Friday, May 13, 2005

Reality Revue

I got almost 20 pages of Challenge notes, and I'll get the recap up tomorrow. In the meantime, let's go to the magical world of Burnettland.

The Apprentice

Tana screwed up. She dismissed her employees, had a few snafus, and disrespected Kendra being single. I'm looking at the forums now, and damn near everybody on her love train is jumping off. So how come I'm not?

Don't get me wrong...the first half-hour of the finale will be dedicated to throwing her on the train tracks. The only person at the reunion who would stand up for her will probably be Omarosa. And maybe Ivana, if she keeps her bottoms hiked up. It's just...I still like her. She's not going to be an Apprentice, but is that a bad thing? While Kendra had halfway decent employees Erin and Michael (along with Danny, who will probably media whore it up somewhere), look who Tana had:

Brian: thought that what a run-down hotel needed was new toilet seats. One look at him, you get the urge to throw him down an alley and into pins.

Chris: a human time bomb. Trump kept Chris in the game because he would've killed him upon being fired. Instead, Chris suffered loss after loss, and his spirit was too broken to put up a fight. Possibility he'd go King Kong into the crowd at the reunion.

Kristen: she ruined Murder In Small Town X, and she left a black mark on this show. Zero sense of humor. Thinks that dating a director qualified her to direct a commercial. Got fired, even though the other team's ad involved homoeroticism and a cucumber.

I ask you...if you had these three dopes in your corner, wouldn't you be itchin' to grab a crowbar? I'm sure that Tana can go beyond the world of Mary Kay and kick some ass, as opposed to doing menial work like Bill and Kelly, and being trotted out like a pony for the new kids. Good luck, Kendra!

Survivor: Palau

Color me confused. Conventional wisdom says that the remaining women (Jenn, Caryn, Katie) band together to oust Tom and Ian. This isn't about gender warfare...both fellas were integral for Koror in challenges, and both had spilt individual immunity. Tom knew enough to tell Ian that if either of them won a reward challenge, that that person not take the other, so that the others not align against them. That killed Burton in Pearl Islands and wiped out Gregg last week (no clue why Rob & Amber didn't get screwed in a similar deal during All-Stars. Oh, right...Jenna, Rupert and Tom were dummies). Anyway, Ian wins a shiny new car, and he gets to take one person with him to a posh resort. And he picks...Tom. Tom?!? Now I started to hate Ian, because if Tom was voted out because of this? I'd kick Ian's ass...lovable dolphin trainer or not.

Honestly, the episode was a blur. Ian and Katie had a fight. Tom gets called for Jedi mind tricks by forum posters, which I don't get. Tom ends up winning immunity...because he's Tom, and thus good at everything. At Tribal Council, there are several blowups, and Caryn revealed lots of stuff...and for that, she was voted out. In her exit interview, she reverted back to the snippy thing from the first few weeks. Good least she's guaranteed to be dramatic come the Final Council.

Bottom line: if Ian or Tom don't win the $1 million, this season will be a disappointment. But it's a credit to Palau that it elevates Survivor as a contender to ursurp The Amazing Race at the Emmys.

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