Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Inferno 2: Bad Asses

When put out a list of potential contestants a few months back, there were a lot of folks that could be considered "bad ass." Or, at the very least, "extremely irritating." Sadly, the true asses have elected to stay home. That’s a shame, since I wanted to take a paddle to Puck again. And who doesn’t want to go after the likes of Donell, Patrick, or Slappy Stephen? We have some jerks, a few borderline cases, and one guy who just doesn’t qualify as a bad guy.

Abram Boise (Road Rules: South Pacific)

For those keeping score, this is his fourth Challenge. At this point, I wonder if he has any "real world" skills away from the camera. He’s a fierce competitor, but he tends to go overboard. In the first Inferno, the RW team was scared of losing a player to him, and the same might apply this season. He’s also the only guy whose romance with Coral made the air. With them being "just friends" now, he’s single and free to mingle...and he’s already "mingled" with two girls on his team.

Is He a Badass? He was the last guy to be kicked off Road Rules for his beatdown of Donell. He humiliated Katie when RR attempted to throw a mission. Yes, he is a "bad ass"...unless he gets another Mohawk. At that point, he becomes just another dumbass.

Beth Stolarczyk (Real World: Los Angeles)

I don’t understand why Beth has come back to the Challenge. With her limited physical and social skills, she would have been better off in the relative safety of The Fishbowl. She and Jon were voted out of Battle of the Seasons, since Norman and Becky made the Inner Circle, and neither one could stand her. One season later, she managed to get past the first mission, only because Melissa wanted to kick Julie off. But after the second mission, the Inner Circle booted her, as opposed to Gladys, who was pregnant at the time. That should tell you where Beth ranks among the BMP alumni.

Is She a Badass? Not so much a badass as a phony. How phony? Imagine a Rolex bought in Times Square, on the street, with a three dollar bill. That’s how big a phony she is. Remember her whining about how Ruthie was her friend after she got voted off BOTS1? Here is Colin's account about what a "friend" Beth can be.

Chris "CT" Tamburello (RW: Paris)

CT was RW’s best player during Inferno, winning three Aztec Lifesavers and taking out Shane in the Inferno. On the flip side, he gave Leah grief after she sat out missions with a doctor’s note, to the point where he spearheaded an effort to throw a mission in order to dump her in the Inferno. No matter what, you can expect one hundred percent from this guy.

Is He a Badass? It’s been a few years, yet the memory of him fighting a guy in the streets of Paris is still fresh, as well as him threatening to go "one on one" with Adam.

Dan Renzi (RW: Miami)

Oh, how I missed this guy. He’s one of the snarkiest guys in RW/RR history. Dan did well enough on Extreme Challenge, and he was a popular fella in Battle of the Sexes. Despite his tendancy to delve into bitchiness, his inclusion on the "bad" side is mystifying. Sure, he’s been on The Smoking Gun, but he didn’t assault anybody, save for himself.

Is He a Badass? Hell, no. I can’t understand why anybody would vote him onto that team. Then again, all three gay cast members have been shoved into the "naughty" category. Should I read anything into that?

Derrick Kosinski (RR: X-Treme)

Derrick can be seen as a bit of a problem child, having emotional difficulties on X-Treme and Battle of the Sexes 2. If he can stay off the booze and keep his head checked, he has a good chance of staying for the entire season. The alternative: a repeat of the time where he drunkenly following a frog around, singing "My buddy, my buddy." Good times.

Is He a Badass? He’s RR’s answer to CT; tough shell, mushy inside. If you want bad, there’s always Patrick, who ticked me off almost as bad as Donell last year.

Karamo Brown (RW: Philadelphia)

Karamo started off as a surprise on the current RW season, being the first openly gay black man in the show’s history. In his stay, he’s had to deal with issues both racial and sexual in nature. While I would have wanted Willie instead of Karamo (playing sidekick to Dan), I reckon Karamo can be a lot more competitive. And there’s the eye candy factor. Remember the shot of him in just a towel? Wow.

Is He a Badass? Temperamental, judgmental, and mischievous...but not a badass. Also, he only said he’d slit Landon’s throat if the cast were stranded on a desert island. Not like he actually got a knife and drunkenly contemplated carving somebody up, unlike some people I can name.

Rachel Robinson (RR: Campus Crawl)

In my mind, Rachel is a cockroach. In both BOTS seasons, Rachel ended up eliminated by Inner Circles, a victim of the need to shave both sides from 18 players to three. But in a format that has a "do or die" game like the Gauntlet or the Inferno, she can skitter across the floor, avoiding the foot of fate. Her physique may be impressive, but her game is lacking. Remember, she’s the one who got her butt kicked in wrestling by skinny Irulan during the annual RW/RR faceoff. She was mediocre in The Gauntlet, yet she wasn’t seriously considered to take a trip to the Gauntlet itself.

Is She a Badass? Well, I do see her as evil. She talks trash, she pals around with Veronica...oh, and she and Darrell wanted to throw Sarah under a bus from the first moment of Gauntlet. And she’ll probably wear a "Where’s Shane" t-shirt, and that gets really annoying as well.

Tina Barta (Road Rules: South Pacific)

Who should kick the BOTS2 men’s team in the teeth for throwing the penultimate mission? While it is logical to think of Brad, I wouldn’t dismiss Tina. She ended up being the last person cut from the women’s team, where a case could have been made that she had more skill than those doing the cutting. I called her "Discount Coral" on account of how mouthy she can get. With the actual Coral sitting this season out, Tina can fill her shoes quite nicely.

Is She a Badass? I don’t see it anymore. Despite her childish feud with Tonya, I like Tina a lot. And when you remember that she palled around with that obese pantload Donell, and flirted with Dave just to piss off Mary Beth, you gotta admit she has come a long way.

Tonya Cooley (RW: Chicago)

Tonya’s been a lot of things since we first saw her. She’s been a pain in the butt. A girlfriend of a bi guy (so I’ve heard). A caring player. An injured victim of circumstance. Nowadays, this former foster child seems to be making up for her lost year years by being a wild and crazy gal. She’s supposed to have skills, yet she’s had bad luck. Oh, and her worst enemy is there in the form of Tina. Think they can get along for more than five minutes?

Is She a Badass? Only as big of a badass as the participants of Girls Gone Wild. Sad, isn’t it?

Veronica Portillo (RR: Semester at Sea)

At this point, I think that Jonathan Murray should just drop the pretense and adopt Veronica. Then they can do a reality show about it. This is her seventh Challenge, dating back to Challenge 2000. Can’t we appeal to Congress to make her get a life? Damn, I’ve written about her every damn season that I covered. Enough is enough!

Is She a Badass? Once again, she’s the reason for the word "witch." Don’t let the lack of fireworks in BOTS2 fool you. Veronica will come back, twice as bitchy.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

As much as Abram irritates me at times by acting like a 9 year old in need of Ritalin, I will always forgive his childish moments simply because of his beatdown of Donnell. Always.