CT asks who will win the Aztec Lifeshield. Abram wants anybody but Karamo to win. CT interviews that Karamo pissed him off by calling his team “weak” for not wanting to nominate the person he wanted. CT has on an open shirt, shades and a medallion. It is really hard for me to take him seriously anymore.

Clue time! Karamo reads off the sponsor phone name. Landon: “I love that phone.” Heh. Anyway, the players will have to wearing swimsuits and sneakers, and be on the bus at 5 a.m. Everybody at the table cheers and laughs, then Karamo admits that the departure time is 11 a.m. I didn’t get that the first few times. Closed captioning is my best friend.

Flame segue! We’re at the mission site as the players gather. Darrell’s wearing an afro wig, just like in the original Inferno. Dave welcomes everybody to today’s mission: Dodge Yer Balls, asking them if they’re ready for a “straight-up game of dodgeball.” I cringe, anticipating a lesson from Challenge veteran and Extreme Dodgeball “star” Mark Long. The guy gave Eric Nies $60,000. Basically, Mark is dead to me. Dave drops the exposition: the goal is to eliminate members of the opposing team. This is done by hitting a player with a ball or by catching a ball. Come on, who doesn’t know this? The teams will be spilt into two groups. The winners from each group will go to a final game to determine who wins the $10,000. Dave adds that the best players on each team will win the Aztec Lifeshield, as well as a sponsor laptop, whose brand name Dave totally mispronounces. I got a laptop from the same place. I can’t wait for their stuff to malfunction, so they’d have to deal with tech support. The players are blind to this as they cheer, prompting Dave to go, “Yeah. Mmm-hmm.” I kinda miss Plain Dave, as opposed to Extra-Nutty Dave. Mike interviews that he wants the money, the Lifeshield, and the laptop.

Dave adds that there’s a catch: the kids will be playing dodgeball on two floating platforms. One group will play, while the other goes into the water to fetch stray balls. Each player must participate. The teams are given five balls apiece, and can use the balls to defend themselves. If a ball pops out of the hands of a player, that person is out. If the ball is deflected off another ball and hits a teammate, that person is not out. Catching the ball brings a teammate back. Dave asks the teams to spilt into groups and “start this piece.”

Rachel leads a Bad Ass skull session, which amuses Dan. “We’re going to win,” he interviews. “We have a lesbian on our team! Yes! Lesbians always win dodgeball!” Rachel says that the best time to hit somebody is right before they throw the ball. Karamo interviews that there is too much strategizing. “We’re playing simple-ass dodgeball,” he adds. “Either you can catch it, or you’re getting pegged.” He also brings up hating the cold water. On the other side, Darrell tells the girls that they have to throw their balls first, since they might not get another chance. Dan thinks that the Good Guys will stack one team with guys and the other with girls. Tina interviews that the Bad Asses will put their strongest team out first.

Dave asks both teams if they’re ready, then asks if anybody wants to sit out. Karamo starts to ask, and Tina shouts that he will be playing. Dave says that all players must participate and the penalty is getting the group disqualified. Landon: “You might as well stay dry. You need some sun anyway.” Derrick interviews that Karamo isn’t really saying anything, and he think Karamo doesn’t care what’s going on with his team. Dave calls up the first Bad Ass group: CT, Abram, Derrick, Rachel and Tina. He starts reading the Good Guy group, stopping to check the list: Julie, Shavonda, Jamie and Jodi. The Bad Asses laugh their heads off. “This is a sorry sight,” Tina chuckles in an interview. “This is gonna be like a bowling alley. One by one, those pins are gonna go down.”

On the flip side, Dan sees that his group would have to take on Mike, Landon and Brad. I don’t know why he left out Darrell. He tells Karamo that their group doesn’t have a prayer. “When those guys masturbate,” Dan quips, “they think about dodgeball.” He interviews that the team is stoked, but Karamo doesn’t want to get in the water. CT makes a token effort to be supportive, telling Karamo that it would be okay to jump off the platform. Karamo doesn’t want to get in the water, and he thinks the Bad Asses can still win. CT figures it would be okay for Karamo to hit the water, then kick back on the sideline. Dan interviews that the team has Karamo talked into stepping into the water. As we hear Dan talk, the players approach the water. Cut to a close-up of a water snake. Are we going to go through the horror of Snake Soup again? The Good Guys flee in terror at the sight of the serpent. “I don’t think it helps Karamo’s fear of the ocean,” Dan understates, “when there are water snakes swimming around.”

Karamo walks up to Veronica, telling her that he’s not going in. He also calls her “mama,” which squicks me out. Tonya tells Karamo that he was fired up before. CT interviews that Karamo is a punk. “How can you expect to come to a challenge,” he continues, “and not get wet?” Tonya bitches in her interview about how Karamo is a “full-grown man” and he can’t even tread water with a life vest. I’m confused. Is it a swimming thing or a temperature thing? CT: “Do us a favor. You don’t want to win, take your punk ass home, cuz you’re obviously no good to our team.” I understand where he comes from, but he sounds horrible while saying it. I’m half-convinced he wants to be a Gotti at this point.

After the commercials, CT reminds us about Karamo’s refusal to play. Karamo tells Dan how his “black ass” doesn’t like water, and now he has to worry about snakes. Cut to Dave yelling to Landon that there’s a snake behind him. Karamo: “Do I look like Crocodile Dundee, that I want to play this shit?” Isn’t Karamo a little young for Paul Hogan references?

Both teams get ready, as Dave tosses balls to the players. He kicks a ball out, and the game starts when it hits the water. Jamie and Julie waste no time in getting eliminated. Jodi gets tagged, and Shavonda throws a ball that Derrick catches, ending the game. Abram smirks about how it was target practice for the Bad Asses to wipe out the girls in twenty seconds.

Dave: “Yo, where’s Karamo at?” I swear I did not make that line up. Tina yells for Karamo to come over, but he waves her off. Dave to the camera: “He says ‘boo-yah,’ he don’t care.” I just blink rapidly and move on. Anyway, the Bad Ass group loses, and Dave brings on the final match: Abram, CT, Derrick, Rachel and Tina vs. Brad, Darrell, Landon and Mike. Dave announces that the match will be for $10,000, then proceeds to perform some weird worm motion with his arms. I am now genuinely concerned for Dave’s mental health. Has he gotten a hold of Jonny Moseley’s medication?

Anyway, both teams toss balls back and forth. Tina gets hit, and a ball goes off Abram’s hand. While he tries to recover, he knocks Rachel off the platform. But Derrick catches Landon’s ball, bringing Rachel back to the game. All three Bad Ass players throw balls, and the last one knocks a ball from Brad’s hands, taking him out. Mike throws a ball which CT catches to bring back Abram, making Darrell the last Good Guy standing. He dodges a few balls, then catches Abram’s throw, bringing back Landon. The Good Guys toss and miss. Darrell tries to fake a throw, then fires a ball into CT’s hands, bringing back Abram. Derrick catches Landon’s throw, ending the game, and leaving Landon to stomp on the platform.

Karamo interviews that the team acted shady around him after their win. Sure enough, Derrick openly talks about how it was a good team win, as he high-fives CT and Abram. Karamo admits that he could have cost his team $10,000, and he can’t blame them for the hostility, but they have to get over it and move on.

Dave awards the $10,000 to the Bad Asses to put in their bank account. He then continues to get his Probst on, grilling Karamo about not playing. Karamo replies that he didn’t feel like going. “You guys are winning a lot of challenges right now,” Dave muses, “but it seems like loyalty goes out the door like Beth the other day.” Making fun of Beth? It’s like shooting fish in a barrel. Karamo does not want that comparison made, and I can’t really blame him. Dave awards Aztec Lifeshields to Landon and CT, along with the bonus laptops. He brings up saving either Karamo or Mike, noting that Mike never goes to the Inferno, since he wins the Lifeshield or somebody saves him. Since when has Mike been saved? Landon insists that he’ll wait and see. Mike: “I will break you in half if you do!” Dave concludes this session by telling everybody he’ll see them at nightfall. Karamo interviews that he’s “almost positive” his team wants him gone, but he doesn’t care. “You never know what happens,” he tells us. “The Inferno is a tricky place.”

Night. Some of the Good Guys gather outside. Landon tells Mike that he’s thinking of saving him. Mike does not approve of this. Darrell wants Mike to let Landon get his feet wet. Jodi rolls her eyes, telling Mike that it’s not because he’s weak. Mike insists that Karamo can’t take him out. Darrell does not want to lose Mike. Mike throws a spastic fit, informing the gang that he hasn’t lost an Inferno or a Gauntlet, and that he will kill Karamo. Landon interviews that he doesn’t want Mike to do this, and he wants to do the deed. Mike yells that he will look like a bitch if he gets saved. Poor Mike. He’s lost the last three Challenges. He wasn’t the alpha male in those Challenges. He couldn’t even last through Battle of the Sexes 2, and he watched Coral complete her fourth Challenge. Also, I believe that BMP might’ve talked him out of wearing his “Miz” shirts, as well as passing them out to his friends. Right now, he’s probably feeling emasculated, and he wants to throw himself on the hand grenade, even though it’s probably a dud.

Infenro time! The players pull up in vans. Darrell interviews about Landon being strong and Karamo being scared, then says “Inferno” correctly. I think that’s a first for Darrell, who mangled it as “Infuorno” last year. The players enter the arena and take their places upstairs. CT yells to Landon, asking him if he’s taking Mike’s place. Dave enters the stage, bringing out Mike and Karamo He points out that Landon won the Lifeshield, then asks whether Landon will make the sacrifice. Everybody looks tense as we head for commercials.

The tape gets rewound, as Dave asks Landon if he’ll take Mike’s place. Landon states that he’s confident in Mike, but he’s going in. Yeah, boy! Philly Phight! First time two cast members from the same season go at it. Of course, Mike is ticked off. “I know I can beat Karamo hands down,” he interviews. “I don’t know if [Landon] can. So why’s he friggin’ taking my Inferno from me? I know I can beat him!” He grunts and stalks away from the camera. Tool.

Out of formality, Dave asks CT if he wants to take Karamo’s place. Karamo mutters “Yeah, right” with a smile. “I don’t feel like saving Karamo because he doesn’t feel like competing in missions,” CT interviews. “So suck it, you’re beat. See you later, becuase we don’t want ya.” It’s like watching Rob Mariano vote in Survivor: All-Stars. I might just quit if CT says “Holy canolli!” Karamo interviews that a part of him wants to lose the Inferno, so he can tell his team to kiss his ass. The other part wants to order for him to tell his team to kiss his ass. Apparently, Karamo thinks his ass is very kissable.

Dave unveils tonight’s Inferno. In my world, it would have involved two knifes, a barstool, and Melanie’s heavily-tatted friends. Instead, we have Knock Your Block Off. Like the Gauntlet event of the same name, it involves pugil sticks. Here, you wear a helmet with a block attached to it. The object is to knock the block off the opponent’s head with the stick. First person to get the blocked knocked off takes the walk of shame out of the game. Hitting below the belt results in disqualification. Dave shows the perimeter, which is marked by two dragons. If a player gets pushed out, the bout is halted and the combatants start again. Shavonda: “In Landon’s eyes, I see focus. Then I look at Karamo, and Karamo’s thinking, ‘I wonder what time my flight leaves tomorrow?’” There it is...the hatred I forgot all about. Just the way she says it....ugh.

Dave bangs the gong to begin the fight. Both players swat at each other. Lnadon forces Karamo back past the box. Dave resets the players, then starts the fight again. Both take their shots, and it looks pretty close. Then Landon knocks Karamo’s block off. Game Over. The Good Guys cheer, as Landon and Karamo shake hands and hug. Brad yells that Karamo did a good job. Karamo blows a kiss. Tonya: “Thank you. At least you give up that.” Karamo flips a bird, saying that’s what his team gets. He relents, saying it wasn’t for all of them. Landon interviews that he’s glad to win, but he hates to see his good friend go.

Dave congratulates Landon for his victory, then sends him back to the Good Guys. Once again, Dave goes over Karamo’s refusal to play again (horse...dying...), then sends him to say his farewells to his team. Karamo interviews that he’ll miss the people that he met, and he had good times hanging out. He shakes hands with the Good Guys through the cage. He hugs and kisses Tina, as the Bad Asses walk past him.

And now, it’s time for Abram’s interview, as he admits to not saying goodbye to Karamo. “He didn’t have any dignity, man. He was heartless, and some people, they just don’t earn respect in life. Karamo is one of those people.” Okay. We’ve seen Abram have tantrums on camera. We’ve seen him beat the snot out of a guy. Have a threesome he barely concealed to the camera. Get a lame Mohawk. Threw a mission and shame Katie in the process. Who the hell is Abram kidding? Yes, Karamo did punk out big-time. But saying that he has no dignity? That’s not the pot calling the kettle black. That’s a black hole calling the kettle black. On, Karamo expressed the desire to punch CT. If he can’t find him for whatever reason, may Karamo relieve some pressure by socking Abram. Seriously, what does Coral see in that dumbass?

The Good Guys walk out of the Inferno in good spirits. Mike congratulates Landon, insisting there’s no hard feelings. Mike interviews that he was worried the team would lose one of its best competitors, but Landon proved himself. He adds that it’s cool to have another person on the team that can handle pressure.

Jarro Video Bar. The players dance around. “Our team definitely knows how to step it up,” Tonya interviews. “I almost feel like chaos works for us. The more stress there is, the more arguments there are, we’re amped up to do that much better.” More dancing. Mike dances like a dork. In an interview, he hopes that his team can get to the next level. We hear Lil Jon’s “Get Low” as Veronica and Rachel dance together. I find that oddly fitting. Veronica interviews that the Bad Asses need to weed out their weaker players, and she thinks the team is stronger with Beth and Karamo gone. Cut to Veronica getting sandwiched by Rachel and Tina, while Tonya smacks Tina in the butt.

Next week: Mike orders a girl to get naked, but we don’t get to see her face. Great, who hasn’t Mike wooed in a Challenge? The mission involves trying to prevent water from pouring out of holes. Mike interviews that members of the Bad Ass team are intimidating Jodi. Cut to Jodi crying.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...


Funny recap. I agree with you on Dave. I also blink and let his ebonics foray slide.