Well, I can't say anything exciting happened to me today. Unlike last year, I didn't find myself in a parking lot after midnight, getting ready for an hour's drive home. Thankfully, the cab fare from Newark to Staten Island isn't as steep as with JFK, so I got to go home the same way I flew . . . going in and out of a coma. It's weird . . . I never feel a need to nap during a comic con, but as soon as it's over, I plop on the bed at the hotel and chill for about an hour.
It was nice to come home, where I found a "No Video Input" indicator on my television, and where I was greeted with over seven hours of darkness on tape where televised programs should be. Now I'm thankful to Bob and Kathy for letting me watch Survivor at their place, because I would have missed that. I need a DVR. I'd ask my mother about me pitching in money per month, but a. It might be a lot, b. I seldom find myself needing to watch two programs at the same time since I got videotape, and c. After shipping my meds overnight -- her idea, by the way -- my mother might hold that against me.
Once again, I question whether I'm getting too old for conventions. My mother didn't say anyth ing about it, though she did make fun of a guy in a picture that I took who dressed up as Sinestro. I like going to cons, and I like having adventures, even though I usually get bored half of the time. As for the stuff that goes wrong? I need to stop hurting myself by being more responsible, cutting down on my mistakes along the way. I guess that in the big picture, I still like going to conventions, problems and all.
I'm going to decompress tomorrow. Wednesday, it's back to the grind of looking for work and working out at the gym. Oh, ad uploading all of the sketches onto my Flickr and ComicArtFans accounts. That alone should keep me busy for days.
Monday, April 19, 2010
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Adventures In Chicago: Day Four
I am a lucky guy. About ten minutes ago, I was on my way back to the hotel from dinner, and I felt my pocket. My cell phone wasn't there. I got to my room, emptied my bag and pockets. No phone. I called the phone number. No answer. I called the bar where I went for fried shrimp and onion rings. It wasn't there. I called again . . . and it rang. In my room. It was behind my laptop. Either I didn't take it with me, or a higher power cut me a break.
The convention? It was boring in its final day. Actually, that's not really fair. It was one of those deals where I was hunting for stuff, and I forgot to check on panels' start times. Regrettably, I also failed to catch Gail Simone and her husband before they left. It wasn't just a matter of, say, finding out if they were coming to Manhattan for New York Comic Con in October. We like each other. I kinda owe them a hug. Well, just Gail, anyway. In other news, I totally failed to go to panels outside what I'm comfortable with. I meant to check on Lance Briggs of the Chicago Bears and a panel on local creators. I wanted to know if there was historic precedent for superheroes in the Windy City. Oh, well.
Sketches? I wound up with nineteen. Nineteen. And that's not counting stuff in or on books (including a Fozzie Bear drawing on an issue of The Muppet Show comic, which was surprisingly good). To give you an idea on how many that makes, I got twenty at Comic Con International last year, and that was over a four-day period. I regret only one; if you're going to ask for a Legion of Superheroes character, don't let it be Brainiac 5 unless you have it colored. The guy has no distinguishing logos at all, and I dunno what I was thinking. Sadly, I found a colorist, but that was about five minutes before closing time.
Like I said, I was bored most of the time, mainly because I gave my book to an artist for my "Poison Ivy In Front Of Ivy-Covered Wall At Wrigley Field" idea. It's not a fair conclusion that C2E2 was boring, but it wasn't anywhere near as hectic as Reed Exhibitions' other big show, NYCC. While there weren't any "must wait on line for 40-60 minutes" panels, I'm happy to say that weren't any lines to get into rooms at all . . . not even the Doctor Who screening, which had a one-night jumpstart on the official U.S. airing on BBC America. There was a line, but it wasn't that long as far as I can remember.
So what can I take away from C2E2? Well, they need to have more stuff, and have it a little less spread out. I got lost on Friday, but mostly because I let myself do that. It's a blend of blind faith and living dangerously. I'd throw in shuttles into the city; like NYCC and the Javits Center, it's some distance from the heart of Chicago, and I don't think the subway/El goes out there. As it is now, C2E2 is second-tier, which isn't bad for a first-year con, but I'm not sure I'd want to come back next year. Oh, and they should move it to August, to compete directly with the Chicago Comic Con run by Wizard Entertainment, as retaliation for Wizard moving their Big Apple Comic Con to the same dates as NYCC. I've been to Rosemont on two occasions. There's barely anything out there beyond hotels. C2E2 would kill Wizard, I'm sure of it.
I'm going home tomorrow. I got way too many freebies and books for my own good. I have to say that after Friday, things got a lot better. Sure, I wonder if going long distances for conventions is getting old, but I enjoy meeting people, from passing conversations with strangers to talking with professionals. I honestly feel I'm getting better at interacting with people. Bob and Kathy welcoming me into their home didn't hurt, either.
As for my next adventure? I might go to Baltimore for the city's two-day con. That's a trip, since I just drive down there and chill at a cheap hotel with access to the local light rail. I'd love to go to San Diego next year, but I think I need a job first to even think about getting lodging and tickets. And, of course, I got my reservations to NYCC. Who knows? If you're reading this, we might be meeting up in October.
The convention? It was boring in its final day. Actually, that's not really fair. It was one of those deals where I was hunting for stuff, and I forgot to check on panels' start times. Regrettably, I also failed to catch Gail Simone and her husband before they left. It wasn't just a matter of, say, finding out if they were coming to Manhattan for New York Comic Con in October. We like each other. I kinda owe them a hug. Well, just Gail, anyway. In other news, I totally failed to go to panels outside what I'm comfortable with. I meant to check on Lance Briggs of the Chicago Bears and a panel on local creators. I wanted to know if there was historic precedent for superheroes in the Windy City. Oh, well.
Sketches? I wound up with nineteen. Nineteen. And that's not counting stuff in or on books (including a Fozzie Bear drawing on an issue of The Muppet Show comic, which was surprisingly good). To give you an idea on how many that makes, I got twenty at Comic Con International last year, and that was over a four-day period. I regret only one; if you're going to ask for a Legion of Superheroes character, don't let it be Brainiac 5 unless you have it colored. The guy has no distinguishing logos at all, and I dunno what I was thinking. Sadly, I found a colorist, but that was about five minutes before closing time.
Like I said, I was bored most of the time, mainly because I gave my book to an artist for my "Poison Ivy In Front Of Ivy-Covered Wall At Wrigley Field" idea. It's not a fair conclusion that C2E2 was boring, but it wasn't anywhere near as hectic as Reed Exhibitions' other big show, NYCC. While there weren't any "must wait on line for 40-60 minutes" panels, I'm happy to say that weren't any lines to get into rooms at all . . . not even the Doctor Who screening, which had a one-night jumpstart on the official U.S. airing on BBC America. There was a line, but it wasn't that long as far as I can remember.
So what can I take away from C2E2? Well, they need to have more stuff, and have it a little less spread out. I got lost on Friday, but mostly because I let myself do that. It's a blend of blind faith and living dangerously. I'd throw in shuttles into the city; like NYCC and the Javits Center, it's some distance from the heart of Chicago, and I don't think the subway/El goes out there. As it is now, C2E2 is second-tier, which isn't bad for a first-year con, but I'm not sure I'd want to come back next year. Oh, and they should move it to August, to compete directly with the Chicago Comic Con run by Wizard Entertainment, as retaliation for Wizard moving their Big Apple Comic Con to the same dates as NYCC. I've been to Rosemont on two occasions. There's barely anything out there beyond hotels. C2E2 would kill Wizard, I'm sure of it.
I'm going home tomorrow. I got way too many freebies and books for my own good. I have to say that after Friday, things got a lot better. Sure, I wonder if going long distances for conventions is getting old, but I enjoy meeting people, from passing conversations with strangers to talking with professionals. I honestly feel I'm getting better at interacting with people. Bob and Kathy welcoming me into their home didn't hurt, either.
As for my next adventure? I might go to Baltimore for the city's two-day con. That's a trip, since I just drive down there and chill at a cheap hotel with access to the local light rail. I'd love to go to San Diego next year, but I think I need a job first to even think about getting lodging and tickets. And, of course, I got my reservations to NYCC. Who knows? If you're reading this, we might be meeting up in October.
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Adventures In Chicago: Day Three
I'm in the middle of my trip, and I'm feeling much better. Last night was miserable, especially after I logged off and discovered that I had lost my copy of Justice Society Of America: Thy Kingdom Come Vol. 3, which I paid half-price for. I think I lost it at at Doctor Who viewing; what I think happened was that I was reading it, and I put it down, and it slipped out of my bag. I checked with security today, but nobody checked it in.
Instead of a prolonged walk to McCormick Place, I took the shuttle bus like a sane person would. The convention center became a little more manageable, though it was still a minotaur shy of a labyrinth. Maybe it was the medication in my system, but I was feeling better. The bad news was that I was suffering from con fatigue. Basically, it involves wandering the floor, feeling a little numb, energy drinks not combating the tired feeling. And I had to wait a few hours until Jamal Igle was done sketching in my book. But after that, I wound up getting ten more sketches, all free. I think it was a personal one-day best for me.
Not that the day was without hitches. I only managed to go to a few panels. The first had me napping, the second was a bit boring and over my head. On the bright side, my plan to pack tuna fish and crackers in my backpack worked out well enough, and it saved me money for lunch. I had fun, but I felt like I should be having more fun. But since that's par for the course for me, I'm not worried about it.
And that's about it. I wound up having sweet and sour Berkshire pork for dinner at the local restaurant. I'm thinking that tomorrow, I'll take the shuttle back to the hotel, take a 30-60 minute nap, then take the train into the city for a last night of grub. The way I'm feeling, maybe I can get a happy ending out of this trip after all.
Instead of a prolonged walk to McCormick Place, I took the shuttle bus like a sane person would. The convention center became a little more manageable, though it was still a minotaur shy of a labyrinth. Maybe it was the medication in my system, but I was feeling better. The bad news was that I was suffering from con fatigue. Basically, it involves wandering the floor, feeling a little numb, energy drinks not combating the tired feeling. And I had to wait a few hours until Jamal Igle was done sketching in my book. But after that, I wound up getting ten more sketches, all free. I think it was a personal one-day best for me.
Not that the day was without hitches. I only managed to go to a few panels. The first had me napping, the second was a bit boring and over my head. On the bright side, my plan to pack tuna fish and crackers in my backpack worked out well enough, and it saved me money for lunch. I had fun, but I felt like I should be having more fun. But since that's par for the course for me, I'm not worried about it.
And that's about it. I wound up having sweet and sour Berkshire pork for dinner at the local restaurant. I'm thinking that tomorrow, I'll take the shuttle back to the hotel, take a 30-60 minute nap, then take the train into the city for a last night of grub. The way I'm feeling, maybe I can get a happy ending out of this trip after all.
Friday, April 16, 2010
Adventures In Chicago: Days One & Two
Thursday, 9:40 a.m., Eastern Time
Do you ever pack for a trip, and you just know you're going to miss something? Well, I was intent on not letting that happen on my trip to Chicago and C2E2 (a.k.a Chicago Comic & Entertainment Expo). Short- and long-sleeved shirts? Check. References for sketches? Check. Laptop? Check. And it doesn't occur to me until about ten minutes after I'm riding in the cab that I left my antidepressants at home.
Oh, crap.
One of the last things I wanted was to go through withdrawal for the next few days, but it looks like I might not have a choice. Granted, it could be worse. Nine months ago, I arrived at the airport too late, and I wound up missing my scheduled flight to San Diego. Not a fun start for my trip to Comic-Con International. I did get there, have fun, and wrote about my adventure, and I'm hoping this trip goes as smoothly, withdrawal or not.
C2E2 is my big convention adventure this year. CCI is still the main event, but it's too far away, too expensive, and the tickets sold out in December. This is the first C2E2, but it's run by the same guys behind New York Comic Con, so I'm expecting good things. And hopefully, I can do some tourist stuff. In fact, not only am I planning to go to Wrigley Field to see the Cubs play in almost nine years, I'm having dinner with folks from the Television Without Pity forums. At least I'll save some money on a meal tonight.
It's almost boarding time here at Newark. Hopefully, the weather will be nice, the hotel will be cushy, and the lack of meds will be the biggest stumbling block on my big adventure.
11:56 p.m., Central time
Well, I don't have to worry about my medication. My mother sent it out for overnight delivery, and I should get them tomorrow. Plan B would've had my psychiatrist send my prescriptions to a drug store, but I don't know the neighborhood. Hell, it took me a while to find a supermarket to get dessert tonight, so looking for a pharmacist would've been a nightmare.
I wound up getting to Wrigley Field a little late, getting a decent seat behind the plate, a prime place for picture taking, albeit near some rowdy Brewers fans. The Cubs had one helluva game today, with both teams going back and forth. I didn't do that much exploring. I went to get my mother a keychain at the clubhouse store, and Aramis Ramirez wound up homering to tie the game up. The game had everything: lead changes, home runs, disputed plays, an ejection, and the Cubs losing with the tying run at the plate, 8-6. Ironically, the save went to Trevor Hoffman, who I saw in San Diego in 2000. He's older, but he can still get the job done.
After the game, I met up with Kathy, a.k.a. "Kaffyr" from the TWoP forums. To say that she and her husband Bob (along with their three cats) were gracious hosts would be an understatement. They welcomed me into their humble home, and Kathy fed me her Texas-style chili, which was filling. Turns out Bob and Kathy are old-school nerds; they met when Kathy was going from Nova Scotia to Los Angeles. They were into all sorts of fandoms back in the day, and they still remain involved today. They even let me watch Survivor when I asked, and they gave me a ride back to my hotel.
Ah, the hotel. It's not going well so far. Right now, the LAN is acting screwy, so I can't post this right away. It took about 45-60 minutes for somebody to figure out how I could connect my laptop to the Internet. It took almost as long for my bags to be brought up to my room. I walked in and found water dripping from a faucet into a quarter-filled tub. I believe in omens, and I'm not liking what I've seen so far.
Well, enough out of me for one day. Tomorrow, I'll be doing something touristy, and then I'll hit C2E2. And maybe all these bad vibes will clear up with no problems.
Friday, 11:16 p.m.
Did I say "no problems"? Turns out I had a lot of problems besides lack of antidepressants. Maybe I'd feel different if the stuff was in my system, like they'll be tomorrow (yep, they came today). but I doubt it.
I wound up going to the Shedd Aquarium. I should have gone to the local museum of natural history instead. Well, I do like live animals. And it was fun to see otters getting fed. Also, I saw dolphins, beluga whales, penguins, a semi-crippled turtle named Nickel (they found her injured and with five cents in her system), etc. I was expecting polar bears, though I don't know why. Maybe they're in the aquarium at Coney Island? Anyway, after a few hours, I got bored and opted not to see the big dolphin show. So I walked to the convention center. And I wandered. And I wandered some more.
Here's what I've found out about McCormick Place: it's a maze. It's a giant damn maze. Imagine the scene from This Is Spinal Tap, where the band is trying to find the stage. Now multiply that by about fifty. So there I was, walking through an emergency exit and onto the show floor, trying to briskly walk to the regular entrance before anybody caught me.
Then things got worse. At the spotlight panel for Kevin Conroy (the voice of the animated Batman for almost two decades), my digital camera died on me. My old camera had batteries that could be replaced. The new one has a battery pack that needs to be recharged. And guess who neglected to bring the charger? Seriously, when the "low battery" indicator went off yesterday at Wrigley, I thought I had a few days. Turned out I had about one day. And I wasted power on whales and otters. I wound up having to buy a disposable camera, and I have no clue if I can find a way to upload them to my Flickr gallery.
Anyway, while I distracted myself with my woes and various freebies, Conroy entertained his fans. Turns out he did some volunteer work as a cook in Manhattan in the days after 9/11, and he managed to make a guy's day when the fella recognized Batman's voice. Then Conroy did his "I am vengeance! I am the night! I AM BATMAN!" scthick to some disbelievers. I'm probably botching the story, but it was funny.
Sketches? It was a mixed bag. Some artists charge a lot of money, and it's more than what I'm comfortable paying out. Nobody sinks my heart faster than asking for a rate and hearing that it's $100 or something like that. Also, Danielle Corsetto -- my "go-to" webcomics gal -- isn't doing any hardcore sketching, so there went my primary plan to get a sketch of Poison Ivy in front of the ivy-covered walls at Wrigley. I did get a quick sketch of "special" cat Sprinkles from Girls With Slingshots, so it wasn't a total loss. I found a Doctor Who fan in Amy Mebberson at the BOOM! Studios booth, and I got Leela from her. And I got a Gena Ha sketch (Flash from Kingdom Come) for the first time in almost ten years. Hopefully, I can get more inexpensive sketches in the next few days.
I wound up making another mistake. I reunited with writer extraordinaire Gail Simone and her husband. And what do I do instead of tagging along with them to go to a restaurant? I go to a screening of two episodes of Doctor Who, episodes that I had seen before but could barely hear because I saw them in a large crowd at a restaurant. Nothing terrible about that, but by the time the screening ended, I wound up flailing for a random exit, and realizing that short sleeves and Chicago nights just don't mix. Took me at least twenty minutes before I caught a cab to go back to the hotel.
I keep telling myself that it's going to get better, but I keep thinking that maybe I made a mistake coming out here. I got two days to turn it around, though, so hopefully things can . . . will get better.
Do you ever pack for a trip, and you just know you're going to miss something? Well, I was intent on not letting that happen on my trip to Chicago and C2E2 (a.k.a Chicago Comic & Entertainment Expo). Short- and long-sleeved shirts? Check. References for sketches? Check. Laptop? Check. And it doesn't occur to me until about ten minutes after I'm riding in the cab that I left my antidepressants at home.
Oh, crap.
One of the last things I wanted was to go through withdrawal for the next few days, but it looks like I might not have a choice. Granted, it could be worse. Nine months ago, I arrived at the airport too late, and I wound up missing my scheduled flight to San Diego. Not a fun start for my trip to Comic-Con International. I did get there, have fun, and wrote about my adventure, and I'm hoping this trip goes as smoothly, withdrawal or not.
C2E2 is my big convention adventure this year. CCI is still the main event, but it's too far away, too expensive, and the tickets sold out in December. This is the first C2E2, but it's run by the same guys behind New York Comic Con, so I'm expecting good things. And hopefully, I can do some tourist stuff. In fact, not only am I planning to go to Wrigley Field to see the Cubs play in almost nine years, I'm having dinner with folks from the Television Without Pity forums. At least I'll save some money on a meal tonight.
It's almost boarding time here at Newark. Hopefully, the weather will be nice, the hotel will be cushy, and the lack of meds will be the biggest stumbling block on my big adventure.
11:56 p.m., Central time
Well, I don't have to worry about my medication. My mother sent it out for overnight delivery, and I should get them tomorrow. Plan B would've had my psychiatrist send my prescriptions to a drug store, but I don't know the neighborhood. Hell, it took me a while to find a supermarket to get dessert tonight, so looking for a pharmacist would've been a nightmare.
I wound up getting to Wrigley Field a little late, getting a decent seat behind the plate, a prime place for picture taking, albeit near some rowdy Brewers fans. The Cubs had one helluva game today, with both teams going back and forth. I didn't do that much exploring. I went to get my mother a keychain at the clubhouse store, and Aramis Ramirez wound up homering to tie the game up. The game had everything: lead changes, home runs, disputed plays, an ejection, and the Cubs losing with the tying run at the plate, 8-6. Ironically, the save went to Trevor Hoffman, who I saw in San Diego in 2000. He's older, but he can still get the job done.
After the game, I met up with Kathy, a.k.a. "Kaffyr" from the TWoP forums. To say that she and her husband Bob (along with their three cats) were gracious hosts would be an understatement. They welcomed me into their humble home, and Kathy fed me her Texas-style chili, which was filling. Turns out Bob and Kathy are old-school nerds; they met when Kathy was going from Nova Scotia to Los Angeles. They were into all sorts of fandoms back in the day, and they still remain involved today. They even let me watch Survivor when I asked, and they gave me a ride back to my hotel.
Ah, the hotel. It's not going well so far. Right now, the LAN is acting screwy, so I can't post this right away. It took about 45-60 minutes for somebody to figure out how I could connect my laptop to the Internet. It took almost as long for my bags to be brought up to my room. I walked in and found water dripping from a faucet into a quarter-filled tub. I believe in omens, and I'm not liking what I've seen so far.
Well, enough out of me for one day. Tomorrow, I'll be doing something touristy, and then I'll hit C2E2. And maybe all these bad vibes will clear up with no problems.
Friday, 11:16 p.m.
Did I say "no problems"? Turns out I had a lot of problems besides lack of antidepressants. Maybe I'd feel different if the stuff was in my system, like they'll be tomorrow (yep, they came today). but I doubt it.
I wound up going to the Shedd Aquarium. I should have gone to the local museum of natural history instead. Well, I do like live animals. And it was fun to see otters getting fed. Also, I saw dolphins, beluga whales, penguins, a semi-crippled turtle named Nickel (they found her injured and with five cents in her system), etc. I was expecting polar bears, though I don't know why. Maybe they're in the aquarium at Coney Island? Anyway, after a few hours, I got bored and opted not to see the big dolphin show. So I walked to the convention center. And I wandered. And I wandered some more.
Here's what I've found out about McCormick Place: it's a maze. It's a giant damn maze. Imagine the scene from This Is Spinal Tap, where the band is trying to find the stage. Now multiply that by about fifty. So there I was, walking through an emergency exit and onto the show floor, trying to briskly walk to the regular entrance before anybody caught me.
Then things got worse. At the spotlight panel for Kevin Conroy (the voice of the animated Batman for almost two decades), my digital camera died on me. My old camera had batteries that could be replaced. The new one has a battery pack that needs to be recharged. And guess who neglected to bring the charger? Seriously, when the "low battery" indicator went off yesterday at Wrigley, I thought I had a few days. Turned out I had about one day. And I wasted power on whales and otters. I wound up having to buy a disposable camera, and I have no clue if I can find a way to upload them to my Flickr gallery.
Anyway, while I distracted myself with my woes and various freebies, Conroy entertained his fans. Turns out he did some volunteer work as a cook in Manhattan in the days after 9/11, and he managed to make a guy's day when the fella recognized Batman's voice. Then Conroy did his "I am vengeance! I am the night! I AM BATMAN!" scthick to some disbelievers. I'm probably botching the story, but it was funny.
Sketches? It was a mixed bag. Some artists charge a lot of money, and it's more than what I'm comfortable paying out. Nobody sinks my heart faster than asking for a rate and hearing that it's $100 or something like that. Also, Danielle Corsetto -- my "go-to" webcomics gal -- isn't doing any hardcore sketching, so there went my primary plan to get a sketch of Poison Ivy in front of the ivy-covered walls at Wrigley. I did get a quick sketch of "special" cat Sprinkles from Girls With Slingshots, so it wasn't a total loss. I found a Doctor Who fan in Amy Mebberson at the BOOM! Studios booth, and I got Leela from her. And I got a Gena Ha sketch (Flash from Kingdom Come) for the first time in almost ten years. Hopefully, I can get more inexpensive sketches in the next few days.
I wound up making another mistake. I reunited with writer extraordinaire Gail Simone and her husband. And what do I do instead of tagging along with them to go to a restaurant? I go to a screening of two episodes of Doctor Who, episodes that I had seen before but could barely hear because I saw them in a large crowd at a restaurant. Nothing terrible about that, but by the time the screening ended, I wound up flailing for a random exit, and realizing that short sleeves and Chicago nights just don't mix. Took me at least twenty minutes before I caught a cab to go back to the hotel.
I keep telling myself that it's going to get better, but I keep thinking that maybe I made a mistake coming out here. I got two days to turn it around, though, so hopefully things can . . . will get better.
Friday, April 02, 2010
Reality Rant: Russellmania II
On the Television Without Pity forums, you cannot talk about the forums on episode or character threads. Therefore, you cannot say something along the lines of, "I don't get why everybody feels this way." And like the good poster that I am, I try to follow the rules. However, if the policy was not put in place, I would have to say the following to those who are contemplating abandoning Survivor: Heroes Vs. Villains now that Rob Mariano has been voted off the show . . .
*clearing throat*
SHUT UP AND GET OVER YOURSELVES!!!!
Whew! Man, I am glad that's out of my system.
I admit that a few episodes ago, I was pissed off. Tom Westman, perhaps the greatest player of all time (if not merely in the top five) got the boot over an injured James and an injured and fat Rupert. And I was pissed off. I got even more steamed the following episode, when the Heroes were forced into Tribal Council again -- as part of a double execution -- and decided that now was the time to get rid of James instead of Colby, who had more or less rolled over and declared himself to be dead. But the Villains had to lose somebody as well, and the viewers turned to the one man who has kept this show interesting since the previous season: Russell Hantz.
Look, I know that Russell is a scumbag. Anybody that lies about losing a dog to Hurricane Katrina deserves to be worked over with a crowbar by New Orleans residents. His tendency to create chaos at camp shows that he's a borderline sociopath, if not full-fledged. But dammit, you can't help but admire his gameplay, even if luck plays a huge part of it. He made Samoa fun to watch because damn near everybody was too stupid to play the game. The man is a troll forever looking for a bridge to live underneath, but you develop Stockholm Syndrome watching the show. Suddenly, he becomes a semi-attractive antihero.
For instance: when the Villains had to vote somebody off, the two choices were Russell and his alliance mate, the "lovely" Parvati, who had lucked her way into a million bucks two years ago on Micronesia -- Fans Vs. Favorites. Rob was safe because he had won individual immunity, and he was itching to get Russell and Parvati the hell off the show. At this point, he had become Saint Robert of Boston, a man who could do no wrong to the fans, as he pitched in around camp and helped the tribe win immunity and rewards galore. Barely everybody forgot his thuggish debut in Marquesas and his way-too-fortunate run in All-Stars. It just seemed to me that the posters I read were a little too eager to shine Rob's nuts.
Anyway, a plan was hatched out of suspicion that Russell had found the hidden immunity idol: the six person majority would split their votes between Russell and Parvati. If one of them played the idol, the other would be tied with the minority bloc, and whomever was left would be zinged on the revote. But Russell got to Tyson and lied about voting for Parvati, convincing Tyson to join in on a pile-on. And at Tribal Council, Russell got up, went to Jeff Probst, presented the idol . . . then decided against it and gave it to Parvati. And sure enough, Pavarti had four votes against her that was negated. Russell himself got two votes. And guess who Russell, Parvati and Danielle (who? Exactly!) voted for? Tyson. In other words, Tyson voted himself out of the game. Never mind that this ruined my prediction that Tyson would win the game. All I could think of was the same thing I thought the previous season: "How can Russell walk around with balls that big?" I figure it would be something like this (1:03 mark; really not for the faint at heart).
Fast forward to the latest episode. The Heroes rebounded, winning both reward and immunity challenges, sending the Villains to tribal council again. This time, though, Jerri decides to cast her lot with Russell. Coach, being an asshole about "honor" and such bullshit, sticks to his word and votes Courtney (again . . . who?), leading to Rob getting boned, 4-3-1. And the funny thing? It was mostly Rob's fault. He could have heeded Randy's "warning" vote over Parvati in the third episode. He could have tried to solidify the split vote plan and made sure Tyson (a close yet dim ally) wouldn't go rogue. And he could have tried him damnedest to keep Jerri in the fold. He did not trust Russell . . . which was smart, since he was an unknown factor. But he screwed up damn near everything else. It's like he couldn't operate with smart people. Put him on the Heroes tribe, and he would've had the likes of JT, Amanda and Rupert around his finger. But all Rob could do was get up, call Coach a "little man" (devastating, given Russell's stature) and get his torch snuffed. Even more delicious: Rob goes straight to the Loser Lounge, perhaps the last people to be eliminated from the game before the jury phase begins. That means he can't make pissy faces on the sidelines, preparing for his huge "My question is: you suck" speech on Day 39. Do not pass go, do not collect $200, go back to the arms of your wife and little bambina, a loser for the fifth time . . . sixth if you count the bullshit "America's Choice" vote after All-Stars which was rigged to give Rupert $1 million he clearly didn't deserve.
So what's the up side? Simple . . . without Rob at camp to lead them, the Villains will fall apart . . . at least according to the teaser for next week's episode. Meanwhile, the Heroes (lead by a resurgent Colby) are on the rebound, and it is possible that a misfit fivesome consisting of the strong (Colby), the seat-filler (Candice), the dumb (JT), the dumber (Amanda) and the dumbest (Rupert) can go far in the game. Without the Villains imploding, the game becomes uninteresting and stale. And you need a villain like Russell to have around. That's one of the reasons The Amazing Race is sagging a little . . . there's nobody to hate. Sure, there's been a huge douchebag move (the narcs Blind U-Turning Joe & Heidi as a "fuck you" gesture), a callous couple (lesbians Carol & Brandy) and a team (Brent & Caite) that couldn't walk and eat a baguette at the same time, but there's no team to root against. Over on the upcoming Real World/Road Rules Challenge: Fresh Meat II, there are two villains in Wes and Kenny, but you can't really root for one against the other. You can only home they both get hit by a bus at the same time.
Bottom line? Survivor is must-see television again, and if that means Rob's head joins the rest of Russell's victims mounted on the wall, so be it. Besides, given Russell's meltdown at the Samoa reunion, the odds are pretty good that somebody is sizing him up for a trip to the taxidermist. And maybe the Stockholm Syndrome I have will wear off in time for the reunion.
*clearing throat*
SHUT UP AND GET OVER YOURSELVES!!!!
Whew! Man, I am glad that's out of my system.
I admit that a few episodes ago, I was pissed off. Tom Westman, perhaps the greatest player of all time (if not merely in the top five) got the boot over an injured James and an injured and fat Rupert. And I was pissed off. I got even more steamed the following episode, when the Heroes were forced into Tribal Council again -- as part of a double execution -- and decided that now was the time to get rid of James instead of Colby, who had more or less rolled over and declared himself to be dead. But the Villains had to lose somebody as well, and the viewers turned to the one man who has kept this show interesting since the previous season: Russell Hantz.
Look, I know that Russell is a scumbag. Anybody that lies about losing a dog to Hurricane Katrina deserves to be worked over with a crowbar by New Orleans residents. His tendency to create chaos at camp shows that he's a borderline sociopath, if not full-fledged. But dammit, you can't help but admire his gameplay, even if luck plays a huge part of it. He made Samoa fun to watch because damn near everybody was too stupid to play the game. The man is a troll forever looking for a bridge to live underneath, but you develop Stockholm Syndrome watching the show. Suddenly, he becomes a semi-attractive antihero.
For instance: when the Villains had to vote somebody off, the two choices were Russell and his alliance mate, the "lovely" Parvati, who had lucked her way into a million bucks two years ago on Micronesia -- Fans Vs. Favorites. Rob was safe because he had won individual immunity, and he was itching to get Russell and Parvati the hell off the show. At this point, he had become Saint Robert of Boston, a man who could do no wrong to the fans, as he pitched in around camp and helped the tribe win immunity and rewards galore. Barely everybody forgot his thuggish debut in Marquesas and his way-too-fortunate run in All-Stars. It just seemed to me that the posters I read were a little too eager to shine Rob's nuts.
Anyway, a plan was hatched out of suspicion that Russell had found the hidden immunity idol: the six person majority would split their votes between Russell and Parvati. If one of them played the idol, the other would be tied with the minority bloc, and whomever was left would be zinged on the revote. But Russell got to Tyson and lied about voting for Parvati, convincing Tyson to join in on a pile-on. And at Tribal Council, Russell got up, went to Jeff Probst, presented the idol . . . then decided against it and gave it to Parvati. And sure enough, Pavarti had four votes against her that was negated. Russell himself got two votes. And guess who Russell, Parvati and Danielle (who? Exactly!) voted for? Tyson. In other words, Tyson voted himself out of the game. Never mind that this ruined my prediction that Tyson would win the game. All I could think of was the same thing I thought the previous season: "How can Russell walk around with balls that big?" I figure it would be something like this (1:03 mark; really not for the faint at heart).
Fast forward to the latest episode. The Heroes rebounded, winning both reward and immunity challenges, sending the Villains to tribal council again. This time, though, Jerri decides to cast her lot with Russell. Coach, being an asshole about "honor" and such bullshit, sticks to his word and votes Courtney (again . . . who?), leading to Rob getting boned, 4-3-1. And the funny thing? It was mostly Rob's fault. He could have heeded Randy's "warning" vote over Parvati in the third episode. He could have tried to solidify the split vote plan and made sure Tyson (a close yet dim ally) wouldn't go rogue. And he could have tried him damnedest to keep Jerri in the fold. He did not trust Russell . . . which was smart, since he was an unknown factor. But he screwed up damn near everything else. It's like he couldn't operate with smart people. Put him on the Heroes tribe, and he would've had the likes of JT, Amanda and Rupert around his finger. But all Rob could do was get up, call Coach a "little man" (devastating, given Russell's stature) and get his torch snuffed. Even more delicious: Rob goes straight to the Loser Lounge, perhaps the last people to be eliminated from the game before the jury phase begins. That means he can't make pissy faces on the sidelines, preparing for his huge "My question is: you suck" speech on Day 39. Do not pass go, do not collect $200, go back to the arms of your wife and little bambina, a loser for the fifth time . . . sixth if you count the bullshit "America's Choice" vote after All-Stars which was rigged to give Rupert $1 million he clearly didn't deserve.
So what's the up side? Simple . . . without Rob at camp to lead them, the Villains will fall apart . . . at least according to the teaser for next week's episode. Meanwhile, the Heroes (lead by a resurgent Colby) are on the rebound, and it is possible that a misfit fivesome consisting of the strong (Colby), the seat-filler (Candice), the dumb (JT), the dumber (Amanda) and the dumbest (Rupert) can go far in the game. Without the Villains imploding, the game becomes uninteresting and stale. And you need a villain like Russell to have around. That's one of the reasons The Amazing Race is sagging a little . . . there's nobody to hate. Sure, there's been a huge douchebag move (the narcs Blind U-Turning Joe & Heidi as a "fuck you" gesture), a callous couple (lesbians Carol & Brandy) and a team (Brent & Caite) that couldn't walk and eat a baguette at the same time, but there's no team to root against. Over on the upcoming Real World/Road Rules Challenge: Fresh Meat II, there are two villains in Wes and Kenny, but you can't really root for one against the other. You can only home they both get hit by a bus at the same time.
Bottom line? Survivor is must-see television again, and if that means Rob's head joins the rest of Russell's victims mounted on the wall, so be it. Besides, given Russell's meltdown at the Samoa reunion, the odds are pretty good that somebody is sizing him up for a trip to the taxidermist. And maybe the Stockholm Syndrome I have will wear off in time for the reunion.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Reality Rant: Zeroes Vs. Villains
We're five weeks into Survivor: Heroes Vs. Villains, and it's already a dismal flop. Well, it's dismal if you truly buy into the premise of good versus evil. Or if you're a fan of any of the departed players.
It all comes back to the basic truth behind "all-star" seasons of all reality shows, if not merely those from CBS: they just don't work out the way you'd want. Both times Survivor went that route, the winners (Amber from All Stars, Parvati from Micronesia -- Fans Vs. Favorites) had no business being cast in the first place. Once-great players fall (Rob Cesternino, anyone?), others don't mesh that well (Cirie and Yau-Man in Micronesia), and other nasty stuff winds up happening (Richard Hatch grinding his naked self on Susan Hawk, Jonathan Penner almost dying on an ill-planned challenge). It's a recipe for disaster, yet Mark Burnett can't help but make it. And we can't help but taste it, even though we know it's probably gonna suck.
At the core of the problem is the increasingly dysfunctional Heroes tribe, which has fallen like . . . well, NBC's Heroes (which I maintain is a far better genre show than Smallville, but that's a rant for another time). They've gained only two rewards and dodged Tribal Council once. They looked like a solid group, with guys that make host Jeff Probst cream himself with glee. Hey, is it my fault that he saved a part of JT's tooth that got knocked out during a challenge in Tocantins? Probst has man crushes, and you can't tell me different. And things looked okay at first; even when they lost the first immunity challenge, they merely lost Sugar, whom I considered overrated to begin with. But after their second loss, James (a huge Probst crush) got ugly, doing everything but scream "BURN THE WITCH!!" at Stephenie, since she was the last person from her original tribe (Ulong from Palau) left standing before the merge. And only two people stood up for her at Tribal Council: Colby (a long-standing Probst crush) and Tom (more on him later). Meanwhile, you had Rupert, easily one of the most overrated players in the show's history, go unnoticed even with a broken toe and a sour attitude. It's like looking like a poor man's Hagrid is enough to avoid the axe. Natch, Stephenie got booted, and Colby and Tom were exposed as the minority alliance.
Flash forward two weeks later, where the Heroes had to go to their third Tribal Council. Immediately, the majority alliance targeted Tom. Now, I don't claim to crush on anybody, male or female, but I like Tom a a lot. And what's not to love about him? He was a firefighter at the time of Palau; he was the clear leader of the Koror tribe, a team that won every immunity challenge they competed in, whittling Ulong down to Stephenie; he caught a shark; he won all but two individual immunity challenges, while not receiving a vote against him the two times he was vunerable; and he came to within one player-hater's vote (Coby) from getting the show's first-ever unambitious win. I don't care who you are . . . you have to be impressed. And I don't think he's a Probst crush because of his silver hair, so that's a bonus.
Where was I? Right . . . Tom was in trouble. He had uncovered a hidden immunity idol, which Probst would claim was selfish for the Heroes to search for (gotta love how production dictates him to lie like a dog during the "previouslies" before the show begins). The main alliance had a plan: split the votes between Tom and Colby, so that one of them would go out even if Tom played his idol. But Tom managed to talk JT into believing that Cirie was dangerous. And she was . . . one of the reasons why I liked her during Panama and Micronesia was that she was one of us, a fangirl-turned-Machiavellian genius with a gift for funny interviews. Sure enough, she got blindsided; Tom played his idol, lamenting that he would've wanted the team to use it against the Villains, and JT flipped his vote for a 3-2 difference. In other words, Cirie got Ciried. And I foolishly believed that the spoiler I had read was wrong, that Tom wasn't going to go out early. Apparently, I like hoping for the impossible.
Sure enough, Tom got voted out in the latest episode. Once again, the tribe couldn't pull it together in a puzzle-based challenge. Adding injury to insult, James had blown out his knee during the reward challenge, but was well enough to stay in the game. I ask you with all sincerity: who would you rather have: a guy who's more or less on the outs, or a guy who's hurt and could mess up the tribe's dwindling chances for a win? I've made it clear that I'm in the bag for Tom, but it's an honest question. Only Tom and Colby voted for James and his miserable attitude to go, while everybody else voted for Tom. Surprisingly, he didn't slug James in the mouth on the way out, choosing instead to lambaste James and Rupert in interviews. Can you blame him for being bitter? He leaves as the first winner to go out, departing from a tribe that includes Colby, a proven loser (Amanda, oh-for-two in Final Council decisions), a seat-filler (Candice . . . seriously, who the hell is she?), a wishy-washy flip-flopper (JT), and two injured jagoffs that can't leave the game fast enough for me.
Over on the Villain side, it's been all gravy. The only person they lost was Randy, a favorite of mine on account that he's so grouchy, he should be living in a garbage can. His boot and subsequent flinging of his buff into the fire hasn't dampened the Villains' spirit. One thing that's bugged me is the deification of Rob Mariano by forum posters. Look, a meathead rarely changes, people. I maintain that he didn't change his gameplay from Marquesas to All Stars, that the only reason why he lasted so far in the latter season was because the people he went up against (Lex, Kathy, Jenna, Rupert, Tom, etc.) had the intelligence of gravel. I figure that the others would get a clue and toss him over the top rope, but it looks like he's a lock for the jury at minimum.
Meanwhile, Parvati merely flips her hair back and wiggles around, and she gets attention that way. This time, she's snared Russell, who's been doing everything but visible whip it out and wank it on screen this season. I grew to like him during Samoa, which I chalked up to a reality television version of Stockholm Syndrome. But he keeps going on and one and freakin' on about how he's so great, obviously under the delusion that he won his season, where he (or anybody else at the time of filming) didn't know that he lost to Natalie. The annoyance reached its fever pitch when he brought the always "entertaining" Coach into the alliance, going so far as to "knight" the self-proclaimed "dragon slayer" of Tocantins. Even with the fun interviews from Sandra and Jerri (who got called a "bitter cougar" by Parvati in an interview), it's still getting to be one ugly season. I'm happy that my pick to win it all -- Tyson and his fugly bikini brief trunks -- is still in it, but I'm dreading the inevitable Coach/Parvati/Russell final three. And I don't think any serious Survivor fan can stomach such a terrible trio.
I've been asked why I watch a show that aggravates me. Maybe it's because I'm hoping for the best, where a dumbass like Russell or Rupert gets blindsided. Or maybe I'm just a masochist at heart. Either way, I'll be back for more punishment on March 24, when Survivor: Heroes Vs. Villains goes back on the air. And who knows? Maybe the Heroes will triumph, and Rob and Sandra will be busy playing "keep away" with the dignity of Coach or Russell.
It all comes back to the basic truth behind "all-star" seasons of all reality shows, if not merely those from CBS: they just don't work out the way you'd want. Both times Survivor went that route, the winners (Amber from All Stars, Parvati from Micronesia -- Fans Vs. Favorites) had no business being cast in the first place. Once-great players fall (Rob Cesternino, anyone?), others don't mesh that well (Cirie and Yau-Man in Micronesia), and other nasty stuff winds up happening (Richard Hatch grinding his naked self on Susan Hawk, Jonathan Penner almost dying on an ill-planned challenge). It's a recipe for disaster, yet Mark Burnett can't help but make it. And we can't help but taste it, even though we know it's probably gonna suck.
At the core of the problem is the increasingly dysfunctional Heroes tribe, which has fallen like . . . well, NBC's Heroes (which I maintain is a far better genre show than Smallville, but that's a rant for another time). They've gained only two rewards and dodged Tribal Council once. They looked like a solid group, with guys that make host Jeff Probst cream himself with glee. Hey, is it my fault that he saved a part of JT's tooth that got knocked out during a challenge in Tocantins? Probst has man crushes, and you can't tell me different. And things looked okay at first; even when they lost the first immunity challenge, they merely lost Sugar, whom I considered overrated to begin with. But after their second loss, James (a huge Probst crush) got ugly, doing everything but scream "BURN THE WITCH!!" at Stephenie, since she was the last person from her original tribe (Ulong from Palau) left standing before the merge. And only two people stood up for her at Tribal Council: Colby (a long-standing Probst crush) and Tom (more on him later). Meanwhile, you had Rupert, easily one of the most overrated players in the show's history, go unnoticed even with a broken toe and a sour attitude. It's like looking like a poor man's Hagrid is enough to avoid the axe. Natch, Stephenie got booted, and Colby and Tom were exposed as the minority alliance.
Flash forward two weeks later, where the Heroes had to go to their third Tribal Council. Immediately, the majority alliance targeted Tom. Now, I don't claim to crush on anybody, male or female, but I like Tom a a lot. And what's not to love about him? He was a firefighter at the time of Palau; he was the clear leader of the Koror tribe, a team that won every immunity challenge they competed in, whittling Ulong down to Stephenie; he caught a shark; he won all but two individual immunity challenges, while not receiving a vote against him the two times he was vunerable; and he came to within one player-hater's vote (Coby) from getting the show's first-ever unambitious win. I don't care who you are . . . you have to be impressed. And I don't think he's a Probst crush because of his silver hair, so that's a bonus.
Where was I? Right . . . Tom was in trouble. He had uncovered a hidden immunity idol, which Probst would claim was selfish for the Heroes to search for (gotta love how production dictates him to lie like a dog during the "previouslies" before the show begins). The main alliance had a plan: split the votes between Tom and Colby, so that one of them would go out even if Tom played his idol. But Tom managed to talk JT into believing that Cirie was dangerous. And she was . . . one of the reasons why I liked her during Panama and Micronesia was that she was one of us, a fangirl-turned-Machiavellian genius with a gift for funny interviews. Sure enough, she got blindsided; Tom played his idol, lamenting that he would've wanted the team to use it against the Villains, and JT flipped his vote for a 3-2 difference. In other words, Cirie got Ciried. And I foolishly believed that the spoiler I had read was wrong, that Tom wasn't going to go out early. Apparently, I like hoping for the impossible.
Sure enough, Tom got voted out in the latest episode. Once again, the tribe couldn't pull it together in a puzzle-based challenge. Adding injury to insult, James had blown out his knee during the reward challenge, but was well enough to stay in the game. I ask you with all sincerity: who would you rather have: a guy who's more or less on the outs, or a guy who's hurt and could mess up the tribe's dwindling chances for a win? I've made it clear that I'm in the bag for Tom, but it's an honest question. Only Tom and Colby voted for James and his miserable attitude to go, while everybody else voted for Tom. Surprisingly, he didn't slug James in the mouth on the way out, choosing instead to lambaste James and Rupert in interviews. Can you blame him for being bitter? He leaves as the first winner to go out, departing from a tribe that includes Colby, a proven loser (Amanda, oh-for-two in Final Council decisions), a seat-filler (Candice . . . seriously, who the hell is she?), a wishy-washy flip-flopper (JT), and two injured jagoffs that can't leave the game fast enough for me.
Over on the Villain side, it's been all gravy. The only person they lost was Randy, a favorite of mine on account that he's so grouchy, he should be living in a garbage can. His boot and subsequent flinging of his buff into the fire hasn't dampened the Villains' spirit. One thing that's bugged me is the deification of Rob Mariano by forum posters. Look, a meathead rarely changes, people. I maintain that he didn't change his gameplay from Marquesas to All Stars, that the only reason why he lasted so far in the latter season was because the people he went up against (Lex, Kathy, Jenna, Rupert, Tom, etc.) had the intelligence of gravel. I figure that the others would get a clue and toss him over the top rope, but it looks like he's a lock for the jury at minimum.
Meanwhile, Parvati merely flips her hair back and wiggles around, and she gets attention that way. This time, she's snared Russell, who's been doing everything but visible whip it out and wank it on screen this season. I grew to like him during Samoa, which I chalked up to a reality television version of Stockholm Syndrome. But he keeps going on and one and freakin' on about how he's so great, obviously under the delusion that he won his season, where he (or anybody else at the time of filming) didn't know that he lost to Natalie. The annoyance reached its fever pitch when he brought the always "entertaining" Coach into the alliance, going so far as to "knight" the self-proclaimed "dragon slayer" of Tocantins. Even with the fun interviews from Sandra and Jerri (who got called a "bitter cougar" by Parvati in an interview), it's still getting to be one ugly season. I'm happy that my pick to win it all -- Tyson and his fugly bikini brief trunks -- is still in it, but I'm dreading the inevitable Coach/Parvati/Russell final three. And I don't think any serious Survivor fan can stomach such a terrible trio.
I've been asked why I watch a show that aggravates me. Maybe it's because I'm hoping for the best, where a dumbass like Russell or Rupert gets blindsided. Or maybe I'm just a masochist at heart. Either way, I'll be back for more punishment on March 24, when Survivor: Heroes Vs. Villains goes back on the air. And who knows? Maybe the Heroes will triumph, and Rob and Sandra will be busy playing "keep away" with the dignity of Coach or Russell.
Tuesday, February 09, 2010
Reality Rant: Pooping On Probst
I hate Jeff Probst.
Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating, but Probst can be a pain in the ass. He hosts the longtime reality hit Survivor, entering its twentieth season this week with the premiere of Heroes Vs. Villains. Probst manages to affect gameplay and maintain open crushes on any alpha male that comes on the show. And despite all that, he's managed to snag two Emmys for his hosting skills. He might be considered the first host of the modern reality era, but he's far from the best as far as I'm concerned.
In the latest issue of Entertainment Weekly, he ranks all nineteen seasons. As you might guess, I have disagreements with his selections. I'll go over what he said, and determine if the season should be rated higher, lower, or stay the same.
19. Thailand
Probst didn't like it then, he doesn't like it now, and he points out nobody from this season made HvV. It's not that this season wasn't memorable, but that the memories were ugly for the most part . . . like "Grindgate" between Ted and Ghandia, Robb choking the crap out of Clay during gameplay, and the non-merge that burned Shii Ann, enabling her to get a spot on All-Stars for getting screwed (a rule that got applied for John Vito and Jill for the all-star edition of The Amazing Race after they got burned on consecutive non-elimination legs). Brian was a bit of a mastermind, but between his skeevy past in porn, a flavorless Pagonging, and a 4-3 win over old perv Clay that should've been bigger, Thailand deserves the ranking. STAY
18. Marquesas
Probst: "It was our fault. We take the blame, but this was just a snoozer." Translation: "I had to deal with three icky women and an old man at the end! How else am I supposed to react?!?" He gives love to Boston Rob and Gina (for making the necklace he wore in Samoa), and that's it. It must have slipped his mind to remember the slaughter the Rotu tribe inflicted on Maaramu, the random shuffling that made Rotu even stronger, and a Rotu foursome that got Pagonged because they didn't realize an opposing troika (Neleh, Kathy and Paschal) and duo (Vecepia & Sean) could join forces to take them out. It probably belongs in the second half on the list, but it doesn't deserve to be next-to-last. HIGHER
17. Fiji
Probst would have put this at the bottom if not for wily old Yau-Man and scatterbrained and formerly homeless Dreamz. "No offense, Earl," Probst says to the winner, "but as nice a guy as you are in real life, the charisma didn't carry on screen." Apparently, ol' Jeff can fit his entire head up his ass. While Earl wasn't as cute and cuddly as Yau-Man, he did shine through on screen, especially with his lack of pissiness at being on Exile Island, a place where he contemplated setting up hotels. Besides, after Dreamz reneged on an immunity-for-car deal and Yau-Man got voted off, Earl cruised to an unanimous win over Dreamz and Cassandra, a Survivor first. HIGHER
16. Guatemala
Probst: "No. 16. Why not?" And that's it. This wasn't as fun as the season before it -- Palau -- even with Stephanie and Bobby Jon coming back for their second straight season playing the game. While Steph turned into a bit of a bitch, Bobby Jon was still the wacky good ol' boy we knew and loved the first time, especially with his feud with fellow Alabaman Jamie, to the point where they almost came to blows. Also funny: former quarterback Gary Hogeboom trying to pass himself off as somebody else, which may have worked if one of the other players -- eventual champ Danni -- wasn't a sports DJ. Gary also played the first-ever hidden idol, which got Bobby Jon's torch snuffed, making it the second time he got booted without officially getting voted off. In response to Probst's four words, I have but one: "Not." HIGHER
15. Vanuatu
Probst acknowledges champion Chris for getting the women to turn on each other. He does leave out runner-up Twila -- who should have been an all-star -- cluing him in on strategy. The men vs. women start makes this a bit of a forgettable season. LOWER
14. Gabon
Probst gives props to Bob and his fake immunity idol. Given the stuff I've read in forums, Probst would be in the minority; some people hated Bob winning. He also brings up the feud because Randy and Sugar, which might spill into HvV, and yet he forgets about two other knuckle-draggers: recently disgraced track & field "star" Crystal, who underachieved in most of the challenges; and nasty bitch Corrine, who laced into Sugar so badly, Sugar had no choice but to flip the bird. STAY
13. Panama: Exile Island
Here, Probst uses most of the paragraph to gush about Cirie, who will be making her third visit on HvV. He also mentions that if there was another Villian spot, it would've gone to the tobacco-deprived nutjob Shane. This was a bit of a fun season, though the younger/older gender spilt in the beginning was a bit silly. Even with Aras winning, I reckon this could go up a few notches. HIGHER
12. Africa
Apparently, this season has stood the test of time for Probst, as he mentions Ethan ("Mr. Grassroots Soccer"), Lex and "Big Tom." While the legacy of this season was tarnished by All-Stars (Ethan voted out early, Lex getting punked by Rob, Tom looking like a moron in general), I think given the initial tribal twist and the lack of memorable players (hey, it's been over eight years), this one deserves to remain in the twelfth slot. STAY
11. Tocantins
Coach, Coach, Coach . . . oh, and Tyson and J.T. That's all Probst talks about in reference to the latest season. J.T. gets points for getting the first unanimous win without getting a vote cast against him, and Taj also proved memorable, but the rest of the season? Not so much. LOWER
10. The Amazon
Natch, Probst brings up Jenna and Heidi (voluntarily) getting naked for chocolate and peanut butter. He doesn't bring up Rob Cesternino, who's one of the best players never to have won. This was the first "men against women" season, and it did give us a nice cast of characters . . . but since Jenna won, I think tenth is good enough a position. STAY
9. Cook Islands
Probst brings up the racial division that happened for the first two episodes of the season, something he would've kept a little longer. He also brings up the Yul/Ozzy/Sundra/Becky quartet that managed to hang in there. Throw in Jonathan Penner and (*sigh*) Parvati, and you have a solid season. I'm running a March Madness-style tournament on Television Without Pity right now, and Yul looks to be the odds-on to win, so it's apparent this season is a keeper. HIGHER
8. The Australian Outback
Probst points out Jerri ("the original 'black widow'"), Colby ("the prototype for a Survivor hero) and Elisabeth, whose current right-wing politics have made her less popular these days than . . . well, Jerri. He also brings up Colby's attempt to be a good guy and a winner as "the single biggest blunder in Survivor. What . . . Erik willingly giving up immunity wasn't bad enough? I think Jeff still mourns his mancrush's loss. This one played out like the first-ever season, through the Pagonging was slowed to include tossing out Jerri and a then-unmemorable Amber. Throw in Alicia going "I will always wave my finger in your face!" to Kimmi, and Michael burning his hands in the fire, and you have a season that deserves to go up a notch or two. HIGHER
7. All-Stars
Can you say "clusterfuck"? Probst won't, though he kids about suffering "post-traumatic reality disorder." Between Jenna Morasca bailing to be with her dying mother (as opposed to not coming on the show to begin with, the Chapera tribe celebrating Sue Hawk quitting by singing "Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead" after she was traumatized by Richard grinding on her, Rob having his way with the cast, and Amber riding his back for a million bucks that she shouldn't have been playing for to beging with, and you have a dud of a season you can't cover up with the "Ramber" romance. Also, Rob & Amber wound up on The Amazing Race twice, so this was a dud of a season that almost ruined another show in its wake. LOWER
6. China
Really, Probst? Even with mancrush James in the mix, we also had to deal with Amanda. There's nothing wrong with her, but she went into Day 39 the odds-on favorite to win, and went out with third place and no words supporting her. Call President Obama, we got another clunker to sell. LOWER
5. Pearl Islands
Okay, so this one is really memorable, what with the two man-children in the game (Rupert and Jon Dalton, the latter's nom de famewhore I will not be using), the first quitter (Osten) and a sassy, under-the-radar winner (Sandra). However, Probst hated the Outcast twist that went with the pirate theme, which allowed two players whose torches were snuffed back into the game. "We blew it," he laments. "The cub Scout leader [Lillian] should have never been in the final." But the idea of both tribes having to face their cast-offs, with "Skinny" Ryan Shoulders wearing a "Die Jerks" buff on his head? Priceless. Even though Rupert was ultimately proven overrated and a bit of a jagoff, and Jon was a fame-grubbing asshole (what with the dead granny prank), this wound up being a good season. STAY
4. Palau
All Jeff mentions is the final immunity challenge, with Tom and Ian clinging onto buoys for 13 hours, and that Tom "went on to become one of our greatest winners." While Tom destroying the field is pretty noteworthy (won all tribal immunity challenges he competed in, won all but two immunity challenges, didn't receive a vote against him, beat Katie 6-1 in the final tribal council), you also have to look at the mighty Koror tribe, led by Tom and dolphin trainer Ian, backed by Caryn, Gregg, Katie, Coby and Jenn (who passed on earlier this year). And there was the decimated Ulong tribe, a tribe so hapless, the top two players -- Stephenie and Bobby Jon -- were given a another chance on Guatemala. Such an imbalance between tribes shouldn't be fun to watch for non-sadists, and yet it was. HIGHER
3. Samoa
Probst: "Go ahead and start screaming, but this is my list, so bug off." Here's the thing: if you remove Russell, you wind up with some of the dumbest players scrambling for a win. Galu had a 7-5 advantage heading into the merge (8-4 if you keep Shambo from jumping ship), and they got shot down one after the other. Once Probst reaches the 25th season, he'll realize that he inflated the position and adjust it accordingly, even with Russell's antics. LOWER
2. Micronesia: Fans Vs. Favorites
Probst gives credit to the "Parvati-led" alliance for some of the more memorable blindsides, like the stripping of Erik's immunity idol and nailing Ozzy when he had a hidden idol. I reckon it was more of a partnership between Parvati, Amanda, Cirie and "fan" Natalie. Here's the problem: the fans didn't really act like fans, in the sense that they didn't know how to play the game (Joel displaying the grace of a bull in a china shop), didn't know the hardships involved (Kathy winds up quitting), and didn't think to put on weight going into the season (Chet looking like Jon's malnourished twin, "Jonny Feedme"). Throw in winner Parvati being cast as a "favorite" to begin with and another Amanda meltdown at the final Tribal Council, and you have proof that "all star" seasons of reality shows on CBS just don't work. LOWER
1. Borneo
Like I'm gonna dispute this? Richard Hatch's machinations, Sue Hawk's "rats and snakes" speech, Rudy doddering into fans' hearts, doofy doctor Sean and his "Superpole" (not an euphemism), the first Pagonging, and a snarky host presiding over things? Survivor may go on for ten more years, and it'll never hit the heights of the first season. STAY
Finally, I should make a prediction for Heroes Vs. Villains. Like I said, "all star" seasons don't work. Between Amber, Parvati, "Mike Boogie" from Big Brother and Eric & Danielle from The Amazing Race, it's natural to go into HvV to be a pain in the ass. As much as I would want Tom to raze the Samoan landscape like he did in Palau, I reckon he'll get brought down early because he's not in the alumni loop. You have to look beyond the odds-on favorites and those that are "due" (Rob, Rupert, Steph). You need to look for somebody who doesn't belong, who may qualify as a "hero" or "villain," but not an "all-star." My pick? Tyson Apostol from Tocantins. He was Coach's "assistant coach" and just a skeezy guy in general. So it's not going to be a shock to see him get the win, and for diehard fans to reach for the booze as a result.
Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating, but Probst can be a pain in the ass. He hosts the longtime reality hit Survivor, entering its twentieth season this week with the premiere of Heroes Vs. Villains. Probst manages to affect gameplay and maintain open crushes on any alpha male that comes on the show. And despite all that, he's managed to snag two Emmys for his hosting skills. He might be considered the first host of the modern reality era, but he's far from the best as far as I'm concerned.
In the latest issue of Entertainment Weekly, he ranks all nineteen seasons. As you might guess, I have disagreements with his selections. I'll go over what he said, and determine if the season should be rated higher, lower, or stay the same.
19. Thailand
Probst didn't like it then, he doesn't like it now, and he points out nobody from this season made HvV. It's not that this season wasn't memorable, but that the memories were ugly for the most part . . . like "Grindgate" between Ted and Ghandia, Robb choking the crap out of Clay during gameplay, and the non-merge that burned Shii Ann, enabling her to get a spot on All-Stars for getting screwed (a rule that got applied for John Vito and Jill for the all-star edition of The Amazing Race after they got burned on consecutive non-elimination legs). Brian was a bit of a mastermind, but between his skeevy past in porn, a flavorless Pagonging, and a 4-3 win over old perv Clay that should've been bigger, Thailand deserves the ranking. STAY
18. Marquesas
Probst: "It was our fault. We take the blame, but this was just a snoozer." Translation: "I had to deal with three icky women and an old man at the end! How else am I supposed to react?!?" He gives love to Boston Rob and Gina (for making the necklace he wore in Samoa), and that's it. It must have slipped his mind to remember the slaughter the Rotu tribe inflicted on Maaramu, the random shuffling that made Rotu even stronger, and a Rotu foursome that got Pagonged because they didn't realize an opposing troika (Neleh, Kathy and Paschal) and duo (Vecepia & Sean) could join forces to take them out. It probably belongs in the second half on the list, but it doesn't deserve to be next-to-last. HIGHER
17. Fiji
Probst would have put this at the bottom if not for wily old Yau-Man and scatterbrained and formerly homeless Dreamz. "No offense, Earl," Probst says to the winner, "but as nice a guy as you are in real life, the charisma didn't carry on screen." Apparently, ol' Jeff can fit his entire head up his ass. While Earl wasn't as cute and cuddly as Yau-Man, he did shine through on screen, especially with his lack of pissiness at being on Exile Island, a place where he contemplated setting up hotels. Besides, after Dreamz reneged on an immunity-for-car deal and Yau-Man got voted off, Earl cruised to an unanimous win over Dreamz and Cassandra, a Survivor first. HIGHER
16. Guatemala
Probst: "No. 16. Why not?" And that's it. This wasn't as fun as the season before it -- Palau -- even with Stephanie and Bobby Jon coming back for their second straight season playing the game. While Steph turned into a bit of a bitch, Bobby Jon was still the wacky good ol' boy we knew and loved the first time, especially with his feud with fellow Alabaman Jamie, to the point where they almost came to blows. Also funny: former quarterback Gary Hogeboom trying to pass himself off as somebody else, which may have worked if one of the other players -- eventual champ Danni -- wasn't a sports DJ. Gary also played the first-ever hidden idol, which got Bobby Jon's torch snuffed, making it the second time he got booted without officially getting voted off. In response to Probst's four words, I have but one: "Not." HIGHER
15. Vanuatu
Probst acknowledges champion Chris for getting the women to turn on each other. He does leave out runner-up Twila -- who should have been an all-star -- cluing him in on strategy. The men vs. women start makes this a bit of a forgettable season. LOWER
14. Gabon
Probst gives props to Bob and his fake immunity idol. Given the stuff I've read in forums, Probst would be in the minority; some people hated Bob winning. He also brings up the feud because Randy and Sugar, which might spill into HvV, and yet he forgets about two other knuckle-draggers: recently disgraced track & field "star" Crystal, who underachieved in most of the challenges; and nasty bitch Corrine, who laced into Sugar so badly, Sugar had no choice but to flip the bird. STAY
13. Panama: Exile Island
Here, Probst uses most of the paragraph to gush about Cirie, who will be making her third visit on HvV. He also mentions that if there was another Villian spot, it would've gone to the tobacco-deprived nutjob Shane. This was a bit of a fun season, though the younger/older gender spilt in the beginning was a bit silly. Even with Aras winning, I reckon this could go up a few notches. HIGHER
12. Africa
Apparently, this season has stood the test of time for Probst, as he mentions Ethan ("Mr. Grassroots Soccer"), Lex and "Big Tom." While the legacy of this season was tarnished by All-Stars (Ethan voted out early, Lex getting punked by Rob, Tom looking like a moron in general), I think given the initial tribal twist and the lack of memorable players (hey, it's been over eight years), this one deserves to remain in the twelfth slot. STAY
11. Tocantins
Coach, Coach, Coach . . . oh, and Tyson and J.T. That's all Probst talks about in reference to the latest season. J.T. gets points for getting the first unanimous win without getting a vote cast against him, and Taj also proved memorable, but the rest of the season? Not so much. LOWER
10. The Amazon
Natch, Probst brings up Jenna and Heidi (voluntarily) getting naked for chocolate and peanut butter. He doesn't bring up Rob Cesternino, who's one of the best players never to have won. This was the first "men against women" season, and it did give us a nice cast of characters . . . but since Jenna won, I think tenth is good enough a position. STAY
9. Cook Islands
Probst brings up the racial division that happened for the first two episodes of the season, something he would've kept a little longer. He also brings up the Yul/Ozzy/Sundra/Becky quartet that managed to hang in there. Throw in Jonathan Penner and (*sigh*) Parvati, and you have a solid season. I'm running a March Madness-style tournament on Television Without Pity right now, and Yul looks to be the odds-on to win, so it's apparent this season is a keeper. HIGHER
8. The Australian Outback
Probst points out Jerri ("the original 'black widow'"), Colby ("the prototype for a Survivor hero) and Elisabeth, whose current right-wing politics have made her less popular these days than . . . well, Jerri. He also brings up Colby's attempt to be a good guy and a winner as "the single biggest blunder in Survivor. What . . . Erik willingly giving up immunity wasn't bad enough? I think Jeff still mourns his mancrush's loss. This one played out like the first-ever season, through the Pagonging was slowed to include tossing out Jerri and a then-unmemorable Amber. Throw in Alicia going "I will always wave my finger in your face!" to Kimmi, and Michael burning his hands in the fire, and you have a season that deserves to go up a notch or two. HIGHER
7. All-Stars
Can you say "clusterfuck"? Probst won't, though he kids about suffering "post-traumatic reality disorder." Between Jenna Morasca bailing to be with her dying mother (as opposed to not coming on the show to begin with, the Chapera tribe celebrating Sue Hawk quitting by singing "Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead" after she was traumatized by Richard grinding on her, Rob having his way with the cast, and Amber riding his back for a million bucks that she shouldn't have been playing for to beging with, and you have a dud of a season you can't cover up with the "Ramber" romance. Also, Rob & Amber wound up on The Amazing Race twice, so this was a dud of a season that almost ruined another show in its wake. LOWER
6. China
Really, Probst? Even with mancrush James in the mix, we also had to deal with Amanda. There's nothing wrong with her, but she went into Day 39 the odds-on favorite to win, and went out with third place and no words supporting her. Call President Obama, we got another clunker to sell. LOWER
5. Pearl Islands
Okay, so this one is really memorable, what with the two man-children in the game (Rupert and Jon Dalton, the latter's nom de famewhore I will not be using), the first quitter (Osten) and a sassy, under-the-radar winner (Sandra). However, Probst hated the Outcast twist that went with the pirate theme, which allowed two players whose torches were snuffed back into the game. "We blew it," he laments. "The cub Scout leader [Lillian] should have never been in the final." But the idea of both tribes having to face their cast-offs, with "Skinny" Ryan Shoulders wearing a "Die Jerks" buff on his head? Priceless. Even though Rupert was ultimately proven overrated and a bit of a jagoff, and Jon was a fame-grubbing asshole (what with the dead granny prank), this wound up being a good season. STAY
4. Palau
All Jeff mentions is the final immunity challenge, with Tom and Ian clinging onto buoys for 13 hours, and that Tom "went on to become one of our greatest winners." While Tom destroying the field is pretty noteworthy (won all tribal immunity challenges he competed in, won all but two immunity challenges, didn't receive a vote against him, beat Katie 6-1 in the final tribal council), you also have to look at the mighty Koror tribe, led by Tom and dolphin trainer Ian, backed by Caryn, Gregg, Katie, Coby and Jenn (who passed on earlier this year). And there was the decimated Ulong tribe, a tribe so hapless, the top two players -- Stephenie and Bobby Jon -- were given a another chance on Guatemala. Such an imbalance between tribes shouldn't be fun to watch for non-sadists, and yet it was. HIGHER
3. Samoa
Probst: "Go ahead and start screaming, but this is my list, so bug off." Here's the thing: if you remove Russell, you wind up with some of the dumbest players scrambling for a win. Galu had a 7-5 advantage heading into the merge (8-4 if you keep Shambo from jumping ship), and they got shot down one after the other. Once Probst reaches the 25th season, he'll realize that he inflated the position and adjust it accordingly, even with Russell's antics. LOWER
2. Micronesia: Fans Vs. Favorites
Probst gives credit to the "Parvati-led" alliance for some of the more memorable blindsides, like the stripping of Erik's immunity idol and nailing Ozzy when he had a hidden idol. I reckon it was more of a partnership between Parvati, Amanda, Cirie and "fan" Natalie. Here's the problem: the fans didn't really act like fans, in the sense that they didn't know how to play the game (Joel displaying the grace of a bull in a china shop), didn't know the hardships involved (Kathy winds up quitting), and didn't think to put on weight going into the season (Chet looking like Jon's malnourished twin, "Jonny Feedme"). Throw in winner Parvati being cast as a "favorite" to begin with and another Amanda meltdown at the final Tribal Council, and you have proof that "all star" seasons of reality shows on CBS just don't work. LOWER
1. Borneo
Like I'm gonna dispute this? Richard Hatch's machinations, Sue Hawk's "rats and snakes" speech, Rudy doddering into fans' hearts, doofy doctor Sean and his "Superpole" (not an euphemism), the first Pagonging, and a snarky host presiding over things? Survivor may go on for ten more years, and it'll never hit the heights of the first season. STAY
Finally, I should make a prediction for Heroes Vs. Villains. Like I said, "all star" seasons don't work. Between Amber, Parvati, "Mike Boogie" from Big Brother and Eric & Danielle from The Amazing Race, it's natural to go into HvV to be a pain in the ass. As much as I would want Tom to raze the Samoan landscape like he did in Palau, I reckon he'll get brought down early because he's not in the alumni loop. You have to look beyond the odds-on favorites and those that are "due" (Rob, Rupert, Steph). You need to look for somebody who doesn't belong, who may qualify as a "hero" or "villain," but not an "all-star." My pick? Tyson Apostol from Tocantins. He was Coach's "assistant coach" and just a skeezy guy in general. So it's not going to be a shock to see him get the win, and for diehard fans to reach for the booze as a result.
Sunday, January 03, 2010
30 Second Recap Contest: Blackest Night
Once more into the breach I go, hoping to win stuff from The-ISB's Chris Sims, or at least get an honorable mention. For the fourth annual 30 Second Recap Contest, I decided to recap DC Comics' latest epic event, Blackest Night. As usual, my artwork isn't as good as the other entries, and I handicap myself with the use of MS Paint. Still, it's all in the name of fun, no guts no glory, and all that stuff. Enjoy!
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Reality Rant: A Letter To Jonathan Murray
In the wake of another crappy finale for another crappy season of The Real World/Road Rules Challenge, I've decided that it's high time to explain to Bunim-Murray Productions' co-founder my frustration, and offer up my own solution.
Jonathan Murray
C/O Bunim-Murray Productions
6007 Sepulveda Blvd.
Van Nuys, CA 91411
Dear Mr. Murray,
I’ve been meaning to write to you for a while now. I’ve been watching The Real World/Road Rules Challenge for ages. I even recapped it for six seasons, which you can read on my blog at lantern7.blogspot.com. And I have to ask you a question, since your name is on top: Do you care anymore?
I just saw the end of The Ruins, yet another grueling season . . . not just for the players to compete in, but for true fans to watch. After untold weeks of drama, three of the biggest jerks wound up winning a sizable amount of money: Johnny Devenanzio, Kenny Santucci and Evan Starkman. The three of them have been a pain to watch since Fresh Meat. Watching them act like misogynists, especially around Sarah Rice, got to be tiring. Add that to the trainwrecks (Tonya Cooley, Wes Bergmann), the quitters (Casey Cooper, Evelyn Smith) the hotheads (Wes again, Brad Fiorenza), and the alcoholics (Tonya again, Katie Doyle), and it’s a recipe for disaster.
I’ve decided to take the initiative. In March 2008, I posted on my blog on how to improve the Challenge. I was frustrated by the events of Gauntlet 3, and I figured out ways to make your show better and more fair, without detracting from the drama. I thought that I was qualified, given how much detail I could pick up from the episodes. For instance: why was Jamie Murray put on the Rookies team in Gauntlet 2, even though he was on two Challenges? Wouldn’t it have made more sense to transfer Ace Amerson from the Veterans, because he had competed in four missions total at that time? Anyway, I’ve included my post with this letter. At the very least, I’d like to know what you think.
I’d like to call myself a fan, but you and the rest of Bunim-Murray Productions makes it so hard. At times, you still show quality product, like the Return To Duty special that aired last month. And The Real World: Washington D.C. does look to be more than fighting and fornicating. But I feel that the Challenge needs to improve, and quickly. Why? Because I don’t need another season of Evan and Kenny sublimating their lust for each other by belittling others and patting themselves on the back. And judging from the forums I visit, I am not alone.
Sincerely,
Jason Borelli
PS: Could you at least consider replacing TJ Lavin as host? The man brings nothing to the table except for allegedly hooking up with female contestants. Ever consider Coral Smith in that role? I think you should.
I included the address at the top because I could never find a general e-mail address for BMP. Bottom line: If you're tired and dissatified by the Challenges, let 'em know how you feel, because it may be the only way they'll learn. And if Mr. Murray or anybody else from BMP responds, I'll post the results here.
Jonathan Murray
C/O Bunim-Murray Productions
6007 Sepulveda Blvd.
Van Nuys, CA 91411
Dear Mr. Murray,
I’ve been meaning to write to you for a while now. I’ve been watching The Real World/Road Rules Challenge for ages. I even recapped it for six seasons, which you can read on my blog at lantern7.blogspot.com. And I have to ask you a question, since your name is on top: Do you care anymore?
I just saw the end of The Ruins, yet another grueling season . . . not just for the players to compete in, but for true fans to watch. After untold weeks of drama, three of the biggest jerks wound up winning a sizable amount of money: Johnny Devenanzio, Kenny Santucci and Evan Starkman. The three of them have been a pain to watch since Fresh Meat. Watching them act like misogynists, especially around Sarah Rice, got to be tiring. Add that to the trainwrecks (Tonya Cooley, Wes Bergmann), the quitters (Casey Cooper, Evelyn Smith) the hotheads (Wes again, Brad Fiorenza), and the alcoholics (Tonya again, Katie Doyle), and it’s a recipe for disaster.
I’ve decided to take the initiative. In March 2008, I posted on my blog on how to improve the Challenge. I was frustrated by the events of Gauntlet 3, and I figured out ways to make your show better and more fair, without detracting from the drama. I thought that I was qualified, given how much detail I could pick up from the episodes. For instance: why was Jamie Murray put on the Rookies team in Gauntlet 2, even though he was on two Challenges? Wouldn’t it have made more sense to transfer Ace Amerson from the Veterans, because he had competed in four missions total at that time? Anyway, I’ve included my post with this letter. At the very least, I’d like to know what you think.
I’d like to call myself a fan, but you and the rest of Bunim-Murray Productions makes it so hard. At times, you still show quality product, like the Return To Duty special that aired last month. And The Real World: Washington D.C. does look to be more than fighting and fornicating. But I feel that the Challenge needs to improve, and quickly. Why? Because I don’t need another season of Evan and Kenny sublimating their lust for each other by belittling others and patting themselves on the back. And judging from the forums I visit, I am not alone.
Sincerely,
Jason Borelli
PS: Could you at least consider replacing TJ Lavin as host? The man brings nothing to the table except for allegedly hooking up with female contestants. Ever consider Coral Smith in that role? I think you should.
I included the address at the top because I could never find a general e-mail address for BMP. Bottom line: If you're tired and dissatified by the Challenges, let 'em know how you feel, because it may be the only way they'll learn. And if Mr. Murray or anybody else from BMP responds, I'll post the results here.
Wednesday, December 09, 2009
Reality Rant: A Challenging Proposal
Note: The following was written while I was at work. I did this a few weeks ago . . . with the season finale of Real World/Road Rules Challenge: The Ruins airing on Wednesday, now's a good time to print this up.
I think the time has come to pass the hat around for the sake of Brad Fiorenza.
We've seen Brad compete in eight seasons of Real World/Road Rules Challenge. Each time, he leaves with next to nothing and a hard luck story. He's been screwed by veteran players (Battle Of The Sexes 2), screwed by fate and beaten by Abram (Inferno II) and watched helplessly as Eric nearly died, taking the Veterans team with him (Gauntlet 3). Brad has made it to the end of two versions of The Duel. First, he survived a climatic Duel with a psychotic CT, only to fail to overcome a headstart from Wes. Last season, he was forced into a rushed, impromptu team-up with Rachel in the final mission, saw his lead evaporate, and lost to an undeserving Evan.
Cut to The Ruins. Brad has watched his team -- the Challengers -- lose all but one mission. Sure, both teams have an even number of players, but the Champions have the advantage. Brad loses his mind, lashing out against Kelly Anne and Casey. I'm not 100 percent sure where the Kelly Anne hatred came from, but I know why Casey got it . . . because she's the most toxic person from team morale. She does jack shit in missions and is generally worse than Beth . . . and after recapping Gauntlet 2, I never thought I'd say that. Anyway, Brad gets drunk, starts acting like a meathead, and goads Darrell into a fight. Actually, he goaded himself an old-fashioned beatdown. His right eye was all fucked up, worse than Davis's face after CT smacked him around in Inferno III. Why was this stupid of Brad?
1. He got kicked out of the game, a black mark that probably wouldn't disqualify him from future Challenges, but it will be hard to wash off.
2. His $2,000 went to the pot for the final mission, along with Darrell's $31,943 and Tonya's $2,858, which got added after she smacked Veronica. And yes, I did visit Wikipedia for the exact figures.
2a. With the final mission pot getting sweetened, this guarentees a bigger payoff for the Champions, who have dominated the game. It wouldn't be so bad if there was a single redeemable person on the tea,m. Susie? She's devolved into bitchdom. Johnny? He's a weasel. Evan and Kenny? Deluded assholes who will more than likely win the game without going into the Ruins [which turned out to be true]. Derrick? He's gone from being a decent guy to a yes-man for the Axis of Ass and a pint-sized thug.
(Note: Yes, I heard that he went first into the mission with the crawling on the chain link fences over a great height mission. Yes, I understand that he tried to shake Sarah off because he thought Susie might throw the mission in order to get a Ruins date with Casey [which she did get in the very end]. But the way he was shaking the fence and pulling on Sarah's fingers? That wasn't very sporting. Wee D should be ashamed of himself.)
Never mind that we'll be in for yet another depressing finale. I think Brad is a decent enough guy. He might be a bit of a meathead, and his taste in women is questionable (Tori? Really?), but I always root for the guy. My first thought was that we should raise some money so that Brad could ease off the Challenges, since they're eroding what little of his brain is left. But I don't think Brad would accept charity. He'd want to earn the dough. So I came with an idea which can be summed up in two words: celebrity roast.
Think about it: What's the main draw in Challenges? It might be the grueling competition, random binge drinking and humping, and exciting endgames . . . but then there are the interviews where the players insult each other to the cameras. For example, Cora maybe an average competitor, but she's best known for lighting up whomever is displeasing her. That's why we love her. Well, that's why I love her. Anyway, we take the disrespect, put it at the forefront, and put a happy face on it. We bring Brad up to the stage, where his peers can make fun of him all they want, and we can have a good laugh. At the end, Brad can blast them back. All the while, an 800 number runs to raise money for Brad, so he can have enough to never come back to the Challenge again. I figure half of that would go to his favorite charity so he doesn't look like a total sad sack.
I think I'm onto something with this. Wouldn't it be worth it to raise some dough for Tonya, instead of watching her embarass herself over and over? She was so normal in Battle Of The Sexes and The Gauntlet, but her mind has been gone with subsequent Challenges. Ruthie seems like a sweet girl and more than merely the drunk chick from The Real World: Hawaii, but she's been doing worse with every season she's been on. And wouldn't you pay money to make sure somebody like Johnny never darkens your television screen again? Or Susie? Or Rachel? Hell, put Evan and Kenny in a joint roast, and they can finally afford the wedding of their woman-hating dreams. Yes, I still believe they're that into each other.
Sure, raising money might seem like wasting popular draws, but really . . . isn't Bunim-Murray Productions good at finding other mental cases? That's the whole point of next season of Fresh Meat 2, right? Besides, nobody should have to seek relief in the diabolical Russell over on Survivor: Samoa on the following day. After a night of yelling at the TV screen, seeing a little man make everybody's life miserable seems quaint by comparison.
I think the time has come to pass the hat around for the sake of Brad Fiorenza.
We've seen Brad compete in eight seasons of Real World/Road Rules Challenge. Each time, he leaves with next to nothing and a hard luck story. He's been screwed by veteran players (Battle Of The Sexes 2), screwed by fate and beaten by Abram (Inferno II) and watched helplessly as Eric nearly died, taking the Veterans team with him (Gauntlet 3). Brad has made it to the end of two versions of The Duel. First, he survived a climatic Duel with a psychotic CT, only to fail to overcome a headstart from Wes. Last season, he was forced into a rushed, impromptu team-up with Rachel in the final mission, saw his lead evaporate, and lost to an undeserving Evan.
Cut to The Ruins. Brad has watched his team -- the Challengers -- lose all but one mission. Sure, both teams have an even number of players, but the Champions have the advantage. Brad loses his mind, lashing out against Kelly Anne and Casey. I'm not 100 percent sure where the Kelly Anne hatred came from, but I know why Casey got it . . . because she's the most toxic person from team morale. She does jack shit in missions and is generally worse than Beth . . . and after recapping Gauntlet 2, I never thought I'd say that. Anyway, Brad gets drunk, starts acting like a meathead, and goads Darrell into a fight. Actually, he goaded himself an old-fashioned beatdown. His right eye was all fucked up, worse than Davis's face after CT smacked him around in Inferno III. Why was this stupid of Brad?
1. He got kicked out of the game, a black mark that probably wouldn't disqualify him from future Challenges, but it will be hard to wash off.
2. His $2,000 went to the pot for the final mission, along with Darrell's $31,943 and Tonya's $2,858, which got added after she smacked Veronica. And yes, I did visit Wikipedia for the exact figures.
2a. With the final mission pot getting sweetened, this guarentees a bigger payoff for the Champions, who have dominated the game. It wouldn't be so bad if there was a single redeemable person on the tea,m. Susie? She's devolved into bitchdom. Johnny? He's a weasel. Evan and Kenny? Deluded assholes who will more than likely win the game without going into the Ruins [which turned out to be true]. Derrick? He's gone from being a decent guy to a yes-man for the Axis of Ass and a pint-sized thug.
(Note: Yes, I heard that he went first into the mission with the crawling on the chain link fences over a great height mission. Yes, I understand that he tried to shake Sarah off because he thought Susie might throw the mission in order to get a Ruins date with Casey [which she did get in the very end]. But the way he was shaking the fence and pulling on Sarah's fingers? That wasn't very sporting. Wee D should be ashamed of himself.)
Never mind that we'll be in for yet another depressing finale. I think Brad is a decent enough guy. He might be a bit of a meathead, and his taste in women is questionable (Tori? Really?), but I always root for the guy. My first thought was that we should raise some money so that Brad could ease off the Challenges, since they're eroding what little of his brain is left. But I don't think Brad would accept charity. He'd want to earn the dough. So I came with an idea which can be summed up in two words: celebrity roast.
Think about it: What's the main draw in Challenges? It might be the grueling competition, random binge drinking and humping, and exciting endgames . . . but then there are the interviews where the players insult each other to the cameras. For example, Cora maybe an average competitor, but she's best known for lighting up whomever is displeasing her. That's why we love her. Well, that's why I love her. Anyway, we take the disrespect, put it at the forefront, and put a happy face on it. We bring Brad up to the stage, where his peers can make fun of him all they want, and we can have a good laugh. At the end, Brad can blast them back. All the while, an 800 number runs to raise money for Brad, so he can have enough to never come back to the Challenge again. I figure half of that would go to his favorite charity so he doesn't look like a total sad sack.
I think I'm onto something with this. Wouldn't it be worth it to raise some dough for Tonya, instead of watching her embarass herself over and over? She was so normal in Battle Of The Sexes and The Gauntlet, but her mind has been gone with subsequent Challenges. Ruthie seems like a sweet girl and more than merely the drunk chick from The Real World: Hawaii, but she's been doing worse with every season she's been on. And wouldn't you pay money to make sure somebody like Johnny never darkens your television screen again? Or Susie? Or Rachel? Hell, put Evan and Kenny in a joint roast, and they can finally afford the wedding of their woman-hating dreams. Yes, I still believe they're that into each other.
Sure, raising money might seem like wasting popular draws, but really . . . isn't Bunim-Murray Productions good at finding other mental cases? That's the whole point of next season of Fresh Meat 2, right? Besides, nobody should have to seek relief in the diabolical Russell over on Survivor: Samoa on the following day. After a night of yelling at the TV screen, seeing a little man make everybody's life miserable seems quaint by comparison.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Reality Rant: When Katie Attacks
Normally, I'd bitch about the latest episode of The Ruins, which featured Tonya getting ejected from the game after she smacked Veronica, something viewers like myself had waited a long time for. However, somebody did a great job talking about the episode, and giving much-needed grief to the jerks who've helped wreck the franchise. Katie Doyle, one-time member of Road Rules: The Quest, veteran of several Challenges, and creature that runs on alcohol and cigarettes threw in her two cents on her MySpace blog. Despite some grammar errors, she managed to articulate her rage surprisingly well. Because I have a life and am also a bit lazy, I will comment on Katie's blasts regarding her final episode, where she lost to Sarah in the Ruins, something few people will remember about the show.
Evan and Kenny thought it would be hysterical to pour baby powder in my suit case. All over my clothes. Then I discover the plunger in my bed. That is just disgusting. I do not like to be the target of anybody's joke. I think I have made that pretty clear over the years. Regardless, Kenny and Evan do not care. They just want to be amusing, silly and have fun. But, they seem to only want to do it at someone else's expense. Not mine, fuckers.
I immediately like that Katie has the same contempt for those two assholes that I do, and I don't even have to live with them. And she's just getting warmed up.
As far as the Sarah story line is concerned...she isn't that bad. She did try a little too hard to fit in with the "Champion" team which was bizarre because she should have been trying with her own team. But everyday, morning or night- she never left our room. I was not the only one who thought that was weird. People called her "superfan". Her obvious crushes on Evan and Kenny were more than apparent. And yes, the guys did say bad things about her when she would actually leave the room.
And with that, I lose respect for Sarah. Crushing on the likes of Evan and Kenny? That's just sick. From what I hear, Sarah will be on the next season -- Fresh Meat 2 -- but I think everybody will be distracted disrespecting the attitude of her ex-roommate, the mouthy transsexual known as Katelynn.
The next day, I felt bad. I knew that my anger [towards Sarah] was misdirected. I should have flipped out on Kenny and Evan. Funny how neither one of them even remotely defended her as I screamed. They let her take the heat and even laughed about it. They don't care. That is the type of guys they are. They are on the wrong show. They should be on Tool Academy.
Here, Katie is dead wrong. Those two would never make it to Tool Academy. From what I've gathered, girlfriends "enroll" their less-than-respectful guys in the Academy. Can you see either of those two with a steady girlfriend, as opposed to an on-air hookup? Of course not. In fact, the end of the latest episode had Kenny lying on his bed, with Evan over him like he's about to plant his lips behind Kenny's ear. They're probably not gay for each other like I rant on the TWoP forums, but footage like that makes me wonder.
Seriously, I have heard the same jokes with Evan for the past 5 years. He used them on Freshmeat. He switches it up a bit to cater to his new audience. I am so completely confused how these 2 assholes have managed to be popular from this show. They were NEVER even on Real World or Road Rules! And because it IS the title of the show, um...I am still confused where they fit in. As far as I am concerned, they guest star on the show.
And that's why Fresh Meat has ruined the show. With Road Rules defunct, Bunim-Murray Productions needed to inject new life into the franchise beyond the seven meatheads on any given season of The Real World. Of the ten new cast members from Fresh Meat, five of them (Aviv, Chanda, Jesse, Johnnie, and Linette) have never been seen again. I figure that Ryan and Eric are rather inoffensive. What are we left with? An overachieving lesbian who sold out her principles for big money and quit on her team in order to save a friend (Evelyn); a cancer survivor whose dramatics have rubbed some the wrong way and who willingly dated CT (Diem); a twit who's afraid of half the missions, used her prize money to get implants and who talked shit about Coral (Casey); and Evan and Kenny. Even if I take away Diem, somebody who hasn't given me enough reason to dump on her, that's still enough reason to dread Fresh Meat 2.
Unfortunately, that's not how it works. I am also not in the editing room at BMP. Because with all the Wes drama, I don't think Evan needs to constantly be the mouthpiece for the team. Its ALWAYS what Evan says that makes air. Why not show Darrell's, Syrus or Derricks opinion? Must it always be from Evan and Kenny? For fucks sake, I lived the show and get bored watching the same 2 pricks put there fucking opinion in over and over. The house had 28 people! Use Ibis, Kim, Adam...anyone but them over and over and over. I get it, they are witty. But still...
Exactly. Of course, Darrell's interviews are no fun unless he's massacring the English language ("non-flexiblist," "infuerno," "I ain't come at you foul!"), but you get Katie's frustration -- as well as my own -- that these two tools get the lion's share of the commentary. Norma, well-adjusted folks just don't get the commentary time. That's why back during Road Rules: The Quest -- Katie's initial season -- we dubbed Steve as "HiSteve" because it was so rare that he got any sort of camera time. Meanwhile, most of it went to Adam (obnoxious ADD case) and Ellen (equally obnoxious twit who had a love/hate thing with Adam).
Evan and Kenny thought it would be hysterical to pour baby powder in my suit case. All over my clothes. Then I discover the plunger in my bed. That is just disgusting. I do not like to be the target of anybody's joke. I think I have made that pretty clear over the years. Regardless, Kenny and Evan do not care. They just want to be amusing, silly and have fun. But, they seem to only want to do it at someone else's expense. Not mine, fuckers.
I immediately like that Katie has the same contempt for those two assholes that I do, and I don't even have to live with them. And she's just getting warmed up.
As far as the Sarah story line is concerned...she isn't that bad. She did try a little too hard to fit in with the "Champion" team which was bizarre because she should have been trying with her own team. But everyday, morning or night- she never left our room. I was not the only one who thought that was weird. People called her "superfan". Her obvious crushes on Evan and Kenny were more than apparent. And yes, the guys did say bad things about her when she would actually leave the room.
And with that, I lose respect for Sarah. Crushing on the likes of Evan and Kenny? That's just sick. From what I hear, Sarah will be on the next season -- Fresh Meat 2 -- but I think everybody will be distracted disrespecting the attitude of her ex-roommate, the mouthy transsexual known as Katelynn.
The next day, I felt bad. I knew that my anger [towards Sarah] was misdirected. I should have flipped out on Kenny and Evan. Funny how neither one of them even remotely defended her as I screamed. They let her take the heat and even laughed about it. They don't care. That is the type of guys they are. They are on the wrong show. They should be on Tool Academy.
Here, Katie is dead wrong. Those two would never make it to Tool Academy. From what I've gathered, girlfriends "enroll" their less-than-respectful guys in the Academy. Can you see either of those two with a steady girlfriend, as opposed to an on-air hookup? Of course not. In fact, the end of the latest episode had Kenny lying on his bed, with Evan over him like he's about to plant his lips behind Kenny's ear. They're probably not gay for each other like I rant on the TWoP forums, but footage like that makes me wonder.
Seriously, I have heard the same jokes with Evan for the past 5 years. He used them on Freshmeat. He switches it up a bit to cater to his new audience. I am so completely confused how these 2 assholes have managed to be popular from this show. They were NEVER even on Real World or Road Rules! And because it IS the title of the show, um...I am still confused where they fit in. As far as I am concerned, they guest star on the show.
And that's why Fresh Meat has ruined the show. With Road Rules defunct, Bunim-Murray Productions needed to inject new life into the franchise beyond the seven meatheads on any given season of The Real World. Of the ten new cast members from Fresh Meat, five of them (Aviv, Chanda, Jesse, Johnnie, and Linette) have never been seen again. I figure that Ryan and Eric are rather inoffensive. What are we left with? An overachieving lesbian who sold out her principles for big money and quit on her team in order to save a friend (Evelyn); a cancer survivor whose dramatics have rubbed some the wrong way and who willingly dated CT (Diem); a twit who's afraid of half the missions, used her prize money to get implants and who talked shit about Coral (Casey); and Evan and Kenny. Even if I take away Diem, somebody who hasn't given me enough reason to dump on her, that's still enough reason to dread Fresh Meat 2.
Unfortunately, that's not how it works. I am also not in the editing room at BMP. Because with all the Wes drama, I don't think Evan needs to constantly be the mouthpiece for the team. Its ALWAYS what Evan says that makes air. Why not show Darrell's, Syrus or Derricks opinion? Must it always be from Evan and Kenny? For fucks sake, I lived the show and get bored watching the same 2 pricks put there fucking opinion in over and over. The house had 28 people! Use Ibis, Kim, Adam...anyone but them over and over and over. I get it, they are witty. But still...
Exactly. Of course, Darrell's interviews are no fun unless he's massacring the English language ("non-flexiblist," "infuerno," "I ain't come at you foul!"), but you get Katie's frustration -- as well as my own -- that these two tools get the lion's share of the commentary. Norma, well-adjusted folks just don't get the commentary time. That's why back during Road Rules: The Quest -- Katie's initial season -- we dubbed Steve as "HiSteve" because it was so rare that he got any sort of camera time. Meanwhile, most of it went to Adam (obnoxious ADD case) and Ellen (equally obnoxious twit who had a love/hate thing with Adam).
What's confusing to me is that Evan can be really friendly outside of these shows. We got along great on Duel 2. But then again, we were not on the same team. He used to bring me chocolate candy bars on Duel 2 but on The Ruins I get plungers.
It's possible to say that Evan is the worse of the two because he wasn't an asshole to start with. He was pretty cool during Fresh Meat, back when he was paired with Coral. But somewhere along the line, he let himself turn into a douche, culminating with him turning his back on her in Gauntlet 3. And that's why the conclusion of Duel 2 sucked ass; because Evan eked out a win over Brad for the big money, and Brad was a far nicer, far less dramatic guy than Evan. Even though I don't drink or act like a meathead, I'd probably hang with Brad before Evan. To me, Evan's the worst thing to come out of Canada since SARS. Or maybe just Celine Dion.
Evan does not care about Tonya. Don't be confused with his pathetic attempt at looking like a nice guy. He tortured that girl the entire show. I mean, fucked with her so bad- most of it didn't even make it on TV. Evan is hyper aware of the camera's. (Clearly) So he saw an opportunity to get his mug on TV a little more by consoling Tonya. That is all it was. I can promise you that. That's why I was so annoyed after he gave Sarah the flowers after I screamed at her. I wish Evan had the fucking balls to admit to peoples faces what he says behind their backs. But that's what he does. He always makes fun of someone to get some laughs. But every moron on the show laughs hysterically thinking how funny he is...until they walk out of the room and they become the joke. Naive idiots, I tell you.
The whole Tonya/Veronica feud and its ugly conclusion reminded me of the "Cripple Fight" episode of South Park, where differently-abled rivals Timmy and Jimmy wound up beating the shit out of each other in front of the whole town, reenacting the big fight scene from They Live. Only when both of them knock each other out does an adult step forward and tell them to break it up. I didn't buy Evan's consolation for a single moment, seeing it for what it was: a pathetic attempt to look good in front of the cameras. In fact, some viewers think they saw Evan hold back Wes before Wes could break up the brewing fight between Tonya and Veronica. If that's true, Evan is really a piece of shit. And if it's not? He's still a piece of shit, but for different reasons.
I know they don't like me. Even when Evan pulls me aside to explain he didn't do the plunger and we are "friends". Fuck you. Evan has fucked over many of his "friends" on these shows. Coral? Paula? I mean, do these girls really think he cares??? Come on! This guy will do whatever he can to benefit himself. Always.
No real comment, at least none I haven't posted already. I'd love some sort of comeuppance in an upcoming Challenge where the women gang up on Evan and toss his ass into the fire, but something tells me that's not going to happen. I'd settle for Evan, Kenny, Johnny, etc., getting booed on a reunion special like the losers that they are, but that also never happens. I guess it's my fault for expecting torches and pitchforks.
I also really like Wes. We are friends, they don't show that. But we are and I defended him on numerous occasions. No one agreed with me, but I still said what I thought.
How messed up a season is this where Wes is a voice of reason? I mean, he's still an asshole, and he probably would throw his teammates under a bus out of spite, but he did seem to care about Tonya.
Believe it or not, i like 90% of the people on these shows. I like Johnny, he was never an asshole to me.
And there's the glaring blind spot of Katie's blog entry. Like I've said before, Johnny is every bit the tool as Kenny and Evan, if not more so. I guess it's a combination of a lack of screwing her over and actually appearing on a season of The Real World.
Katie, you're probably not reading this, but if you are? Thank you. Thank you, you tiny volcano of simmering resentment, you. And even though you're no longer on the show, I'd love to hear more about the events in The Ruins from your perspective.
It's possible to say that Evan is the worse of the two because he wasn't an asshole to start with. He was pretty cool during Fresh Meat, back when he was paired with Coral. But somewhere along the line, he let himself turn into a douche, culminating with him turning his back on her in Gauntlet 3. And that's why the conclusion of Duel 2 sucked ass; because Evan eked out a win over Brad for the big money, and Brad was a far nicer, far less dramatic guy than Evan. Even though I don't drink or act like a meathead, I'd probably hang with Brad before Evan. To me, Evan's the worst thing to come out of Canada since SARS. Or maybe just Celine Dion.
Evan does not care about Tonya. Don't be confused with his pathetic attempt at looking like a nice guy. He tortured that girl the entire show. I mean, fucked with her so bad- most of it didn't even make it on TV. Evan is hyper aware of the camera's. (Clearly) So he saw an opportunity to get his mug on TV a little more by consoling Tonya. That is all it was. I can promise you that. That's why I was so annoyed after he gave Sarah the flowers after I screamed at her. I wish Evan had the fucking balls to admit to peoples faces what he says behind their backs. But that's what he does. He always makes fun of someone to get some laughs. But every moron on the show laughs hysterically thinking how funny he is...until they walk out of the room and they become the joke. Naive idiots, I tell you.
The whole Tonya/Veronica feud and its ugly conclusion reminded me of the "Cripple Fight" episode of South Park, where differently-abled rivals Timmy and Jimmy wound up beating the shit out of each other in front of the whole town, reenacting the big fight scene from They Live. Only when both of them knock each other out does an adult step forward and tell them to break it up. I didn't buy Evan's consolation for a single moment, seeing it for what it was: a pathetic attempt to look good in front of the cameras. In fact, some viewers think they saw Evan hold back Wes before Wes could break up the brewing fight between Tonya and Veronica. If that's true, Evan is really a piece of shit. And if it's not? He's still a piece of shit, but for different reasons.
I know they don't like me. Even when Evan pulls me aside to explain he didn't do the plunger and we are "friends". Fuck you. Evan has fucked over many of his "friends" on these shows. Coral? Paula? I mean, do these girls really think he cares??? Come on! This guy will do whatever he can to benefit himself. Always.
No real comment, at least none I haven't posted already. I'd love some sort of comeuppance in an upcoming Challenge where the women gang up on Evan and toss his ass into the fire, but something tells me that's not going to happen. I'd settle for Evan, Kenny, Johnny, etc., getting booed on a reunion special like the losers that they are, but that also never happens. I guess it's my fault for expecting torches and pitchforks.
I also really like Wes. We are friends, they don't show that. But we are and I defended him on numerous occasions. No one agreed with me, but I still said what I thought.
How messed up a season is this where Wes is a voice of reason? I mean, he's still an asshole, and he probably would throw his teammates under a bus out of spite, but he did seem to care about Tonya.
Ok, so I have said what I have wanted to say. I recently saw Evan in Vegas and we actually got along quite well...but then I heard from a mutual friend, Murtz, that he insulted the shit out of me. So game on, motherfucker.
I don't know how truthful Katie was about The Ruins being her last Challenge, but there's a part of me that wants to see her eviscerate Evan with the same amount of gusto she did attacking Veronica in The Inferno. Hell, I'd settle for her sneaking up behind him in a "real life" setting and letting him have it.
I don't know how truthful Katie was about The Ruins being her last Challenge, but there's a part of me that wants to see her eviscerate Evan with the same amount of gusto she did attacking Veronica in The Inferno. Hell, I'd settle for her sneaking up behind him in a "real life" setting and letting him have it.
Believe it or not, i like 90% of the people on these shows. I like Johnny, he was never an asshole to me.
And there's the glaring blind spot of Katie's blog entry. Like I've said before, Johnny is every bit the tool as Kenny and Evan, if not more so. I guess it's a combination of a lack of screwing her over and actually appearing on a season of The Real World.
Katie, you're probably not reading this, but if you are? Thank you. Thank you, you tiny volcano of simmering resentment, you. And even though you're no longer on the show, I'd love to hear more about the events in The Ruins from your perspective.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Reality Rant: Road To "Ruins"
I watch television. A lot of it. Perhaps too much to be healthy. Some of it sucks and I'm all right with that. Sometimes, I watch a show that isn't good for me, yet I watch because I want to stick with it as long as I can. Smallville is a prime example; the premise of Clark Kent growing up without calling himself "Superboy" lost its appeal years ago. I can go on about it, but I want to talk about another show where all hope has been abandoned: Real World/Road Rules Challenge. Specifically, the current season: The Ruins.
I know that show is supposed to be trashy. It was trashy in the days of Challenge 2000 and Extreme Challenge. It was trashy while I was recapping it for six seasons. But now, it's gotten VH1 reality show trashy. True, there hasn't been a deuce dropped on stairs -- at least none that has made it on air -- and the biggest would-be candidate for Tool Academy is currently on The Amazing Race. But thanks to several bad apples, the Challenge has gotten to be downright unbearable . . . and we're only two episodes into the current season.
The usual suspects have stepped up to rise as this season's Axis of Ass: Evan, Johnny and Kenny. These three have been trying to run Challenges for years, and they're all punks. Worse, they're punks who won big money in the past two seasons (The Island for Johnny and Kenny, Duel 2 for Evan). Joining the Axis this season is Darrell. I've had mixed feeling about him; he started his Challenge career by trying to throw Sarah -- my favorite player -- under the bus in The Gauntlet. Yes, Sarah was a competitive underachiever back then, but I didn't need her ex-castmates from Road Rules: Campus Crawl Darrell and Rachel looking to boot her off right away. Over time, I mellowed on Darrell as he lost his attitude and steered clear of drama, winning a record four Challenges in as many tries.
So where did Darrell go wrong? In an obvious attempt to get Wes kicked off the show, he openly talked shit about his girlfriend Kelly Anne. He kept saying that Wes couldn't "turn the ho into a housewife" in order to get punched by Wes, thereby getting him booted. Not that Wes's action would be tragic to his Champions team (those who have won Challenges in the past); Bunim-Murray Productions probably has MJ on speed-dial, after he was brought into Gauntlet 3 and Duel 2 in similar circumstances. Also, I suffered a flashback of my own. Back in the days when I was attending talk shows for article fodder, I made the mistake of going to a taping of Sally Jesse. There were newlyweds whose marriages were already on the rocks, an there was this one guy decked out in a blue suit, insisting over and over, "You can't turn that freak into a housewife!" It was so bad, I bailed out of a subsequent taping right away. Anyway, Darrell made me remember that, and he sucks for it.
Getting back to Wes . . . at this point, he's the closest thing to a protagonist this season has. For those new to the show, he was one of the worse things about The Real World Austin, which was one of the ugliest seasons in the history of the show, Real World Awards results be damned. He's not a team player . . . in fact, he's never been on a team before, having played for himself (The Duel) and partnered with Casey (Fresh Meat). So he gets put on the Champions team, and he has this idea of pulling names out of a hat to determine who would be up for a potential sacrifice. Really quick: three men and three women from each side step up before the mission, and the winning team's sextet determine the male and female matchups for the endgame known as The Ruins, where the winner stays in the game while the loser goes home. Anyway, Wes is obsessed with the hat, and while the Axis were justified in shooting him down, they did it in the douchiest way possible. So Wes decided to out-douche the Axis by scheming to throw missions whenever possible.
Onto the second episode. A plan is hatched to put the screws to Wes. The scheme: get the Challengers to put up Kelly Anne, then bring in Evelyn from the Champions to take her out in The Ruins. Of course, Kelly Anne and Evelyn are best friends, and they're the only people in the game -- along with Wes -- who don't know the plan is coming. And when the Champions majority -- Derrick, Johnny, Susie and Katie -- take Evelyn's Ruins choice out of her hands, she exploded. Apparently, she learned nothing about how Johnny put the screws to her in The Island. She probably thought everything was cool after she won the final mission along with Johnny, Kenny and Derrick. It never occured to her that Johnny could still be a scumbag. And shame on Derrick for rolling over like the 5-foot-6 dog that he is. Way to set an example to your wife and kid, Wee D.
Anyway, Wes and Evelyn had their Hulk-outs, while the Axis were shocked -- SHOCKED! -- that Evelyn would have reservation about fighting her BFF instead of a weak Casey. Evelyn threatened to throw missions down the line, while Wes got up in Johnny's fugly grill. When the two strongest members of your team are openly rebelling, it's not a good thing.
Cut to The Ruins: Evelyn and Kelly Anne are pitted against each other, and Evelyn decides the best way to screw her team . . . was to throw the game. Instead of making the Champions' lives a living hell, she took the easy way out, and this came three seasons after she crapped on Coral for doing something similar. And that's why I can't like Evelyn, ever.
There's so much other bullshit to sift through, like Johanna threatening to sell Wes's house from under him, Tonya being a human trainwreck, and the next episode, where Veronica snuggles up to Evan, making one of the fugliest couples in reality show history. There doesn't seem to be any genuinely feel-good moments on the horizon; even if all three main Axis members are taken out, you still have a lot of idiots who don't deserve the money to be won. In fact, there are only three people worth rooting for without guilt: Cohutta (no drama, good sense of humor), Syrus (fun older guy) and Brad (guy who has gotten screwed in every Challenge he's been in to date). Worse, BMP is bringing back the "Fresh Meat" edition for next season, where reality headaches old (Wes, Evelyn, Kenny) and new (CJ from RW: Cancun, Katelynn from RW: Brooklyn) are paired up with newcomers . . . and if you think the company would bring in a few stable people like last time (Aviv, Linette, Ryan), you're sadly mistaken.
I wish I could quit this show with all these mental midgets. It would be nice to see South Park at 10 p.m. instead of waiting for the midnight repeat. But I'm stuck with this show, for better or for far, far worse. And unlike actual marriages, I don't think I'd get alimony if I break it off.
I know that show is supposed to be trashy. It was trashy in the days of Challenge 2000 and Extreme Challenge. It was trashy while I was recapping it for six seasons. But now, it's gotten VH1 reality show trashy. True, there hasn't been a deuce dropped on stairs -- at least none that has made it on air -- and the biggest would-be candidate for Tool Academy is currently on The Amazing Race. But thanks to several bad apples, the Challenge has gotten to be downright unbearable . . . and we're only two episodes into the current season.
The usual suspects have stepped up to rise as this season's Axis of Ass: Evan, Johnny and Kenny. These three have been trying to run Challenges for years, and they're all punks. Worse, they're punks who won big money in the past two seasons (The Island for Johnny and Kenny, Duel 2 for Evan). Joining the Axis this season is Darrell. I've had mixed feeling about him; he started his Challenge career by trying to throw Sarah -- my favorite player -- under the bus in The Gauntlet. Yes, Sarah was a competitive underachiever back then, but I didn't need her ex-castmates from Road Rules: Campus Crawl Darrell and Rachel looking to boot her off right away. Over time, I mellowed on Darrell as he lost his attitude and steered clear of drama, winning a record four Challenges in as many tries.
So where did Darrell go wrong? In an obvious attempt to get Wes kicked off the show, he openly talked shit about his girlfriend Kelly Anne. He kept saying that Wes couldn't "turn the ho into a housewife" in order to get punched by Wes, thereby getting him booted. Not that Wes's action would be tragic to his Champions team (those who have won Challenges in the past); Bunim-Murray Productions probably has MJ on speed-dial, after he was brought into Gauntlet 3 and Duel 2 in similar circumstances. Also, I suffered a flashback of my own. Back in the days when I was attending talk shows for article fodder, I made the mistake of going to a taping of Sally Jesse. There were newlyweds whose marriages were already on the rocks, an there was this one guy decked out in a blue suit, insisting over and over, "You can't turn that freak into a housewife!" It was so bad, I bailed out of a subsequent taping right away. Anyway, Darrell made me remember that, and he sucks for it.
Getting back to Wes . . . at this point, he's the closest thing to a protagonist this season has. For those new to the show, he was one of the worse things about The Real World Austin, which was one of the ugliest seasons in the history of the show, Real World Awards results be damned. He's not a team player . . . in fact, he's never been on a team before, having played for himself (The Duel) and partnered with Casey (Fresh Meat). So he gets put on the Champions team, and he has this idea of pulling names out of a hat to determine who would be up for a potential sacrifice. Really quick: three men and three women from each side step up before the mission, and the winning team's sextet determine the male and female matchups for the endgame known as The Ruins, where the winner stays in the game while the loser goes home. Anyway, Wes is obsessed with the hat, and while the Axis were justified in shooting him down, they did it in the douchiest way possible. So Wes decided to out-douche the Axis by scheming to throw missions whenever possible.
Onto the second episode. A plan is hatched to put the screws to Wes. The scheme: get the Challengers to put up Kelly Anne, then bring in Evelyn from the Champions to take her out in The Ruins. Of course, Kelly Anne and Evelyn are best friends, and they're the only people in the game -- along with Wes -- who don't know the plan is coming. And when the Champions majority -- Derrick, Johnny, Susie and Katie -- take Evelyn's Ruins choice out of her hands, she exploded. Apparently, she learned nothing about how Johnny put the screws to her in The Island. She probably thought everything was cool after she won the final mission along with Johnny, Kenny and Derrick. It never occured to her that Johnny could still be a scumbag. And shame on Derrick for rolling over like the 5-foot-6 dog that he is. Way to set an example to your wife and kid, Wee D.
Anyway, Wes and Evelyn had their Hulk-outs, while the Axis were shocked -- SHOCKED! -- that Evelyn would have reservation about fighting her BFF instead of a weak Casey. Evelyn threatened to throw missions down the line, while Wes got up in Johnny's fugly grill. When the two strongest members of your team are openly rebelling, it's not a good thing.
Cut to The Ruins: Evelyn and Kelly Anne are pitted against each other, and Evelyn decides the best way to screw her team . . . was to throw the game. Instead of making the Champions' lives a living hell, she took the easy way out, and this came three seasons after she crapped on Coral for doing something similar. And that's why I can't like Evelyn, ever.
There's so much other bullshit to sift through, like Johanna threatening to sell Wes's house from under him, Tonya being a human trainwreck, and the next episode, where Veronica snuggles up to Evan, making one of the fugliest couples in reality show history. There doesn't seem to be any genuinely feel-good moments on the horizon; even if all three main Axis members are taken out, you still have a lot of idiots who don't deserve the money to be won. In fact, there are only three people worth rooting for without guilt: Cohutta (no drama, good sense of humor), Syrus (fun older guy) and Brad (guy who has gotten screwed in every Challenge he's been in to date). Worse, BMP is bringing back the "Fresh Meat" edition for next season, where reality headaches old (Wes, Evelyn, Kenny) and new (CJ from RW: Cancun, Katelynn from RW: Brooklyn) are paired up with newcomers . . . and if you think the company would bring in a few stable people like last time (Aviv, Linette, Ryan), you're sadly mistaken.
I wish I could quit this show with all these mental midgets. It would be nice to see South Park at 10 p.m. instead of waiting for the midnight repeat. But I'm stuck with this show, for better or for far, far worse. And unlike actual marriages, I don't think I'd get alimony if I break it off.
Saturday, October 03, 2009
Reality Rants: Host With The Least
A funny thing happened when I was contemplating recapping the latest season of The Real World/Road Rules Challenge. Namely, I got a job. While it's a part-time position, it's important enough where I can't waste extra brain cells searching for quotes, picking out moments, and telling people to shut up like they can hear me. But I'm willing to compromise. So here's my plan: whenever I feel like it, I will engage in a "Reality Rant," going off on whatever's bugging me in the genre. And what better way to start than with the Emmys . . . specifically, the "Best Host" category.
The thing you have to understand about me is that I'm a devoted fan to The Amazing Race. I don't think it was an accident that it won Best Competitive Program seven years in a row. Sure, you'd think the Emmy voters might be lazy, and there have been off years for the show (Family Edition, anybody?), but I firmly believe that even at its lowest point, it still kicks ass. And a big part of that success lies with its host, Phil Keoghan.
In case you're new, I'll be brief. Phil comes from New Zealand, finishing runner-up for the Survivor hosting gig. He acts as the show's narrator, guiding the audience to the exotic locales the Racers run through. He greats the teams at the end of each episode, often eliminating the last pair to arrive. And perhaps most importantly, there isn't a time where he makes himself more important than the show.
Cut to Emmy night. Phil is nominated for Best Host after getting snubbed last year. It seems like a slam dunk; since TAR is the only winner of its category, why wouldn't Phil win his? Wrong. Instead, it goes to Jeff Probst. Again. Cut to me yelling "BULLSHIT!" at the television screen.
What was my problem? Jeff Probst was the right guy at the right time, hosting Survivor as it led the reality television boom of 2000. But that was then, and this is now: Probst has become more of a factor on the show than he should be these days. His running commentary affects challenges. At Tribal Council, he once shamed a tribe into picking a leader on the spot. And he loves alpha males in such an unhealthy way, it makes him disdain almost any other competitor. Sure, he dated one-time contestant Julie Berry (from Vanuatu), but you have to wonder about him at times. Clearly, this is not the guy who should be given an award for being a dick.
Order was restored a few minutes later, when TAR won its seventh straight Emmy. You can say that Phil sharing a stage with the production people is a metaphor for how the show is a team effort, but it still felt hollow. Clearly, there had to be a way to stop Emmy voters from making the same mistake next year. My solution: open up the category by renaming it Best Permanant Cast Member. This way, judges and other personalities can be elligible. I don't want Project Runway, but I've heard enough about Tim Gunn to know he could wipe with Probst. At this point, I don't care who does it, as long as it gets done.
Attention, Emmy voters! You guaranteed a scene in Season 20 of Survivor where Probst, clearly thinking he's in the right, will snuggle in the lap of JT and/or James. And guess what? It's your fault that it'll happen.
The thing you have to understand about me is that I'm a devoted fan to The Amazing Race. I don't think it was an accident that it won Best Competitive Program seven years in a row. Sure, you'd think the Emmy voters might be lazy, and there have been off years for the show (Family Edition, anybody?), but I firmly believe that even at its lowest point, it still kicks ass. And a big part of that success lies with its host, Phil Keoghan.
In case you're new, I'll be brief. Phil comes from New Zealand, finishing runner-up for the Survivor hosting gig. He acts as the show's narrator, guiding the audience to the exotic locales the Racers run through. He greats the teams at the end of each episode, often eliminating the last pair to arrive. And perhaps most importantly, there isn't a time where he makes himself more important than the show.
Cut to Emmy night. Phil is nominated for Best Host after getting snubbed last year. It seems like a slam dunk; since TAR is the only winner of its category, why wouldn't Phil win his? Wrong. Instead, it goes to Jeff Probst. Again. Cut to me yelling "BULLSHIT!" at the television screen.
What was my problem? Jeff Probst was the right guy at the right time, hosting Survivor as it led the reality television boom of 2000. But that was then, and this is now: Probst has become more of a factor on the show than he should be these days. His running commentary affects challenges. At Tribal Council, he once shamed a tribe into picking a leader on the spot. And he loves alpha males in such an unhealthy way, it makes him disdain almost any other competitor. Sure, he dated one-time contestant Julie Berry (from Vanuatu), but you have to wonder about him at times. Clearly, this is not the guy who should be given an award for being a dick.
Order was restored a few minutes later, when TAR won its seventh straight Emmy. You can say that Phil sharing a stage with the production people is a metaphor for how the show is a team effort, but it still felt hollow. Clearly, there had to be a way to stop Emmy voters from making the same mistake next year. My solution: open up the category by renaming it Best Permanant Cast Member. This way, judges and other personalities can be elligible. I don't want Project Runway, but I've heard enough about Tim Gunn to know he could wipe with Probst. At this point, I don't care who does it, as long as it gets done.
Attention, Emmy voters! You guaranteed a scene in Season 20 of Survivor where Probst, clearly thinking he's in the right, will snuggle in the lap of JT and/or James. And guess what? It's your fault that it'll happen.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Battle of the Sexes (2003)
Once upon a time, I considered Rachel, Veronica and Eric Nies to be human beings, I thought Emily was the biggest bitch out there, and that Puck was the biggest douche alive. Guess which two I've reconsidered since my time recapping Real World/Road Rules Challenge: Battle Of The Sexes?
After my stint on Dog Days, I picked up where Television Without Pity left off, recapping Bunim-Murray Production's band of money-hungry misfits and their monkeyshines. In retrospect, I think I did a good job, even if I was easily irritated and in the proverbial bag for Melissa. You'll see lots of quotes, requests to shut up, and the feeling that I could be doing something else. And that's what I called "fun."
The Good, the Bad & the Notorious Host Jonny "Big Air" Moseley and contestant Ruthie preview the newest season of the Challenge.
Guide to the Fantasy Game Remember the fantasy game on MTV.com, where you picked players and got points for all the stuff they did? I give advise here. Oh, and I didn't pick Puck during the whole season, because I would have felt dirty.
Episodes 1 & 2: Jamaica Me Crazy The season starts strong, with a fierce battle between David from Los Angeles and Puck, Melissa ranking on her roommate-turned-enemy Julie, and one of the biggest upsets in Challenge history.
Episode 3: Riding (and Dying) in Cars with Boys Laterrian's gung ho attitude gets him nowhere with a pitiful score, while Beth gets booted over a pregnant Gladys. Also: Ruthie reveals herself as Superwoman for the first time.
Episode 4: Log Cabin Fever Puck celebrates his birthday by picking on Ellen. Meanwhile, the teams try their hand at log cabin building, and Jisela contemplates killing Jonny.
Episode 5: Will You Be My Baby Tonight? The sweet romance between one of the most egocentric characters in BMP history and crazy Ayanna fizzles as David is voted out of the game. Also: Puck's relatively sane fiance and baby son come to Jamaica, and he apparently threatens to kick Ellen's ass.
Episode 6: My Big Fat Puck Wedding If you ever hated Puck as much as I do, this is not the episode for you. I suffer through it so you don't have to. Also: Aneesa walks around topless.
Episode 7: Everybody Loathes Ellen Ellen works everybody's nerves, including mine. Puck wins a mission with Theo. Bonus: my somewhat flawed Survivor: The Amazon predictions.
Episode 8: Cold-Butted Snakes The drama peaks as Emily convinces Ellen and Ruthie to screw team protocol and vote off Rachel. Also: an ice-cold mission turns Melissa into a Melissicle.
Episode 9: Life Goes On, Puck makes a dramatic exit from the game. Dan's welcomed back with open arms, only to depart yet again.
Sharing the Blame: An Analysis of Puck’s Departure from ‘Battle of the Sexes’ I put a little too much thought into Puck leaving and BMP's less-than-stellar efforts.
Episode 10: Shirks and Skins A mission involving trivia and stripping splinters the girls' team, even though THE STRIPPING IS STRICTLY OPTIONAL. In other news, Veronica fails to get Emily booted, and Jake leaves on his own. Jake who? Exactly.
A Midseason Review With an off-week, I take a look at the season thus far. Also: my conspiracy theory centering on the David/Puck fight.
Men’s Midterm Review A look at the men's highlights so far.
Women’s Midterm Review A look at the women's highlights so far.
Episode 11: The Ancient Jungle Monkey (And Other Jamaican Folk Tales) While Emily's clique bashes Veronica, Eric climbs like the eldery simian that he is.
Episode 12: True Colors Emily (and her bloody axe) strikes again, convincing Ellen and Ruthie to dump Veronica and her ton of makeup. Also: Jamie is sexual chocolate, while Melissa makes like a poor man's Peter Pan.
Episode 13: Ayanna Get Your Gun It's Ayanna vs. the underfed Anne, as the girls are overmatched by the guys (with a Warriors-invoking Jamie) and their laser guns.
Episode 14: Should I Stay Or Should I Go? Shane contemplates leaving the game, stays on, wins the mission, and finally puts the Ion Lifesaver to good use.
Episode 15: Passing the Franc At long last, the men are forced to make a decision as to who should get sent packing, and their choice has a major effect for the women.
Episode 16: Everybody Sucks Don't mind me . . . I'm just mad at everybody and everything, including MTV for a technical glitch.
Episode 17: Penultimate Plunge, A harrowing mission gives Ruthie the best stage to show off her superhuman skills. In other news, two of the most entertaining players are eliminated, and Lori finally gets some camera time.
Episode 18: Finale The guys and girls fight it out for the $150,000 grand prize, and the boys kind of cheat to win it all.
Hot & Bothered: The RW/RR Challenge Battle of the Sexes Reunion Cast members reunite to look back at BOTS.
After my stint on Dog Days, I picked up where Television Without Pity left off, recapping Bunim-Murray Production's band of money-hungry misfits and their monkeyshines. In retrospect, I think I did a good job, even if I was easily irritated and in the proverbial bag for Melissa. You'll see lots of quotes, requests to shut up, and the feeling that I could be doing something else. And that's what I called "fun."
Prelude: Once Upon A Time In Jamaica A brief history of the franchise prior to Battle Of The Sexes. (posted on Augst 29, 2016)
The Good, the Bad & the Notorious Host Jonny "Big Air" Moseley and contestant Ruthie preview the newest season of the Challenge.
Guide to the Fantasy Game Remember the fantasy game on MTV.com, where you picked players and got points for all the stuff they did? I give advise here. Oh, and I didn't pick Puck during the whole season, because I would have felt dirty.
Episodes 1 & 2: Jamaica Me Crazy The season starts strong, with a fierce battle between David from Los Angeles and Puck, Melissa ranking on her roommate-turned-enemy Julie, and one of the biggest upsets in Challenge history.
Episode 3: Riding (and Dying) in Cars with Boys Laterrian's gung ho attitude gets him nowhere with a pitiful score, while Beth gets booted over a pregnant Gladys. Also: Ruthie reveals herself as Superwoman for the first time.
Episode 4: Log Cabin Fever Puck celebrates his birthday by picking on Ellen. Meanwhile, the teams try their hand at log cabin building, and Jisela contemplates killing Jonny.
Episode 5: Will You Be My Baby Tonight? The sweet romance between one of the most egocentric characters in BMP history and crazy Ayanna fizzles as David is voted out of the game. Also: Puck's relatively sane fiance and baby son come to Jamaica, and he apparently threatens to kick Ellen's ass.
Episode 6: My Big Fat Puck Wedding If you ever hated Puck as much as I do, this is not the episode for you. I suffer through it so you don't have to. Also: Aneesa walks around topless.
Episode 7: Everybody Loathes Ellen Ellen works everybody's nerves, including mine. Puck wins a mission with Theo. Bonus: my somewhat flawed Survivor: The Amazon predictions.
Episode 8: Cold-Butted Snakes The drama peaks as Emily convinces Ellen and Ruthie to screw team protocol and vote off Rachel. Also: an ice-cold mission turns Melissa into a Melissicle.
Episode 9: Life Goes On, Puck makes a dramatic exit from the game. Dan's welcomed back with open arms, only to depart yet again.
Sharing the Blame: An Analysis of Puck’s Departure from ‘Battle of the Sexes’ I put a little too much thought into Puck leaving and BMP's less-than-stellar efforts.
Episode 10: Shirks and Skins A mission involving trivia and stripping splinters the girls' team, even though THE STRIPPING IS STRICTLY OPTIONAL. In other news, Veronica fails to get Emily booted, and Jake leaves on his own. Jake who? Exactly.
A Midseason Review With an off-week, I take a look at the season thus far. Also: my conspiracy theory centering on the David/Puck fight.
Men’s Midterm Review A look at the men's highlights so far.
Women’s Midterm Review A look at the women's highlights so far.
Episode 11: The Ancient Jungle Monkey (And Other Jamaican Folk Tales) While Emily's clique bashes Veronica, Eric climbs like the eldery simian that he is.
Episode 12: True Colors Emily (and her bloody axe) strikes again, convincing Ellen and Ruthie to dump Veronica and her ton of makeup. Also: Jamie is sexual chocolate, while Melissa makes like a poor man's Peter Pan.
Episode 13: Ayanna Get Your Gun It's Ayanna vs. the underfed Anne, as the girls are overmatched by the guys (with a Warriors-invoking Jamie) and their laser guns.
Episode 14: Should I Stay Or Should I Go? Shane contemplates leaving the game, stays on, wins the mission, and finally puts the Ion Lifesaver to good use.
Episode 15: Passing the Franc At long last, the men are forced to make a decision as to who should get sent packing, and their choice has a major effect for the women.
Episode 16: Everybody Sucks Don't mind me . . . I'm just mad at everybody and everything, including MTV for a technical glitch.
Episode 17: Penultimate Plunge, A harrowing mission gives Ruthie the best stage to show off her superhuman skills. In other news, two of the most entertaining players are eliminated, and Lori finally gets some camera time.
Episode 18: Finale The guys and girls fight it out for the $150,000 grand prize, and the boys kind of cheat to win it all.
Hot & Bothered: The RW/RR Challenge Battle of the Sexes Reunion Cast members reunite to look back at BOTS.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Gauntlet 2 (2005-2006)
Gauntlet 2: An Overview: A preview of the horror that is to come.
Rookie Guys Preview: A quick look at Adam K., Alton, Danny, Jamie, Jeremy, Landon, MJ and Randy.
Rookie Girls Preview: A brief insight into Cameran, Cara, Ibis, Jillian, Jo, Jodie, Kina and Susie.
Veteran Guys Preview: A peek into Ace, Adam L., Brad, David, Derrick, Mark, Syrus and Timmy.
Veteran Girls Preview: Analysis of Aneesa, Jisela, Julie, Katie, Montana, Robin and Ruthie. And Beth. Boo, hiss.
Rough Seas Ahead: The Gauntlet 2 Preview Special: Host TJ Lavin takes a look at the upcoming season.
Episode 1: Debacle Of Madness: The gang gets adjusted to their new digs and Jo freaks the hell out.
Episode 2: Delayed Karma: Jo quits, Derrick starts kicking ass, and Adam Larson gets kicked in the teeth four seasons too late.
Episode 3: Succumb All Ye Faithful: A boring episode is saved with Cameran quitting and Aneesa trying to cut Cara with words.
Episode 4: Earmuffed: The kids take part in pyramid scheming, Danny gets pissy, and Alton humilates him in the Gauntlet.
Episode 5: Mark Smash! Nice guy Mark finally explodes like the douche that he is. In other news, the season's token erotic mission is unveiled, and Jisela takes her usual departure.
Episode 6: Brokeback Meatheads: Brad and Derrick get into it, overshadowing a Speedo mission and Adam King going home.
Episode 7: Horror & Disbelief: The season takes a turn for the worse when Beth beats Ruthie in the Gauntlet. Plus: Alton is Superman, and Montana gets in some choice shots at Beth.
Episode 8: Clutch Performance: Cara and Susie come under suspicion, both teams struggle with a truck-pushing mission, and Ace's screw-up costs him a shot at the finish.
Episode 9: The Eighth Sign: Beth runs her mouth, underachieves in the mission . . . then chucks rival Montana out of the game. Clearly, karma has given this show a pass.
Episode 10: Broken Bull: Jodi and Alton get closer to each other. Syrus picks a bad time to fail, and an overmatched Derrick chucks him out of the game, causing Beth to cry.
Episode 11: Resistance Is Futile: The teams engage in rope-holding. Beth somehow doesn't go to the Gauntlet, but Cara does.
Episode 12: Tired And Sick: Beth underachieves yet again, but Ibis and simple mathematics defeat the Rookies, who wind up sacrificing Jeremy to Mt. Alton.
Episode 13: Beth Ruins Everything: Good news: Beth is finally gone. Bad news: she does it in the most self-pleasing way possible, avoiding a predestined and deserved beating from Aneesa.
Episode 14: Television With Pit: The teams improvise to climb out of a hole. Derrick and Brad finally have it out in the Gauntlet. Plus: more Alton/Jodi canoodling.
Episode 15: Blind Faith: After a mission of blind trust, Kina goes mental before taking out Jillian in the Gauntlet.
Episode 16: Penulitmate Pitfall: Derrick rips his indecisive team, and a poor table pays the price for his anger.
Episode 17: Whimper: After a dramatic Gauntlet, the Veterans let themselves and everybody else down, bringing a crappy season to a crappier end.
Rookie Guys Preview: A quick look at Adam K., Alton, Danny, Jamie, Jeremy, Landon, MJ and Randy.
Rookie Girls Preview: A brief insight into Cameran, Cara, Ibis, Jillian, Jo, Jodie, Kina and Susie.
Veteran Guys Preview: A peek into Ace, Adam L., Brad, David, Derrick, Mark, Syrus and Timmy.
Veteran Girls Preview: Analysis of Aneesa, Jisela, Julie, Katie, Montana, Robin and Ruthie. And Beth. Boo, hiss.
Rough Seas Ahead: The Gauntlet 2 Preview Special: Host TJ Lavin takes a look at the upcoming season.
Episode 1: Debacle Of Madness: The gang gets adjusted to their new digs and Jo freaks the hell out.
Episode 2: Delayed Karma: Jo quits, Derrick starts kicking ass, and Adam Larson gets kicked in the teeth four seasons too late.
Episode 3: Succumb All Ye Faithful: A boring episode is saved with Cameran quitting and Aneesa trying to cut Cara with words.
Episode 4: Earmuffed: The kids take part in pyramid scheming, Danny gets pissy, and Alton humilates him in the Gauntlet.
Episode 5: Mark Smash! Nice guy Mark finally explodes like the douche that he is. In other news, the season's token erotic mission is unveiled, and Jisela takes her usual departure.
Episode 6: Brokeback Meatheads: Brad and Derrick get into it, overshadowing a Speedo mission and Adam King going home.
Episode 7: Horror & Disbelief: The season takes a turn for the worse when Beth beats Ruthie in the Gauntlet. Plus: Alton is Superman, and Montana gets in some choice shots at Beth.
Episode 8: Clutch Performance: Cara and Susie come under suspicion, both teams struggle with a truck-pushing mission, and Ace's screw-up costs him a shot at the finish.
Episode 9: The Eighth Sign: Beth runs her mouth, underachieves in the mission . . . then chucks rival Montana out of the game. Clearly, karma has given this show a pass.
Episode 10: Broken Bull: Jodi and Alton get closer to each other. Syrus picks a bad time to fail, and an overmatched Derrick chucks him out of the game, causing Beth to cry.
Episode 11: Resistance Is Futile: The teams engage in rope-holding. Beth somehow doesn't go to the Gauntlet, but Cara does.
Episode 12: Tired And Sick: Beth underachieves yet again, but Ibis and simple mathematics defeat the Rookies, who wind up sacrificing Jeremy to Mt. Alton.
Episode 13: Beth Ruins Everything: Good news: Beth is finally gone. Bad news: she does it in the most self-pleasing way possible, avoiding a predestined and deserved beating from Aneesa.
Episode 14: Television With Pit: The teams improvise to climb out of a hole. Derrick and Brad finally have it out in the Gauntlet. Plus: more Alton/Jodi canoodling.
Episode 15: Blind Faith: After a mission of blind trust, Kina goes mental before taking out Jillian in the Gauntlet.
Episode 16: Penulitmate Pitfall: Derrick rips his indecisive team, and a poor table pays the price for his anger.
Episode 17: Whimper: After a dramatic Gauntlet, the Veterans let themselves and everybody else down, bringing a crappy season to a crappier end.
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